My Boys

My Men

Sometimes it takes certain events in...
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Sometimes it takes certain events in your life to remind you to get your priorities straight.P.J. (Jordana Spiro) will have to get started with that soon, as Jack Briscoe decided to retire from the Sun-Times, which means P.J. could have his front-page (which is on the back page) column. Mike has to plan a birthday party for Marcia (Rachael Harris).MARCIA: I'm excited for you to meet my friends. They don't drink as much as you, but then who does.Mike (Jamie Kaler) wants to have the party at Crowley's, except Crowley is selling the building and shutting down the bar. He wanted to burn it down for the insurance, but his parents lived upstairs. Although they decide they can have the party at Andy's, since he'll never find out, they still don't know what to do about Crowley's. But that's the second piece of good news Stephanie (Kellee Stewart) got, the first being she is going to London for three months to be on a panel talk show for the BBC. (I refuse to describe it, and you'll thank me later.) Kenny (Michael Bunin) doesn't really want to go, but Stephanie doesn't want him messing with the relationship, especially since he apparently also doesn't like having phone sex. Which Mike can't picture, even though he's pictured them having sex-sex. Which he has done with P.J. and Bobby (Kyle Howard), and how he has a girlfriend is beyond me. But P.J. has to go and get some sleep before her breakfast meeting with Jack Briscoe. Although she and Bobby won't go right to sleep...STEPHANIE: [disgusted] Oh, now I'm picturing it!At the breakfast meeting, Jack tells her that she's not doing enough to get his column. She has to do more tweeting and blogging...and other verbs that didn't exist five years ago. She has to be everywhere all of the time.P.J.: I guess I'll need three more ex-wives and a lot more Hawaiian shirts if I want to be the next Jack Briscoe.JACK: Don't leave the second one. I really liked Bridget.Mike comes to the poker game with assignments for everybody for the party. Stephanie gets the wine, Bobby gets paper products, Kenny gets the meat (he knows a guy), and Brando handles the music. P.J. has to deal with the cake, but she's busier trying to be everywhere at once and not even playing poker. They don't like bloggy P.J. (their word, definitely not mine), and Brando can't even get her to talk to him about something serious. But they made a dinner appointment to discuss it.Crowley's is getting worse since he isn't stocking the good beer, and Stephanie went to get the paper plates, forgetting she had the wine. Brando (Reid Scott) suggests Mike needs a party planner, and Mike nominates organizer-extraordinare Kenny to do it...under his protests. P.J. arrives after spending the day in South Bend, Evanston, Mount Carmel (presumably the high school, the town is in southern Illinois), then to Wrigley. However, Jack Briscoe still finds her at Crowley's and is not happy. But he offers to take P.J. to Boston with him for the series with the Red Sox to introduce her around. She wants to decline, but Briscoe insists she has to miss birthdays (and births for that matter). She begrudgingly agrees to go and to miss Mike's birthday.As the gang make origami ducks (cranes, or swans, or penguins, whatevs), P.J. comes in and has to blow off every single thing, such as planning the party, getting the cake, and meeting with Brando. She has to pack for Boston. Nobody wants her to do it, but she needs to get the job. Stephanie and Bobby warn her that Jack Briscoe never really had a life and it was only a job. P.J. insists she won't forget how important her friends are. She proves it by asking Bobby to tell Mike she can't make his party. Stephanie takes off before she has to deal anymore with Kenny refusing to go to London.P.J. falls asleep at the computer...and we have a dream sequence. At The Angry Badger, P.J. sees Mike and Marcia with five kids, Bobby is on the Supreme Court and married Jessica Biel, and P.J. had a triple-bypass and is wearing Jack's clothes. And there's a creepy laugh from everybody.At Andy's, Brando is congratulated for getting all of the food and beer, even though Bobby got it. And everybody goes nuts when Bobby forgot to tell them P.J. wasn't coming to the party. But she arrives after telling Jack she doesn't want his job, as her friends are far more important. Mike proposes a toast outside...because he proposed to Marcia and she said yes. Actually, they decide to get married right then and there. Before the minister from the Universal Life Church (must be one of those Internet things) pronounces them husband and wife, they come clean with each other. Mike used to smoke for ten years, Marcia was married to a Vegas blackjack dealer for two months, Mike may or may not have a daughter in Denmark, her family has a history of depression, Mike sometimes wears biking shorts to suck everything in, and she has a ferret somewhere. But they got that out of the way and got married. And there was cake! A Yoda cake from Dominick's. It was that or a bad Spongebob cake.P.J. lost the job, but she is more sorry for blowing off everybody. Bobby was forgiving, Brando figured out what he needed to do, and Mike obviously grew up and surprised everybody by being the first to marry. And Mike getting married prompts Kenny to join Stephanie in London. They love these decisions, so Brando decides to have everybody go celebrate...at his new bar: Crowley's. (not sure how he got the money, but OK)Sometimes it takes getting your priorities straight for you to appreciate what you have.

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Extreme Mike-Over

Home is a place wehre you feel safe...
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Home is a place wehre you feel safe and comfortable. Provided there isn't a stranger sitting in it.Everybody heads to their favorite hangout, except Crowley's has been taken over by the DePaul crowd. (or the North Central crowd, or the Columbia College crowd, or the UIC crowd, they really don't specify) And they can't believe it. ("Hey, you kids! Get your damn drinks off my shufflepuck table!") You'd think Crowley would have sympathy for his regulars, but he doesn't. They find a table in the corner, where Bobby (Kyle Howard) keeps getting hit by the door to the kitchen. Thankfully Mike (Jamie Kaler) takes the chair for him. But Crowley decides he'd rather take the college students' seven dollars for PBR than worry about being Yelp'd as "Most Authentic Neighborhood Bar." (Bulls***! It wouldn't make the cut. I'm from Chicago.) P.J. (Jordana Spiro) complains that the college kids are annoying and messy...just like they were when they first frequented the bar, according to Crowley. Marcia (Rachael Harris) stops in and is sympathetic to the gang's plight. She suggested bringing everybody to Mike's place...which is still Andy's place.P.J.: You've got to tell Marcia the truth! It is the weirdest lie ever!BRENDAN: Weirder than 'I won a car on The Price is Right'?KENNY: It was a car? You told me it was a boat.MIKE: It was a camper.P.J.: IT WAS A LIE!Mike is embarrassed to bring Marcia to his apartment because his place is a dump, hence the lie about Andy's house. P.J. offers to bring Stephanie (Kellee Stewart) to spruce up his apartment. They exit the bar when they find out there's a line outside.BRENDAN (Reid Scott): I have to get out of here, or I will literally burst into flames.KENNY (Michael Bunin): Don't do that. The flames will ignite all the Axe Body Spray and this place will go up like a dry Christmas tree.At the weekly poker game, they decide to look for a new bar before they start turning on each other. But it could be hard to find a bar in the town with the most bars in it in the world. Everybody will go to three different bars to study them to see if they're quiet enough to talk to your friends, have a TV when you want to stop talking to your friends, and where the douche factor is at a minimum, which rules out Brando's club.At Mike's, there is actually more furniture than there was before (a second end table). The bathroom screams male, but at least it has one of those frosted shower doors. ("No it doesn't!") He's using a tennis ball can to keep his Chinese takeout fresh, and his dustpan is a piece of cardboard.STEPHANIE: There are companies that clean up after murders. Call them. See who they use when there's a situation they can't handle.However, Mike insists he can clean the place himself. He'll do as well as Bobby, Brando, and Kenny do at the first bar, which they call the 'creepy old lady with her pants off bar'. A bar called the Salty Dog was a gay bar...and the guys weren't cute enough to be admitted. Stephanie finds a new bar in her neighborhood: The Angry Badger.Back at Mike's, P.J. and Stephanie are actually impressed he cleaned it. It's a good start. ("A good start?") The next step is to make it more Marciatized, such as an actual desk for his computer, furniture, an actual bed, plates, cups, and matching towels. The ladies offer to take him to Crate & Barrel to get everything.MIKE: No, if I'm going to be worthy of Marcia, then I have to do this myself. You said my place was supposed to be an expression of my tastes and personality.P.J.: (humbled) I did say that.STEPHANIE: Why did you say that?At The Angry Badger, they're as snobby about their beer as Stephanie is in general. (this is not a dig at Ms. Stewart's acting, I promise) Kenny hears about the Trap Ale, which has a higher alcohol content (DONE!) than the other 400 beers. However, the Ale looks more like a stout and tastes like lawn, chocolate, and monk sandals. Naturally, Stephanie loves the place, but everybody else, particularly her boyfriend, hates it. And apparently their inside voices are still too loud for the baby in the bar. And even Stephanie puts the lady in her place. Looking at the mid-40s/early-50s crowd in the bar (I'm going to cry), they are upset that this is what they've been reduced to. They decide they're going to take Crowley's back!P.J.: I'm not ready to be old and boring! Our home by has been infested by little ants! And it's time we stomp them out!BOBBY: I'm so attracted to you right now.P.J.: No time, Bobby! We have to stomp the ants!They invade the bar. Mike takes out one with an airhorn. Stephanie takes a few more out (under protest) by sending ladies through the bar that sell flowers...and not the hot ones in miniskirts nightclubs have. Bobby announces Open Mike night on Mondays...and Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays. And Mike takes the stage to tell bad jokes. (Love the irony, given Jamie Kaler is a stand-up comedian.) Kenny's 'My Girl is a Pineapple' on the ukelele takes a few more out, and Brando playing some speed metal almost takes the gang out as well. It works. The bar is empty again and they get their table back. Mike has to leave and show Marcia the apartment because there's an Open House at Andy's. Mike and Marcia (and did anybody else just get a creepy Brady Bunch vibe right then?) go to his apartment, and Marcia is already afraid of the two-week truth reveal. But Mike isn't about to borrow $10,000, get his wife from prison, or take a frozen head out of the freezer. Marcia is freaking a bit because Mike admitting this was the mildest lie she's ever heard. They go in the apartment...and Mike has to call for backup from the gang. But Mike merely wanted to show them his tastefully-decorated apartment. It has nice furniture, but the sports posters and beer stayed. P.J. and the gang love it, as does Marcia. She likes it better than Andy's place, which made her feel like a mean old man was haunting it. The gang agrees.

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Puss 'N' Glutes

One thing I've learned is that you...
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One thing I've learned is that you can't make assumptions about people, because sometimes they surprise you.As Andy waits for a pet visa for his cat, Peaches, P.J. (Jordana Spiro) is forced to take care of her. That is, if Peaches will P.J. near her. But then, maybe Brendan (Reid Scott) can talk to Peaches since he is actually a dolphin...or so his now-ex girlfriend says he was in a previous life. She doesn't want to date him anymore, but they can always go swimming in Lake Michigan if he wants.P.J.: Don't dolphins live in salt water?BRANDO: Yeah, that's the problem.Kenny (Michael Bunin) and Bobby (Kyle Howard) lament not having jobs, although Bobby at least has law school classes to look forward to. And somehow a conversation about how ripped LL Cool J is on NCIS: Los Angeles encourages them to start working out. That, and the fact that P.J. wants Bobby to take care of Peaches since he's home during the day. Mike (Jamie Kaler) came in and was annoyed with the gang for not talking to him while he was very sick last week. It turns out they did, and he told them to stop calling. However, the concept of dying alone scares him, so he is now ready for a real relationship. Although Brando thinks the only time you'll see a woman when you're dying is when she's putting the knife through your heart.P.J.: There are smart, attractive, non-crazy women EVERYWHERE. Somehow you two only manage to see the semi-drunk ones stumbling around on stripper heels.Mike and Brando finally cave and want P.J. to set them up, since she can see the quality women just like the kid in The Sixth Sense can see dead people. ("You're equating quality women to dead people?") However, P.J. agrees to help Mike, and Stephanie (Kellee Stewart) decides she'll help Brendan, since P.J. has tried so many times with him without success. Mike simply has to complete house duties at Andy's house for P.J., such as pick up the mail and adjust the thermostats.MIKE: It's a small price to pay for you to keep me from dying.BOBBY: You need a vampire for that.BRENDAN: Ugh. Dated, like, three of those.It turns out house-sitting Andy's place isn't a bad gig, based on the insanely cool remote control and the LED TV Mike can watch. Not to mention the new neighbor, Marcia (Rachael Harris). She introduced herself and wondered if it was Mike's dog barking the previous night. They strike up a conversation, and Marcia is very interested.MIKE: Well, I gotta get some sleep. I'm getting up early to meet women. Bye.At a farmer's market on a Sunday morning, which meant Mike and Brando were already out of their element, they were shown many quality women by P.J. and Stephanie. Fortunately, the ladies have the power of veto, so Brando can't talk to the hippie guitar player and singer who is a "lover of things," and Mike can't hit on the pancake floozy. As Bobby and Kenny convert the second bedroom at P.J.'s into a workout room...and Kenny drops dead of a heart attack from Bobby's intense regiment, Mike settles down with a mac-and-cheese microwave dinner and actually turns down the offer from Marcia to have some Thai food at the restaurant down the block. (It did have blue applesauce.)Mike and Brendan try a bookstore next. Mike correctly avoided the woman who was reading "Why Men Marry Bitches," and finds P.J.'s friend, Audrey.MIKE: You're totally manipulating me!P.J.: Dude, you asked me to manipulate you.MIKE: Ah, you're right.In spite of being manipulated, Mike is successful in picking up Audrey. Brando and Stephanie have equal luck at the espresso bar, as Brendan carefully avoids the girl with the nose piercing and neck tattoo and goes right for the woman who is reading Time magazine. Brando doesn't understand why Stephanie wants him to leave without the sane woman, and she reminds him of the knife through the heart.The gang gathered at Crowley's for a few hops smoothies (AKA beers), and Mike felt proud he actually met a woman who remembered 1984. Actually, she was around then, too, which was an improvement over Mike's typical dates. Brendan had equal success with Megan. And P.J. invited everybody to listen to jazz at a museum. Not the one with a subway in it, either. Mike doesn't want to do it, naturally. However, P.J. insisted a connection was made and he has to follow through on it.Bobby is ready for another workout (and apparently the producers think Kyle Howard in a muscle shirt is eye candy to the ladies, but then we had Jordana in a bra 2 weeks ago, so the guys can't really complain), but Kenny can barely walk. This doesn't slow down Bobby one bit, and he gets meaner and meaner to Kenny. But it turns out that happens to Bobby when he works out. His fat turns to intensity, while Kenny's turns to pain. They give up the gym, although Bobby doubts Kenny can get back his money from the YMCA for the medicine ball.Mike invited Marcia over to apologize for the sprinklers by giving her a pot of azaleas, although they were actually marigolds. At least that's what the card said. Marcia compliments his attire, which Mike promptly shoots down by telling her he's going on a date. She's not happy, but he's less happy that he has to go listen to jazz. On the date she's having, they're going to play floor hockey and drink beer. That decides it for Mike, and he sends Bobby a text to cancel it.At Crowley's, Brendan is done with Megan, and her cats did not like it. Cats, as in 40 of them, which would explain how Peaches liked her. But Brando didn't want to be mixed up with crazy cat lady, and he's more mad with Stephanie because she wouldn't let him sleep with Megan and discover this sooner. Or at least before Megan sicced all of her cats on him. ("At least the Brando way means that I find out quick. Getting to know somebody only leads to awkward conversations and tears that are licked away by little rough tongues.") P.J. is about to give Mike the same treatment for blowing off Audrey, but Marcia comes by and apologizes for stealing Mike from them. Everybody is surprised...and impressed...by Mike dating an actual woman.MIKE: P.J., I have to thank you. I don't think I would have noticed Marcia without you. And for the first time, I feel like I'm not going to decompose on the kitchen floor.P.J.: That is the most weirdly romantic thing I've ever heard you say.Of course, now Mike will have to explain being in Andy's house.

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Hanger Management

Sometimes when a friend starts a new...
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Sometimes when a friend starts a new chapter in their life, there is a domino effect.This is quite true, as Kenny (Michael Bunin) discovered that he has mad organizational skills and organized Stephanie's (Kellee Stewart) closet, helping her find some nice items. And she appreciated it, like people appreciate unusual pleasures, such as eggs for dinner, diving into a perfectly-still pool, and a warm toilet seat. Yes, that was Mike.(Jamie Kaler)Since nobody wants to contemplate Mike enjoying a warm toilet seat, ("Ah, a stranger was just here and I can still feel their butt heat.") Kenny is thinking of doing closet organizing professionally and offers to organize P.J.'s (Jordana Spiro) closet in exchange for "before" and "after" pictures. He'll start online, although he doesn't need to buy Mike's "faxyourballs.com" domain name.P.J.: How did we go from heated butts to faxing your balls"?KENNY: It's not that far. It's, like, a diagonal crosswalk.Thankfully, Brendan (Reid Scott) relieves them of this conversation by announcing he found a loft near the club and plans to move out of P.J.'s apartment. P.J. is excited, but Mike already thinks it won't happen. Apparently, Brendan's promised to move out before and never did it.P.J.: You know, I really believe you're going to do it this time.KENNY: And I really believe the Cubs are going to do it this year.It's a contest to see which is more likely: Brando moving out or Bobby going into medical school. He thought a career change would be good since the Chicago Tribune is downsizing (just like they have for 40 years). Everyody takes off, leaving poor Mike to watch the World Cup alone. (Apparently the producers thought the episode would run two months ago. So did the fans.) He begs and pleads for Stephanie to stay, but she won't do it...until she sees a hot soccer player up close on the TV. Finding out the players take their shirts off after the game and exchange them turns her into an addict.Bobby (Kyle Howard) and P.J. meet a friend of hers who is a doctor. Despite having good MCAT scores, she could only get into med school in Alaska and Grenada. She advised Bobby to take a vacation first before the 8 years of schooling and say goodbye to his friends. So much for med school.Brando is not doing well with the packing because he finds lots of little mementos, just like most people do when they pack. He laughed off P.J.'s suggestion of having Kenny help him and went back to playing with his Jesus action figure. Kenny manages to tick off P.J. in the first minute by throwing all of her clothes on her bed and telling her to get rid of them. She doesn't want to, not even the blouse that makes her look like she was with Earth, Wind, and Fire. Kenny wants to unpack Bobby's stuff, but P.J. tells him to leave his stuff in the boxes. Bobby looking for places to go to school has P.J. shaken because he might go far away for it. But she can look on the bright side: she can still be up at 5 in the morning to watch the World Cup with Mike and Stephanie.Bobby decided to visit an old professor of his to get advice on becoming a teacher. Guess what the advice is? You don't need to stand up in front of a class to know that teaching is a tough business. (and he was talking about teaching college...NOT high school) They arrive back at the apartment to find Brando not doing any packing, although his old Walkman works great. And Brando will agree with anything you say when he has Soundgarden playing at full blast.P.J. is impressed by the job Kenny did with her closet. Although finding her Crocs and bad Christmas sweater in the garbage wasn't a good thing. She still refuses to take Bobby's stuff out of its boxes. However, she is more and more worried about Bobby going away to school. Sure enough, Bobby had a good talk with a friend of his about becoming a lawyer, and Bobby is heading to law school. On the good side, Stephanie was FINALLY able to hold her own in a conversation about sports.Everybody returns to P.J.'s apartment to open up the bottle of champagne they won't need for Brando's move out of the apartment...except Brando DID move out of the apartment. Kenny loaned him Bobby's boxes and put Bobby's stuff in a pile in P.J.'s bedroom. She freaks out about Bobby's having his stuff unpacked in her place...right in front of Bobby. And the conversation gets awkward. She tries to defend herself by saying she's being a good girlfriend by not forcing him into a decision. She didn't want him to feel trapped, but he never had any intention of going away to school in the first place. He choose law school so he could stay in Chicago and stay with P.J. She panicked for nothing. Although now she can panic that Kenny actually did move Bobby's stuff into her closet, minus the new terry cloth shorts he bought.When friends start new chapters in their lives, sometimes it inspires you to take a look at your own life. And before you know it, you find yourself starting your own new chapter.Everybody goes to check out Brando's new pad, proud that he actually hired movers. Except for Stephanie and Mike, who want to watch South Korea and Argentina.MIKE: Let's take our shirts off, just like they do on TV.

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The NTO

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Mike-Fest

As the episode title would imply,...
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As the episode title would imply, Mike (Jamie Kaler) wants a party thrown for his 35th birthday. And he has plenty of ideas for his own surprise party. Which obviously doesn't make it a surprise, but this is Mike, after all. Rejected ideas include: party buses, paintball, Six Flags, Whirly-Ball, Beer Pong, Go Karts, Dodgeball, and Pottery Class. All of those sound like fun unless you put the word "drunken" in front of each...like Mike did. Stephanie (Kellee Stewart) has good news: a Hollywood producer is interested in turning her book "You're a Great Guy, But..." into a movie, and she wants Kenny (Michael Bunin) to come with her to the lunch meeting. Everybody is excited, and Bobby (Kyle Howard) even offers to buy Stephanie her drink, only his credit card was rejected.Stephanie and Kenny meet with meet with the producer, who tells Stephanie that the title of the book (emphasis on title) has that cute, quirky, urban sensibility and it's totally slammin'. (Dude, seriously, be more white.) He wants to make it into a franchise (You're a Great Girl, But..., You're a Great Mayor, But..., You're a Great Vampire, But...), and Kenny is tempted to call BS on it, especially given how Josh didn't even get the concept of the book itself. Of course Stephanie loved it, only because Josh's lips were surgically attached to her ass the entire time.At the poker game, Mike has it boiled down to Six Flags, Whirly-Ball, Twin Anchors for dinner (awesome ribs, BTW), followed by a pub crawl through both Lincoln Park and Lakeview. (Trust me, nobody can get to every bar in Lincoln Park and Lakeview in a lifetime, much less one night.) P.J. (Jordana Spiro) and the gang agree to the pub crawl starting at 8 PM instead of Mike's suggestion of 11 PM. Brendan (Reid Scott) has to bail, however. A waitress from the club with a panther tattoo down the right side of her body wants him to take her to a concert. Stephanie is also having another meeting with Josh about her movie deal. Mike excuses Stephanie but not Brando. Granted, it's a tattoo over the ENTIRE right side of her body, but that isn't good enough. Brando wants to know why Mike's 35th birthday is so important. And Mike tells him it's actually the 5th anniversary of his 35th birthday. Mike is the old man of the group by 4.25 years, according to Kenny.P.J. You can't play Whirly-Ball on your 40th birthday! You'll die!Bobby found out why his credit card was rejected. His father invested all of their money with their uncle, Marvin Fischer. Which is Chicago-speak for Bernie Madoff. The entire Newman family fortune is gone.The night of the party arrives, and Mike is ready for the 24-bar (4-bar) pub crawl. Even Brando shows up, since he'll meet the woman later on. Stephanie meets with Josh, who spent most of the night worrying about his current movie. Stephanie pitches Zoe Saldana for the lead, since she was in Guess Who (as was Kellee) and Avatar, but Josh was thinking Sandra Bullock.JOSH: It's more of "you're a great guy, but...I'm too crazy to see it, until it's too late. And I get a job as a caterer, and I go and cater your wedding.Stephanie tells him the book was about women getting out of toxic relationships and he says he's making a frothy romantic comedy, not a Hilary Swank film. Kenny was right: the guy was a tool bag and never read the book. The meeting ends soon after.After two bars on the pub crawl, Brando bails and everybody else rushes to Bobby's apartment before they seize all of his possessions. Bobby looks around as Kenny and P.J. pack stuff. (Mike wants the painting of Bobby's grandfather for some reason.) Bobby can't wrap his head around the enormity of losing everything. Two cops arrive. Two rather attractive female cops. And Mike thinks this was all a setup for him. He starts acting all Mike to the cops, and he receives the business end of a taser gun.The gang takes a taxi back to Crowley's to get Bobby more than a few drinks. And the surprise party finally happens. Mike is thrilled, and even Stephanie and Brando join them. Brando's date was sleeping with one of the members of the band and just wanted someone to take her to the concert. In other words, he got stood up. Stephanie is mad at Kenny for being right about Josh, but Kenny was genuinely sorry for what happened. Josh apparently went ballistic when Stephanie turned him down.STEPHANIE: And then 'The Josh' called me "girlfriend."KENNY: I wouldn't call you that, and you are my girlfriend.Everybody toasts Mike on his birthday. And P.J. tells Bobby to look on the bright side: at least he isn't 40.P.J.: It's good to have close friends to share life's surprises with. Because no matter how much you prepare for them or even ask for them, they still sneak up on you.Mike cashes out his bar tab and gets his license back from the bartender, which indicates he was born in 1967. (He's actually 43.)

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Gourmets and Confused

"There are times when it's so...
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"There are times when it's so convenient your friends became a couple."P.J. (Jordana Spiro) and Stephanie (Kellee Stewart) talk to each other about Vince and Fig. Everybody else needs it translated, at least before Mike (Jamie Kaler) just shouts out random words. Vince was the runner-up in Top Chef (presumably the Chicago edition) and opened up a restaurant called Fig. In spite of a three-month waiting list, Stephanie was able to get a reservation for P.J., Bobby (Kyle Howard), and Kenny (Michael Bunin). And this offends Mike to no end. They offer to up the reservation to six, but Brendan (Reid Scott) has the night off and wants to veg, and Mike feels too insulted to fifth-wheel on a couples' night. Mike would rather blow off steam with Brando, although Brando couldn't care less one way or the other.Clearly Fig is a fancy place, as their 8PM reservations won't be ready for at least 20 minutes, and the maitre'd suggests sitting at the bar without even looking at them. (obviously a holdover from Chez Quis in Ferris Bueller.) Except even the bar needed reservations. Kenny tries the Goodfellas move with the maitre'd, and managed to reduce it to 20 minutes.Brando and Mike meet for dinner and Wii, but Mike is still insulted by not being invited. Brando is taking it all in stride, mainly because of the "big boy" brownies he made. They contain a fine herbal aroma. (Beats brownies made with Ex-Lax, right?)As 9PM (at least) rolled around, the two couples still didn't have menus or drinks. P.J. sees their martinis at the bar and wants to go over to get them. However, Bobby advises against it as he worked at a restaurant in college (yes, you read that right...rich boy busted tables), and he didn't want their table to be the "angry" table which got crap service the whole night. He suggested waiting a bit longer until another table did it. P.J. and Kenny veto that proposal and go for the drinks, only to be drink-blocked by that jackass maitre'd.BOBBY: And now we're that table.Mike has figured out a way to get revenge, and it didn't involve game systems or pot-laced brownies. He wanted to beat the dinner guests at their own game. He suggested to Brendan to go out to a fancy place and wear suits.MIKE: You know what men in suits do? They meet women in skirts.BRENDAN: Oooh, I like skirts.The dinner continues to go badly, and Kenny is going to tell off the maitre'd. Stephanie doesn't want him to make a scene. Kenny promises not to make a scene. He goes and threatens to leave. The maitre'd lets them go, and they clear the table. ("Wow, now they're quick?")As Mike and Brando successfully manage to get into a fancy bar without Mike being thrown out (again), P.J., Bobby, Kenny, and Stephanie come home very upset. P.J. orders a pizza, and Kenny and Stephanie dig into the brownies.STEPHANIE: P.J., these brownies you made are really good.P.J.: I didn't make those.BOBBY: Maybe Brando made them.P.J.: (laughing) Brando doesn't bake, he... (stops laughing) uh-oh. There's only one kind of brownie that Brando makes.BOBBY: Well, now. It looks like tonight might be special after all!P.J.'s worried, but Bobby decides either to let Stephanie and Kenny be on their own, or P.J. can order boatloads of munchies and they can take the ride together.Mike and Brando are enjoying themselves to the fullest drinking Dalmore Scotch and not talking about sports. It goes even better when they discover they're being checked out by two women about ten steps above Crowley's level. Brando's idea? Show the ties. It works! They have some pleasant conversations, and the women are glad they found actual men in Chicago instead of the boys they get in Dallas. They close the bar, and the ladies would like to continue in a real Chicago bar. And they head for Crowley's.In the land of Purple Haze, Stephanie and P.J. are duking it out with Wii Boxing, Bobby compiles a list of the top 5 greatest inventions (he has 6), the girls play cheerleader as the guys play paper football, Kenny is noshing on crackers and jam, and Stephanie enjoys Oven Mitt Theatre. An hour of searching for boots online later, they head to Crowley's for fresh air.Mike and Brando make it to Crowley's and are impressing their dates. And Brando tells them they know the people coming in the bar...which was a mistake. They try to have a conversation with the stoned foursome, but to no avail. Kenny stealing a drink from the table prompts the ladies to go to the bathroom.MIKE: What is wrong with you guys! You are acting like idiots!BOBBY: Uh-oh, it's angry Michael.Brando is upset, but it was partially his fault for making the brownies. The four promise to pull it together and not mess with Brendan and Michael (and Kenny promises not to eat a stick of butter), but the ladies don't want to stay. They leave...and want Michael and Brando to come with them. They breathe a sigh of relief for not ruining the night for Mike and Brando, and they head to an all-night diner for some real food. And crayons."There are upsides to growing up being in a relationship, and there are upsides to being single and carefree. When you're single, you never quite know where the night is going to take you, and that can be fun. Being in a mature relationship means that no matter what happens, that other person is going to be there for you, which is nice. Tonight, I guess we got a little bit of both worlds."

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Spring Training

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Friends of Friends

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Facebook the Past

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Madder of Degrees

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Carpe Burritoem

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Decathlon: Part Deux

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The Boyfriend Hat

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John, Cougar, Newman Camp

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Jack and Bobby

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Opportunity Knocks

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Dudes Being Dudes

PJ is miffed at not being invited to...
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PJ is miffed at not being invited to Bobby's bachelor party, but meeting Bobby's brother, Jack, changes that. Stephanie has become very popular with her book, but not with everybody. Andy and Jo meet up at a nightclub. Brendan meets someone who is opening a nightclub.

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Take My Work Wife... Please

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Spit Take

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The Shirt Contest

The boys decide to have a...
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The boys decide to have a shirt-making contest, a la Project Runway, where they spend $20 each and compete for a month of free drinks. Brendan gets a shock when he is fired from the radio station, but he is in for an even bigger shock at his first job interview. P.J. has been asked to co-write a book about a pitcher from the New York Mets, but she has far more interest in the book than he does.

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Dinner Party

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Rome, If You Want To

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110 Percent Solution

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The Estates of Hoffman

Andy invites the whole gang to his...
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Andy invites the whole gang to his new suburban home, with his and PJ's parents Frank and Elieen. Only then he realizes he practically recreated the parental home he wanted so long to leave behind. Bobby nearly couldn't make it and gets lost trying to drive from one Chicago suburb to another. The other boys are disappointed it's a couples only barbecue, or almost.

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Douchebag in the City

The gang confronts Brendan on his...
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The gang confronts Brendan on his change of attitude. P.J.'s old friend, Lyssa comes in from New York, bringing her vapid entourage with her. Stephanie is becoming attracted to her debt counselor, and Andy tries to avoid his overly-friendly neighbor.

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Second Chances

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Dirty Little Secrets

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Ethics

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Off Day

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The Promise of a New Season

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Baseball Myths

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Released

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When Heroes Fall from Grace

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Take One for the Team

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Managers

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Superstar Treatment

The gang tries to determine if Mike's...
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The gang tries to determine if Mike's new girlfriend gives them the wrong vibes because they actually feel there's something actually wrong with her or the fact that she's so good looking. Meanwhile, the Cubs get a hot shot superstar from San Diego that has an attitude that no one can stand.

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Free Agent

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Clubhouse Poison

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The Show

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The Slump

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Team Chemistry

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Mixed Signals

When Bobby brings back a souvenir...
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When Bobby brings back a souvenir from Houston for PJ, she's not sure what's happening between them, so she decides to keep it purely professional between the two of them, but those feelings change when she's with the gang one night and Bobby introduces them to someone PJ would consider "the perfect girl."

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