Jersey Shore

At the End of the Day

Ronnie gets off the phone with Arvin...
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Ronnie gets off the phone with Arvin and immediately confronts Sammi about Arvin saying he made out with her.Sammi takes the duck phone and asks why he would say they made out when they didn't. Arvin insists they did, Sammi sticks to her story.Mike continues to insist he will not allow Sammi to play Ronnie out.The rest of the house makes Sunday dinner quietly.Around the table, Vinnie toasts to the fact that "at the end of the day we're all together."Danny's throwing a party later and they can all bring people.Ronnie has decided he's embarrassed. "I've been dedicated to her and she f----d me over so many times in this house, and I'm over it," he says.Sammi comes out to join him on the deck and confesses that she hooked up with Arvin when she was 21. She's 23 now, almost 24. She apologizes for lying, saying she embarrassed them both but calls it a mistake. Ronnie acts like she just slaughtered a bag of kittens and says she has a chance to make it right.Ronnie wears his Rush t-shirt shop to Danny's on the last day of work, just to mess with him. Danny literally rips it off him. Ronnie announces his plans to not work at all and lies down to nap on the counter.At the end of the day, Danny thanks Vinny for working hard, Snookie for making all the clothes for her friends and Ronnie for napping.Back at the house, they get ready for the BBQ. Pauly is DJ-ing.At the BBQ, Pauly's Uncle Nino is there, along with Jenni's dad, Deena's friend Lisa and Snooki's friend Danielle.Jenni springs Roger on her dad.Everybody takes turns dancing, and Deena rubs on up on Uncle Nino.They take whacks at a piñata and nearly decapitate each other.Vinny thinks Deena's friend Lisa is cute. Deena announces she'll be mad if they hook up. Deena tells Lisa that "Snooki talks to him" so he's off-limits.Snooki tells Deena he can do whatever he wants. She'll be mad, but get over it.When Vinny tries to talk to Lisa again, drunk Deena announces that Vinny tried to hook up with an ugly girl last night. Vinny is mad at her for being a "c--- block". She doesn't think he has a right to be upset."It's really pissing me off because this entire summer I have befriended these skanks that they all bring home. Let's be real," Deena says.At the party, Sammi tells Ronnie that Mike is getting in their business and if he's his boy, that's it. (No, really this time - honest.) "He is somebody who loves trouble and drama," Sammi says.They pile on the shuttle home, with pizza.At home, Deena asks why Vinny is mad. He says she let him down. "I just thought, like, she wasn't Angelina," Vinnyy says.The air gets sucked out of the room. Pauly says it's the worst thing you can call someone."If Angelina wasn't having a good time, no one was having a good time. That's how Deena was being," Vinny says.Deena threatens to never speak to Vinny again.Pauly reaches for Lisa. "In that case, you two duke it out, and her and I are going to go to sleep," he says.Back in Deena's room, even Lisa is calling Deena a "c--- block".Deena storms back into the living room and defends herself, saying she won't let Vinny happen to her best friend.She storms off again.The next morning, Mike apologizes to Sammi, saying maybe he went about things the wrong way. He says he hopes they can make up and hugs her.Meanwhile, she tells us she still think he's shady and doesn't trust him.Deena says hi to Vinny like it's no big deal. Lisa leaves.They head to Rivoli's for dinner.At the table, they sit in awkward silence.Deena thanks everyone for welcoming her, despite any current "ups and downs". Vinny pouts.They go home and prep to head out for one last night.Snooki practices cartwheels, checking to see if her hooha shows. (It does. She's unconcerned.)Her plans for the night are to get crazy. "Have sex with an old man and steal a plant and get arrested and whatever," Snooki says, then blows a kiss to the camera. "I'm trying to be sexy, it's not working. Bye."Cabs are here! Sammi sees Roger at Karma and seems surprised to see him. He says it's her last night. He asks what happens next and asks if they should see each other exclusively, boyfriend-girlfriend. She says "sure," explaining to us that he treats her great and they have great sex, so of course.Snooki thinks she's never seen Jenni so happy. Snooki asks to come to the wedding.Deena falls down on the dance floor.Snooki runs into the guy who bandaged her knee. "I wanna go out with a bang and I was DTF, just to end the summer right," Snooki says. She takes him home and tries to figure out how to make him grilled cheese.Then they head to the smush room and she tells us that "whiskey d---" is the greatest.At Karma, Ronnie is irritated that Sam is hanging out with guys. She tries to call him over, but he tells her to quit hanging out with his friends. They walk home.Jenni announces she wants to spoon. "I want to fork," Roger says.Sammi is stumbling drunk so Ronnie walks off and lets her walk alone. You know, like a gentleman.Roger calls in sick to work and Jenni pops up as he's leaving a message, totally busting him.Ronnie goes up to bed. And of course, Sammi can't leave well enough alone. She goes upstairs and he lays into her, saying he doesn't deserve the way she's acting. And guess what? He's done!"Cry all you want. I'm real, you're not!" he shouts in her face as she cries."F--- you, you crazy bitch!" he screams.The whole house can hear them shouting. Vinny and Pauly just laugh downstairs.Ronnie comes downstairs crying. Because calling your girlfriend names and swearing at her is sooo upsetting to him.Sammi yells that she hates him, Ronnie gets in bed crying.Deena makes Vinny a grilled cheese. He says he doesn't want it because he just threw up in his mouth, but he eats it anyway.The next morning, some people wake up alone. Sammi can't believe what happened last night.Jenni says good-bye to Roger, but worries about his boss.Downstairs they cheer on the dog for taking yet another duke on the carpet. "That rug reminds me of Ron and Sam's relationship," Mike says.Ron and Sam talk, apologizing yet again. Sam says Ronnie is her best friend. He wants her to show it instead of saying it. She says she's not very sensitive and doesn't know how to be lovey dovey. He says it's about that, but being not nasty and negative.Sammi says she hopes he can be her best friend even if they're not together. Because that always works.Ronnie says his heart's broken. "If you're over it, you need to let me know, because obviously I'm not," she says.He says he needs space. She asks if it's over and he says yes and walks away.The other dog poops on the carpet as they have their last meal. Fitting."As much as I hate Deena, I'm going to miss her a---," Pauly says. They all pack up.JWoww packs up her "Free Snooki" shirt. They are hugs and "I love yous"."If I could have Ron or Sam back next summer, I would want Ron back. Don't tell her I said that," Snooki says."I definitely regret breaking my Number One Rule: Don't fall in love at the Jersey Shore, because look what happens," Ron says. "I think we both destroyed our time in this house for something that wasn't real," he says.Vinny says good-bye to Deena, clearly over whatever.Vinny says good bye to Snooki and grabs her butt. She says they're friends with benefits, but not like Ron and Sam.Vinny says maybe things in the future will be serious with Snooki.Mike thinks it was the best summer yet.Jenni calls it the best summer of her life, saying she left her "scumbag" of a boyfriend and found someone new.Snooki has the hardest time saying bye to Jenni.Pauly also calls it the best summer ever.Deena and Snooki wrangle suit cases as big as they are and get in their car. Snooki says she plans to run for president, and Deena can be her v.p. "I would get s--- done in this country. The economy would rise, everyone would be tan....and all the radios would play house music," Snooki says.

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A House Divided

And the saga of Mike getting up in...
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And the saga of Mike getting up in Sammi and Ronnie's business continues. They're not even together and they're fighting. Soooo healthy.On top of that, Ronnie is physically restraining her, yelling at her for texting a guy. Finally, she diffuses by apparently sincerely apologizing. New concept!In the living room, Deena's rolling around in a box. This is not a euphemism. She's actually in a cardboard box. And then Snooki kicks the box and falls on her can. She's like Charlie Brown in "Peanuts" without Lucy. And then Deena climbs into the box and appears to get stuck, like a drunk little puppy."I never thought someone could make Snooki look like a rocket scientist, but Deena takes the cake," says Mike "The Situation", PhD.Outside, Sammi says she could have texted the dude to get a rise out of him or be spiteful. Ronnie tells us he's not sure if he loves Sam anymore. "I'm kind of just 'ew' about her," he says. Sammi is shocked that she ends up going to bed alone.The next day, Snooki, Jenni and Deena go to work. It's Deena's last day and she wants to focus on making herself clothes. But Danny's on her case and calls her the worst employee of the 2010 season.At the house, Vinny invites Snooki out for burgers, his treat. Snooki's pretty excited about the concept of beer battered onion rings. Vinny starts talking about the girl he brought home, who he says was nice."The chances that I could ever be serious with Snooki -- I could get there," he tells us. "It's definitely good to know that I have a girl like that that I have genuine feelings for."At the store, Vinny contemplates getting his ears pierced. Danny the T-shirt shop guy does it. "I'm not going to lie, I'm being a little bitch about it," Vinny says as he winces from the gun. Pauly proclaims him "fresh to death."Back at the house, Ronnie suggests to Sammi that they stay in. She agrees.Vinny sees Deena decked out in a jeans mini-jumper and asks: "What's Deena's favorite part of 'Mario Bros'?" The answer? "Denim. Denim. Denim." (Sung to the tune of the theme.) Pauly's pretty sure denim's not in anymore.Everyone but Ron and Sam heads out.On the dance floor, Vinny notices Pauly's stalker Danielle staring at him. She asks him if he wants to get beat up by an Israeli chick. Then she asks Pauly if he's done with his grenades. "Nope," he says.She asks him if he wants to go to the house and he says no.Back at the house, it's Earnest Ron and Sammi time. She apologizes for some of the things she's said as he chows down.She cuddles up to him and says she misses him. He says they have trust issues.But after, he tells her to get her clothes and come upstairs. And they're back in bed together."I definitely think the house is going to have their opinions, but whatever," she says.Back at the club, Vinny thinks the scene at Aztec is bad. A large old woman grinds up on Vinny. Pauly runs screaming as she says she's an old woman who likes to party. He declares that she's not a grenade, she's an atomic bomb.Vinny and Pauly bring girls home.Ronnie and Sammi come downstairs as the guys work on the ladies. Mike answers a knock at the door.It's one of the girl's brothers. He's their ride and wants to know when they're leaving. Pauly suggests he take his girl, but not Vinny's. Pauly's girl (who is not bad looking at all), is understandably offended. Vinny ends up sacrificing his girl, too.After they're gone, Vinny grabs Snooki and jokingly drags her to the bedroom."I'm not anybody's last resort, I'm somebody's first priority," she tells us.Vinny offers to let her punch him and tries to apologize. She storms off.Mike thinks Vinny was a "douche bag" for calling her out in front of everyone.He tries to explain that she does the same thing to him, trying to get together when she's drunk.He picks her up and carries her around, pretending to hump her. She finally goes to her room.Vinny's not done yet, and tries rap battling Sammi. She returns fire, and he ups the ante saying she's sneaky. He falls down as he finishing and she ends the game.The next day, it's the last day of work for the guys. Danny goes looking for Mike and finds him napping in the dressing room.Danny fires him on his last day.Sammi wakes up the next morning and her eyes are glued shut because she slept with her contacts in. Snooki determines that they did it.Ronnie takes Sam to the eye doctor.When he leaves, his mom Connie calls -- she is loaded. She tells Deena she's so tan she looks Indian. Deena hands the phone off to Jenni who passes it off to Mike. He starts telling Ronnie's mom about Sammi's texting drama.Later, Ronnie comes back and his mom calls again. Jenni tells Sammi what Mike told her and she goes Defcon One. "You're embarrassing me, you're embarrassing yourself, you're embarrassing the family," Ron tells his mom.Sammi briefs him on Mike's conversation with his mom.Ron decides he wants to know what the texts said.Mike tells him Sammi used to be into Arvin. Jenni thinks the boys are brainwashing Ron. They're all outside, telling him how wrong Sam was.Ron tells us Mike's being a "friend" not an instigator.Inside, Jenni tells Sam what's being said outside.When Sam comes outside she calls Mike a "schemer and a scum bag". He says he doesn't like her.She maintains they're just friends. Mike suggests he call Arvin. Ron thinks Sam looks scared.The guys go inside and continue to try to convince Ron that Sam was in the wrong to be texting a guy. Jenni assures Sammi she did nothing wrong.Inside, Ron gives Mike permission to call Arvin.Outside, Sam announces -- again -- that she's done with Ron.Mike calls and Arvin says that Sam "hits him up" from time to time. He says they never hooked up -- but oh yea, they made out.

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Gym, Tan, Find Out Who Sammi Is Texting

Vinny and Pauly take a trip to Staten...
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Vinny and Pauly take a trip to Staten Island, where Pauly has never been. "I did not know Staten Island is an actual island, until we went over the bridge," Pauly says.Back at the house the girls leave for GTL-nails. Ronnie tags along. Mike wakes up and hangs out with Jenni's dogs, feeding the tiny dog pizza and peanut butter -- and Fluff.Vinny visits his family. Cousin Joe asks Pauly what's up with his hair. "Bride of Frankenstein has nothing on you," he says.Back home, Mike cheers on the dogs as they pee and poop all over -- including in Pauly's room.At Vinny's, there's a whole mess of food laid out including pizza, chicken, eggplant, salad, corn.Back at Seaside, there's more pooping. Mike also lets the dogs chew on the furniture.Vinny says good-bye to his family and takes leftovers.The girls and Ronnie return to the shore and the poop land mines. They immediately notice the smell. The tiny dogs have practically pooped their body weight. A theme for the season has clearly been established.Deena takes a whiff of one of the dog's fur and smell Mike. Busted. He comes downstairs, insisting he was sleeping.Vinny and Paulie return. They get ready to go out. Snooki announces she's getting it in. She finds a guy at Karma who looks like Paulie. She has no idea what his name is."Whoever I have babies with, he's gotta be Italian because last name has to have a vowel in it. I want my kids' last names to have a vowel in it. And be tan, obviously," she announces.Ronnie creeps up on Sammi and makes her laugh, then kisses her. She tells him to kiss her when she's not drunk. They all leave and walk home. Snooki falls down.Sammi says she's confused and was drunk and let her guard down. Ronnie tells Sammi he let her go home because it was better for her. So gallant, that one.At the house, Sammi goes to bed alone. Snooki does not.The next day, Vinny goes with the girls and Ron to get his spray tan on. He tells the woman he wants to be black. "I look like a fist-pumping guido," he says after (this is positive). "I was mint before, I'm even more mint with a tan." (Also positive.)As they're driving home, Jenni sees Roger and starts honking. He has no idea who it is and drives away. "The only reason you're doing dip from the girl you just slept with is because you got another girl in the car," Ronnie announces. Sammi says her honest opinion is "that right there was suspect."Jenni goes home and immediately calls Roger. She gets voice mail. She calls him out on his dip and says she's done for right now unless he explains himself.The guys think it's hilarious.The guys start prepping dinner, ribs, corn and salad. Roger still hasn't called. She remembers he had a haircut about when she called. The guys point out that's probably why he didn't answer. She feels dumb.The guys go out fly kites. The girls try to hurl water balloons, but throw like girls. The guys go on the attack, running over with balloons and pelting the shrieking girls. Lacking all artistry, they pour bowls of water directly on them. "We're delicate princesses and you shouldn't be throwing water balloon at us like that," Snooki says.They all put on trash bags. Deena gets on in the face. Sammi and Snooki end up in the hot tub. Sammi thinks are OK with Ron.Roger finally calls. Jenni opens with saying she feels like an "a--". She tells them her roommates said he had a girl in the car. She apologizes. "Can you give me a little room to breathe right now?" he asks. She says OK. She realizes he's becoming more than a rebound.Ronnie sits down with Sammi and tells her they should work things out. He says he's changed. She says he's her best friend, but she's scared. "Let me prove to you that I'm not the same person," he says. "I can do that," she says.Jenni and Snooki call a conference with Sammi. She says they're going to try to work on things. Snooki thinks she's breaking. "It's the same s---, different toilet with Ron and Sam," Jenni says.They all head to Jenkinson's outside of Seaside. "It's gorilla central," Snooki says. Jenni says her theory is the guys are fine from afar but when they come close, it gets scary. She compares it to the fishes in the tanks at the aquariums next door.They check out the penguins. They're all stumped on what kind of an animal a penguin is. (A bird.)Back home, Mike hooks Snooki up with his face wash and masks. He gives Snooki the full facial. She looks like a mime. They give her mime directions.They get ready to go to Karma. At the club, Mike runs into his friend Arvin. "He looks like a jacked-up guido MacGyver," Mike says. Arvin immediately asks where Sammi is. He tells Mike that Sammi told him to meet her there. He shows Mike the texts. He says it started when Sammi left the house. "So when poor old Ron is crying on my shoulder, Sam, the sweetest bitch you ever met, is calling another dude," Mike concludes.He calls Jenni over and lays out the situation. Jenni checks the texts. They want to bring the other roommates in. Mike tells the guys, Jenni tells the girls.Snooki goes to talk to Sam. She says she doesn't text anybody. Jenni tells Ron what's going on. She says Arvin is her friend from home. She goes over to Arvin and says he's her friend, that's it. Ron comes over. She tries to explain. And then, like that, they're back to screaming in each other's faces.Then Sammi turns on Mike. He defends himself by saying she got caught.Jenni thinks Sam is dogging Ron. The guys head home, alone.Mike tells Vinny and Pauly how he called the girls in. Ronnie goes upstairs and gets facedown in bed. "GTF -- Gym-Tanning-Find out who Sam is texting behind Ron's back," Pauly declares. The guys aren't buying the friend line.Vinny is laughing because Ron was always in the wrong, and it turns out he wasn't the only one. They get ready for WWIII when the girls get home.The girls return. Ron comes downstairs. Nothing happens for awhile. Sam and Ron sit there silent. Vinny and Pauly start chanting "shady." She turns it around on Mike, calling him shady, grimy and two-faced.Finally, Ron starts yelling, too. Sammi's sticking to the "friend" line.Ron insists that Sammi got caught. He says he had the chance to call girls. She says she left because of him. She walks away and Ron follows her.Vinny tells Mike that he did start s---, but he's not wrong. The other roommate hopes that the relationship ends.Ronnie has her cornered and won't let her leave, confronting her over and over. She says she didn't tell Arvin to come to Karma. They're stuck in a screaming cycle as Ron blocks her path.

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A Cheesy Situation

Sammi arrives back in the house...
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Sammi arrives back in the house unannounced. Ronnie suddenly becomes very focused on the drink he's mixing and then he runs outside.Ronnie's not quite ready to have her back.Deena is "histatic" to see Sammi is back.The guys conference on the deck.When Ronnie comes inside, Sammi says he's pale and he says it's because he saw a ghost.Sammi goes outside with the girls and they report on the depths of Ronnie's depression while she was gone. She makes no attempts to not enjoy hearing how miserable he was.Mike feels bad for Ronnie, then does a Sammi impression, asking if Ronnie talked to girls while she was gone, went to a restaurant, had salad, had chicken on the salad, talked to any other girls...They get ready to go out and Sammi puts on the tightest, slinkiest dress she owns. Jenni checks out her own boobs in the mirror -- they are practically on a plate in her bustier.Snooki tells Vinny she wants to cuddle and puts him on notice for later.At the club, Sammi is working every inch of her new dress and Ronnie notices. He tries to talk to her and hold her hand and tells her she's beautiful. She tells him not to suck up to her. She wants him to suffer more, because that's totally part of a healthy relationship.He follows her around like a puppy dog until she essentially shooes him away. He goes home.Back at the club, Snooki tells Sammi she likes Vinny and has feelings. She announces if Vinny brings someone home, she might kill herself.Meanwhile, Vinny finds a Dominican girl and brings her home.Snooki announces she wants to leave the club to go home and touch Vinny.Back at the house, Vinny and Pauly are in bed with their respective ladies. Which is where Snooki finds them.Ronnie picks up Sammi and Snooki and removes them from the boys' room so as not to interrupt the hooking up.Snooki starts shouting about Vinny bringing a girl home as Ronnie tries to shut her up. Sammi announces that guys are something bleeped.She tells us she loves Ron but "it's not our time right now," like they're two fated lovers that the fickle gods are conspiring to keep apart.She tells him she can't be in a relationship with a liar and a cheater.He starts crying and she goes to bed.Jenni and Deena stumble home from the club. Jenni pees behind a car and gets some on Deena's foot.By the time they get home there are two surly Dominican girls waiting for their cabs. Sammi gets in bed to comfort a crying Snooki.Ronnie tells Vinny that Snooki is crying over him. He points out she hooked up with a guy the night before. Jenni makes Vinny go talk to Snooki.She tells him she wants to be with him and he says she's drunk and they'll talk tomorrow.The next day, they go bowling. Nicole doesn't want to get out of bed.Deena drives one SUV and in the other car, Ronnie notes that Deena isn't her lane. She dumps two drinks as she turns and everyone announces they're going to die.At the bowling alley, Sammi tells Vinny that Nicole is developing feelings for him.At home, Jenni briefs Snooki on her night, which she doesn't remember past leaving the club. She's embarrassed. The girls discuss and Deena announces that Snooki's not the type of girl who can just hook up with someone. Wait. What? Has she seen this show?Vinny goes to talk to Nicole in bed, but she tells him to leave.A lazy Sunday afternoon and everyone points fingers over who clogged the toilet. Ronnie stuffs Kleenex up his nose and goes to investigate. The brief glimpse we get of the bowl is too much. The guys take turns sniffing and yelling. "The smell is just permanating through the air," Mike says, coining a word.Finally, they call the landlord Danny. He tells them he can't help because it's Sunday. He's unclear on how they've managed to not deal with it for days.The next day, Nicole sprays perfume all over. She answer the door for the plumbers. She asks one if his butt crack hangs out. "It does, actually," he says.Snooki tells him it's been like that for two weeks. He's surprised they don't have maggots yet.They pull a pair of underwear out of the toilet -- just what it is exactly is bleeped, but it's a dude's. It's size small so the girls think it's Vinny's.Jenni calls Roger to brief him on the plumbing situation.Vinny denies culpability. Pauly comes with an explanation that involves aliens.Nicole steps up for cleaning duty because she hasn't washed a dish yet.She tackles some poop stains. Her technique involves putting dish washing liquid down the toilet.Sammi says she likes being around Ronnie because he's happy and he's changed. Ronnie, Sammi and Nicole decide to be sober and hang out."I can have a good time without drinking, so f--- you alcohol," she announces.The rest of the house goes to Aztec. Vinny meets a girl who says she's gay. He asks if she's fully gay, and she says no.Jenni sees Roger for the first time in weeks. He checks to make sure her spray tan won't rub off on him.Back at the house, Ronnie suggests ways to prank Mike. "We could fart on his pillow so he gets pink eye," he suggests. (Really? That's a thing?)They take cheese from the fridge and put it all over his mattress -- shredded, grated and cream cheese.Vinny find s a girl who is DTF and brings her home.Mike brings girl home, too. She doesn't know she's about to get cheesed."Their beer googles are terrible," Sammi says after assessing the ladies.Mike takes his girl upstairs and gives her sweatpants as they get into his cheese bed.The next day, Mike says he had to kick his girl out because she smelled like grated cheese. Nicole announces it's the best prank in "Jersey Shore" history.Mike says later he had to spray his bed with Axe. He's pretty sure you can't get an STD from oral sex. Jenni calls a health clinic to prove him wrong, and does. They cite herpes. Then she asks what a smell of grated cheese could be a symptom of and the clinic confirms it could be a particular infection in a woman.Vinny visits Snooki. She apologizes and says she doesn't want anything to change in their friendship. He just doesn't want her to cry anymore. Then checks that he's allow to keep smashing girls.

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Kissing Cousins

Snooki wakes up in bed with a guy,...
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Snooki wakes up in bed with a guy, then is instantly irritated that he won't snuggle. She kicks him out. With her hair still all bed head, Snooki calls Nick, the guy she met two weeks ago. He tells her to call later. She asks if he'll answer and he says he will.Pauly wakes up Deena and Mike for work. Deena's super hungover.Ronnie calls his dad and his dad immediately hops in the car. (Fun fact: his dad calls him "bro.")Pauly and Mike play boardwalk games trying to win a mini-bike. Finally, Mike just buys it.Ronnie's dad arrives, telling him that he'll still feel the same at home. His dad tells him to go out with the guys. Ronnie gets "tough it out" as the message. Ronnie says his dad talked him off the ledge. Dad leaves.Back at the house, the guys crack themselves up riding the mini bike. Vinnie laughs for the first time since Sammi left.Snooki calls Nick and leaves a message. Then she calls again and again.Jenni wonders if the guy Snooki hooked up with last night (Gianni) might know Nick. She calls Roger to ask. It turns out, he's Nick's friend's cousin. And she also hooked up with Gianni's cousin, Jeff.Vinny goes another round with the still-nasty plugged up toilet. Danny lent them a toilet snake. It's really bugging Vinny that the toilet is getting the better of him.Snooki asks Vinny if he wants to "bang." Vinny laughs at her, and says he can't believe she had sex with that dude.She says it wasn't even worth it.They call the cab and wait to go out. Vinny gives Snooki grief for her conquests and going to jail. "I'm doing me, he should be proud of that," she says.She storms off. She says there's a double standard in the house. Vinny says he wasn't ragging on her and wants her to hook up, just with "quality guys."They head to Karma, sans Ronnie. Snooki and Vinny dance. Snooki wonders if it means something.Jenni runs into a friend of Roger's, who hits on her. She says she misses Roger. They head home. Deena is sloppy drunk. Jenni puts herself to bed. Vinny comes home alone and so does Snooki, so she gets in his bed for cuddling. But he's not into it.Pauly encourages Vinny to go for it, but he doesn't want to "smash" after she brought the other guy home.Ronnie calls Sammi and tells her he almost left the house. She says going home did her good. He asks about them. She says he didn't realize what he had and he put her through a lot (he agrees). She asks if they can be friends if she comes back. He doesn't think he can stay if she comes back just as a friend.Deena and Snooki smash marshmallows around the house.Snooki and Deena want to go to Jenks. They make Mike get off the phone with his sister to call a cab. He calls and tells the cab company he's sending two people to Times Square.Mike pulls Pauly outside and tells him about the cab. Vinny hears that the girls are going to Jenks and announces he wants to go. Mike sets him straight. Then he briefs the cabbie.In the cab, Deena says people think she's dumb, but she's not that dumb. The cabbie sells it as they notice he misses the exit, saying there was traffic and he's going a back way.The guys are all ready to go get dinner at Rivoli's, but Mike has to primp. They get impatient and leave as he's getting ready upstairs.In the car, Pauly tells Ronnie and Vinny about Mike trying to pick up his ex-girlfriend the other night.In the cab, Snooki and Deena finally realize they've been driving for about an hour.Mike finally selects the perfect necklace and comes downstairs to find only Jenni there. The two of them take the dogs and get take out. Mike eats alone, talking to himself.Back in town, Sammi gets ready to go back to the shore. Her sister Niki tries to convince her not to fall for Ronnie's apologies and attempts to win her back.In the cab, Snooki and Deena finally realize Mike sent them to New York City. They convince the cab driver to turn around -- after they stop for booze. "The meatballs make the best of every situation," Deena says.The guys return home. They are all in food comas.Jenni tells them that Mike is sad because he let Ronnie cry on his shoulder and bought Pauly a mini-bike and they ditched him.The girls finally make it back and dance around like they had a great time. Then Snooki calls it a "dirty prank" and says she's mad. Mike apologizes, saying they were supposed to turn around at the turnpike. Finally, Snooki admits it was a good prank.Still, she pouts to Vinny for not telling her about the cab ride. Pauly piles on. Ronnie says he thought they were going to realize. "Really? Me and f---- Deena?" Snooki says.All of a sudden, Sammi walks in unannounced. Ronnie looks like he just saw a ghost. He immediately goes outside.

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The Great Depression

The longest break-up in the history...
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The longest break-up in the history of time continues. Oh my god, break up already! When last we saw Sammi, she was getting in a cab and driving away. MTV helpfully shows this again with mournful rock soundtrack.Ronnie can't believe she actually left. "I don't know how to pick myself up from the hole I've dug myself into," he says. For a guy who just trashed his girlfriend's things, including her glasses, he's feeling awfully sorry for himself.Mike checks on him, but Ronnie is busy smoking and crying."Some days I'm Uncle Situation, some days I'm Dr. Situation, Chef Situation, Bang A Girl Situation, I'm just like a pretty deep dude," Mike says.He suggests Ronnie hit the gym."Listening to Mike about relationships is like listening to a sailor talk about flying planes," Ronnie says.Meanwhile, Sammi arrives back home. She says she's never been so hurt. She tells her mom about Ronnie trashing her stuff. "I feel like I've been abused," she says.We see Ronnie screaming that he doesn't even like her and that's why he cheated on her in Miami.Sammi's mom agrees that doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.Back at the shore, Ronnie asks the girls what Sammi said. They don't think she's coming back. The girls all agree that they would have left, too.Ronnie now says he wants the relationship. (No! No! Abort! Halt!)Snooki tells us she's on Sammi's side.Ronnie mopes around like the biggest bag of sad in the world.The girls decide to recreate the chaos and smush cake in Vinny's face. Pauly's super excited that the girls just started a prank war.Vinny tries to make a condom water balloon, but it explodes all over him.And so they go for the dog turds.They put poop in a bag in Deena's bed. Meanwhile, Snooki and Deena hide under the bed. Deena immediately gets the poop bag and puts it in Vinny's bed.He finds it later. He declares war as he goes for Snooki's stuffed crocodile.He hangs it from the balcony. Oh, the whimsy.Nicole returns to her room and immediately asks where Crocodilly is. She goes looking for him, calling out as if he'll answer back.Mike wakes up and says he saw someone running with it. "Snooks is never going to find that," he says and takes her to it. She shrieks.Vinny can't believe Mike ratted. Vinny renames him "Snitchuation."The next day, Ronnie mopes at work.Jenni goes to get Vinny to report both toilets are clogged. He blames Ronnie. He says he lives with farm animals. He gets to work with a plunger, then a coat hanger but makes no progress. (Consider this poo foreshadowing, because the fecal theme continues.)At work, Deena tells bossman about Ronnie's break-up. Deena calls him a "hot mess."Meanwhile, Snooki announces she has to poop but she can't get in because Ronnie is huddled in there crying.At the house, Mike says Ronnie said he wanted to go. They don't think they're going to end up with "single Ronnie" and he'll be a giant bummer.They decide to move all Sammi's stuff out of the room so he doesn't have to see it.Ronnie comes home and orders two dozen roses, one set for Sammi and one for her sister, because it's her birthday. He keeps ordering, one bunch for each day. He has the good sense -- shockingly, against all odds -- not to call her.The guys get Ronnie out of the house to haircuts so the girls can clean Sammi's stuff out.At the barber shop, Mike gets his eyebrows waxed. They stall as long as they can to give the girls time.Deena and Jenni finish up as the guys come home. Jennie tells Ronnie they cleaned. He finds her overnight bag still in the room and brings it down.He wonders if Sammi came and got her stuff. Jenni and Deena don't say they cleaned. Jennie lies to Ronnie's face about it.Jenni goes to call Sammi but Ronnie comes downstairs and hears her say "Sam." And then it's intrigue. He's upset that the girls are sticking together against him when three weeks ago there was no "girls."He figures out the girls moved Sammi's stuff and he thinks they shouldn't interfere unless it affects them. He decides he doesn't trust anyone in the house.At the boardwalk, they decide to ride go karts.They get home and it's time for more poop talk, this time from Deena. Seriously, get these chicks some prunes.The phone rings and it's Sammi's sister Niki, calling to thank Ron for the flowers. Then suddenly Sammi's on the phone and he freezes. He just says he'll talk to her later.In the bathroom, Pauly finds some dirty ladies underwear. The specifics of the soilage are mercifully left out. But all girls in the house deny culpability.Everyone gets ready to go to Karma. They're waiting for cab when Deena's constipation comes up. They all pile on and she's sick of it.At Karma, Pauly runs into his ex-girlfriend Gina. He's talking to her until Mike grabs her and starts grinding on her.Pauly doesn't appreciate Mike working on her, but says anyone he dated has the sense not to fall for the Situation. This proves to be true.Snooki chats up a melancholy Ron. She tells him he said a lot of messed up stuff to Sammi and she should have left.Ron says he'll get her back. (Nooooooooo!) Snooki says they shouldn't be together. She notes all they do is fight.Vinny finds a girl named Kristen to work on.Snooki is irritated. "Karma is getting boring. It's packed with grenades and I want to meet, like, hot gorilla juice heads," she says. (They will not be using that sentence to each any ESL classes.)She finds a guy who meets her standards "a little Mario brother" who she calls a last resort. As they're walking out, he busts Snooki for not knowing her name. She checks again on the walk.Mike carries Jenni, who notes her boobs weigh 20 pounds.Pauly assures Deena she can use the bathroom soon. And then she falls down. She suddenly gets maudlin and weepy, saying she wants to go home. Mike calls her a "Slopapotamus." She cries, telling them she feels like she's a joke.Ronnie, of all people, gives her a pep talk. He cheers her up, saying she's like their little sister they didn't want, but they love her now.Snooki says she hasn't has sex in four months and takes Gianni upstairs to the smush room. Vinny is displeased. He recognizes Gianni as the guy who c--- blocked him with his uncle. Vinny is doing a better track remembering him than Snooki is.Vinny, Pauly and Ronnie go upstairs to bust them.Snooki and Gianni are working at it when Vinny comes in saying he has to take his "niece" out of the room right now.She breaks away and comes back with a condom. But then he asks her what his name is. She calls him Bernard. This appears to be good enough for him.Vinny gets in bed with his girl and Mike interrupts to feed Vinny burger. Vinny tells us he thinks Mike will look for leftovers, like he's expecting Vinny to offer up his girl when he's done.Deena visits Ronnie and feels bad and tells him they moved Sammi's stuff.Ronnie's thinking about leaving, too. He says embarrassed and wants to go home."This is not worth it without her," he says.He gets in bed, alone.

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Cabs Are Here!

In the morning, Ron tells Sammi the...
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In the morning, Ron tells Sammi the way she acted was "uncalled for." Mike, stuck sharing a room with them, is ready for them to break up already.Downstairs, Mike tells Sammi that she and Ron had so much drama in Miami that it's never going to get better. Sammi says she can't talk about it.Back upstairs, Mike talks to Sammi about Miami, telling her she has to move forward and Ron was sloppy in Miami. Ron, in the bathroom, hears the conversation and is not happy. The guy code has been broken, he thinks.He goes downstairs and tells Pauly and Deena that Mike just stabbed him in the back. Ron says he's going to put Mike in his place, "because no one else in this house does."Pauly and Ron hit the boardwalk for some rides.Deena goes with Sammi, who's focused on where she's going to move. They hit the bar for some shots when Ron and Pauly walk by. They keep wakling. Sammi thinks he's with a girl (although he's not). Sammi decides to get back at him by chatting guys up.Deena enjoys single Sammi.Back at home, Ron waits to confront Mike. Sammi keeps insisting they talk, because that always goes so well, but Ron wants to deal with Mike first."You're mad at him for your mistakes?" Sammi asks. "No, I'm mad at him because he instigated my mistakes," Ron says, which completely clears things up.Pauly worries it could go horribly wrong, because he's been paying attention.Mike returns.Ron tells Mike he "played him out." Mike tells them they fight too much.Ron keeps yelling and finally says what Mike did in Miami was wrong.Mike recaps: Sammi asked him if the note about Ron cheating was true and he said it was. Ron says he didn't have his back and he "didn't have guy code."Mike, sensing that things are taking a bad turn, decides to apologize. Pauly's eyes almost pop out of his head. "Maybe Mike gave him some voodoo trick to avoid getting his a-- kicked by Ronnie," Pauly says. Yes, that is exactly what happened.They hug it out. "Mike was just apologizing to shut Ronnie up and it worked," Pauly says.Jenni gets ready to go out to dinner with Roger, who's about to leave for 10 days. They go to a Mexican place and have margaritas. Roger knows the chef and seemingly everyone who works there. Jenni quietly eats chips, aggravated that they're not getting alone time.Back at the house, Sammi is ready to relive Miami. He tells her he admitted he was wrong and she didn't. She says he embarrassed her and he doesn't deserve someone like her. Ronnie mercifully pulls the plug, leaving before they can keep arguing.Sammi finds Snooki and Deena and tells them she expects Ron will do something "shady" later that night. They encourage her to go out, but maybe don't hook up with anyone, Snooki says.The girls and guys prepare to go out separately. Ron goes upstairs to get clothes and they end up arguing at the mirror after she asks him what he's going to do if he finds a girl at the club.Sammi is crying all her make-up off when he tells her to get out of his room. She starts calling him "a sick pervert."He calls the "smush room" later.Everyone hears the yelling downstairs.Mike nonchalantly goes upstairs and gets his hat as Ron starts grabbing all of Sammi's stuff and throwing it around. Sammi gets in his face and screams at him not to touch her stuff. At this point, it more or less turns into an episode of "Cops."Mike tries to take Ronnie away as Sammi says she wants nothing to do with him. He goes for reinforcements as it's escalating and Sammi says she hates Ronnie more than she ever hated anyone.Ronnie is trying to throw Sammi's bed as she climbs on it.They finally get Ronnie in another room but Vinny has to physically restrain Sammi from going after him.The whole time they're screaming and cursing and saying they hate each other and shoving as the guys try to break it up.Downstairs, Sammi says she doesn't want to live there anymore.Upstairs, Ronnie starts throwing all her stuff out on the balcony, including her mattress.Mike watches.Ron finally makes it downstairs and they throw a few more insults.Snooki asks Sammi if she really thinks Ron is going to hook up with someone. She's sure of it. So Snooki regroups and suggests they can play that game and suggests they get her in something really hot."Come to my closet," Sammi says, not knowing how ominous it sounds."Look at my bed," she says upstairs. "Where is my bed?"At the bar, the guys immediately get Ron a drink. Jenni and Roger find them at the club.At the house, "the meatballs" try to move Sammi's bed downstairs. The frame doesn't fit down the stairs, so they settle for mattress surfing.They head out, all dressed up. Of course, they go to Aztec where everyone else is. Sammi announces that she's going to get Ron back the best way she knows how.Sammi is wearing a dress that barely covers her butt and is slit all the way the front. She shouts that she needs the hottest guy and starts grinding on a guy on the dance floor as Ron watches."Wow, that is a situation," Mike narrates.The guys try to protect Ron, who's going on a serious pity spiral."We broke up 45 minutes ago and she actually had the balls to get all dolled up and go to the bar and dance with another guy," Ronnie says, adding that he wants to wring her neck. All of which sounds perfectly healthy.Mike takes Ronnie home. He goes into a white hot jealous rage and throws her stuff around. "I just think that's disrespectful," he says of Sammi's behavior.He breaks the bed, throws her clothes, tosses the medicine cabinet and curses her out."Now that's a break-up right there," Mike says, assessing the situation.The girls come home. For some bewildering reason, Sammi goes upstairs. She sees all her stuff is ruined, including her glasses.Ronnie sits outside with Mike. Sammi goes upstairs in tears, showing him her glasses. He says she embarrassed him and "crushed" and calls her a "piece of s---."He says what he did in Miami is different."At least I had enough respect to do it when you're not around," he says. Which has got to be the single most convoluted defense of cheating on record. At least I didn't cheat in front of you?He says she disgusts him and tells her not to talk to him again. He goes to the bathroom and cries.Coming back to the house, Jenni announces she has a surprise for Roger. She comes out into the living room in her black leather chaps and bra. Deena and Snooki are stunned, as is Roger.Jenni and Roger head upstairs. Snooki asks if she can watch.The next day, Mike says Ron was crying all night.Mike thinks it's ironic that Ron destroyed all Sammi's stuff. "Ron had been pissed at me for guy code, where's general human code?" he wonders.Deena and Snooki go look for hot guys on the boardwalk. A guy brings them shots. They invite him to join. As he's walking away, they notice how tight his shorts are and point that out."I can see your weiner," Nicole says. Then she starts shouting "weiner!" Shockingly, he leaves. Probably off to find new shorts.Sammi assesses the damage in her old room. She tells the girls her relationship is over because it's not healthy. She wants to go home, like, now.Sammi calls a cab and packs up.Vinny is bummed to see Sammi leaving the house. She calls Pauly upstairs to tell him. Vinny tells Ronnie, who seems surprised that Sammi would want to leave "all this."Ronnie comes upstairs and asks to talk to her as her friend. He says they both embarrassed themselves last night. "I can't do this anymore. I need to go home and get myself together," she says.Ronnie tries to talk to her, but can tell she can't be convinced. He hugs her and they both end up crying."The cab's here!" somebody shouts.Sammi releases herself from Ronnie and says good bye to everyone.From the balcony, Ronnie watches her get in the cab."I never thought there'd be a day that she just left. I miss her and I love her, and I definitely regret all the negative s--I've done, now more than ever," Ronnie says.Sammi's cab pulls away as Mike hugs a crying (and smoking) Ronnie.

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Should We Just Break Up?

We begin at Karma. Naturally.Jenni...
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We begin at Karma. Naturally.Jenni enjoys that the drama between her and Sammi is over. Vinnie and Mike pick up girls and Sammi worries that Ronnie is drinking too much. He uses the word "dranken." "Draken" is not a word, except when you've dranken too much.Back at the house, Mike gets his girl a t-shirt. Snooki passes - out on the dog's bed on the laundry room floor. Sammi tries to feed drunk Ronnie in bed. He pukes instead. Mike and his girl are awoken in the nearby bed. Romantic.The next day, Jenni finds Snooki passed out on the dog bed. She puts her in bed. Ronnie wakes up the next day and, as he says, is bleeding when he goes to the bathroom. He thinks he should go to the doctor."Why is Ronnie bleeding out of his a---? I have no idea," Sammi says.At the doctor's office, Sammi waits in the waiting room while the doctor pokes around, promising he won't do anything "graphic."Ronnie makes some pretty graphic faces.The doctor tells Ronnie he needs to take it easy with the drinking.He tells Sammi the doctor is getting him some cream.At the house, the girls go run errands and talk about masturbation. Well, mainly Deena talks about it until Snooki volunteers that she "did it all day once and the next day she couldn't move."At the pharmacy, Nicole finds a tricycle and wheels around on it. Until she breaks it. The handlebars fall off and she and Jenni try to fix it. And then they leave quickly, responsible adults that they are.At the house, Snooki randomly tells Pauly he's hot and they should make out. Deena wants in on it too. Shocking! Deena wants to do something like Snooki!They get ready to go out. Deena makes her very own hole in the ozone with Aquanet, or whatever the kids are using these days.Ronnie's friends Petey, Dario and Chris meet the gang at Karma. Deena immediately gloms on to Dario.Snooki meets a guy named Jeff, who she describes as a "typical Seaside Guido." They make out on the dance floor.Deena is suddenly ready to go, and take Dario with her. (She checks first that Dario will be willing to "snuggle".)Snookie takes Jeff home and they get into bed, but she has to call it off because, she announces bluntly: she's on her period.Deena hangs on the porch with her guy, until he suggests they go inside. "It's not Halloween. I'm not handing out candy for free. You need a golden ticket to get into these drawers," she tells us. Right, she has standards, see?In bed, she tells him she hasn't "done sex" in like three months. The next day, she tells us, "whatever, my golden ticket was taken." She says Dario was a good guy.The next morning, Sammi tries to get Jeff to work the stripper pole, assuring him that it won't break. So he grabs onto it and it immediately breaks. They fall on the floor laughing.Snooki asks him to the boardwalk.They're riding the lift when he kisses her and this is when she realizes he has a tongue ring.She explains she doesn't like the ocean, "It's all whale sperm." She later explains that this is why the ocean is salty.At the bar, Jeff tells Snooki he was in the army and engaged. He backtracks to say it was just a promise ring.From this, Snooki gets that he's serious and wanting to settle down. She's suddenly less excited about Jeff. "I'm like, don't call me after this, on to the next one."At the house, Jeff calls Snooki trying to make things right. She hangs up on him. When he calls back Pauly does the fake phone message thing. Then he does the pizza delivery thing until that gets old.Later, it's GTL time.The girls decide they're going to the sex store to get games. (Or the producers decide the girls should go to the sex store, whatevs.)At the store, Jenni wears every inch of a black leather bikini. Snooki sees her, pauses, and announces she has a boner.Snooki ends up in a team dress. "I look like a hot, drunk baseball player right now," she decides.At home, the guys clean up and make dinner.Ronnie gets mad that they're doing everything.The second Sammi gets in, he snidely thanks her for pitching in.He's cooking for her and finding every opportunity to criticize, saying he does everything for her.At dinner they all rave and compliment Ronnie. Then it's extended awkward silence as everyone waits for the next Ronnie and Sammi eruption.Upstairs, Sammi asks Ronnie what's wrong. He won't tell her, but tells us he wants his space.The girls head to work. Nicole says she doesn't like work, because it involves working. Hard to argue with that.Jenni admires her butt in the mirror. Then Jenni and Nicole talk about relationships until Danny flings stuff at them to get them working.At home, Ronnie lies in bed as Sammi gets ready to go out. She does her hair and asks if they should break up. Then she's getting called a "selfish bitch."The guys wait downstairs. "Hell has to be just like this," Vinny says. Finally, Sammi shouts down that she's "probably not" going.For some reason this impacts Vinny's t-shirt selection and he changes.At Karma, it's Deen and MVP. "I guess I'm drinking tonight," she says.Pauly enjoys Deena's moves at the club, leading to two great commentaries on that."She 'Jersey turnpikes' all night," Pauly says as she bends over and rubs on him."Face down, a--- up, that's how I like to have a good time," Deena says. Coming soon to a t-shirt near you.Suddenly, one of the guys sees Danielle, Pauly's "stalker" is there. She wants to talk to him. He bravely goes over and lets her talk to him. She complains that he made her look like a stalker.They promptly forgive each other and he asks if she wants to come home with him.Back home, Pauly proudly throws on the "I (heart) Jewish girls" t-shirt that she made him and waits for her reaction.She cracks up and flips him off. Then Vinny walks through, calls her a stalker and sits down to question her.He asks what bird delivers babies. Stork. (It works if you say it with a Jersey accent.)Then Pauly asks what bean thing Jack climbed up.And Danielle takes the abuse. Pauly can't believe she took it. She hugs him and leaves.In their beds of awkwardness, Sammi tries get Ronnie to get in bed with her. Grouchily, he tells her to leave him alone. She asks if they're breaking up."Look me in the face and break up with me, please," she says calmly.He rolls over and tells her they're breaking up and finished.They both announce they're done. He seems to mean it, she wants closure and follows him.He tries to get away from her and she follows him. He tells her she's a waste of time.She says this is the breaking point of their relationship and she's fine with it. She plans to move her stuff out of the room tomorrow.Ronnie thinks her time at the house without him will be terrible.

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Drunk Punch Love

At JWoww and Tom's house in New...
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At JWoww and Tom's house in New Jersey. After finding some of her stuff missing she proclaims it the worst break up ever. She can't wait to move back to Jersey.Back in Seaside Heights, Snooki's friend Ryder arrives. Vinny feels awkward because of his history with her. "Nicole gave me strict instructions: 'Do not have sex with my best friend.' So I really don't know what to do at this point," he says.She tells him she just turned 22.Back at the house, JWoww and Snooki go to the hardware store and buy knew locks and try to install them on their own. It goes about as well as you'd expect.At the shore, Deena entertains Ryder, taking her to happy hour for birthday shots. Then they go on rides and play pool then head home and open wine.Jenni and Snooki finally vanquish the door locks and head back to the beach with the two tiny dogs.Vinny and Pauly gamely offer to let Ryder share their room. Snooki and JWoww finally return. Snooki welcomes her friend.Pauly's really proud of himself for renaming the poofy dogs Snooki and Ryder.They get ready to go out, back to Karma. Jenni wears the tiniest of tank tops and runs into Roger.Sammi sees Ronnie talking to a girl at the bar. He tells her it's his friend's baby mama, who just had a kid. "You want me to bring her over? I'll bring her over. She'll show you her C-section."Vinny sets his sights on Ginny, but her uncle steps in. Nevertheless, Ginny comes back to the house. Roger comes, too.Upstairs, drunk Sammi tells Ronnie not to touch anybody. She accuses him, then says he never loved her. The situation quickly gets worse, as Ronnie tells her to pack up and go.Sammi goes downstairs for late night pizza and Ronnie throws Sammi's stuff across the room. When Mike comes up stairs, Ronnie says he's bent over backwards for Sammi.Sammi comes up with pizza. Ronnie thinks it should have been a protein shake. He's having none of it. She notices her stuff all over the room."He just kicked you out of your own room," Mike says."What'd I do?" Sammi says.Ronnie busts out laughing.Downstairs, Mike gives an update. "If he's giggling, it's game over," Vinny says.Ronnie leaves, telling Sammi her tears mean (bleep) to him.Mike goes to get girls sweat pants for lounging.Vinny runs for the air horn, to warn Seaside there are "grenades" in the house.Then they notice an older guy walking up to the house. It's Ginny's uncle and he's there to take her home. As she leaves, she tells Vinny he better call her."As beautiful as she is, knowing that she has a swarm of guys surrounding her doesn't make me want to call her again," Vinny tells us.Sammi packs up her stuff upstairs.Downstairs, Jenni tells Ronnie she loves him and is there for him. He tells her he just wants to be happy with Sammi and he loves her.Jenni tells him he's just staying with her out of guilt to prove he's a good guy.Jenni tells him that Sammi's just bringing him down. She manages to use the phrase "at the end of the day" more times than a pro athlete in a post-game interview.Ronnie gives a teary testimonial, but can't get through it without crying.Outside, Mike reassures Ronnie that he did nothing wrong.Mike wakes Sammi up to ask if she has any condoms. Sammi asks what Ronnie's doing and when Mike says he's talking to Jenni, she springs out of bed.And there's a balcony scene of sorts, in which Sammi, from above, shouts at Ronnie to tell her if he's friends with Jenni.The gang clears out to light a birthday cake for Ryder. Sammi comes downstairs and gets in Ronnie's face asking over and over again if he's friends with "her."Ronnie just quietly insists he's done. Sammi socks him across the face and goes inside. She calls her mom and demands she come get her now.Mike calls a family meeting, reporting Sammi's punch.Vinny goes upstairs, where he tells Sammi to look at herself. She insists "this is God, telling me to go," she says."No, this isn't God. God isn't your ego," Vinny says, the philosopher of the boardwalk.He tells her she's acting like Angelina. Everybody but Ronnie and Jenni tries to convince her to stay. Sammi can't be swayed.Outside, Ronnie tells Jenni that if Sammi stays, he'll make her life miserable.Upstairs, Jenni gets it on with Roger as her dogs yip.At 6:30 a.m., everybody is bedraggled and groggy as Sammi gets ready to leave. She tells Ronnie she's sorry she punched him and she's hurt that he would befriend Jenni.Ronnie cries on the couch outside and she asks him to come inside, where she climbs into bed and hugs him good bye.Her bags are packed downstairs. But they're still in bed and she tells him she's sorry and asks him if he wants her to go."It's disgusting that I took it to that level," she says of hitting him.She doesn't leave.She calls her mom to say she's not leaving. Her mom says she can't get any lower than punching him in the face.Ryder says good bye.That night they have a family spaghetti dinner. "It turns out you guys are really cool and good people and I'm happy I'm here," Sammi says.Ronnie thinks Sammi is maturing.Deena goes out with Dean and Roger and Jenni.At the house, Vinny keeps Snooki company by taking her to a sex shop. Snooki buys a stripper pole.It only fits in the entryway into the kitchen.Ronnie tries it out."It's not that sturdy, so no fat girls can go on it," Vinny says.The next day, the guys head to the barber shop.They asks about Ronnie's look-a-like Dean and the barber reports that he said Deena wanted to do something that he wasn't into.Specifically what is bleeped. But Ronnie and Vinny can't even bring themselves to describe it. They just shake their heads and look at the floor.All we hear is someone "said it was cleaned out in the Jacuzzi."And there is no way that sentence gets better with context.At the gym, Mike quickly tells Deena he heard a story about her. He says it's about her preference. She thinks she does like to do that, then worries maybe they're not talking about the same thing.A bleeped explanation from Mike later and Deena is insisting she would never do that.She goes to Pauly. With the help of hand gestures, we finally get the picture. She's so upset she wants to go call Dean.She tells Jenni what they're saying and Sammi can only bust out laughing.Later that night, they're back at the club. Dean is there and Deana shoes him away. She tells him to get away and calls him an "embarrassing piece of s---."Jenni decides to make nice and approaches Sammi and Ronnie. The two frenemes hit the bar for drink. After an awkward silence, Sammi leans over and says she knows Jenni was only looking out for her.They hug it out.

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Free Snooki

We see a montage recap of Snooki's...
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We see a montage recap of Snooki's arrest, with appropriately serious club mood music. JWoww gets off the phone with Snooki's dad and calls her boyfriend Tom.She apologizes for not calling and, through tears, says Snooki just got arrested. He's sympathetic for half a beat until he realizes that doesn't excuse her not calling last night.She hangs up on him.Tom calls back several times and JWoww curses him out and hangs up on him each time. The police call to say they can come get Snooki."Going to jail is definitely embarrassing, but the fact that I have the people in the house that are supporting and are there for me makes me feel 100 times better," Snooki says.At home, Snooki eats a plateful of food and asks why she got arrested. Jenni and Deena try to explain her particular brand of public intox.Jenni is already wearing a "Free Snooki" tank top.Snooki calls her dad, who tells her she needs to understand what she's doing to herself. "It's not like I killed someone," she protests."Get your s---- together, girl," he tells her. He says he's not mad, just disappointed, which she says is the worst a parent can say.Outside, they realizes Snooki has sand crusted down her chest. Classy.Snooki talks Jenni, who tells her she needs to find love."These are the things that I think I'm addicted to: bronzer, boys and alcohol," Snooki says.She takes a night off.The next night, it's time to go out again.Deena hits the club with MVP. Deena dances with girls and admires one girl's boobs.Deena finds a guy named Dean and starts grinding on him. She calls him her "perfect man" and introduces him to the guys, who are totally entertained by the fact he looks like Ronnie. They take him home and put him in the video booth, calling him RonnieThey take him upstairs to slip him into bed with Ronnie and Sammi, waking them up.Dean lets slip to the guys that his girlfriend's name is Sam. Meanwhile Deena's getting into her bikini and invites him into the hot tub."I'm excited because I finally have a juice box," she says.She asks him if he has a girlfriend and catches him saying "eh."Then he says he's "as single as they come" and wouldn't be there if he did have a girlfriend. And so they start to make out.Inside, the guys try to figure out how to tell Sammi that "Ronnie" hooked up with Deena.Deena invites Dean inside to "snuggle".She says she hit a homerun."Dean definitely didn't get the golden ticket, but I gave him a sneak peek," she says.The next morning, Jenni sees Dean leave and when he's gone she tells Deena about his girlfriend. MTV bleeps out whatever she let him do. Poor form!It's time to go out again.They head to Karma. Snooki says she has a head on her shoulders as she's drinking.Jenni sees Roger and sits with him on the couch. The chick who told her he was dating Heather comes over and clarifies that she thought he was someone else.They all come home for some grilling.Mike thinks there's an "avalanche of good energy" in the house.Tom calls for Jenni.Ronnie enjoys that the woman who ratted out his cheating was chatting up her ex boyfriend at the club. Jenni tells Tom she loves him, but he hangs up in response."That's why I'm leaving you're a---," she says as she hangs up.The next morning Jenni calls Roger and makes plans to meet him and "his hot friend" Alex on the boardwalk.Tom calls. Jenni says she's going to wait and see where things go with Roger and if things get better with Tom, which is not in any relationship advice book.They hit the boardwalk, checking out haunted houses and games. Jenni says she feels like Tom pushed her into Roger's arms.They head home.Snooki announces that she's not going to drink any more, except "I think pinot's OK, pregnant people do it," she says.They whip out the Flip cams to entertain Snooki. They do some time on Snooki's pouf and then spend some time on Jenni's legendary boobs.Snooki calls her friend Ryder, who makes plans to visit over the weekend.Snooki, Pauly and Jenni head to work. Snooki is glum.Jenni asks Pauly what she should do about Tom. He tells her to go with what makes her happy.Snooki thinks Jenni and Roger would be a "typical gorilla and Guidette couple."Roger and his hot giant friend Nick bring Snooki and Jenni coffee drinks. They step out to talk, but Danny tracks them down.They head home to get ready to go out.Snooki announces that when she gets nervous, she poops. She goes into greater detail, but we'll spare you.Roger and Nick arrive.They hit the amusement park. Snooki enjoys Nick.Back at the house, the girls hop into bed with the guys. "Nick feels like the perfect gorilla juicehead for me, and I want to have sex with him already," she says.The next day, Jenni says she and Roger didn't have sex but she doesn't miss Tom.After Roger's gone, Tom calls for Jenni. The house all tries to listen. She tells him she went out with Snooki and nothing's wrong, she's just "taking a breather."He asks if she's seen anyone she knows. She mentions Roger and Nick and says she hasn't done anything. She says she's having a good time, unlike with him lately.Finally, she starts yelling, saying she did nothing wrong and he treated her like "s---."Jenni calls her dad, who reports Tom is moving out. She asks who's watching her dog.Jenni gets Snooki to take the drive home to break into her house and get her dogs.Jenni drives home, expecting the worst, not sure what condition the house will be in.She gets the spare key and gets her tiny dogs. Snooki goes upstairs to pee and finds that Jenni's bed is gone.So is her watch. And her hard drive. And all her papers.She checks her Pay Pal balance but is scared to look.She cries, saying she doesn't deserve it.

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Where's the Beach

Sammi feels stupid for hating Jenni...
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Sammi feels stupid for hating Jenni and Snooki. Ronnie fails to be supportive, telling her to do what she wants.Jenni comments that Snooki's been drunk since she got to the beach. Snooki's proving her point by eating a raw potato.Vinny come inside and she starts begging him for sex. Or, as she puts it, she wants to play with "Seabiscuit." He has to tell her no because she's "incoherent."Then Deena's on to Mike, trying to get him to make out. Snooki decides to help break the ice by suggesting a threesome. Mike goes along, because, it's a threesome.He gets in bed with the three of them, but then Snooki gets up, leaving him alone with Deena, who he promptly asks if she has showered recently.Snooki stumbles down the darkened hallway and crawls into bed with Vinny, who is totally asleep. Under the covers, she wakes him up doing probably what we all assume she's doing. He goes along at first and then smells the booze and the moment is over.She gets up in a drunken huff.Later in the video booth, Jenni tells Snooki that Vinny shuts her down because he cares about her. "Well stop caring and f--- me, man," Snooki proclaims.In bed with Mike, Deena asks him how many girls he's slept with. He kisses her to shut her up. She goes to the bathroom and he takes advantage of the opportunity for the "kitchen ditchin'."He goes to the kitchen, she goes back to her bed to sleep.Snooki and Pauly D head out for some GTL. On the way back, Snooki says if Sammi apologizes, she'll be OK.Snooki comes home and complains about her butt itching like crazy. She rubs some lotion on it then sits in the mini fridge to soothe her irritated bum. Then she announces she has to poop.Sammi tells us she needs to get over Miami, then asks Ronnie to confess to anything he's ever done. He tries to encourage her to get out of bed. "I need a mind condom because I'm being mind-f----ed," he says.Mike suggests they break up already.Sammi tells Ronnie that she has "a feeling" that he's doing something to her again. He asks her what he's done, then announces he's done with her and walks away, leaving her crying and alone.Ronnie and Mike hit the gym. Mike tells Ronnie that Sammi is bringing him down and has changed.Pauly D, Snooki and Sammi head to work at the t-shirt shop. Snooki's not happy to be there with Sam. But Sam says she's sorry for cutting their friendship out. "I am so wrong and you were so right the whole time," Sam says."I felt like you were out to get me and you weren't," Sam says.They hug and make-up.JWoww calls her boyfriend Tom, who says he got a new girlfriend because his doesn't call anymore. Apparently she forgot their anniversary. She hangs up on him and resolves to "do me" and have a good time in Jersey.Back at the house, Sammi approaches Deena and tells her she felt defensive when she first met her. They agree to start over.Then Snooki tells JWoww about Sammi apologizing. But JWoww wants nothing to do with her.They get ready to go out. Snooki agrees that JWoww's boobs look "phenomenal." Pauly D predicts Deena will wipe out early.At Karma, JWoww runs into her ex Roger. They call that foreshadowing.Deena gets up on the platform to dance but falls off and is immediately kicked out of the club.Mike spies Paula, his old hook-up who fell down the steps in Seaside. He tells her she's coming home with him, because apparently, that works.Snooki is loaded and sulks in the corner.Jenni tells Roger they should spend some time together, and he tells her he has no plans. Then someone tells her they know his girlfriend, Heather, who works at the tanning salon. Busted.He swears he's not dating anyone.Jenni and Snooki go upstairs and dance around drunkenly in the closed off part of the club. When Jenni has to pee she doesn't want to go down the stairs, so she goes behind the bar to pee.That's right -- she pees behind a bar.Ronnie and Sammi make up, both finding ways to excuse their explosive relationship by citing their "connection."Then, across the bar, Pauly D spies his "stalker" Danielle. She walks by and dumps a drink on him. "I don't know why Danielle the Stalker threw a drink at me," Pauly says.Pauly and Vinny find some girls to take home. "My DTF-o-meter is at like, a ten," Vinny says.Mike brings Paula home and pauses to moisturize. They fire up the grill as Vinny "gets it in." Pauly's girl isn't down, so Pauly gets some sleep.The turkey burgers are stuck together, so Ronnie throws the entire clump on the grill.Vinny tells us that his girl was cool because when "she was done," she said she had to go and he called her a cab.As Ronnie tends to the turkey burgers, Mike takes Paula upstairs.Vinny schools us on Ronnie's two laughs, one that sounds like "a little girl laugh" and one that sounds like "a dolphin on steroids."The next day, Snooki doesn't want to get out of bed. She settles for going to work in the same clothes she wore out last night -- wrapped in a blanket. Snooki steals a beer and goes to funnel it in the bathroom, but Danny catches her.Vinny thinks her almost non-stop drinking is out of control."If I want to have a beer, I'll have a beer. This isn't law school, it's a t-shirt shop," she says.Danny sends her to get coffee, but instead she goes and gets shots in her slippers. She goes to get fried pickles -- and a Long Island Iced Tea. Danny finds her and drags her back to work.After work, Snooki goes back to the bar and teaches old people how to do body shots."After doing shots with the old couple, it kind of just went blank," Snooki says.We see her try -- and fail -- to get on a bicycle. Deena and Jenni race after her as she runs down the boardwalk next to the beach, screaming "Where's the beach?"Snooki finally finds the beach and takes off her slippers and walks in the sand. Jenni tries to get her off the beach before she gets in trouble. Instead, Snooki runs into the ocean with her purse.They're walking her away when she turns and runs back toward the ocean -- and runs right into the sand. A crowd of people has gathered to watch the action from the boardwalk. Police come and are helping her off the beach and drunken Snooki starts telling the cops to get off. It's three cops to one Snooki and she appears to be winning. And then they bring out the handcuffs. She gets arrested for drunk and disorderly."I'm a f----- good person," she protests as they take her away.Back at the house Jenni makes a serious call about her arrest to Snooki's dad -- on the hilarious duck phone.She tells him his daughter just got arrested for public intoxication.

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It's Gonna Be an Interesting Summer

Welcome back to the Shore. The last...
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Welcome back to the Shore. The last time we saw our favorite housemates, JWoww and Sweetheart were busy exchanging blows. Ronnie just watches as his girlfriend fights. Finally, the feuding pair is pulled apart. "It's going to be an interesting @#$#ing summer," says an out-of-breath JWoww, who might be missing a chunk of hair.Snooki then tells Sweetheart that Ronnie is no good. "Ronnie is cheating on you, you dumb#@@!" Snooki screams. The Situation, as the rare voice of reason, urges everybody to go to bed. Sweetheart and Ronnie commiserate while Snooki and Deena decide to drown their sorrows in booze. They end up falling off the hammock in a fit of intoxicated giggles. And the first night in Jersey FINALLY draws to a close.The next morning, the boys and Sweetheart head to the gym. The ladies, meanwhile, opt to go tanning and talk about how much they despise Sweetheart, who apparently does nothing but follow around Ronnie. We then see footage of Sweetheart doing nothing but following around Ronnie. Later, the roommates get ready to go out ... except for Ronnie and Sweetheart. The killjoy couple stays in bed while Pauly D announces "T-shirt time."It's on.The gang enters the club to find pounding music, drinks and a "parasite" guidette who won't stop following Vinny. Montage time! Snooki dances. The Situation organizes a group make-out session among a bunch of drunk women. Snooki dances and then hides behind some foliage for no good reason. "I will pee in a push, I will poop in a bush, I will hide in a bush ... I don't even know what's wrong with me," she tells the camera. The answer is likely "alcohol," but no matter. The ladies decide to head home, where JWoww drunk dials her boyfriend. "Happy anniversary," says an angry Tom before hanging up. Oops. JWoww forgot the big day. "I $#@%ed up," she tells the camera. Oh well.Vinny, in the meantime, is on a "hog hunt." He finds a blonde, who The Situation also latches onto. So there's one girl and two guys. Thankfully, neither guy is into sharing so Vinny pulls the lady into a room and locks the door. The smooshing begins -- much to the chagrin of a drunk and frustrated The Situation. Deena, being a good roomie, offers herself to The Situation, but he laughs and turns her down. Ouch.The next morning, Sweetheart and Ronnie get up early and go to church (huh?). The rest of the roommates wonder if the unhappy couple will ever hang out again. Later, The Situation prepares the traditional Sunday dinner while Pauly D sets the table. They wonder if Sweetheart and Ronnie will join them. Turns out they won't. Sweetheart and Ronnie -- or Sweennie" -- go out to eat. Later, Sweennie returns. "You guys totally missed Sunday dinner," Pauly D says. Sighs Sweetheart: "I couldn't care less." That's cold.The gang, including Sweennie, then head to the T-shirt shop, where they'll be working once again. Snooki tells the camera that she'd rather "do nothing" than work. Wouldn't we all. Later, Snooki and Deena play kickball on the roof. They accidentally kick the ball onto the roof next door so Vinny plays "MacGyver" and attaches together household items to create a "hook" long enough to snag the ball. A good hangover activity.That night, Sweennie decides to join the group and head for the boardwalk. All the roommates clown around, ride rides and have fun -- even Ronnie! Fun Ronnie is back! Guess who isn't fun? The answer is Sweetheart, who becomes increasingly angry as Ronnie has more and more fun with The Situation, Pauly D and Vinny. "She lets stuff eat away at her and that's what's eating away at this relationship," he tells the camera. Soon enough, Sweetheart brings up Ronnie's behavior in Miami. Ronnie sighs. The viewer gets the sense that Ronnie has been hearing this wrap for months (in all fairness, he DID act like a jerk). "You're sick," Sweetheart tells her boyfriend. "You're sick."And that's where we leave our heroes. Will Sweennie patch things up? Will The Situation hook up? Will Snooki get drunk and embarrass herself? Tune in next week.

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Back Into the Fold

Last episode in Miami, everybody....
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Last episode in Miami, everybody. Last call for drinks and grenades.Pauly D. explains that the housemates will be taking a road trip to the Florida Everglades to see "crocodiles, alligators, whatever you want to call them ... we're going to check this place out." Moments later, the gang is speeding through the glades -- and spot a giant alligator. Snooki SCREAMS! Later, the group is attacked by insects. "Bugs in the Everglades are huge," The Situation says. "They're about the size of Snooki."For lunch, the Jeresey natives stop at a roadside restaurant and eat frogs. Or, rather, The Situation eats frogs. Everybody else -- especially JWoww and Ronnie -- are absolutely disgusted. On the drive home, The Situation asks Ronnie to stop so he can throw up. "Everything come out alright?" Pauly D. asks. It's the revenge of Kermit.Back at the house, Pauly D. and Vinny decide to take their girls out for dinner one last time. Unfortunately, Ramona is late ... AGAIN. He stares the phone. Finally, Ramona calls and says she is almost ready. "You would think I wanna go out, I wanna party, I wanna pop bottles, bang this girl and that girl," Vinny says. "All I wanna do is take this girl on a date." It's almost sweet. At dinner, they discuss the possibility of a long-distance relationship. Then they kiss and hug goodbye. No smooshing!? Guess not.Ronnie and Sammi, meanwhile, have an awkward dinner. "Let me make this clear to you: I'd like to be with my boyfriend at all times," Sammi says. Ronnie tells the camera that "Mr. Hyde" has reappeared. Ouch. The unhappy couple returns home where The Situation is anxious to hit the clubs. Ronnie and Sammi continue to fight at the club until Sammi apologizes. Suddenly, the mercurial pair is having a good time again.In the meantime, Vinny is having a crisis of conscious. He is dancing with two women -- one of whom tells him: "You're gonna have the threesome of your life." So Vinny goes to Pauly D., who predictably gives him the green light. Of course, Vinny is thinking of Ramona. "When you actually have a good girl out there, say no to hos," Vinny says. Nice guy that he is, The Situation swoops in to take the ladies off Vinny's hands.The next day, Snooki announces that she is cooking tacos for the house. She asks if Sammi wants to help, but Sammi says no. Snooki gets angry, claiming Sammi never helps. So Sammi then offers to help, but it's clearly sarcastic. "She doesn't have girlfriends," JWoww says. "She doesn't know how to act with girlfriends." At dinner, The Situation announces that he is giving a trophy to the person who does the least in the house. Sammi immediately bristles and The Situation tells her to "chill out."Snooki calls it the "most awkward dinner I've ever had in my whole life." But it's about to get worse. The group gathers in the living room to give out awards such as "most likely to get skin cancer" (Pauly D.) and "most likely to be a follower" (Vinny, according to The Situation). Vinny doesn't like it. JWoww then calls The Situation the "fakest" one in house. The Situation doesn't like it -- and demands an explanation. No one speaks.Later, Snooki tells JWoww that The Situation, Pauly D. and Vinny said she was fake. Upset, JWoww tell The Situation that Pauly D. has been talking about him to Snooki. Upset, The Situation confronts Pauly D. Very upset, Pauly D. confronts JWoww, claiming that he said no such thing about JWoww or The Situation. Is everybody following this nonsense? Anyway, Pauly D. becomes more and more ANGRY. "You're all f***ing nuts!" he SCREAMS. Agreed. Eventually, it all comes back to Snooki, who admits that nobody -- Pauly D. or Vinny -- actually called anybody "fake" out loud.Naturally, everybody is upset with Snooki, who is upset with JWoww for opening her mouth in the first place. "Now I'm the bad guy!" Snooki yells. "That's what you made me look like!" She continues to SCREAM and YELL about how she is not a s*** talker. Snooki then begins to pack her bags, claiming she just wants to leave. "Well, this is a great last night," JWoww says. The Situation, playing the peacemaker, then goes outside, picks up Snooki and brings her inside. Everybody forgives everybody. They're "family."The next morning, The Situation cooks breakfast and the gang has a champagne toast. "No regrets," The Situation as he packs up a pile of phone numbers collected at the clubs over the past few weeks. Sammi feels good about her relationship with Ronnie -- "even though he hurt and embarrassed me and I know what he did." She also doesn't say goodbye to JWoww, who tells the camera that Sammi will understand who her real friends are when Ronnie inevitably breaks her heart.On that note, we anxiously await next season.

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Deja Vu All Over Again

Previously: Vinnie gets cozy with...
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Previously: Vinnie gets cozy with Ramona, which catches the attention of The Situation, who hits on the girl (and gets rejected). The Situation, who is clearly upset, then makes everybody angry by telling them that they have to leave the club. Snooki ERUPTS.Now: A drunk Snooki vents to her visiting best friend in the cab. She is sick and tired of The Situation. Later, the gang heads back to the house -- and Vinny immediately takes Ramona to the smoosh room. Soon, they are naked. The next morning, The Situation crawls into bed with Snooki and apologizes for his behavior the night before. "I had a bad day, honey," The Situation says. "I'm sorry." Snooki accepts the apology.Vinny, meanwhile, says goodbye to Ramona. It doesn't appear that either got much sleep. He tells Sweetheart that he can imagine marrying this woman. CUT TO Snooki, who is distraught that her best friend has left. "I want to be at home right now!" Snooki cries. "I miss my hometown. I miss my family." Vinny comes outside to comfort her. "He's like my big brother," Snooki tells the camera. "I love him ... but you usually don't have sex with your big brother." Excellent point, Snooks.The Situation and Pauly D. then head out to get haircuts (and to have their eyebrows trimmed) while JWoww and Snooki plan their night out. Turns out the gang is heading to Space, which is apparently the greatest club EVER. "Space means, like, guido, juicehead gorillas, sexy, tan, sweaty boys," Snooki explains to the camera. So the housemates get ready and JWoww emerges wearing, well, almost nothing. But no matter! That's what Space is all about. Sure enough, the enormous club is PACKED with similarly nearly naked bodies. It's not long before Snooki gets in a shouting match with strangers.Soon, The Situation also begins screaming at the two dudes, who scream back. Security arrives -- and kicks everybody out of the club. Ronnie is heartbroken. Pauly D. is also upset, but attempts to salvage the night by grabbing "two hot chicks." Pauly D. and The Situation then head back to the house -- and immediately take the girls to bed.Unfortunately, the girls "want to talk a lot," according to Pauly D. It is soon revealed that The Situation's lady has only slept with ONE man in her life. "Mike realizes that his girl is not DTF," Pauly D. tells the camera. So The Situation turns rather cruel, telling the girl to kindly sit in the living room and wait for her friend to finish having sex with Pauly D. The Situation, in the meantime, plans to go to sleep. His completely dismissive behavior causes Pauly D.'s girl to leave with her friend, blaming The Situation. "I could have got it in, but didn't get it in because of Mike," Pauly D. complains to the camera. Nice.The next morning, Pauly D. tells the whole story Vinny. The Situation, in the meantime, tells his version of the story -- in which he was NOT rejected, but decided his lady was an unworthy grenade -- to JWoww. It's like "Rashomon"! Vinny and Pauly D. then head to the beach with Ramona and her bikini-clad friend. Sweetheart and Ronnie join them. It's a couples' afternoon out. Back at the house, The Situation is cooking dinner and accidentally sets off the fire alarm. Sure enough, fire trucks soon arrive.JWoww takes one look at the firefighters and declares them: "Prime A meat." Snooki is also impressed. "He looked Italian, so, I would've smooshed that, yes," she tells the camera. After dinner, the group is relaxing on the couch when Sweetheart asks if she looks "exotic." "You look Asian," Ronnie says. "I like it." Considering that Ronnie's ex girlfriend is Asian, this is the WRONG thing to say. Sweetheart storms out of the room. Naturally, this ridiculous spat turns into a major conflict. Ronnie, in a rare moment of clarity, points out that Sweetheart is riddled with insecurities.In the meantime, JWoww and Snooki use a blackboard to figure out who is connected to whom in the house via hookup. It quickly becomes apparent that just about everybody has had their roommate's sloppy seconds at some point. The common denominator is usually Snooki, in fact. "I'm a whore," Snooki says. "Whatever." Later, The Situation and Vinny head out to do laundry and tan. When they finish, The Situation discovers that his car has been towed. He parked illegally one too many times.They decide to walk to the impound lot, which takes a looooong time. "This is like the guido version of the 'Amazing Race,' Vinny quips. The Situation drops $175 to retrieve his Escalade, complaining that he could've used the money to take a girl to dinner or buy new sneakers. The boys then head to the clubs and spot two blondes. "They were from Canadia," The Situation explains. They are also, apparently, DTF. The Situation and Pauly D. are so confident, in fact, that they spray cologne down their pants.But, again, it doesn't work out. The girls announce that they are only going to stay for a few minutes, which sets off The Situation. "Why don't you leave now?" he asks. Insulted, the ladies do. Pauly D. is again disappointed in his wingman, whose aggressive nature with the ladies has backfired the second straight night. "I could definitely teach him something about being a wingman," Pauly D. tells the camera.

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Girls Like That

Previously on "Jersey Shore": JWoww...
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Previously on "Jersey Shore": JWoww and Sweetheart exchanged blows. Angelina left town after rolling around on the floor with a furious Snooki.Now on "Jersey Shore": Pauly D. wakes up and proclaims that the "bad aura" in the house is finally gone. The Situation then decides they should get rid of Angelina's bed entirely. So he and Pauly D. dismantle the thing and unceremoniously toss it outside. Says Pauly D.: "We have all this extra space. We can bring girls in here. We can do whatever we want." Later, The Situation prepares lobsters as a celebration dinner. Snooki and JWoww decide to "save" a lobster and keep it as a pet. They dump the poor creature in fresh water, of course, and eventually give up the idea. A feast follows.Everyone is happy except for Sweetheart, who worries that she now has no girlfriends in the house. Snooki, meanwhile, decides that she wants JWoww and Sweetheart to settle their differences. So the great moderator sits down with Sweetheart and apologizes for "everything." Sweetheart forgives her, but does not extend the same courtesy to JWoww. "Sam didn't acknowledge me," JWoww tells the camera. "She won't even look at me." It's awkward. JWoww apologizes to Sweetheart, but Sweetheart doesn't accept it. "I used to beat up girls like that in high school," an angry JWoww tells the camera.The next morning, The Situation announces a GTL run. Vinny, though, decides he is going to call Ramona, the same girl who stood him up a few weeks back. This time, the lady agrees to hang out ... in 30 minutes. Thirty minutes comes and goes. A few hours come and go. Vinny calls Ramona, but she doesn't pick up. Later, the phone rings. It's "two hot girls" who want to hang out. Vinny invites the pair to the house, assuming that Ramona has ditched him once again. Of course, Ramona eventually calls, claiming that she is lost. So Vinny now has THREE girls coming over. What's a dude to do?So Vinny calls the two ladies and cancels, choosing standoffish Ramona. "She's from another country," Vinny explains. "She speaks three different languages." Much frolicking on the beach follows. "I think Ramona is feeling me," Vinny tells the camera. They end the date with a make-out session. Back at the house, Snooki's best friend Ryder calls. She is extraordinarily drunk -- and claims that she is coming to Miami. Nobody in the house is confident that Ryder will sober up in time to catch her flight, however.The next morning, Snooki is depressed. What if Ryder doesn't show? Turns out Snooki had no reason to fret as her BFF arrives bright and early the next day. They IMMEDIATELY start drinking. "She's real, I'm real," Snooki explains. "Every time we're together, we pretty much just go crazy and be stupid." The gals return home and get ready to head to the club along with everybody else. Snooki shows off her underwear while dancing and the boys are disappointed to find the place full of less-than-desirable women. "It's like a war zone in here," Pauly D. observes. "All grenades."Still, The Situation manages to find some worthy women -- and becomes very aggressive. Much grabbing and booty slapping later, he explains why he is the way he is. "Back in the day, they had a prophecy that one day there would be the pimp of all pimps and his name would be The Situation," says The Situation. Sweetheart is completely grossed out by her housemate's behavior. Pauly D. likes it because the ladies end up thinking he is a great guy. The Situation then decides that it's time for the gang to go, but Snooki is busy with a random dude and doesn't want to leave. This infuriates The Situation, who fancies himself some sort of creepy leader of the "family." Snooki is also infuriated.The next morning, Snooki gives The Situation the silent treatment before getting ready to head out to the pool with Ryder and JWoww. Snooki invites Sweetheart, who is still so mad at JWoww that she declines. Later, Sweetheart second guesses her decision to Ronnie, who is getting a little sick of giving his lady friend advice about her "friends." Snooki and Ryder, who seem to communicate primarily in odd grunts, return home and try to make a drink. The process involves dumping almost everything in the kitchen into the blender. Naturally, it overflows. Naturally, the drink is "disgusting."So the dynamic duo head to the liquor store -- and run into Pauly D. and The Situation. The Situation says he is "sorry" for the night before, but it's not enough for Snooki, who knows how to hold a grudge. Hours pass as the gang gets ready to hit the club. Finally, the cabs arrive and everybody heads out. Snooki and Ryder dance on the tables. Everybody drinks. Vinny's night gets better when Ramona appears. "This is one of the hottest girls I've seen in Miami," The Situation says. "You do not want to leave a chick like that by herself." Uh oh. Sure enough, The Situation is soon talking closely to Ramona. "Mike has a secret possible obsession with me," says Vinny, who notes that The Situation has attempted to steal his women before.Then it gets creepy. The Situation sits down on a couch and STARES at Vinny and Ramona. He looks angry and miserable. He is the ONLY one not having fun. Finally, The Situation stands up and tries to kiss Snooki! She pushes him away. The Situation then tells the group that it's time to go. Snooki goes ballistic, especially after The Situation gives her a play slap in the mouth. "I'm the daddy of this house," The Situation tells the camera. "If I say we're leaving, we're leaving." Apparently not.Ronnie and Pauly D. also notice that The Situation has been on "edge" lately. JWoww theorizes that The Situation becomes mean when he is getting lucky. So while all his housemates drink and dance, The Situation stews and pouts. Not cool, dude.

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Gone, Baby, Gone

Previously in Miami: Angelina fought...
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Previously in Miami: Angelina fought and slept with everybody. "I'm a single girl, like, what do you expect?" she asks. On this show? Nothing less.Now in Miami: Angelina must be separated from The Situation, who insists that the Jersey transplant is a "ho." The two are VERY angry at each other. Pauly D. then declares that it is time for a "family meeting." The dude Angelina met at the beach is asked to leave (or, rather, told to by Pauly D.). The meeting is brief, however, as Angelina quickly retreats outside with friend Gina. "I think that everybody in this house has basically broken me down," Angelina tells the camera.Meanwhile, the boys take the opportunity to call Angelina a number of degrading names before declaring that she brings "95 percent" of her problems on herself. JWoww and Tom return home and The Situation is quick to tell them that Angelina punched him in the face. "The only reason she hit me is because she knows I would never hit her back," The Situation says. JWoww laughs because she ALSO hit The Situation during season one. She takes Angelina outside and tells the girl not to pack her bags. It's a touching moment -- and Angelina declares JWoww's counseling a "nice thing."Angelina then decides that she is going to hit the clubs because she "deserves to have a few drinks" after what she has been through. The men, in the meantime, declare it "t-shirt tiiiiiiiime!" The Situation lets everybody know that he will be meeting Samantha, who recently left her phone number on the front door. Samantha soon arrives and meets the rest of the gang. "I let her know, 'Listen baby, you're sleeping over tonight,'" The Situation tells the camera. "'What kind of pajams you want?'" He then calls dibs on the "smash room" after everybody returns from the club. Classy.Cut to the club, where The Situation soon finds himself in a situation. Other ladies begin rubbing his abs and Samantha gets angry. She pushes the other lady away -- and that only makes The Situation like her even more. So they decide to leave the club early and return to the smash room. A short time later, the other roommates hear loud moaning coming from behind the closed door. "Mike brought home a screamer tonight," Vinny says with a laugh. "This girl is a keeper." The kind you bring home to mom, no doubt.Later that night, The Situation returns to his room to find Angelina and Jose sleeping in his bed. "She has no respect for anybody," he tells the camera. The next morning, The Situation offers his lady half an egg sandwich (a sure sign of love) before sending her off in a cab. A short time later, Gina says goodbye to Angelina to return home. Angelina is heartbroken that her girlfriend has to go -- and that she is being left alone with her roomies. Sure enough, The Situation is soon yelling at Angelina for sleeping in his bed. "You should have at least asked me!" he screams. She retorts with a string of high-pitched expletives. "I am me and if you don't like it, then don't look at me," she says.Later, the boys head out for a "GTL" session and discover a disgusting stink in the car. Turns out someone left a chicken and cheese sandwich under a seat. "Angelina probably left the Swiss cheese in the car because we all know that rats love cheese," The Situation theorizes. Snooki, in the meantime, heads to work at the gelato shop. And by work, we mean sitting behind the counter and make a checklist for her perfect man. "What I would love to find is a guido juice head with my personality, my style and is not a cheater," she says. "Can I find that somewhere? Because I'm not going to go on Match.com again."Back at the house, JWoww is crying because it is time for Tom to leave. The two share a tearful goodbye before Snooki returns home and hands her list to JWoww. Items on the list include: "nympho" and "romantical." JWoww swears to help Snooki find her ideal man. Angelina, meanwhile, continues to ignore everybody in the house except for JWoww. "I don't want people to think they won if I leave again," Angelina says. She then calls her housemates "fake" and announces that she hasn't decided whether she is going to leave. "I'll speak for everybody," The Situation says. "Get the %$#@ out."So Angelina retreats to bed while the rest of the gang heads out for dinner and clubbing. "Everyone is so much happier that she's not out tonight," The Situation opines. Snooki, meanwhile, is having trouble finding Mr. Right. "I didn't find anybody close to a gorilla juice head tonight," she laments. HOWEVER, Snooki is willing to compromise. "As long as you're tan and you have some kind of build to you, I'll give you a try," she explains. Moments later, she is making out with Alex, who is Angelina's ex hookup. Uh oh.Back at the house, Angelina packs her bags. She has decided to leave (again), but doesn't want to do so until she can a few last words with her roomies. Maybe not the best idea in the world, but that's Angelina's style. Soon enough, the gang returns home -- including Alex. "Why did you come home with her?" a miffed Angelina asks. Before you can say "guido," Snooki and Angelina are SCREAMING at each other. Snooki then attacks Angelina! Hair pulling! Swinging arms! Flailing legs! No one steps in. In fact, The Situation moves the coffee table so the two have more room to tussle.The fight ends (Snooki ends up losing her skirt) and Angelina takes her leave. No one tries to stop her. As a matter of fact, the boys rejoice at having more room for their clothes. Goodbye, Angelina. We knew you a little too well.

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Dirty Pad

Previously: smacking, yelling,...
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Previously: smacking, yelling, arguing, drinking, intercourse, posturing. The bottom line is that Angelina is "hypocritical whore," according to The Situation.Now: Vinny is waiting on beautiful Ramona, who stands him up. "It's a blow to me," Vinny says. "It's like I got kicked in the stomach." Angelina then takes Jose to dinner for his birthday along with Ronnie and Sweetheart. Everybody dances around the fact that Angelina recently cheated with Vinny. "Jose is definitely getting played -- like a piano," Ronnie tells the camera. Kind of like Sweetheart in the first few episodes, Ron?Back at the pad, Vinny continues to drown his sorrows. Pauly D. feels for his bro. Ronnie, meanwhile, gives Vinny money for the flowers the spurned date bought for Ramona -- and then gives the bouquet to Sweetheart. She is not pleased, declaring the gift hollow. Meanwhile, Jose and Angelina try to decide where they are going to sleep. "Jose definitely wanted birthday sex," Angelina tells the camera. They end up sleeping in the "smoosh" room, which kind of grosses out Angelina (oddly enough). The two don't end up smooshing, though, because it is Angelina's "time of the month." Poor Jose.The next morning, Angelina lies to the group and says she had sex with Jose. The Situation is thoroughly disgusted, pointing out that Angelina had sex with two guys (including Vinny) in two days. Angelina, trying to defend herself, points out the double standard. The Situation doesn't deny it. "Everybody loves the guy that gets girls," The Situation tells the camera. "He's the man. He's the pimp. And then everybody doesn't like a girl that is a ho -- and that's Angelina." Even Snooki calls Angelina a "whore."JWoww and Snooki then head to a nail appointment because JWoww's boyfriend is coming into town and she wants to look extra smooshable. Thomas soon arrives -- and the two immediately begin to make out. The honeymoon doesn't last long as Thomas finds a phone number in JWoww's room belonging to another man. "I never called him, though," JWoww tells the camera. Says Thomas: "I'm done. Get the &*$% out of may face." The man then declares that he is leaving -- just minutes after he arrived.Naturally, Thomas doesn't leave. Instead, he lies on the bed with his eyes closed and pouts. Then JWoww beings picking his nose -- and he laughs. They make up. Angelina, meanwhile, gets a visit from her longtime friend Gina. Gina brings dresses and jewelry that Angelina's mother bought. Angelina beings to cry. She really misses mommy. There's no time for crying, though. It's t-shirt time! The man pull on their incredibly tight t-shirts and prepare to go out for the evening. Time to hit the clubs, bee-otches.Minutes later, Angelina is dancing with a guy that smooshed Snooki. "What's up with that?" Pauly D. asks. An excellent question. Snooki calls Angelina "pathetic." "Like, you love my sloppy seconds," Snooki declares. The Situation, in the meantime, is being "swarmed" by girls. He takes to one in particular -- so much so that he "has to handle my business now." What does that mean? The two go to the club bathroom and lock the door, but security quickly steps in. "My plan was foiled," The Situation explains. Moments later, The Situation somehow loses his girl in the crowd. He is very disappointed.The club closes and the gang heads back to the house (alas, The Situation is alone). Angelina promptly denies dancing with Snooki's hookup -- much to the incredulous anger of Pauly D. In the bedroom, JWoww and Thomas are trying to smoosh, but are continually interrupted by a "piss drunk" Snooki. Everybody laughs.The next morning, Angelia wakes up and discovers a disgusting mess in the kitchen. She is growing tired of living in squalor -- and decides to escape to the beach. The Situation, meanwhile, heads to the gym. "If you don't go to the gym, you don't look good," he explains. "If you don't tan, you're pale! And if you don't do laundry, you ain't got no clothes." The Situation returns home to find a note taped to the front door from Samantha, the girl he "lost" at the club. This means that she wants to "bang."The Situation calls the lady and delivers so many horribly cheesy and creepy lines that, naturally, Samantha enthusiastically agrees to meet him out later that night. "You creep me out," Sweetheart says. Us, too. The Situation then begins to clean up the nasty house -- and discovers a dirty sanitary napkin on the bathroom floor. He is HORRIFED -- and puts the offending item under Angelina's pillows. Angelina, meanwhile, meets a boy at the beach and invites him back to the house. They immediately discover the dirty pad. Angelina is HORRIFIED. "What a douchebag, Mike is," Angelina declares.The Situation (a.k.a. Mike) returns home and confronts Angelina about being filthy -- in front of Gina and the dude from the beach. "You are the dirtiest girl I have ever met," The Situation declares. "You dirty little hamster." He then lets beach dude know that Angelina slept with two men in 48 hours (though she never did sleep with Jose). "You know what you're good at?" The Situation says. "You're good at being a ho!" That tears it. Angelina goes on the attack with arms flailing -- and we cut to the credits.See you next week.

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All in the Family

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Sleeping with the Enemy

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This synopsis is too short and may not include the required detailed description of the entire plot. We normally require that synopses be at least 10 lines long. If you have seen this title, please help us by improving and expanding this synopsis. d

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Not So Shore

Previously in Miami ..Snooki and...
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Previously in Miami ..Snooki and JWoww wrote Sweetheart an anonymous note detailing Ronnie's many indiscretions at the club. Ronnie is FURIOUS. Sweetheart is heartbroken (again). The Situation frequently refers to himself as The Situation.Now in Miami ...Snookie and Angelina are soooooo bored. They sit on the back porch drinking and wearing giant sombreros. Snooki has a bit too much and bends over to spit out what appears to be tequila. The camera thankfully blurs out her suddenly exposed crotch. Later, Snooki heads inside because she wants to "cuddle" with one her (sleeping) male roommates. She eventually crawls into bed with Vinny -- and they begin making out.The next morning, Snooki awakes and high tails it out of Vinny's bed. "I hooked up with Vinny," she says. "I don't feel awkward about it, but I don't know if he will." Vinny reasons that if Snooki is going to "throw it" at him, he's going "take it." He takes comfort in the fact that no one else in the house knows -- at least for the next few seconds. Snooki, of course, can't wait to dish to Sweetheart. Classy Snooki talks in great detail about the size of Vinny's manhood. "It's like putting, like, a watermelon into a pinhole," she says. We want to throw up, but Sweetheart laughs. "I don't think it's awkward," Snooki says.Angelina, JWoww and Sweatheart then head to the beach to tan and discuss their anonymous note. The conversation is laced with expletives so it's difficult to discern exactly what is being said, but the gist is that Sweetheart is dumb for putting up with Ronnie's behavior. Back at the house, The Situation tells Sweetheart much the same thing. "He's 100-percent wrong," The Situation says of his "boy" Ronnie. "He's hooking up with whomever." Sweetheart, who had chosen to believe that Ronnie never cheated, begins to cry. "It's done," she says for the umpteenth time this season. Later that evening, Snooki decides that she wants to tell Sweetheart the truth about the letter. Naturally, Snooki and JWoww send Angelina into the house to get Sweetheart. Naturally, Sweetheart refuses to go outside. Naturally, Sweetheart's refusal INFURIATES JWoww, who barges inside and begins screaming at Sweetheart. At some point, JWoww turns her ire on Ronnie. Naturally, The Situation just laughs. "Man up and say who wrote the letter!" Ronnie yells. Sweetheart bursts into tears. "We should have never given her that letter because she obviously doesn't appreciate it," Snooki sniffs.Ronnie then pulls Sweetheart aside and tries to sweet talk her, but Sweetheart is too embarrassed to be swayed (for now). "Everybody here is shady," Sweetheart says. "You're shady." Ronnie decides to give Sweetheart her "space" for the time being. "Time will bring us back together," Ronnie tells the camera.The next evening, the entire gang heads to the club. Angelina gets cozy with a boy named Jose. "We'll see what happens," she coos. The Situation, in the meantime, spots a (fake) blonde and gives her the "you're coming with me" look. Sure enough, the pair are soon making out in the taxi en route to house. Once they arrive, however, The Situation leaves his lady in the bedroom so that he can fix himself something to eat. "I'm not ready to perform right now," he explains. "I'm like a Ferrari. I'm high maintenance." After eating, The Situation goes into the bedroom for dessert. An indeterminate time later, he explains to his lady that he has graciously called her a cab. She is to get dressed and kindly leave in the middle of the night. "That's how you get them out," The Situation tells a giggling Ronnie. And, yes, it's exactly as disgusting and degrading as it all sounds.Cut to morning. The ladies promised to make the boys dinner the previous Sunday and they're not about to go back on the pledge. Thus, the gals head to the market -- and Snooki promptly loses the shopping list of ingredients. "I have a feeling we're going to be ordering Chinese tonight," Vinny tells the camera. Back at the house, the girls start to prep the food -- except for Sweetheart. An angry JWoww calls Sweetheart a "prissy, little bitch." Yells Sweetheart: "Relax! I'm hanging out right now." Sweetheart continues to "hang out" while Snooki and JWoww slave over the stove and burners.Dinner is eventually served and The Situation is the first to congratulate the ladies on a delicious meal. Sweetheart is the only one who isn't eating. She is apparently still pouting. "Everyone enjoyed the meal except for Debbie Downer," JWoww observes. The next day, Sweetheart and Angelina go to work. Due to the rain, work is slow -- and the ladies soon begin talking (uh oh). "Tell me what you know," Sweetheart says. "Come on, you're my friend." Angelina giggles -- and more or less tells Sweetheart that Snooki and JWoww wrote the note. This is bad on many levels. A storm is coming.Back at the house, a familiar face arrives: The Situation's little sister! Vinny FLASHES BACK to the recent past when he hooked up with "The Little Situation." He is clearly nervous to see her again. The gang then heads to the club for more drinking and dancing. "I could see us sharing a bed together," Vinny says of The Little Situation. "She has nowhere to sleep and my bed is open." The Situation, meanwhile, spots another blonde -- and immediately begins to work his magic. There's only one problem: Pauly D. suspects that the lady is a MAN! "We think The Situation might have gotten himself into a situation with a tranny out here," Pauly D. tells the camera. Uh oh.Cut to The Situation looking traumatized. He swears it is the "first time" he has ever been fooled. Angelina and Pauly D., in the meantime, are caught making out in the cab. She volunteers to sleep in his bed. Generous gal. Unfortunately (or fortunately), Pauly D. is so incredibly drunk that he immediately passes out upon returning to the house.And, suddenly, the late-night situation becomes very drunkenly complicated.JWoww tells her BF on the phone about Pauly D. which apparently irks Angelina, who tells Ronnie and Sweetheart that JWoww was talking BLEEP about Pauly D. Angelina's penchant for spreading false rumors -- or at least overreacting -- hits a nerve with Vinny, who runs to JWoww to report that Angelina is talking BLEEP about her. Got it? If not, don't worry. What matters is this: a furious JWoww barges into the living room and confronts Angelina. Sweetheart jumps in and defends Angelina. The yelling and gesturing escalates -- and Sweetheart brings up the note. She says she knows that the authors were JWoww and Snooki! More yelling and taunting. Suddenly, JWoww BASHES Sweetheart in the face. Catfight! Sweetheart takes a mighty swing. Does it connect? Tune in next week ...

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The Letter

Last time on "Jersey Shore:" Ronnie...
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Last time on "Jersey Shore:" Ronnie cheated on Sweetheart. Angelina made everyone mad. The Situation referred to himself as The Situation. Repeat.Now on "Jersey Shore:" Angelina, Snooki and JWoww discuss the anonymous letter that has been written to reveal Ronnie's true feelings toward Sweetheart. They refer to the missive as the "right thing to do" before hitting the clubs. "It's gay pride week in Miami," JWoww says. "It's so exciting. We danced all night with these guys." The boys, meanwhile, are over at Klutch getting their grooves on. The Situation, in fact, is hooking up with THREE girls. "Someone's got to do it," he tells the camera.Back home, Snooki calls Emilio -- even though he admitted to cheating on her the previous episode. Amazingly, the New Jersey BF is jealous that the girls were out dancing with other men until Snooki explains that gay men don't like "vagina." Snooki then unleashes a string of tirades. "This is your second chance -- you ruined it!" she screams into the phone. Says a bleary eyed JWoww: "I'm proud of you." So are we.But we're REALLY proud of The Situation, who takes home two women and then forgets that he has invited two OTHERS back to the pad. So, now, The Situation has a situation on his hands: four women, but only one The Situation. To further complicate matters further, one of the new guests is a "hippopotamus" that must be separated from her hot friend. Like a master conductor leading a world-class orchestra, The Situation directs Vinny and Pauly D. to one room where two hot girls wait while he enters the room with one hot girl and one "grenade." Quicker than you can say "Guido," the hippopotamus/grenade has fallen asleep at the urging of The Situation, leaving a three hot girls to three Jersey guys ratio. Everyone, save for the hippo, hooks up. It's masterful work. The Situation is truly a four-star general of creepiness. The next morning, the boys say goodbye to their lady friends and head out to cruise. Before they go, however, everyone agrees that it's Angelina's turn to clean up. "I could care less," she says while talking on the phone for HOURS. When The Situation comes home with the groceries and discovers that nothing has been cleaned, he loses it. "Clean the house, you dirty mess!" The Situation says. Angelina screams back, claiming that she cleaned the bathroom. The Situation then tells her to try the treadmill. It's a low blow."They both said some things that you don't say to your roommates," Pauly D. observes. Later, the boys cook dinner and The Situation apologizes to Angelina. They hug it out. Says Angelina: "The Situation was a man in that situation." Nicely put. So the whole "family" sits down for an elaborate dinner, but Snooki is sad because of Emilio. Then Snooki makes a bold decision: "It's on like Donkey Kong -- I'm going out." Asks Ronnie: "Single Snooks?" That's right, Miami: SINGLE SNOOKS! Trouble is coming.The process of "breaking up" starts with Snooki burning pictures of Emilio in the backyard. Pauly D. adds to the purging process by spitting on the burning pictures. Classy. Later, the ladies decide that it's time to deliver their anonymous note to Sweetheart. The sneak into Sweetheart's space and stuff the note in a portable cabinet. "I'm worried that once this gets out me and Ron are done as friends," Snooki says.Ya think?The next morning, The Situation heads to work with Snooki and JWoww. Meanwhile, Sweetheart discovers the note. She immediately pulls Vinny into the bathroom to ask if the note is true. He pleads ignorant. She then pulls Pauly D. into another restroom to ask if the contents of the anonymous letter are true. "I definitely didn't see that," Pauly D. lies. Later, Vinny quietly tells Ronnie about the anonymous letter -- and the meathead immediately refers to the unknown writers as "jerk offs." Ronnie then confronts Sweetheart, who shows him the letter. Ronnie suspects Snooki or JWoww -- until he sees the word "wisely." "I know that Snooki doesn't use that kind of vocabulary," he says.Sherlock Ronnie then goes to Sweetheart and says that, yes, he got a phone number from some girl, but he immediately threw it out. He certainly did NOT hold hands with anyone else. "I'm definitely not a saint," Ronnie tells the camera. "If I walked through church right now, I'd probably burst into flames." He then asks Sweetheart to "forgive me." Sweetheart, for the time being anyway, doesn't indulge her buff BF. Ronnie, of course, is FURIOUS. Who dared write and "print out" such a letter!?Ronnie then swears that he never made out with any other girl. SMASH CUT to video of Ronnie making out with multiple ladies. "Leave me alone!" Sweetheart yells. She declares the relationship to be "done." Sweetheart then curls up in bed and weeps while Ronnie goes outside to have a cigarette. Later, Snooki and JWoww call home to see if Angelina will tell them whether Sweetheart received the letter. But Sweetheart answers -- and demands to know if Snooki and JWoww are responsible! Naturally, JWoww feigns ignorance, claiming to have no knowledge of any note. "No, dude, I didn't write any letter," she says. The phone is then passed to Snooki, who denies the deed, too.The ladies then arrive home and Sweetheart continues to ask about the authors of the letter. Again, Snooki and JWoww deny any involvement WHATSOEVER. "I definitely think I did my job as a girlfriend," JWoww tells the camera. Ronnie knows the truth, though (or suspects it anyway) and declares the sneaky twosome to be "dead to me." Sweetheart then tells Ronnie that the relationship is over. Ronnie reacts the way any mature adult male would: by fishing out his little black book and immediately calling a "hometown honey." Sweetheart confronts Ronnie and declares that she should've "cut him" long ago. It appears that their relationship is REALLY over this time.For now.

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Breaking Up

Jimmy Fallon arrives to host the...
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Jimmy Fallon arrives to host the Emmys in a tiny tiny Smart car. He's carrying his tux and runs into the Glee folk out front. They tell him they can't afford to go to the Emmys and an intro premise is born. They'll put on a fundraiser. They run into Tina Fey. She's in!They run into Kate Gosselin. Awkward pause. They tell her they've got too many people - and then go for more people. They run into Jon Hamm practicing his dance moves with his instructor - Betty White. Then Jane Lynch (Sue Sylvester from Glee) gives them a slushie in the face -- and wants in.Walk down the hall to Springsteen's "Born to Run" with Jorge Garcia (Hurley from Lost), Joel McHale and company singing. Tim Gunn arrives to put on the finishing touches.They take the stage in "Glee" red and black gear and Jimmy takes the mike doing his best Bruce. (It's not bad.) Randy Jackson joins him to jam. Hamm and Fey ham it up dancing. Big smiles from the audience.Out of breath, Jimmy starts his monologue, which quickly segues into him strumming a guitar. He's wearing tux top and jeans bottom."NBC asking the host of late night to come to Los Angeles to host a different show, what could possibly go wrong?" (Zing! Conan reference - cut to Conan, big cheers. Conan salutes.)Jimmy grabs Amy Poehler from the front row to sing.Jimmy: "The first category is comedy."Amy: "You're doing great so far...."Jimmy: "I've been drinking since three."Screens descend from the stage and we watch a montage of the nominees.Jon Hamm and Betty White are the first presenters. Hamm: "I may be only speaking for myself, but how about our sexual chemistry during that opening number?"White: "How about our sexual chemistry back in that quick change room?"(Awkward but enthusiastic randy-old-lady laughter.)The nominees for best supporting actor in a comedy series are introduced. The winner is... Eric Stonestreet from "Modern Family."He says all he wanted to be when he was a kid was a clown. (They cut to his co-star an on-screen boyfriend Jesse Tyler Ferguson in the audience and he's openly crying.) He gives a shout out to his mom in the audience and dad at home, telling them they get to keep the Emmy.John Hodgman introduces himself as our backstage color commentator.On stage, Jimmy explains the concept of having people submit intros for presenters via Twitter. The first two aren't exactly home runs. One says Jim Parsons of "The Big Bang Theory" is "bringing nerdy back" and Sofia Vergara of "Modern Family" is "beautiful."Somewhere Bruce Vlanch thinks his day job is safe.Jim introduces a bit that asks comedy writers when they first got a laugh. Christopher Lloyd and Steve Levitan of "Modern Family" do a take-off on the Old Spice commercial, on a horse. They also win."It is absolutely mind blowing to think that just two short years ago "Modern Family" was just an idea Chris and I had when we were out riding our horse...." Levitan begins. He thanks ABC and the cast and their spouses."I also want to thank our wives, without whom, well, we'd probably be dating around a lot."Stephen Colbert is up next and says hello to the ladies, and the women. He's presenting supporting actress in a comedy. He explains that he's not one of those guys who thinks gals can't be funny. Just look at John Travolta in "Hairspray," or Dustin Hoffman in "Tootsie," and don't forget Tom Hanks in "Bosom Buddies."Cut to Tom in the audience. Stephen says: "Madam, you still look lovely as ever. How do you keep your figure?" He introduces the nominees. The winner is... Jane Lynch.She thanks her parents for being so unintentionally hilarious. She raves about her ensemble and says she rarely identifies herself as anything, "I'm like a Buddhist in that way - although I'm not a Buddhist, they do seem like a very calm people," but she is an actor and feels compelled to do it. She thanks her "Lord and Creator Ryan Murphy."She throws out an "I love you" to her cast and wife.Lauren Graham and Matthew Perry are out next. (Jimmy's intro somehow involves Teddy Grahams.) They introduce guest actor and actress in a comedy series, awarded last week. Betty White won for "SNL" and Neil Patrick Harris for "Glee."On to directing in a comedy series. The winner is... Ryan Murphy for "Glee."He dedicates his award to all of his teachers, "who taught me to sing and finger paint."The "Modern Family" cast hearing pitches for how to improve their show from the new head of ABC. One involves a cross-racial adoption by Cam of Stewie from "Family Guy," Sofia Vergara in 3D, the next are worth finding on YouTube... including one that has Julie Bowen saying she was sad when a tree fell on Phil and killed him, but when his brother showed up at the funeral....pan over to the brother... George Clooney, sitting on a couch with Julie Bowen. The cast runs with the idea, cut to George with Sofia Vergara. Then with Eric and Jesse.Next up, best actor in a comedy series. The winner is... Jim Parsons from "The Big Bang Theory."He thanks his costars, director, writers and production studio.Last year's host Neil Patrick Harris takes a moment to thank the Academy for allowing a gay man to host the show two years in a row. He tells Jimmy he's doing a great job.NPH introduces the best actress in a comedy nominees. The winner is...Edie Falco for "Nurse Jackie.""This is just the most ridiculous thing that has ever happened in the history of this lovely awards show. I'm not funny!"Back to Jimmy in the audience with a guitar and a Kardashian. They introduce reality TV and some highlights.Will Arnett and Keri Russell, stars of "Running Wilde," present best reality show. But first, Will reads some prose from a piece of paper: "My Favorite Part of a Woman,' by Will Arnett. 'Oh luscious mounds...'"Keri tells him they cut that part.They introduce the nominees. And the winner is... "Top Chef"! The first time "Amazing Race" hasn't won since the category was created. Padma Lakshmi, Tom Colicchio and Gail Simmons are there with the producers.Back to Jimmy and the guitar.Jimmy: "I cry sometimes when I watch these shows."Julianna Marguiles: "I cried when they announced you as the host."Slap fight leading into the drama category. Roll clips. Cheers for 24, Lost...Jimmy introduces Mariska Hargitay and Chris Meloni: "Earlier, these stars of Law & Order: SVU teamed up to save the most special victim of all: the 10 p.m. time slot on NBC."The introduce writing for a drama series. The winner is: Matthew Weiner and Erin Levy for "Mad Men."Erin thanks her dad who was also a writer and says she also has to really thank Matt. He agrees that she does.On to best supporting actor in a drama, which includes the last shot for Losties Terry O'Quinn and Michael Emerson. The winner is: Aaron Paul from "Breaking Bad."He marvels at the size of the audience, thanks the voters, his show creator and co-star Bryan Cranston.Back to Jimmy and the Tweets, including one from @SamuelLPaxton who says presenter Nathan Fillion is "straight off the meat rack, yo."He introduces supporting actress in a drama. The winner is Archie Punjabi from "The Good Wife."She thanks everyone with the network and show in her native London accent. "To everyone who voted for me, this is just amazing for my career, thank you so very much."Edie Falco is back out to introduce best actor in a drama. The winner is... Bryan Cranston of "Breaking Bad." (A total shut out for the men of "Lost" in the acting category.) It's Cranston's third win.He tells his fellow nominees he's honored to be mentioned with them. He shouts out to his wife and daughter, "I love you more than baseball."The Emmy Show Clock shows us we're running 2 minutes over. The stars of NBC's new "Undercovers" introduce the nominees for guest actor and actress in a drama series. The winners were John Lithgow for "Dexter" and Ann-Margaret for "Law & Order: SVU."They're up to hand out the next award. (Yes, Ann-Margret still looks amazing.) They're presenting outstanding directing for a drama series. The winner is...Steve Shill for "Dexter," giving Lithgow to correct thanking HBO instead of Showtime when he won his guest Emmy.The Emmy ticker tells us George Clooney will be up in 17 minutes.And now, a musical tribute to three shows we lost this year. Jimmy sits on the stage at a pink piano in full Elton John gear and croons good-bye to "24" to the tune of "Candle in the Wind."Sample lyric: "I would like to thank you for all the torturing/ and Jack and Chloe and CTU/and the first black president."Then on to Boyz II Men's "Hard to Say Goodbye" for "Law & Order," and Green Day and "Time of Your Life" for "Lost": "The island was mythical, but in the end they died/I didn't understand it but I tried."Tina Fey and Matthew Morrison introduce best actress in a drama.Matthew: "This year's outstanding nominees for best actress in a drama all have one thing in common, they are..."He says "beautiful" as Tina says "terrifying," then corrects herself for laughs.The winner is Kyra Sedgwick. She kisses Kevin Bacon and takes the stage. It's her first Emmy. She asks Tina to hold her Emmy so she can read from her notes. She thanks TNT and the crew, the cast and quotes Kevin saying "Let's all be good to each other.'Back on the guitar in the audience.Jimmy: "The people in this category are funny and talented."Stephen Colbert: "It's an honor to get nominated, just like Jimmy Fallon did."Jimmy: "Stephen, I wasn't nominated."Stephen: "It's still an honor."Jimmy: "I wouldn't know."Stephen: "Trust me."Variety. Roll clips of Dave, Jon Stewart and a good amount of Conan, the Olympics, Haiti Telethon, etc...Joel McHale and Jeff Probst introduce writing for a variety special."Writers is good. Them makes we two look good spoken," McHale says.The Emmy goes to the 63rd Annual Tony Awards. Dave Boone thanks NPH for hosting.The ticker tells us we're 4 1/2 minutes from Ricky Gervais.Jimmy introduces him: "I used to think this next guy was a fat, rude, loudmouth Brit. But now, he's lost a bit of weight.""I'm saving the really offensive stuff for the Golden Globes," Ricky says. He riffs on the lack of alcohol and says there's no one scary here, like Mel Gibson. He stops himself, saying he's not going to have a go at him. "He's been through a lot... not as much as the Jews."Then he asks who wants a beer and has waiters bring out beers on trays for people in the front row. "The Office is in syndication, those are on me."Directing for Variety is next. Ricky says he hopes the winner is Bucky Gunts (for the Olympics) "because I didn't know you could say that on television... let's face it, we're all Bucky Gunts here..."Ricky introduces the winner: Bucky Gunts!Then, on to outstanding variety, music or comedy series, the noteworthy nominee here being "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien."And the winner is..."The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," who isn't there, but not because he's appearing on "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew," the producer tells us.The CEO of the Academy comes out to introduce the Bob Hope Humanitarian Award, going this year to George Clooney, only the fourth time it has been given. His "ER" costar Julianna Marguiles introduces him, saying he was a driving force behind "America: A Concert for Heroes," "Tsunami Aid: A Concert of Hope" and "Hope for Haiti Now."He comes out to standing ovation, over his objections. "Don't do that because then I feel like maybe I'm sick and don't know it," he says. He says Bob was a friend of his aunt Rosemary Clooney and represents the best version of celebrity. "It's important to remember how much can get done, because we live in such strange times where bad behavior sucks up all the attention in the press."He makes a plea for attention to stay on disasters even after the cameras have gone.More Jimmy with a guitar. He kneels next to Hanks.Jimmy: "The Pacific nominated for two dozen awards/ better break the news to Spielberg, you're running out of wars. Mini-series and movies!"Clips roll.January Jones and John Krasinski introduce supporting actor in a miniseries or movie. The winner is Julia Ormand for "Temple Grandin.""I got so thrilled an excited I told my mom I was 'emanated' for a 'Nomy'," she says.Claire Danes is up next to present supporting actor in a mini-series or movie. The winner is David Strathairn, who co-stared with Danes in "Temple Grandin."He raves about teachers and Temple Grandin and we see her waving in the audience.Then on to Jewel, who tells us she wrote the song "Shape of You" for a friend who passed away from cancer. It's the Memoriam segment, including Art Linkletter, Soupy Sales, Jean Simmons, Peter Graves, Robert Culp, Corey Haim, Andrew Koenig, Gary Coleman, Rue McClanahan, Captain Phil Harris, Dixie Carter, Lynn Redgrave, Lena Horne, Dennis Hopper.Maury Tierney and Blair Underwood present writing for mini-series or movie. The Emmy goes to Adam Mazer for "You Don't Know Jack."He urges people to talking about the end of life debate. "Jack Kevorkian, I'm so glad you're my friend, but I'm even more grateful you're not my physician."Then lead actress in a mini-series or movie. The winner is Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."She thanks HBO and Temple, who cheerfully stands up and waves again from the audience.Welcome the cast of "True Blood." It's apparently getting late in the show, Jimmy introduces them, saying they really "suck."But the intro bit runs with it.Stephen Moyer: "By an obscure and ancient Emmy bylaw we are now required to make at least one vampire pun while presenting the next award."Alexander Skarsgard: "Stephen, don't - this is going to be quite painful. Allow me: It is now our bloody thrill-Moyer: "Brilliant."Skarsgard: "It was worse than I thought - to present the next award for outstanding directing for a miniseries or movie."The winner is: Mick Jackson for Temple Grandin.Back to the vamps. Skarsgard thanks Ricky Gervais for the non-alcoholic beer.They introduce best actor for mini-series or movie. The winner is: Al Pacino for "You Don't Know Jack."He says it was a pleasure to know Kevorkian (who is in the audience). He thanks everyone and doesn't get played off stage because, well, he's Al Pacino.Laurence Fishburne introduces the nominees for outstanding miniseries. The winner is "The Pacific." Tom Hanks accepts and thanks HBO.The award for made-for-tv-movie goes to "Temple Grandin."The executive producer gets bear-hugged by her autistic subject mid-speech.Jimmy tells us there are two awards left. "You know the next presenter from the hit series "Magnum PI," but I know him as...my real father. Tom Selleck, everybody. Dad, come on out!"Jimmy hugs a startled Selleck to fully sell the bit. He introduces the best drama nominees. "Mad Men" wins its third in a row."So where was I?" Matt Weiner begins as he picks up his writer speech where he got cut off. He thanks the cast and AMC and wraps up quickly.Ted Danson is out to wrap things up with the nominees for best comedy series. The winner is: Modern Family. (The camera manages not to cut immediately to Tina Fey.)Steven Levitan thanks his amazing cast "who makes us forget how much we hate writing, every day." He thanks their writing staff. "Chris and I get so much credit for what is often their amazing work and I just want to say: that's Hollywood, dude."And there you have it. Jimmy wraps up, popping champagne and shouting, "After-party at Betty White's house!"

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Episode #2.3

Previously on "Jersey Shore:"...
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Previously on "Jersey Shore:" Angelina establishes herself as the villain while Ronnie and Sweetheart reconnect. What does this week hold? Time to find out, America. We open with Pauly D. recounting his difficulties with Angelina, who was drunk and extremely annoying after a night at the clubs. All the noise wakes up JWoww. "She smacked me three times in the face!" an apoplectic Pauly D. screams. Angelina denies she EVER smacked Pauly D. -- even though we just watched the replay.The next morning, Vinny, JWoww and Ronnie show up for work at the gelato shop. Enzo, the owner, shows them how to scoop ice cream and clean tables. "Enzo is very strict," says JWoww, who wears a black uniform so tight that she claims it is suffocating her "girls." Back at the house, Pauly D. and The Situation wake up and completely ignore Angelina. "I think I f$#@$%# up bad," she says. "I don't know what happened last night. I have no idea." Pauly D. accepts her apology, but says the two will go their "separate ways." Angelina is crushed, but receives no sympathy from anyone.Later, Vinny and Ronnie head out to find a barber shop. "If someone can cut a black person's hair, they can usually cut my hair," Vinny explains. "They know how to do it in the hood." Sure enough, Vinny receives an excellent haircut. All is good. The Situation, meanwhile, begins to feel sorry Angelina, who is curled up in bed. He approaches the rest of the gang, asking them to give the poor girl a break. They agree to think about it. The Situation then personally asks Angelina if she wants to go clubbing. She is touched.Later, Vinny marvels at JWoww's gravity defying breasts. "I think Albert Einstein and rewrite his laws of physics and work it around Jenni's %$#@," he tells the camera. Meanwhile, Snooki cozies up to Angelina, explaining that she was in a similar position last season (i.e. everyone hating her). The two then hug it out. Cut to Sweetheart, who explains that she is having a wonderful night out with Ronnie -- until the genius has a little too much to drink. Ronnie then begins stumbling, slurring and snapping. He tells Sweetheart to "go home" -- and, after she leaves, begins dancing with other girls.Ronnie's behavior doesn't sit well with Snooki, who confronts the bruiser. Ronnie, however, doesn't see anything wrong with having "fun with my friends." Ronnie, who outweighs Snooki by about 100 pounds, then pushes the girl. Pauly D. immediately intervenes, escorting Ronnie into a cab. Naturally, an extremely drunken Ronnie comes home and climbs into bed with Sweetheart. "Can I smoosh you, please?" he asks. Ugh. Snooki, not entirely sober herself, then calls her BF Emilio, hiccupping into the phone and eventually knocking over a table and lamp. Vinny, also drunk, finds this hilarious."Come on and lay down," Vinny tells Snooki. "I want to touch you." Uh oh. So Snooki climbs into bed with Vinny, but the two don't appear to hook up -- not yet, anyway. The next morning, Vinny is SHOCKED to discover Snooki lying next to him. "Did I bang Snooki last night?" he asks. "Did I do the unthinkable?" Naturally, The Situation teases his boy, but Vinny denies touching the Guidette. Sweetheart, in the meantime, doesn't know what to do about Ronnie and his split personality. At the gelato shop, Ronnie hugs Sweetheart, calling her his "girlfriend." Once again, she melts -- last night forgotten.Sometime later, Mike (The Situation), Vinny and Pauly D. get ready for a guy's night out by doing their hair and shaving each other's necks. "It just happens that our initials are MVP," Vinny explains. Angelina, not understanding the acronym, invites herself out with the boys. "She wants to come with us to the club and we don't want her there," Vinny says. "As soon as Angelina has her head turned, we're going to head out the door." So they do -- leaving an upset Angelina behind. A few hours later, the boys return with anonymous ladies. Everyone promptly jumps into the hot tub for some cuddling.The Situation splashes some water on his face and realizes that the women might not meet his lofty standards. "We got grenades, man!" The Situation says. "We're at the zoo!" Vinny then spots something flesh colored floating in the water. It appears to be a piece of rubber padding. "Apparently, somebody's fake boob fell out of her bra," Vinny explains. The boys being playing catch with the rubber piece. "It looks like a chicken cutlet," Pauly D. quips. The boys then unceremoniously kick the ladies out of the house.The next day, Snooki and The Situation head to the gelato shop. Business is slow, so The Situation decides to go outside and attract customers with is abs. Sure enough, she steps outside and removes his shirt. "I don't think Mike can go a day without taking his shirt off," Snooki tells the camera. Unfortunately, the ploy doesn't work. Customers stay away in droves. Later, Ronnie and Sweetheart cuddle when the former announces that he might want to go clubbing with the guys. The announcement doesn't sit well with Sweetheart, who wants to stay inside with her man. "I didn't think he'd actually go," she says. "What are his motives here?" Cut to a montage revealing Ronnie's motives: drinking and rubbing against other women. "He's a dirt bag," JWoww observes.The drama continues.

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Before the Shore

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Jersey Shore Reunion

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Thats How the Shore Goes

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One Shot

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What Happens in AC

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Boardwalk Blowups

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Just Another Day at the Shore

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Fade to Black

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Good Riddance

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The Tanned Triangle

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