Cheers

20 May 1993

Woody embarks on his new life as City...
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Woody embarks on his new life as City Councillor. Norm embarks on his new life as civil servant as Woody pulled some strings to get Norm an accounting job at City Hall. And Rebecca and Sam embark on their new relationships, but must first go through some turmoil. Don asks Rebecca to marry him, and although she has every intention of saying yes, her regular "I've got to marry a rich man" impulse makes her say no. Both she and Don are devastated. Sam is still feeling depressed about his life and continues to go to group therapy. What's worse in his state of mind, he sees Diane on television winning an ACE Cable Award; he makes the decision to get in touch with her. He invites her and her husband to stop by the bar on their next visit to Boston. He tells her that he is happily married only because he knows she is lying about being married herself. Sam, thinking that Diane will never show, is surprised when she does come back to Cheers with her husband Reed in tow. Sam, needing to dig up a wife, enlists the aid of a depressed and disheveled Rebecca. While the foursome lunch at Melville's, Don comes back for Rebecca, who can now say yes to his marriage proposal, and Reed's gay partner Kevin comes to retrieve Reed, leaving Diane and Sam alone in aftermath of their lies discovered. They both discover that their individual lives are in shambles and quickly decide that they belong together, should get married and live in California. They get no support from the gang at the bar, especially in Sam's decision to desert Cheers. When Sam and Diane are on the plane ready to take off to California, little voices tell each of them that perhaps this is not the right move. They may be doing this solely not to end up alone. So Diane goes back to California alone, and Sam goes back to the bar, where the gang helps him commiserate over a box of Cuban cigars. At the end of the evening, Norm sums up why Sam didn't go: "You can never be unfaithful to your one true love". Cheers.
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13 May 1993

Don Santry walks into the bar and...
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Don Santry walks into the bar and into Rebecca's life. He's the repairman called into fix the bar tap. Although Don is not Rebecca's usual type, Frasier talks her into taking a chance when she states that someone like a Don is what she should be going after. Quickly, she falls head over heals, but Sam thinks she's settling for second best. He wants Rebecca to be his fall-back if in a couple of years he has not found "Mrs. Malone". Rebecca shoots back that he is an aging Lothario way past his prime. Frasier suggests to Sam, who is hurt by Rebecca's comments, that perhaps there is some truth to Rebecca's assertion about him and that he would benefit by group therapy for sexual compulsives. Sam does go to the meeting, and after a rough start, he does admit that perhaps he is no longer happy with his life.
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06 May 1993

Rebecca is having her rich man...
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Rebecca is having her rich man obsession again, the object of her affection being Mr. Gaines. Although she has never really had any interest in him before, their shared knowledge of classical music - for her, it's more of a loathing due to her forced classical music upbringing - brings them together. He invites her over to his house for an evening a classical music; she construes this date as the start of their love, while he thinks it's Rebecca working as a classical music loving bartender for the evening. When Sam clears the misunderstanding with Mr. Gaines, it's too late: Rebecca is drunk. Mr. Gaines invites her to listen to the music as her date but her drunken behavior gets her thrown out from the Gaines mansion. Later at the bar, a sober Rebecca is ashamed not only about her drunkenness, but her running after rich men solely for their money. She swears never to run after rich men again. Just then, Mr. Gaines comes by the bar, apologizes for the situation since he realizes that it was the result of his actions. He asks Rebecca out on a date, and she, true to her word, declines. However it will take the might of many men from stopping her from running after Mr. Gaines. Meanwhile, Cliff and Ma Clavin are feuding. By Cliff's words, the tone of his voice, his actions and absence of any trace of Ma when Carla, Norm and Paul break into his apartment, the threesome are convinced that he has murdered her. In actuality, he has placed her in a retirement home and is having remorse about it. He finally decides to get Ma out of the home. When he arrives there, he finds that Ma is having the time of her life. He also finds that her insurance won't cover the entire cost of her stay, so Cliff drags Ma out of there kicking and screaming.
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29 April 1993

Because of Woody's election win, Sam...
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Because of Woody's election win, Sam needs another bartender, a job he gives to Carla. To celebrate, Carla, whips up a batch of one of her powerhouse drinks for the guys. The day after, everyone has a hangover. What's worse, Carla has a sneaking suspicion that she took someone home and slept with him, that person she figures being one of the Cheers regulars. She confides in Sam alone, and after he tells her it wasn't him, she panics and they both ponder who it could have been. If it was one of the regulars, that person hasn't said anything yet. So Carla clandestinely questions everyone else there: Frasier, Norm and Woody. It's none of them. Could it be her worst scenario, Cliff? Luckily for her, it isn't him. But she forgot one person, her actual bed partner: Paul. Sam talks Paul into not telling anyone. During the remainder of the day, three revelations come to light. First, Cliff and Norm got tattoos during their drunken spree, both being tattoos each would not want. Second, Carla is not as loose a woman she she likes to portray herself. And third, Sam tells Carla a deep dark secret of his own to make her feel better about her situation: he's balding and wears a toupee. She figures Sam's problem is a hundred times worse than hers, which does indeed make her feel better.
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22 April 1993

When City Councillor Kevin Fogarty...
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When City Councillor Kevin Fogarty comes to Cheers on his re-election campaign spouting a whole lot of political nothings that nonetheless woos the crowd, Frasier bets the gang that he can even get a trained monkey on the ballot and garner 10% of the vote. Without a trained monkey in sight, Frasier chooses Woody as a good surrogate. Frasier does indeed get enough signatures to get Woody on the ballot. Woody helps his own political cause when Holly Matheson, a local reporter covering the City Hall beat, mistakes Woody farm talk as an analogy for the problems of City politics. In an early poll, Woody garners 8% popular support, enough for the gang to concede defeat to Frasier. However, when Fogarty is caught in a public drunkenness spree, the gang figures that Woody can actually win the election and go full force on his campaign. Frasier takes this on as his own personal mission, that is until he has a nightmare of Woody as career politician in the White House inciting a nuclear war. He talks Woody into withdrawing his name from the ballot. Woody, listening to who he believes is the sage Dr. Crane, agrees and makes the announcement on the televised debate. His announcement however has the exact opposite effect. Woody breaks down in tears in an honest outpouring of emotion, and the emotions keep flowing when Kelly, also on air, tells Woody that she's pregnant. Fogarty knows that he's lost the election. Everyone's happy about Woody's victory except Fogarty and Frasier, who still dreams about a Woody incited World War 3.
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01 April 1993

Since Sam's apartment is being...
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Since Sam's apartment is being fumigated after a sleepless night for him killing silverfish, Rebecca offers her pull-out sofa to him as a place to sleep. With some snide remarks about her love life, Sam declines her offer since he has a place to sleep with Julie, one of his stewardess bimbos. However Julie comes by the bar to tell Sam that their plans are off since she has a change in work schedule due to a Shiner's convention in Boston in turn resulting in extra flights in and out of Boston. After Julie leaves, Sam promptly locks himself out of the bar, not only without keys but also without his wallet and therefore without money and thus nowhere to sleep. Feeling he can't turn to Rebecca, he first tries to find a pay phone to call Carla to borrow her bar keys, but the only pay phone in sight is occupied by a non-stop talking Shriner. Sam manages to make his way to Carla's. The keys that Sam locked in the bar were her keys, since he lent his keys to Woody who lost both his and Sam's keys. Carla offers Sam a place to sleep, however Hill's also there and Sam couldn't imagine staying in the same house with Carla and Hill doing it. Next Sam tries a hotel where a friend works. His friend is no longer working there and there are no hotel rooms in Boston due to the convention. Next Sam tries Norm. Norm is going to let Sam sleep on the couch, Norm's usual sleeping spot. But when Norm goes into his bedroom to a sex-deprived Vera, Norm can't handle the thought of sleeping with his wife and kicks Sam off the couch and out of the house. Next Sam tries Frasier. Frasier is more than willing and gives Sam the guest room, however Frederick is having an all night temper tantrum which Sam cannot handle in his sleep deprived state. Next, and by now very desperate, Sam tries Cliff. Sam is forced to sleep with Cliff on his pull out sofa. Cliff and Ma Clavin's bickering is bad enough, but Sam can't get over Cliff's non-stop talking in his sleep. Finally Sam gives up and goes to Rebecca's, Rebecca who has been waiting for him for three hours since both Carla and Norm called her to tell her what was up with Sam. However Rebecca being Rebecca, the night for her and Sam does not end up what she had planned.
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18 March 1993

It's the annual St. Patrick's Day...
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It's the annual St. Patrick's Day battle of sales between Cheers and Gary's Olde Towne Tavern. Not only does Cheers lose the battle of the hi-jinx with an unsuspecting Woody taking the brunt of the battle, Cheers also loses the sales bet. Sam has finally had as much as he can take not only with the loss once again to Gary's but performing the most humiliating task he and the guys have to endure due to the loss. Sam threatens Gary and decides to pull out the biggest guns he knows - Harry the Hat. Sam asks Harry to devise and execute the ultimate plan to beat Gary. Harry refuses. Sam finally decides to give up permanently to Gary, but Carla decides to take matters into her own hands. When Sam goes over to Gary's to wave the final white flag, he witnesses Gary's bar being demolished. Sam, thinking that Carla was behind the demolition, fears that Gary will think he was behind it and hold him and Cheers liable. Gary does indeed think so and is as mad as ever, that is until he photographs Sam on his knees begging for forgiveness. In actuality, Gary was behind the bar's demolition. Apparently, Gary sold the bar to a developer for $1 million and pulled the demolition stunt solely as a final blow to Sam and Cheers. The developer happens to be a man by the name of Rutherford Cunningham. When Sam and the gang meet Rutherford, they understand that they have finally beat Gary in this, their last battle ever.
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25 February 1993

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18 February 1993

It was Lilith that walked in on...
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It was Lilith that walked in on Frasier and Rebecca as they were about to make love for the first time. All three are shocked at their situation and Lilith, the most confused, runs off to Cheers to get some answers from Sam as to what's been going on with her husband. Sam and the gang at the bar are as equally shocked by Lilith's news as Lilith was to see it. Rebecca realizes that her moment with Frasier has passed forever and steps aside. However it's not quite as simple for Frasier, who refuses to take Lilith back as easily as she wants. There is still the issue of the Dear John letter she wrote him. Apparently the letter was written by Dr. Pascal in an attempt to solidify his relationship with Lilith. Dr. Pascal, brandishing a loaded gun, storms into the bar looking for Lilith, and threatens to shoot anyone who stands in his way of achieving this goal. Lilith realized that she not only didn't love Dr. Pascal, but that he is crazy, brought on by claustrophobia from their time in the eco-pod. Eventually Lilith talks Dr. Pascal into handing over the gun. Although their hostage ordeal is over, Frasier still won't take Lilith back, that is until he and the rest of the gang fall under the spell of Lilith's sobbing.
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11 February 1993

Frasier gets a Dear John letter from...
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Frasier gets a Dear John letter from Lilith, who is still in the eco-pod. She wants a divorce since she and Dr. Pascal aka Googie have committed to their love. A flood of negative emotions flow out of him. Rebecca suggests to the gang that they throw Frasier a divorce party to cheer him up, complete with stripper. Frasier is touched by the gesture, but is still depressed and a bit drunk at the end of the evening, so Rebecca offers to drive him home. After he invites her in for coffee, one thing leads to another which leads to the bedroom. Before they can really get hot and heavy, the gang from the bar, one by one, come over to cheer Frasier up. As hard as he tries to get rid of them, they won't leave. After a long evening of the gang's company, Frasier finally gets rid of them and finds Rebecca in his bed asleep. Both thinking that the moment has passed between the two of them, they reiterate to each other that they still want to continue what was interrupted. Just as they start their actual lovemaking, they get another visitor who really disrupts the proceedings.
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04 February 1993

Serafina, Carla's daughter, announces...
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Serafina, Carla's daughter, announces that she is pregnant and wants to marry the father, a retired police officer living off disability who she loves. After discussing the issue, Carla gives Serafina her her blessing and her financial support for the wedding. With her connection to Hill, Carla manages to arrange for the ceremony at Melville's - she's afraid of the bad wedding karma history at Cheers - and the reception at Cheers. Unexpected wedding guests are Nick and Loretta. Carla does not want Nick there and refuses to proceed until Nick leaves. However Serafina wants him there since he's her father and he completes the picture of her father walking her down the aisle. Carla gives in. The wedding goes off without a hitch, but following, Nick and Loretta whisk off out of town as quickly as they came.
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21 January 1993

Robin returns to Cheers, destitute....
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Robin returns to Cheers, destitute. He has renounced his previous greedy ways, gave away the $6 million he had hidden in Rebecca's desk drawer and has decided to live a life of simple poverty. But admittedly, he still has feelings for Rebecca. Rebecca still has feelings for Robin, or at least for the $6 million she thinks he has. She thinks he's just testing her and that he still is rich. She does whatever she can to get on Robin's good side. When Robin finds out that Rebecca hasn't changed, he's disappointed and leaves her once again. But she doesn't believe him and follows him, with her multiple suitcases and make-up in tow. In the intervening time, Robin implied to the gang in an indirect way that he has hid another money belt filled with $6 million somewhere in the bar. Sam, Carla, Frasier, Norm and Cliff tear the bar apart, probe Robin and turn on each other trying to find the money belt. They then think that it was burned in the fire. But when they discover that Fire Captain Dobbins on duty the day of the fire is now retired with a sizable sum of money, they assume he stole the money. With the help of Carla's kids, they kidnap Dobbins and try and make him confess. They don't believe him when he says he didn't steal anything. Robin finally confesses that there is no money belt and that their greed, the greed he so decidedly left behind him, is taking over their lives.
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14 January 1993

The gang decide to watch an old Red...
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The gang decide to watch an old Red Sox game on a classic sports channel, a game in which Sam played. As this game took place during one of his drunk years, Sam is unsure if he played well or made a fool of himself in the game. Since he finds out he pitched three innings in the game, he assumes he played well. After Sam makes a big deal about watching the game, Carla reminds him that that game was indeed not one of his finest moments. Sam does whatever he can to prevent the gang from watching it. Meanwhile, Norm is being audited. The auditor is Dot Carroll, a gravelly-voiced, chain-smoking, no-nonsense, scary tough broad. Norm, the ex-accountant, knows he can fudge his way through the audit even without legitimate receipts, but when his tricks don't work, he resorts to a tactic suggested by Carla: flirt. It works, much to Norm's dismay, as Dot invites Norm back to her hotel room. Norm doesn't know what to do. He begs Carla to impersonate Vera and crash the hotel room. Norm finally decides just to face Dot and plead with her. But Carla does come to the rescue to the hotel room as Mrs. Norm Peterson. The ploy however doesn't work. Finally, Norm levels with Dot, who shows the sensitive side of her personality following. Just when Norm is out of the woods and Norm and Dot are having a real human moment, Cliff enacts his unwanted plan.
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07 January 1993

With new video camera in hand, Cliff,...
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With new video camera in hand, Cliff, with assistant Norm, is hired by Peter to videotape his parent's fiftieth wedding anniversary celebration to be held at the bar. Half way through the proceedings, the battery in the camera dies and Cliff has no alternate power supply. Rather than tell Peter as Norm would like Cliff to do, Cliff decides to continue "filming", later feigning that the tape is lost in the mail. After that, one momentous event after another happens at the celebration. By the end of the evening, Cliff realizes that he has no other option other than running and hiding from Peter and his family forever. Meanwhile, Frasier has a new temporary secretary, twenty-one year old Shauna, who directly and unabashedly hits on Frasier. With Sam's urging, Frasier decides to take Shauna up on her offer of Sunday dinner at her house. Frasier is obviously nervous as he tests runs a toupee, which Sam nixes. What Shauna doesn't tell Frasier however is that she still lives at home with a dysfunctional family, whose main gripe is Shauna's choice of boyfriends. Frasier quickly figures out that he is just a pawn in Shauna's game to get back together with her old boyfriend Rick, who her parents hate. Despite being forced to stay and endure the dinner from hell, Frasier ultimately makes the most of his evening with Shauna's family.
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17 December 1992

Woody's parents get a gift for Kelly...
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Woody's parents get a gift for Kelly and Woody: small pet pig named Snuffles. Pet is somewhat of a misnomer as the Boyds, from a farming background, see Snuffles as Christmas dinner. Rebecca has an immediate connection with Snuffles as an animal. When Woody tells her of its ultimate fate, Rebecca wants to buy Snuffles. When Woody won't sell, Rebecca sets Snuffles free in the country. Snuffles ultimately makes its way back "home" to Hanover to the Senior Boyd's place. Rebecca sees this story as a Christmas miracle, until she hears the pig's fate in Hanover. Meanwhile, Sam starts dating Susan Metheny, the widow of Kirby, the man who bought Sam's Corvette. Sam is only doing so as he wants his Corvette back at a reduced rate. Susan, a kindergarten teacher, is a nice, sweet, innocent, shy woman who is vulnerable at the best of times, let alone at this grieving point in her life. But Sam only has his Corvette on the brain and doesn't even consider Susan's feelings. After a friendly week together with Sam, Susan does sell Sam his Corvette back at a reduced rate. However immediately following, Woody spills the beans to her that Sam has had nothing on his mind but getting back the Corvette since they met. Susan is hurt. To get Sam out of her life, Susan throws him the car keys in anger, but Sam is still only happy that he has his precious car back, for free no less. However, Sam gets into one accident after another with the car. Frasier thinks Sam is having remorse about the way he got the car; Sam concurs and decides he has to make peace with Susan. Susan, a usually forgiving woman, decides this is the first time she won't be a pushover and does not forgive Sam. Sam, literally in the doghouse, gets the exact treatment that her students would receive in such a situation. After some penance, Susan does forgive Sam and sells him his car back at full market value. But is there anything else of Kirby's that Sam wants?
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10 December 1992

Woody and Kelly argue once again...
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Woody and Kelly argue once again about the difference in their monetary status. Kelly wants to live in a house purchased by her father. Woody, not wanting any Gaines money, wants them to live in his old apartment. They compromise: they will live in Woody's apartment with all of Kelly's furniture. Amazingly, all of Kelly's furniture does fit, but there is no room for anything else, except a very squished Kelly. Woody gives in. Meanwhile, Rebecca's father, Navy Captain Franklin E. Howe, comes to Boston for a visit. A tough as nails man and father, he demands that Rebecca, who has screwed up her life in Boston, move back to San Diego into her old room at their house. Apparently, he has controlled her her entire life, including provision of an allowance. After an initial temper tantrum, Rebecca agrees and goes back to her apartment to pack. While Rebecca's gone, Captain Howe confides to the gang that he was using reverse psychology. He expects his daughter will stand up to him, and decide to live her life on her own terms, without an allowance. However Rebecca returns to the bar, luggage in hand, ready to go back to San Diego. Captain Howe's plan, which he admits to his daughter, didn't work. As Rebecca is whiny about being unable to make it on her own, Captain Howe agrees to increase her allowance so that she won't return to San Diego with him. He returns to San Diego alone, whereas Rebecca and her mother are now richer - the two concocted this plan to extort more money from Captain Howe.
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03 December 1992

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19 November 1992

It's Thanksgiving, and all the...
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It's Thanksgiving, and all the orphaned regulars of the bar have decided to have dinner together at Cheers. These include a recently separated Frasier and his son Frederick, Carla and three of her fatherless kids (Lucinda, Jesse and Elvis), a Vera-less for the holidays and somewhat confused Norm with his barco-lounger, a Ma-less for the holidays Cliff, host and hostess Sam and Rebecca, and for a short but unexpected time John Allen Hill, whose kitchen, silverware, plates and candlesticks the gang are using. One not there is Woody, who is having dinner with the Gaines family. Mr. Gaines recently made Woody sign a power of attorney document, and Sam thinks that the Gaines family is taking advantage of naive Woody. Sam suggests to Woody that he stand up to Mr. Gaines, to say that he's disappointed in him, that he should be ashamed of himself, and that he should give Woody the respect he deserves. Woody does so, but not before Woody walks in on Mr. Gaines having an affair with his sister-in-law, Katherine. With Woody's speech, Mr. Gaines thinks Woody is blackmailing him. So Mr. Gaines goes along with everything Woody wants, which in addition to tearing up the power of attorney document, includes chumming around together doing Woody's favorite, as Mr. Gaines calls them, "lower middle class" activities. However Woody saw nothing between Mr. Gaines and Katherine, but Mr. Gaines blurts out the truth in front of Woody. Rather than the expected consequence, Woody doesn't want to blackmail Mr. Gaines, but rather no longer wants to chum around with him, a man he doesn't respect. Mr. Gaines is more than relieved, but he's not quite out of the woods just yet.
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12 November 1992

Frasier is still wallowing in...
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Frasier is still wallowing in Lilith's announcement that she is leaving him for her colleague, Dr. Louis Pascal. What's worse, she has decided to let Frasier have sole custody of Frederick - or in Frasier's mind, abandoning her only child - and live in an underground bubble in the desert, an "eco-pod" with Dr. Pascal. The eco-pod is Dr. Pascal's primary scientific experiment. She wants a trial separation for the time she's gone to live in the eco-pod. She's sees her act as the first and only time she's let loose in her life. Frasier's response is to get on the ledge of a third floor window above the bar, Frasier threatening to jump. Lilith comes to the scene, and eventually talks him off the ledge, telling him in all sincerity that she will go back to him if he doesn't kill himself. With that announcement, Frasier, still in love with Lilith, lets his wife go to pursue her dream, but not before some parting words for Dr. Pascal.
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05 November 1992

Patrons from a closed down bikers'...
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Patrons from a closed down bikers' bar start frequenting Cheers, which leads to fights and other problems at Cheers. To deal with these problems, Sam decides to hire Tiny, the former bouncer from that bar. Tiny does stop fights from happening, however he also scares away many of Cheers' regular customers. Sam realizes that Tiny has to go, but Sam and everyone else is scared of Tiny and Sam thus can't fire him. So the gang devise ways to get Tiny to leave on his own. This problem is nothing compared to Frasier's. Lilith just started cheating on Frasier with her colleague, Dr. Louis Pascal. This act she sees as a larger manifestation of problems in their marriage. However she still loves Frasier and Frasier still loves her. He forgives her since he realizes that much of their problems are his fault. He wants Lilith solely to tell Dr. Pascal that she will never see him again, and the two of them can move on and work on their marriage. However when she goes to do so, she instead finds that she may be in love with Dr. Pascal and decides to leave Frasier.
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29 October 1992

Because Gary's Olde Towne Tavern is...
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Because Gary's Olde Towne Tavern is advertising heavily, Sam and Rebecca decide to hire an ad company to write a jingle as advertisement for the bar. As Rebecca has only $200 to spend on such, the ad company foists Sy Flembeck, their resident hack writer, onto the Cheers account. Sy is not very creative or original. All his jingles are placed to the tune of Old MacDonald Had a Farm, and spell out the establishment's name in place of "E-I-E-I-O", even if there are more or less than five letters. But Sy's approach to jingles may actually have the desired if unintended affect of good advertisement. Meanwhile, Maggie O'Keefe has come back to Boston and wants to see Cliff. Once Cliff sees Maggie, he faints: she's pregnant, supposedly with his child. However, he confesses to Sam that it is not his child since he and Maggie never made love. After confronting Maggie and getting the true story from her, Cliff decides to marry Maggie anyway, even though everyone in the bar knows he and Maggie never had sex and thus knows the baby isn't his. However, Maggie finds out that Jerry, the real father, wants her back and she runs off back to Canada. But before she leaves, she does tell Cliff that he really could have been the father...
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22 October 1992

Sam catches Rebecca smoking in the...
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Sam catches Rebecca smoking in the office, a no-no considering that's how the bar burnt down. Sam thinks Rebecca needs professional help and finds the harshest stop smoking program for her. The stop smoking doctor, Dr. Kluger, and Rebecca, have a war of wills. Dr. Kluger has met his match. Meanwhile, Sam hires Henr? on a temporary basis as a bartender while Woody is on his honeymoon. On his first shift, ladies-man Henr? bets Sam that he can get more women's telephone numbers than Sam by midnight. Although initially reluctant to partake in the bet despite pressure from the gang, Sam eventually does take the bet based on the patriotic battle between the US and France. Both Sam and Henr? pull out all the stops and resort to whatever tactic will work to get numbers. However, with the score tied with a couple of minutes left, Sam lets one go due to her vulnerable state. Henr? gets one more number to win the bet. However Sam ultimately wins the battle.
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08 October 1992

A slot machine is accidentally sent...
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A slot machine is accidentally sent to the bar. Everyone is hooked on playing it, which for them is not a bad thing as the machine is paying out to everyone, that is except to Rebecca. She sees her losing streak on the machine as a metaphor of her life. Feeling sorry for her, Sam thinks that rigging the machine to pay out to Rebecca would be a good thing. When Rebecca pulls the handle, she gets exactly the nickel that she put in - Carla surmises that since the machine has been paying out so heavily, it's probably empty. Fortunes seem to be on the upswing for Norm. A stint on a beer tasting survey panel parlays itself into a paid position at the brewery as a quality taste tester. Norm is in seventh heaven and doesn't even feel the need to get paid for such work. The position is on a trial probation basis and Mike, Norm's supervisor, assures Norm he has the job permanently despite having an interview with the company president, Mr. Hoffmeyer, which is just a formality. Before Norm goes in for his interview, Rebecca, in her loser stage, tells Norm of her worst interview ever, and plants a kiss on his cheek as a wish of good luck. Whether the kiss was actually bad luck or not, Norm's interview goes exactly the way Rebecca described her worse interview to be, and Norm ends up not getting the job because of it. So after all is said and done, Rebecca sees Norm as the loser and herself as the break-evener.
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01 October 1992

Sam and Rebecca are preparing for the...
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Sam and Rebecca are preparing for the grand reopening of Cheers. One of Rebecca's last tasks is to deal with the telephone repairman, a Lothario called Bernard who mistakenly thinks he's God's gift to women. After Rebecca plainly and directly rebukes his advances, he immediately assumes she's a lesbian, a thought he has about every women - which is most women he meets - who turns him down. In the intervening time, Woody has been on his honeymoon with Kelly, although honeymoon is not quite what they would call it as they fought the entire time regarding their religious differences which they see as a major obstacle in having a meaningful and successful marriage. Woody is Lutheran Church of Missouri Synod whereas Kelly is Lutheran Church of America. The Drs. Crane suggest group counseling, in which Lilith and Frasier highlight their own on the most part successful marriage despite their differing religious backgrounds. But it's Frasier's simple advice to Woody that does the trick - Woody has to give in if he ever wants to see Kelly naked again. Carla has been making ends meet working at a chain bar called Mr. Pubb's. She has hated every minute of her time there, a place where the people are just a little too happy for Carla's taste, a place where she too has been forced to be happy, and a place where she is required to wear a dorky uniform. She is all ready to complete her last shift before heading back to Cheers. Sam sends Cliff and Norm to get Carla, just to make sure she gets back to Cheers in time. At Mr. Pubb's, Cliff and Norm, although finding Carla, are sidetracked by the two hundred different varieties of beer from which to choose, the video arcade, the ten large screen televisions each showing a different game, the free food and the scantily clad young food servers. Carla is also sidetracked when she receives her first Mr. Pubb's paycheck - it's more money than she ever dreamed of for doing waitressing and more money she could ever make at Cheers. Back at Cheers, Sam is concerned that Carla, Norm and Cliff haven't returned, and he sends Paul, Tim and Alan to Mr. Pubb's to retrieve the missing. At Mr. Pubb's, Paul, Tim and Alan befall the same fate as Norm and Cliff. After the reopening starts without Carla, Norm, Cliff, Paul, Tim and Alan, Sam finally goes to Mr. Pubb's himself. After much coercing, Sam convinces the guys to return to Cheers, however he can't convince Carla, who just can't pass up the money offered by Mr. Pubb's. Sam and the guys leave without Carla, but not without their free food. Ultimately Carla does quit her job at Mr. Pubb's and returns to Cheers to work, the reason being a new waitress at Mr. Pubb's who is a clone of Carla's favorite person in the world, one Diane Chambers.
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14 May 1992

Hilarious return to form in the...
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Hilarious return to form in the penultimate season finale. Except for the teaser, a photo session in the bar where we learn Woody and Kelly finally consummated their relationship the night before their wedding, the entire episode takes place in the kitchen of the Gaines mansion. The family has recruited Sam and crew to provide liquor and bartending services at the wedding, and as we'd expect, everything goes wrong. Woody is randy for Kelly, while the rest of the gang learns Mr. Gaines would gladly have Woody killed if he learned Woody and Kelly had premarital relations; Kelly tears her dress, and it's seamstress Cliff to the rescue; and the minister has a heart attack and dies in the kitchen, leading the gang to try and keep the dead body hidden in the dumbwaiter and to recruit a last-minute replacement, a completely wasted member of the Gaines family who we learn, after the gang sobers him up, that he hates weddings, leading them to re-inebriate him. And outside the kitchen in the courtyard, the family Dobermans attack everyone who tries to walk past.
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07 May 1992

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30 April 1992

Rebecca has been chosen as one of six...
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Rebecca has been chosen as one of six Boston businesswomen to get a makeover for Redbook magazine. She's excited by it, but ultimately goes a little overboard with the makeover itself. Meanwhile, Sam has found out that Gary of Gary's Olde Towne Tavern has sold the bar. Sam wants to start a new rivalry with the new owner of Gary's, a guy by the name of Frank Carpaccio, especially since they won't have any history of Cheers' underdog status in the bar wars. Woody, Carla, Norm and Cliff go along with Sam on the continued rivalry, the initial prank being an old fashioned toilet papering of the bar. The Cheers gang awaits whatever "weenie" retaliation from Frank Carpaccio. It ends up being a bomb at Cheers' entrance, which blows down its front door. Once the police come to investigate, Sam learns that Frank Carpaccio is a mob boss, whose nickname is the Angel of Death. Because of Carpaccio's evilness, the police will not provide Sam and Cheers any protection. Because of this, Frasier goes running from Cheers until things with Carpaccio simmer down. But Sam believes that Gary is still behind this, wanting to see the Cheers gang humiliated by pandering to a supposed mob boss. So Sam, Woody, Carla, Norm and Cliff go down to Gary's to meet with Carpaccio, who ends up looking like the stereotypical Italian mob boss. Pretending to apologize to Carpaccio and ask for forgiveness, the Cheers gang instead pull the fire alarm, setting off the bar's sprinkler system. Carpaccio vows to kill them all, their families and pets. After this, the FBI stops by Cheers. They heard about what the gang did to Carpaccio, and want them to testify against Carpaccio. The gang then realize that Carpaccio really is a mob boss and not hired by Gary. The FBI offers witness protection to the five, and they have to take off immediately in a bus waiting outside the bar. Woody, Carla, Norm and Cliff decide to go, but Sam wants to stay since the bar is the only thing in his life and he can't abandon it. The foursome are dropped off in the North Dakota back country, 200 miles from civilization, with no one or nothing in sight except a pay telephone. The telephone rings, and they expect it to be the FBI agent assigned to pick them up. It's Sam, with the two words "Got ya". This prank was totally orchestrated by Sam against Woody, Carla, Norm and Cliff, who last Hallowe'en were in cahoots with Gary in a prank against Sam. Sam admits that this prank cost him a fortune - so much so he had to take out a huge loan. Back in North Dakota, the foursome aren't mad but rather admiring of Sam's prankster acumen.
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23 April 1992

Prior to their wedding, Kelly wants...
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Prior to their wedding, Kelly wants to get to know all of Woody's friends. She's been spending quality time with them at the bar. Buying them rounds of beer doesn't hurt her time with them in their eyes. Sam's beloved Corvette has been stolen, after which he starts a support group for people who have had their high performance cars stolen. The group is beneficial to Sam and to the others in the group, but its usefulness becomes moot for Sam when something more beneficial happens. And something beloved returns to Rebecca's life, namely Mark Newberger, her high school boyfriend and her first real love. Rebecca is excited to see Mark again, even more so after the fact as it supports what she thought she would feel: that Mark is and was the one man for her, the one she shouldn't have let get away and the one she won't let get away now that she has this second chance with him. But what is obvious to the rest of the world isn't obvious to Rebecca: Mark's gay. In her oblivion, Rebecca pursues Mark like a banshee with a predictable end result.
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26 March 1992

As Lilith is going away for family...
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As Lilith is going away for family business, she entrusts Frasier with taking care of her beloved lab rat, Number 17A, or who she coins Whiskers. Frasier brings Whiskers to the bar, and promptly loses him. Frasier hasn't found Whiskers by the time Lilith comes back, so Frasier decides to buy a rat from the pet store and train it to pass it off as Whiskers. Lilith immediately knows the rat is not Whiskers. As Frasier is adamantly vowing that the new rat is Whiskers, the real Whiskers, attracted to the sound of Lilith's voice, suddenly appears on Frasier's shoulder. Lilith might have Whiskers back, but Frasier doesn't have Lilith back, at least in the sexual sense for a couple of weeks. Meanwhile, with the arrival of Mitch Ganzell, an old baseball buddy, Sam decides to follow Mitch's footsteps and try-out for the Red Sox' farm team as a relief pitcher, this despite their respective ages. Miraculously, they both make the farm team. However only Sam makes it to the team as Mitch comes down with a sudden injury (courtesy of Whiskers). Carla decides to visit Sam while he's on the road pitching. Although Sam is pitching well, he admits to Carla that he really hasn't been able to go back, namely to the carousing and pranks of the younger guys. In other words, he hates his new situation. Just as the guys are about to pants Sam, Carla calls them off and allows Sam to leave the team in peace. However Carla decides to stay and join in the fun with the guys.
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27 February 1992

Betty Sternin, Lilith's mother, is...
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Betty Sternin, Lilith's mother, is coming to Boston for a visit. Frasier is dreading the thought as Betty is not the most easy going person in the world and Lilith cannot stand up to her mother. Frasier vows not to argue with Betty during her visit. Even Betty gets the best of Carla. Since Betty missed her daughter's wedding, she wants Frasier and Lilith to renew their vows. Betty takes control of the situation. Lilith, feeling steamrolled into doing something she doesn't want to do, has to get up the nerve to stand up to her mother for the first time in her life. Meanwhile, Sam finagles a trip to Atlantic City with Debbie, a dumb blond he meets in the bar. Norm asks Sam to make a large bet for him, which comes through. Rebecca and Sam hope Norm will apply his large windfall to his ever growing bar tab. Subtle hints don't seem to be working. Less than subtle hints don't seem to be working. But Norm has his own plans for the money.
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20 February 1992

Frasier has decided that he needs to...
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Frasier has decided that he needs to get in shape. Rather than go with his original plan of hiring a personal trainer, Frasier takes Sam up on his offer to train him for free. After one hellish day of training for Frasier where Sam just sits and watches and eats donuts, Frasier has had enough and will do whatever he needs to to keep Sam away. Meanwhile, Woody has just returned from an all expenses paid trip to London with Kelly, paid for by the Gaines family. Woody has returned a changed man: pompous and affected by the English ways. After everyone in the bar gets mad at him, Woody makes a Freudian slip and calls himself Woody Gaines. He then realizes that he has indeed changed because of this trip and his access to the Gaines family money. He thinks perhaps it wouldn't be a good idea to marry Kelly and her money. Kelly is heartbroken when Woody tells her, and she turns to the only person around for support: an uncomfortable Norm. Norm suggest she try living like Woody, an example being to travel via the subway. This task may be difficult since she doesn't even know what the subway is. The next day, Woody has a change of heart when he hears that Kelly is exposing herself to the underbelly of life, and is concerned about her safety when he hears about her subway experiment. While Woody goes searching for her, Kelly bounds into the bar with tales of her new exciting adventures on the subway. Woody returns with a slightly less successful subway trip: he got mugged. Woody and Kelly come to an understanding about their married life: Kelly will live off her income, and Woody will live off his.
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13 February 1992

The guys decide to have a poker game...
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The guys decide to have a poker game in the back room. Woody feigns his country bumpkin background in not knowing how to play poker, but he's hustling them, and ends up winning most of the money, a fact he gloats over the guys. Sam is a bit hesitant to play as he doesn't want to leave Rebecca alone in charge of the bar. Rebecca is offended by this notion, so Sam does join the poker game and leaves Rebecca in charge. Rebecca is invigorated by this challenge. One of her first challenges is that a letter comes back with insufficient postage - it is the bar's liquor license renewal which is now overdue. Rebecca was supposed to send it in two weeks ago. Rebecca doesn't want Sam to know about this blunder, and does whatever she can to manage and run the bar without the license for the day (Carla finds out that they can get the renewal in person tomorrow). Rebecca decides to give away drinks for free, which would not contravene the state's liquor laws. $1,200 later, Rebecca thinks this not the best idea. The next idea is to serve non-alcoholic drinks masquerading as alcoholic drinks. Cliff gets drunk despite not having any alcohol. They manage to make it to the end of the night undetected. Just before closing, the state's liquor inspectors raid the bar. Apparently, John Allen Hill, who could hear all the goings-on in the bar through a vent, called the authorities to close down Cheers. Sam finds out the problem and chastises Rebecca for being so careless as to let the license expire. However, Rebecca proves that no liquor was served, getting the inspectors off the bar's back. But they also determine that it was Sam that put the insufficient postage on the letter. Rebecca ends up getting a little respect until another incident comes crashing down on the bar courtesy of Rebecca.
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06 February 1992

There is a new postal uniform which...
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There is a new postal uniform which Cliff refuses to wear despite never having seen it. Twitchell, the bar's postal delivery man, threatens to report Cliff unless he complies. He does do so, bringing in postal inspector Henderson, who will suspend Cliff unless he complies. Once Cliff sees the flashy, sequin trimmed uniform, Cliff changes his mind and wears the new uniform proudly. However, Cliff doesn't know that this is a made up uniform by Twitchell and his brother-in-law Henderson. Everyone is kicking themselves, including Ma Clavin, for not coming up with this ruse. Meanwhile, Woody's naive cousin, Russell, comes to Boston for a visit. Once they hear him, Sam and Rebecca hire Russell to sing and play the piano at the bar for tips. Russell is somewhat obsessive once he gets his mind set on something, and his newest fixation is Rebecca. Rebecca knows that she has to let him down gently. When she confronts him about his supposed crush, he says he doesn't have one. In reality he has an all consuming love, as expressed by the semi-clad mural of Rebecca he's painted on his motel room wall. Rebecca doesn't know what to do, beyond avoid him. She decides to be direct with him. After she tells him that she's not the right woman for him, he's heartbroken but respects her wishes. She then comes to the realization that she doesn't often get the devoted attention of men, and rushes back to Russell. However, Russell has moved on with life and has a new obsession: Carla.
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30 January 1992

For Frederick's second birthday, Sam...
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For Frederick's second birthday, Sam takes Frederick, and by association Frasier and Lilith, to a Nanny Gee concert, she being a famous children's entertainer. Woody tags along just because he loves Nanny Gee. Someone else once loved Nanny Gee as well: Frasier. At the theater, Frasier is certain that he knows her from somewhere, and he finally figures out that she is really Nanette Guzman, his first wife about who he has never told Lilith. Frasier and Nanette married and divorced when they were very young - when Frasier was still in medical school - and he hasn't seen or thought about her since then. When Nanny Gee wanders through the audience, she instantly recognizes him, a fact Frasier, Lilith and the rest of the audience realize when Nanny Gee passionately kisses Frasier. After that display, Lilith is angry, but Frasier and Nanette apologize. As an act of good faith, Nanny Gee offers to perform at Frederick's private birthday party. Lilith reluctantly lets it happen despite the fact that the emotions between Frasier and Nanette were once obviously very strong, and still very well may be. The emotions from Nanette's end are still obvious as at the party, in the guise of singing a a birthday song for Frederick, Nanny Gee sings a romantic love song to Frasier. A cat-fight ensues between Lilith and Nanny Gee, and Lilith wins her man. Lilith forgives Frasier for not telling her about Nanette earlier. As a parting shot, Nanette gives Frederick a gift of a singing Nanny Gee doll, the doll which continually sings what is obviously Nanette's home telephone number.
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16 January 1992

After getting one of his jokes...
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After getting one of his jokes published in a postal newsletter, Cliff thinks he's the jokemeister of Boston. However, only Lilith appreciates his brand of humor. He wants Rebecca to have a comedy night at Cheers starring himself, but Rebecca suggests he go to a comedy club open mic night instead. He thinks it's a great idea. However the comedy club and the patrons of ultimately don't think so - he bombs. Back at the bar, Sam breaks a tooth on a shell that was in some crab salad from Melville's. Despite the fact that the salad was given free to Woody, Sam vows to sue to get even with his nemesis, John Allen Hill. Beyond that, Sam pickets outside of Melville's, telling his story, or a more fanciful version, to anyone who will listen. Hill admits that Sam's act, however futile, is causing his business harm and thus decides to settle with Sam: $500 and dental costs. Sam agrees. Just then, Hill chomps down on a rock he says he found in a bowl of peanuts at Cheers. Hill knows he's lying and Sam knows he's lying. But when Hill snaps a photograph with Sam holding the rock and the peanut bowl, Sam knows Hill has once again beaten him. Elsewhere in the bar, Carla is proud to announce that second oldest son, Gino, has decided to become a priest. Carla is the proudest she's ever been, not so much for Gino's sake, but for herself. She believes that the parents of priests and nuns have what she calls a "free ticket out of hell" card. In other words, she will go to heaven no matter how evil her life is. She takes this opportunity to be mean to everyone in sight and relishes the act. Later that afternoon, Gino announces that he has changed his mind and wants instead to become a male model. Carla now fears for her eternal soul since she mocked God so blatantly. Only one act can atone for her evil acts of the day: to listen to Cliff refine his comedy routine.
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09 January 1992

The bar's furnace is on the fritz, so...
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The bar's furnace is on the fritz, so Rebecca calls the furnace company to fix the problem. While she's got them on the phone, she has to crawl in through the vent in the wall - usually covered by a grate - to get some information. Carla uses this opportunity to put the grate back into place and leave Rebecca locked in the vent in the wall. Later, Paul tells Rebecca that she can get back at Carla by throwing her purse in the vent, so that Carla will have to climb in and retrieve it. Rebecca does so, but it happens to be her own purse, so she has to climb back in and retrieve it. Carla paid Paul to do it, and Carla once again locks Rebecca in the vent in the wall. With other official bar business, Sam offers the bar employees a medical plan. Each employee must take a blood test. Carla refuses as she's scared of needles. Frasier uses his psychiatric skills to get Carla under the needle. Meanwhile, Woody and Kelly are having their official engagement party, at which Woody will meet for the first time Grandmother Gaines, who has a reputation for being tough as nails. Equally as troublesome for Woody is that he cannot afford Kelly's engagement ring and is forced to work a second job at a graveyard to pay for it. The second job takes its toll on Woody as he's not getting any sleep and is further exhausted by selling his blood. This day is particularly bad as he further took his employee blood test at the bar, and had a tough night at the graveyard with the difficult burial of Mrs. Jane Vanderhoeven, whose casket kept on popping open. What's worse is that he forgot that the Gaines' moved the day of the party up one day to today. Woody's in no real shape to go, but he has no choice. At the party, Woody is still a little woozy, but he has to meet Grandmother Gaines. Woody is totally freaked when he meets Grandmother Gaines: he swears that she is the supposedly deceased Mrs. Jane Vanderhoeven, the woman he buried last night. Grandmother Gaines wants to have a private talk with Woody, for which he is obviously frightened. At the end of their short talk, Grandmother Gaines states that Woody tried to bury her the previous evening. Woody's darkest nightmare has come true. In reality, Grandmother Gaines, in an effort to catch Woody in his true light but to also play a joke on him, pretended to be the deceased Mrs. Jane Vanderhoeven the night before at the graveyard. Woody is mad and really wants to kill Grandmother, but Grandmother really likes Woody, likes his grit and honesty, and gives her blessing to Kelly and Woody on a happy marriage.
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02 January 1992

It's Elvis' birthday, and...
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It's Elvis' birthday, and Elvis-fanatic Carla believes that he will make his presence known today. By the end of the day, nothing has happened, until she gets a delivery of roses from the King. She rushes off home to await the King's arrival. She will get a visit from a King of a different sort: it was John Allen Hill who sent the roses, and he will go woo Carla donning an Elvis wig. Meanwhile, Sam has some hair problems. He needs a hair cut - in his own mind, it is a need. Tony, his hair stylist, has been in a serious car accident, and is thus unable to cut Sam's hair. Sam is devastated, not for Tony but for himself. Woody offers to cut Sam's hair for him, and although initially reluctant, Sam does let Woody do the job. Joking around, Woody feigns error after error while cutting Sam's hair. However a real issue does arise when Woody drops his gum into Sam's hair and needs to cut it off, causing a gaping hole in Sam's hairline. Sam, needing to wear a hunting cap to cover the mistake, first gives Woody the silent treatment, then vows revenge by doing something to Woody's hair. But then Sam comes to the realization that Woody is his friend and decides not to do anything, but not after giving Woody a shave job: every inch of hair off his body except off the top of his head. Frasier decides to bring yet another one of his therapy groups, namely a low self-esteem group, into the bar to expose them to a real world social situation. They start off slowly, but Norm, Cliff and Paul, with their regular bar chatter, help them out. Ultimately, they all come to a common point of discussion: pompous fool Frasier Crane. Frasier is hurt and storms out, but not before his therapy group, on the advice of Norm, pants Frasier. Frasier is angry at the guys, that is until Norm explains that the therapy group was scared stiff of him and the ribbing was just to make Frasier seem more human to them. The therapy group concurs, saying that Frasier's act of humiliation made them feel special and elevated their own self-esteem. Frasier is back up on his high horse as the self-professed genius. The gang decides that there is only one thing they can do: pants Frasier - again.
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12 December 1991

It's freezing outside and so is Sam...
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It's freezing outside and so is Sam and Rebecca's relationship. The stress of not having yet conceived a baby is causing Sam and Rebecca to fight continually, so much so that sex-machine Sam doesn't want to have sex, even on Rebecca's ovulating day. Sam talks Frasier into giving him and Rebecca a stay at a luxury hotel suite that Frasier and Lilith can no longer use. Sam thinks it might rekindle some romance into their sex life. At the hotel room, Sam fantasizes about his perfect son, also named Sam, who idolizes everything about his Dad. Back in reality, Sam then meets a hotel guest - a father - who tells Sam that the main ingredient in a happy family is love. Back in Sam's fantasy, young Sam has turned into a juvenile delinquent since there is no love between his parents. Meanwhile Rebecca meets a newlywed couple, who are so much in love. Rebecca's fantasy turns to her and Sam in a house filled with yelling and infidelity since they don't love each other. Back in reality, Sam and Rebecca both individually come to the conclusion that it best not to have a child without love, and decide to call the whole thing off. Sam's vision of his namesake son slowly fades away. Meanwhile back at the bar, the guys need a way to beat the winter blahs. Paul suggests they try a polar bear swim, something he did as a child. Norm and Cliff and Woody and Frasier all go off enthused and invigorated by the idea. What Paul failed to mention was he grew up in Hawaii. But the guys being guys, they all chicken out - that is except for Frasier who comes back a Popsicle.
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05 December 1991

Everyone isn't loving Norm, but...
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Everyone isn't loving Norm, but rather trying to gross him out. They're trying to see what gross things they can think of that would be so off-putting as to make him stop drinking beer. It ends up being a near impossible task, until Cliff tells the story of a naked Paul. Paul isn't feeling the love from the guys. He feels left out of the outings of Norm and Cliff. When Cliff and Norm try to make it up to him, they fail miserably due to their selfishness. Sam isn't feeling the love from Rebecca. After six months of trying to have a baby unsuccessfully, Rebecca thinks they should go to a fertility clinic to check themselves out. Sam is squeamish about doing so. Once Rebecca finds out that there is nothing wrong with her, she assumes that Sam's lack of fertility is the problem. Still squeamish, Sam finally does end up going to the clinic for tests. But Sam is still so anxious about the results and bothering Carla so much about it, Carla decides to take matters into her own hands and burns the envelope with the results. Sam is relieved as he is content not to know. And Frasier isn't feeling the love from Lilith. They are preparing their wills and Frasier, squeamish about talking about his mortality, feels Lilith is being too clinical about the life and death of the supposed love of her life. After much complaining, Frasier does complete his will. However, about thirty five years later, when Frasier has passed away and Lilith and Frederick are at the lawyer's for the will reading, the lawyer opens the envelope containing the will and instead reads Sam fertility test - Carla burnt Frasier's will by mistake. By the way, Sam was not infertile.
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21 November 1991

Frasier has a massive headache, and...
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Frasier has a massive headache, and no matter what he does, it won't go away. For Frasier, Lilith suggests he take an extreme measure: acupuncture. He initially won't do it, until he sees the beautiful Dr. Lee. During the session, Lilith is concerned hearing Frasier's moaning, and asks Sam to investigate. Sam is mesmerized by the work of the beautiful Dr. Lee, but it's not what Lilith is expecting: Frasier looks like a pincushion with several hundred needles sticking out of his body. What will go away if the US government and Woody have their way is Henr?, whose Visa has run out. Henr? mentions that a way he could stay is to marry a US citizen, an idea on which Kelly picks up, with her being the bride. Woody doesn't like the idea. Woody and Kelly have an argument over it, which pushes Kelly into marrying Henr?. Sam and Woody rush down to City Hall to stop the wedding. Although what Woody says doesn't directly convince Kelly not to go through with it, Kelly's admission to the Justice of the Peace that the wedding is a scam does stop the wedding. Further, Woody guesses that the deportation letter was also a scam written by Henr? himself, which Henr? admits is the truth. Finally, Woody does what he should have a long time ago: he proposes to Kelly, and she gladly and lovingly accepts.
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14 November 1991

Cliff has been chosen to re-enact the...
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Cliff has been chosen to re-enact the first postal run cum pony express in Boston. The problem is is that Cliff is scared of horses. During the ride, Cliff goes missing. Apparently, non-rider Cliff has let the horse take him where ever the horse wanted to go and is lost somewhere in the seedy part of the city. Friend Norm goes looking for him. Cliff manages to finish his run, three hours late, but Norm is now missing wandering the seedy part of town. Unlike what Norm did, Cliff leaves Norm out there to fend for himself. Back at the bar, Sam is in his continual battle with upstairs neighbor, John Allen Hill. At the end of his rope, Sam decides to pull out the big guns to get back at Hill by using the meanest, evilest thing to his disposal: Carla. Sam leaves it to Carla's discretion what to do, but Carla only promises to make Hill cry. Later, Carla comes back in a panic. She confides to Lilith and Rebecca that she did the worst thing she possibly could have done: she slept with Hill. Lilith explains to a confused Carla that she and Hill have the classic compulsion/repulsion relationship. Carla is not only confused but she feels that she betrayed Sam, who she can't tell. This news quickly spreads around the bar, ultimately back to Sam. Carla is apologetic, but Sam explodes and Carla storms out. That night, Sam stops by Carla's place to apologize. Carla accepts and apologizes back. Things between the two are back to normal, when who should come out of Carla's bedroom but Hill.
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07 November 1991

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31 October 1991

It's Halloween, and the Cranes are...
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It's Halloween, and the Cranes are arguing about how much of the Halloween tradition, if any, they should expose Frederick to. Another argument going on, one more traditional, is that between the gang at Cheers and the gang at Gary's Olde Towne Tavern - Halloween is a day that bar wars of the prank kind happens. As Sam and the gang decide what to do to Gary and his bar - as Carla states, she wants to be on a winning side of a scam - Gary already hits. But the pranks come to a screeching halt from Gary's side when he comes into Cheers and announces that he wants a truce as he was just diagnosed with extremely high blood pressure. Sam doesn't believe him and continues to plot. Frasier comes up with what he thinks is a brilliant plan: project a 3-D hologram of a scary figure over Gary's bar. Sam goes ahead with this plan, with Carla offering her disembodied head as the scary apparition. Checking how the prank went over, the Cheers gang goes over to Gary's and finds him alone unconscious on the floor. Frasier checks: Gary isn't unconscious but dead. Seeing Gary on the floor, Sam doesn't believe Gary's dead. After the police and coroner confirm Frasier's check, Sam doesn't believe Gary's dead. When one of Gary's bartenders gives Sam one of Gary's prized possessions, Sam doesn't believe Gary's dead. As Gary's funeral is announced, Sam doesn't believe Gary's dead. After Sam sees Gary inside the casket, Sam doesn't believe Gary's dead. And as the casket is buried, Sam doesn't believe Gary's dead. Later, the gang are finally able to convince Sam that Gary really is dead which leads Sam to admit that his immaturity was the cause of Gary's death. Regardless, Carla got her wish that she was on the winning end of a Gary/Sam scam. The winning end, however, is not quite what Sam was envisioning.
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24 October 1991

Everyone at the bar is questioning...
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Everyone at the bar is questioning Sam and Rebecca's want to have a baby. Some are dismayed that they have decided to take this measure out of wedlock, while others doubt the ultimate parenting skills that either Sam or Rebecca possess, or as is the case may be don't possess. To address the latter, Lilith suggests that Sam and Rebecca should have an evening alone babysitting someone else's child. Without Frederick available for the job, Rebecca decides she and Sam should give themselves the ultimate test: looking after Carla's seven kids (the eldest Anthony, won't be around as he's serving time) for one evening. Carla is all for the idea if only to have an evening away from her unruly mob. But what will Sam and Rebecca think about having a child after this evening is over? Meanwhile, Woody wants his parents to meet Kelly. Since he doesn't have the money for Kelly and him to take a trip back to Hanover, he decides on the next best thing: to make and send to them a videotape of Kelly and himself. Cliff and Frasier volunteer to be director/videotaper, which may prove an obstacle in and of itself in getting the video shot and sent.
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17 October 1991

Margaret O'Keefe, Cliff's mail...
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Margaret O'Keefe, Cliff's mail carrier girlfriend living in Canada, has come back to Boston wanting to rekindle her relationship with Cliff. Cliff also wants to do so, but he isn't thinking marriage just yet. The biggest hurdle in the relationship is that Ma Clavin and Margaret have never met. When Cliff tells Ma about Margaret, Ma is hurt - she feels like Cliff wants to replace her with another woman. But Ma and Margaret do meet, and after an initial coolness between them, Ma and Margaret get along famously. They get along so well that Ma proposes to Margaret for Cliff and Margaret accepts, without Cliff even being there. Ma and Margaret announce this news to the gang at the bar. Ma is dictating the details of the wedding. Although Cliff loves both Ma and Margaret, Cliff decides that he's not ready for marriage but can't stand up to Ma. Frasier convinces Cliff to stand up for what he wants in life. Cliff manages to tell Margaret, but he has more difficulty telling Ma. Although he finally does tell Ma to which she has to accept, Ma ultimately has to do Cliff's work in his relationship with Margaret. Meanwhile, Rebecca and Sam are still trying to have a baby. It's been two months without success. Rebecca is being scientific about it, and thinks the problem is that Sam is too warm "down there" due to the fact that he wears constricting bikini briefs. She suggests he try boxer shorts that contain freon to freeze his testicles. Sam doesn't like them as their coldness is causing him to become a little testy.
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10 October 1991

Carla, questioning Rebecca's...
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Carla, questioning Rebecca's potential parenting skills, bets her $5 that she can't take care of an egg for three days. Despite a rocky start, Rebecca manages to do so. Rebecca wins the bet, but Carla still has the upper hand: she made wagers with everyone in the bar that she could make Rebecca carry around an egg for three days. Carla made $150 in the process. Meanwhile, Norm is doing another paint job for the Cranes, during which Frasier accidentally falls on top of Norm, causing a bruised disk in Norm's back. Because Vera is away and Norm is immobile, Frasier suggests that Norm stay at their house on the couch until Vera returns. Lilith reluctantly agrees. Lilith ends up being at Norm's beck and call, especially getting him one beer after another. Just as Lilith is at the end of her rope, Norm offers his gratitude to her - she can't now kick him out. But there's another problem: Norm can't go to the bar, so the bar comes to Norm. The gang, much to both Norm and Frasier's glee, invade the Crane household and treat it like Cheers. In fact, they stay all night. Lilith finally blows up. But she notices something: Norm is gone. His back was feeling better, so he left to go back to Cheers. Lilith storms out of the house and heads to Cheers to chastise Norm for being rude. Norm apologizes. In a moment of openness, Lilith admits to Norm that she has never been one that made friends easily, to which Norm says she just needs to loosen up a little. Lilith takes Norm's advice to heart, and decides to head home and be the life of the party, Lilith style. Luckily for those at the Crane household, Norm gives them a head's up to clear the house, pronto, before Lilith comes home.
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03 October 1991

Woody is appearing in a local...
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Woody is appearing in a local production of Arsenic and Old Lace. The local theater critic gives the production a good review, but he deems Woody's performance weak. Stung by the critique, Woody decides to quit the show. Lee Bradken, the director, convinces Woody that all he needs to do to have a better performance is get to his true emotional feelings by writing them down on paper. Buoyed by the fact that the critic is coming back to re-review the play, Woody takes his task to heart. He gets a better review, but Woody is forced to quit the show anyway when the other actors and Bradken read what Woody said about them in his "feelings writing" exercise. Meanwhile, Carla is worried because Madame Lazora, her spiritual advisor since she was seventeen, is coming by the bar to see her. Carla thinks it is to tell her some devastating news about her life. Instead, Madame Lazora comes to say that she is retiring to Florida, and that Princess Katja, her spirit guide and connection to the afterlife, has named Carla as the person who should take Madame Lazora's place. Carla is skeptical at first since she doesn't think she has the gift. Initially this is true, but once she puts her mind to it, she can read people's minds... or so she thinks. Later she finds out and realizes that the story she told of Sam's childhood was not Sam's life, but in fact was a story from her own childhood. She tells Madame Lazora that she feels she doesn't have the gift to take over her job. Then all of a sudden after Madame Lazora chastises her for having no faith, Carla starts channeling the spirit of Princess Katja. Carla does have the gift. Later at Madame Lazora's studio just as Carla is about to start her new life as a spiritualist, Carla admits to Madame Lazora that she really didn't channel Princess Katja's spirit; she just pretended to do so not to disappoint her soon to be predecessor. Madame Lazora also makes an admission to Carla: she's a total fraud as a spiritualist and has been for the entire time she has foretold Carla's life. Carla is mad and disappointed with Madame Lazora for duping her all these years. Carla refuses to take over Madame Lazora's business, that is until she figures out she can make lot's of money by duping other people.
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26 September 1991

Spurred by Frasier's desire to find...
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Spurred by Frasier's desire to find his inner "hairy man", Frasier, Sam, Norm and Cliff embark on a spontaneous one-week road trip across America. They need to take Cliff's car since it is the one that will comfortably fit the four and their gear. One dark evening out on a deserted back road in the desert, Sam falls asleep at the wheel and crashes the car. The guys are physically all right, but the car needs repairs. Their emotions start to fray when all attempts to fix the car - many of the problems due to the booby traps Cliff has placed on the car in the name of theft security - fail, they're locked out of the car, Frasier's cell phone dies and ultimately pragmatist Frasier states that they may be in real trouble. Perhaps things will look better in the morning. They do look better for Norm. While Frasier, Sam and Cliff slept outside during the night, Norm found a nearby resort where he had a great night. But at least Frasier, Sam and Cliff can enjoy the resort's breakfast buffet. Back at the bar, Carla has had to hire extra help since Woody is currently on vacation. She hires her naive, but handsome tight jeans and shirt wearing nephew, Frankie. All the women at the bar can't stop ogling his tight butt. Finally Carla, protecting her naive nephew, tells him he should leave the bar for good so that sex-starved Rebecca can't get at him.
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02 May 1991

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25 April 1991

Despite Lilith's hesitance, Frasier...
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Despite Lilith's hesitance, Frasier asks Sam, who agrees, to babysit Frederick, the first time Sam's done so. At the Crane household, Sam and Frederick are having a great time, until Frederick locks himself in the bathroom. Without a bathroom key, Sam decides to climb out the playroom window and climb in through the bathroom window. As soon as Sam's outside, the window shuts behind him and he is locked out of the house. As Sam gets to the locked bathroom window, he sees Frederick inside, Frederick who at that time opens the bathroom door to let himself out. It gets worse for Sam as it starts to rain. While trying to jump to a tree to climb down, Sam falls off the window ledge. After Sam survives the fall and blacks out for a while, he makes his way back into the house with his front door key and finds that Frederick is OK. Just at that time, Frederick once again locks himself in the bathroom. Sam once again climbs out the window, but places a toy underneath the window to keep it propped open. Just then, Frederick comes out of the bathroom and takes the toy from the window, once again locking Sam outside on the window ledge. When Frasier and Lilith arrive home, they find Frederick asleep on the playroom floor. Sam is nowhere in sight. They eventually find him, perched in the tree outside. Sam did his job as he could watch Frederick from sitting in the tree. At the bar, Kelly is working temporarily as a waitress as she needs a work experience to write a school paper. After a while, Rebecca thinks it a good idea for Kelly not to work there as she has caused some disruptions for Woody - including inadvertently starting a bar fight. Carla and Norm stick up for Kelly, wanting her to stay. However, Carla and Norm have ulterior motives as they have both managed to manipulate Kelly at the bar for their own benefit.
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04 April 1991

Rebecca is on a healthy eating kick...
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Rebecca is on a healthy eating kick and is trying to convince others in the bar to join her. The guys do join her in enjoying rice cakes: they are using them as makeshift clay pigeons. Meanwhile, Lilith is in mourning as her favorite lab rat, Whitey, has died. Frasier offers sympathy, that is until he finds out that she is carrying the dead rat in her purse. Frasier throws Whitey in the garbage, and when Lilith finds out, she does the same to Frasier (throw him in the garbage, that is). Lilith has banished Frasier from the house, and thus he's forced to sleep on the bar's couch in his suit. Unfortunately this tiff coincides with an important meeting they have to get Frederick into an exclusive pre-school. Just as it looks like Frederick will make it into the school, the Drs. Crane, upon viewing the school's new baby hamsters and being reminded of another rodent, get into a shouting match about their problems. Later, Frasier and Lilith apologize to each other. This incident has shown to both the preciousness of life and they decide a good way to express this renewal is to have another child. Sam is also in mourning, but is mourning the loss of a beautiful woman, who he never really had since she is rebuking him. But what's worse, she is Paul's girlfriend. Sam doesn't understand how/why anyone would turn him down in favor of someone like Paul. Paul explains that she is a "chubby chaser", and the only person in the bar who turns her on physically more than Paul would be Norm.
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28 March 1991

A dalmatian puppy follows Cliff on...
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A dalmatian puppy follows Cliff on his mail route, the pup which he names Spotty. Woody is immediately taken with Spotty. Well maintained, Spotty obviously is a lost pet, but Woody wants to keep him. When three firemen come into the bar lamenting about their lost puppy, Rebecca knows they're talking about Spotty. Woody reluctantly gives him back. As a reward, Woody wants a ride on a fire truck with the siren on with him driving. The firemen give up and think it easier to just give Woody the puppy - this is exactly what Woody wanted. Meanwhile, one of Sam's old baseball nemeses, Dutch Kincaid of the New York Yankees, wants Sam to pitch against him on the Yankee's Dutch Kincaid Day. He chose Sam because he as a hitter always had Sam's number: Dutch hit a home run almost every time Sam pitched to him. Sam doesn't want to do it, but Dutch and the gang at the bar goad him into it. Sam wants to strike Dutch out, and works out to get in top physical shape. On the day, Sam is approached by Cap Richards, Dutch's manager, who wants Sam to float a pitch to Dutch on the third throw, allowing Dutch to hit a home run. Sam is outraged and refuses to do it until Dutch's grandson, Billy, tells Sam a story of wanting to see his grandpa hit a home run, on this, his last day ever to play baseball. Sam falls for the story and floats the third pitch, allowing Dutch to hit a home run. Sam later finds out that the story was a fake - the "grandson" was really Cap's own son. Sam is mad, but so is Dutch. Dutch wanted legitimately to hit a home run against Sam once again. Sam still thinks he can strike Dutch out. So they take to a pitching/hitting match. Seems like Dutch still has Sam's number as he hits a home run on Sam's first pitch, and second pitch, and third pitch,...
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21 March 1991

It's time for the 53rd annual Miss...
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It's time for the 53rd annual Miss Boston Barmaid contest, and this year it's being held at Cheers again, but Sam's not happy. The contest organizers have changed the format where beauty, chest size and overall bimbo-ness account for nothing, but rather it's a contest of true waitressing skills. Despite this, Carla is not interested in entering - she knows she can be the best waitress in the world if she wants to be (self-admittedly, her "friendliness" quotient is a bit lacking) and doesn't need anyone to tell her so - until she learns that first prize is a new Mazda Miata convertible. She will do anything to win that car. On the day of the contest, she obtains a confidential document naming the three judges, one of whom is none other that Cheers' own Cliff Clavin. Norm convinces Carla that to win the contest, Carla has to be nice to Cliff, not exactly the easiest thing in the world to do for Carla. Cliff treats Carla like a buddy, asking her to do small, or not so small favors for him, like giving him a back massage, ultimately while he's shirtless, and later a foot massage. But Norm keeps flashing the picture of the Miata in front of her to keep her going. Just as the contest is about to start, Carla learns that Cliff is not one of the judges - the document she has is a phony obviously made up by Cliff. Cliff is dead meat, but first Carla has a Miata to win. During the contest, Carla is the expert waitress, displaying feats of extraordinary waitressing acumen. Even when one of the other contestants tries literally to trip up Carla, Carla turns this into a acrobatic act worthy of a gymnast. Just before the emcee is about to announce the winner, Carla admits that Cliff's stunt helped her since she focused all her negative energies toward him into the contest, and she's pretty sure she'll win. The emcee ultimately announces the winner: Shawnee Wilson, the one who spilled the most drinks, but the biggest bimbo with the biggest boobs in the contest. Apparently the contest has changed in paper only, and the criteria for winning remains the same as it always has. Despite being sad for his friend Carla, Sam feels all is again right with the world in that it is a contest for bimbos. Paradoxically, Carla at least won the Miss Congeniality prize.
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14 March 1991

Cliff fan idolizes Weather Channel...
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Cliff fan idolizes Weather Channel anchor, Dorothy Boysick, who, annoying to most but endearing to Cliff, has a lisp. Cliff writes her a fan letter, and gets an unexpected reply: she thinks Cliff is child based on his handwriting. Meanwhile, co-owner of the bar, Rebecca, wants to open a tea-room in the pool room. Sam thinks it's a dumb idea, but allows Rebecca to open it on a trial basis, letting her keep it if she clears $500 on her first night. Sam thinks this goal impossible for Rebecca. Things are going very slowly on her trial day, and Rebecca doesn't help her cause when she chastises Frasier and Lilith, her first and only customers, when they solely order her loss leader, orange pekoe tea. However, things take an up turn for Rebecca when she hijacks and starts selling Woody's chili, which everyone in the bar loves. As it seems like Rebecca's converted chili room is a success, Sam feels like he needs to take drastic measures to sabotage Rebecca. Carla suggests killing her. Sam opts instead to call the fire marshal as the make-shift kitchen probably doesn't meet code. Sam's plan backfires when the marshal is a big chili fan. Sam concedes defeat. As a show of good faith in Rebecca's plan, Sam buys $20 worth of chili to put her over the $500 mark. However, things go awry for everyone when Sam, warming up the chili, blows up the pressure cooker, which breaks a hole in the back wall and windows. Rebecca thinks he did it on purpose to ruin her chili room. Sam says that he's so sorry, that he could cry. To prove that he really is sorry, Rebecca does want Sam to cry. Although he really is sorry, tears do not material, that is until Rebecca takes some extra measures: she breaks all the windows in Sam's Corvette.
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28 February 1991

It Frasier's birthday, and since he's...
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It Frasier's birthday, and since he's never had a birthday party, the gang at the bar go all out and throw him one. However they make him do all the work. Lilith is trying to figure out what to get, and has decided on professional photographs of herself done for him. Hiring Woody's nemesis Henr?, Lilith doesn't quite know what kind of photos to take - composed and formal or seductive. She compromises and strikes a professionally seductive pose: herself lounging on a bear-skin rug wearing her business suit. This being Lilith, one would not be too sure if she is being totally serious with this photo or pulling Frasier's leg. Luckily for Frasier, it is a gag photo. The real photos are seductive ones, and are more than what Frasier would want for his birthday. But she also gives him the real thing, which takes him away from his party. It's definitely not Norm's birthday as Vera has lost her job. What's worse, Rebecca gets Vera a job as a hat check girl at Melville's. She has invaded Norm's sanctuary. She tells stories about Norm, ones that he would rather have not known, like the fact that his real first name is Hilary. Finally he's had enough. Since he's such a nervous wreck while she's upstairs from the bar, he decides to leave Cheers for good, that is until something unexpected happens to Vera: she's fired. Despite the fact that she was fired because she was continually spying on Norm through a knot hole in Melville's floor/Cheers' ceiling rather than doing her job, Norm sticks up for his wife against Hill. He really does love his wife. But he still loves her more when she's not in the vicinity of Cheers.
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21 February 1991

Carla's eyesight is getting bad and...
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Carla's eyesight is getting bad and she secretly gets a pair of reading glasses. The guys at the bar start with all the standard "four eyes" jokes, until Carla vows to make their life miserable unless they stop. Cliff continues with the jokes, saying that it's worth whatever revenge Carla has in store. Or is it? Rebecca is still wanting to buy the bar back from Sam, who mocks her in her attempt. She has $25,000 cash that she received from her father to do so, but Sam adamantly refuses to sell. Rebecca has an ally in John Allen Hill, who will sell Rebecca the bar's back-rooms (including the washrooms), which again he owns, for the $25,000. Sam realizes that Rebecca having this control could ruin him, so he tries to outbid her for the property. Hill implies that any little favors by either Sam or Rebecca could sway him in their direction. Sam and Rebecca both will do almost anything for the property, and Hill relishes in the attention he gets from both. Both Sam and Rebecca can do menial tasks for Hill, but only Rebecca has the sexual power over Hill. But will Rebecca sell her body for the bar's back-rooms? Apparently not, much to Hill's dismay. But Sam's hired "twins" will. Ultimately, both Sam and Rebecca are disgusted with their behavior and Hill's manipulation of them. Finally, Rebecca comes up with a plan: they buy the bar's back-rooms jointly for $30,000, with Rebecca's $25,000 and the $5,000 Sam has in the bank. Sam and Rebecca are now partners in business, and have their back-rooms back for good.
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14 February 1991

It's Valentine's Day, and it doesn't...
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It's Valentine's Day, and it doesn't seem to be going well for anyone. The Drs. Crane are trying to bring their respective therapy groups - Frasier's a group of shy men, Lilith's a group of shy women - together as part of their therapy. They try party games to get the men and women together, games such as passing the orange from chin to chin, Twister and Spin the Bottle, to no avail. Rebecca is depressed as after the recent break-up with Robin, she has no man in her life and thus no one to give her a Valentine. Just before midnight, Cliff comes to the rescue and gives Rebecca the Valentine he was going to give to his Ma. However Cliff wants a little action in return. Rebecca takes him up on his bluff and plants a deep kiss on Cliff, which transforms him into catatonic state for the rest of the evening. And Sam, who has had an on-going "only on Valentine's Day" date with Lauren Hudson for the past twenty years, slips and throws out his back just before he is off to see her. In such a state, Sam is unable to perform sexually, although he does his darnedest to hide his injury from Lauren and to make the most of his once a year tryst with her. Ultimately, he confesses to Lauren regarding his injury and they end up spending a memorable albeit sexless night together discussing their lives, especially their aging lives and the fact that Sam is only one of a series of "one night a year" men in Lauren's life. At the end of the evening, the only ones who had a satisfying sexual evening are Frasier and Lilith, who in the course of encouraging their therapy groups, end up turning themselves on.
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07 February 1991

Frasier is trying to add a little...
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Frasier is trying to add a little culture to the guys' lives by reading them Dickens. When the guys initially show disinterest, Frasier has to rewrite Dickens and add a few Cheers inspired sensibilities to the stories. Meanwhile, Rebecca is in a funk in the aftermath of her and Robin breaking up. First she locks herself in the bar office for three days - still in her wedding dress - then, with the help of Woody, his clothes, his car and his credit cards, she decides to fly back to San Diego to sort out her life. Sam leaves her a telephone voice message, which although unintended on his part, one could construe that he is in love with her. Rebecca calls back and leaves Sam a message saying that she is returning to Boston because of his message. Sam is in a panic since he thinks Rebecca is coming back to Boston wanting to start something serious with him. Not knowing how to deal with this, Sam resorts to devising what he calls Plan Z, the most drastic of measures. He doesn't really have to use it though as what Rebecca wants is to buy the bar. But getting back to Plan Z, Sam does prematurely execute it. It involves a gay lover and an unexpected kiss with his friend Leon to prove he's not a wussy little 'fraidy cat.
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31 January 1991

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24 January 1991

The bar's jukebox is going in for...
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The bar's jukebox is going in for repairs, and for the week while it's away, Cheers gets a karaoke machine in it's place. After an initial reluctance by the gang as to it's usefulness, they take to the machine. In particular, Norm and Cliff are hooked on the song Lollipop - especially while sung with helium filled voices - while Frasier is hooked on every other song as he monopolizes the karaoke machine's time. Meanwhile, Robin will be getting out of jail in three days, and through the delivery of a white rose and a love letter, proposes to Rebecca and wants to get married on the day of his release. She's ecstatic - at least initially. Rebecca holes up in her apartment leading up to the wedding. She's living on booze and cigarettes. In a heart to heart with Sam and to herself, she finally admits that she doesn't think she loves Robin. She'll figure out what she needs to do once she sobers up.
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10 January 1991

Sam is continuing his battle with...
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Sam is continuing his battle with upstairs neighbor and the landlord of his pool room and washrooms, John Allen Hill. Sam really feels like he needs to do something to really bug Hill. Just then, Sam meets Hills' daughter, Valerie. Sam is not exactly the type of man she usually goes out with, nor is she Sam's type, but he asks her out solely to get under Hill's skin. Valerie and Sam have dinner at Melville's. Sam starts to make the moves on Valerie, this in plain view of Hill. Hill initially feigns disinterest, but ultimately breaks down in tears, telling Sam that he'll give Sam anything if Sam stops seeing Valerie. From this, Sam gets his pool room and washrooms rent free, and he gets his parking space back. Immediately Sam drops Valerie, right in the middle of dinner. Valerie takes Sam rebuke graciously. But immediately after that, Sam decides he wants Valerie back. Rebecca thinks it's only because he can't have her. Sam is determined, and asks Valerie to go away for the weekend with him, and she's not to let her father know. Just as they are ready to head off, Hill discovers what's going on. But he tells Valerie that he will give her his blessing if Sam is the man that she wants. Sam thinks Hill just said that so that Valerie would no longer seem the forbidden fruit. But Hill must know his daughter as it is she that no longer sees Sam as the forbidden fruit, and immediately she breaks up with him. And since Sam broke his agreement, Hill is again charging rent and doubling the amount.
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03 January 1991

Woody, without authorization from Sam...
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Woody, without authorization from Sam or Rebecca, has placed a free drink coupon into a coupon book. Rebecca and Sam hate the idea as it will only attract a gaggle of freeloaders into the bar. What's worse, John Allen Hill buys a round of drinks for everyone in the bar - solely using coupons. The bar's troubles are nothing compared to Carla's. Carla's mother, Mama Lozupone, has had the "death" dream. She and Carla are currently on the outs since Carla has not stuck to family tradition that has been handed down for generations. The tradition is that every female in the family has named one of her sons with the given name of her father and the maiden name of her mother. In Carla's case, that name would be Benito Mussolini. Carla refuses to name one of her kids after a fascist dictator, even if it would make her Mama happy before she dies. But she has a change of heart, thinking about herself and if her kids didn't do something she wanted while on her deathbed. She asks all of her kids if anyone would be willing to change their name, and Gino comes forward. Even then, Carla refuses to let him do it, that is until Mama Lozupone takes a turn for the worse. Once Carla swears to her dead mother that she will rename Gino, Benito Mussolini, Mama miraculously awakes from the dead. She didn't really have the death dream, and the rest of the family was in on the ruse. Carla and Mama are at each other's throats. Sam sides with Carla, telling Mama Lozupone that in this instance, she is treating Carla unfairly and is therefore a bad mother. This insult, especially in the fact that it was said in the Lozupone household, strengthens the bond of the Lozupone family, including Carla, against Sam. The Lozupones all make up and live happily ever after. Sam's fate?: he gets locked in the Murphy bed. Another Lozupone tradition: you cross Mama, you spend the night in the wall.
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13 December 1990

Kelly has returned from France, and...
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Kelly has returned from France, and with her is Henr?, a Lothario of a Frenchman who is out to steal Kelly away from Woody. Including Woody, everyone is aware of Henr?'s intentions, everyone that is except for Kelly. Kelly, in her naivet?, thinks that Henr?'s overt attempts to steal her away from Woody are all in jest. Woody finally threatens Henr?, which Kelly thinks rude, impolite and immature on Woody's part. Sam thinks that Henr? might actually be able to steal Kelly away since Woody and Kelly have yet to consummate their relationship. Woody decides to do it, taking Kelly to a seedy motel as "Mr. and Mrs. Malone". They're both really nervous. Before they do it, Carla comes storming into their room. As the voice of reason, she tells them that they're having sex for all the wrong reasons. Woody and Kelly decide to wait, not until they're married but until Woody can afford to get a room at the Four Seasons (which probably would be after when they'd get married anyway). But Carla has ulterior motives as she wanted a motel room for herself and her new conquest, Henr?.
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06 December 1990

Woody has developed a disease:...
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Woody has developed a disease: Home-Shopping-Channel-itis. He has just discovered the channel's existence, and can't stop buying stuff from it. He realizes the stuff he is buying is crap, but just can't help himself. Although it doesn't cure his desire, his credit card company helps him out as he is over his credit limit, forcing him to go cold turkey. Meanwhile, Norm and his accomplice Cliff have decided to be puppet masters by putting people in situations they know will cause a conflict. They first start with Rebecca and Carla with a work situation. Their next target is Sam and Frasier. Frasier and Lilith are in the bar for drinks with some work colleagues and Frasier is going to pay with his gold credit card. Norm and Cliff manage to get the credit card number and report the card stolen to the credit card company just before Sam is about to call for authorization for Frasier's purchases at the bar. When Sam calls, the company informs Sam that he can't accept the card because it's been reported stolen. Frasier finds this incredulous since obviously he still had the card and thus would it make sense for himself to report his own "still in his possession" card stolen? Still, Sam cannot accept payment with such and offers to help Frasier out by having the drinks on the house, starting a bar tab for him or even giving him his own credit cards as replacements. Frasier finds these suggestions by Sam insulting. The one thing Sam cannot do is give Frasier his card back as Sam is required to cut up the card and send it back to the credit card company. Sam snips the card in half in front of Frasier's eyes, to which Frasier gasps in horror. Because he sees this act from his so-called friend as being intentionally hurtful and humiliating, Frasier vows to leave Cheers and never come back. For Norm and Cliff, this prank has gone a little farther than they anticipated or wanted. After Frasier has been gone from the bar for a day, Norm and Cliff know that they have to both rectify the act of the credit card issue, but more importantly mend Frasier and Sam's friendship. They obviously can achieve both by telling Frasier and Sam the truth. Norm and Cliff go to Frasier's house meaning to tell him the truth (and hopefully snag a free dinner in the process by arriving during the dinner hour), but once Frasier makes the assumption that Sam wants to apologize, they chicken out and let Frasier believe what he wants to believe, which at least will get Frasier back to the bar. Once Frasier is back at the bar, Norm and Cliff's plan doesn't come to fruition - thanks to Woody - and Norm and Cliff are forced finally to tell Frasier and Sam the truth. Frasier and Sam are equally mad at Norm and Cliff, but they do make up with each other. As retribution for this prank, Sam demands both Norm and Cliff's credit cards, not so that he can cut them up or report them stolen, but rather to give to Woody to feed his need to shop on the Home Shopping Channel.
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22 November 1990

Woody has a starring role in a...
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Woody has a starring role in a television commercial for a health drink called Veggie-Boy. Woody is excited before the commercial shoot, during the commercial shoot and after the commercial shoot. It isn't until the commercial starts to air that Woody's excitement turns to horror. In the commercial, Woody explicitly states that he likes it, referring to Veggie-Boy, but he finally tastes it afterward and hates it. This endorsement is a lie from a man who doesn't lie. Woody has no idea how to resolve this dilemma. Despite the fact that Lilith doesn't agree, Frasier suggests to Woody that he try hypnosis. Woody does try it, and it works - Woody ends up liking it. He's now ecstatic, but his euphoria is short-lived. Due to poor sales, the manufacturers have stopped making Veggie-Boy. Woody now loves Veggie-Boy so much, he can't live without it.
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15 November 1990

John Allen Hill, a famous Manhattan...
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John Allen Hill, a famous Manhattan restauranteur, has bought Melville's, which Rebecca thinks is going to boost business for Cheers. Hill and Sam's relationship starts off slowly and gets worse and worse. The first spoken threat from Hill is the fact that he actually owns the land on which the bar's pool room and washrooms are situated, implying that he wants Sam to meets all his demands or else. Hill wants a floor mat at the bottom of the interior stairs and wants to use the bar as the restaurant's lounge which includes treating Cheers' staff as Melville's staff. And a consequence of Hill's ownership of Melville's is that the bar is filled with a different yuppie client?le, who most importantly don't know that Norm's bar stool is only for Norm. But the last straw for Sam is that Hill wants his parking spot back. Although the parking spot is rightfully his, Hill has Sam's beloved Corvette towed after he parks there. Sam and Hill refuse to do business with each other, which leads to Hill bricking off the bar's hallway - the one leading to his washrooms and pool room. Hill will only take down the wall when Sam starts to pay rent. Sam is slowly descending into madness from this situation. Ultimately, Sam loses the battle with Hill and has descended into the bottom of the madness pit. But the final nail in Sam's coffin is that they've taken wagers in the bar of when Sam would reach the bottom of the madness pit: the winner of the $200 jackpot is John Allen Hill. Meanwhile, Woody receives some somewhat suggestive pictures from Kelly in Paris. However, Carla notices a hairy large thumb in one of the photos, meaning the pictures were taken by a man. Woody can't stop thinking about who this man is. Finally Frasier talks Woody into calling Kelly in Paris to clear up the matter. When Woody calls, a man answers the phone - perhaps the man with thumb? Since Woody doesn't understand French, Frasier speaks to the man for Woody. Apparently the man on the phone and the photo taker is an elderly monsignor at the convent where she's staying - or so Frasier tells Woody. In reality, Woody dialed the wrong number and got a Belgian chocolateur instead.
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01 November 1990

The Cranes have received some...
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The Cranes have received some devastating news: their one-year old son, Frederick, is intellectually average, the manifestation of which is that he has yet to utter his first word. Lilith thinks that it's because they as parents don't spend enough time with him. Lilith decides that she will be a stay at home Mom. When Lilith uncovers her domestic inabilities, Frasier takes over. But Frasier's idea of care-taking his son is to take him to Cheers and hang out with the guys. Lilith is depressed that she sees Frasier as a better parent than her - that is until she finds that he has spent the day with Frederick at the bar. But Frederick's day at the bar has an unexpected outcome. Still, Lilith sees Frederick's act as success. Meanwhile, Rebecca receives a dirty love letter from Robin, which is making her pine for some physical contact with him. Unfortunately he is not allowed conjugal visits. Carla thinks Rebecca should make her next visit with Robin a conjugal one anyway, Rebecca thinking the usually deserted prison garden the perfect place. However, Rebecca sees that the garden is being used for a barbecue party. Rebecca goes for it anyway, but Robin refuses as it is against prison rules, and he will soon be up for parole and cannot risk getting a black mark on his record. So instead, Rebecca's going to have to be content flirting in front of some construction workers to relieve her sexual frustration.
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25 October 1990

Rebecca is concerned for Robin's...
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Rebecca is concerned for Robin's welfare as he is on a works crew picking up garbage, work unsuited to his previous white collar billionaire lifestyle. Sam relishes in rubbing Rebecca's nose about the situation. Carla relishes parading her scantily clad, blouse-wet body in front of the female-starved convicts and their muscled guards. Meanwhile, Norm's life is crumbling around him as The Hungry Heifer is forced to close due to a building sale and demolition. He's not only sad for himself, but for Sid Nelson, the owner and his friend. Norm goes on a mission to save The Hungry Heifer. He starts off with a petition, but achieves his goal when he finds out that the building is the only one on the Eastern Seaboard with a snorting bull on it, which the city planners see as reason to declare it a roadside landmark. Sid is not as enthusiastic about Norm's achievement as he really hates the restaurant and will do anything to see its demise. He even tries to emotionally blackmail Norm into setting it on fire. But Norm convinces Sid to keep the restaurant and change it to what he wants. Sid does change it to what he wants: a restaurant burnt to the ground. He found someone else to "light the match".
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18 October 1990

A public works crew is doing some...
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A public works crew is doing some construction at the top of the bar stairwell, which is causing a slow-down in bar business. Sam wants to grease the wheels by bribing the workmen with free beer, but Rebecca refuses. The workmen initiate a work slow-down. After that Sam, thinks they have to up the bribe ante, but again Rebecca refuses. As such, Rebecca suggests building a back entrance to the bar from the alley. During that work, Norm gets stuck between the iron bars in the back window. They call in the police to get him unstuck. While there, the police find out that Rebecca and Sam didn't get a permit for the construction work. As her calls on not bribing in the past failed miserably, Rebecca thinks this time it best to try a bribe and quickly gets hauled off to jail. Meanwhile, Ma Clavin comes back to Boston for a visit. Cliff, with his new bachelor lifestyle, doesn't want her to stay with him. Woody, on the other hand, offers his place to Ma Clavin. Woody becomes Ma Clavin's surrogate son. The two of them have a great time together. Cliff initially feigns disinterest in Ma and her relationship with Woody, but after Ma calls Woody "son", Cliff admits that he wants his Ma back. Cliff and Woody fight over Ma's affections, and after all is said and done, she's got two sons.
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11 October 1990

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04 October 1990

Sam is facing crises at work: his...
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Sam is facing crises at work: his cash flow is minimal and he's having troubles with all the new technical gizmos installed by Rebecca, like the computer and fax machine. With the latter, he is wanting Rebecca back to manage the bar, but suspects she wouldn't come back. She says as much as she has a new job in public relations. So Sam hires Earl, a retired baseballer, and a whiz at bar management. Meanwhile, Rebecca really is the new Miss Miracle Buff at the car show, she who is asked to do demeaning and quite dangerous things like wipe acid and boiling tar off the cars. Sam and Woody see her at the car show, and discover that she really would like her job at the bar back. Sam decides to hire her back. The one problem however is that he's hired Earl, who everybody thinks is the perfect person, period. But being the perfect person, Earl gladly steps aside for Rebecca, but not before a firm but loving chastisement of Sam.
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27 September 1990

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03 May 1990

Sam turned Robin in to the Lily Board...
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Sam turned Robin in to the Lily Board of Directors, and as such, Robin has been indicted for insider trading. Rebecca is standing by Robin, although she, deep in her heart, knows that Robin, in her own words, is going to fry. But at least she has the solace in knowing that Sam, her friend, was not the one who turned Robin in. When she finds out that it was Sam - she finds out when the Lily Corporation sells the bar back to Sam for $1 (actually 85?) - Rebecca is livid and wants to kill Sam. She decides to leave Cheers forever and forget it ever existed, and to head off to where ever Robin is. Just as she's about to leave, they all learn via the FBI and a personal fax from Robin to Rebecca that Robin has jumped bail and skipped the country. Not only does she feel used by Robin, but the corporation fires her. What's worse, they don't fire her because of her involvement with Robin, but because they didn't care for her work. Sam offers Rebecca a job as a waitress to tide her over in this transitional period in her life. A lousy and bitter waitress, Rebecca ultimately falls into the arms of the man who has been there for her all along: Sam. Just as Sam and Rebecca are about to do it in the bar office, Robin comes back announcing that life is meaningless without Rebecca, the love of his life. He walks into the office and...
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26 April 1990

The on-going battle between...
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The on-going battle between Jeanne-Marie and Rebecca for Robin's affections continues. Robin apparently bought Jeanne-Marie a house on the Left Bank. Because of that, Rebecca thinks Robin is going to dump her. Instead, he asks her to move in with him. She readily accepts, thinking he's going to dump Jeanne-Marie. While Robin is away on a business trip, Rebecca, with Sam, Norm and Woody's help, starts moving in to Robin's apartment. They discover a confidential Lily Corporation document coming through Robin's printer, the document which was obtained using Rebecca's secret computer password. Norm concludes that Robin is going to attempt a hostile takeover of the Lily Corporation, information for which he obtained using Rebecca's access to the company without her knowledge. Despite still being in love with Robin, Rebecca hums and haws about what to do. Finally the guys convince her to turn Robin in and inform Lily's Board of Directors, especially since she could go to jail herself otherwise. Robin apprehends Rebecca just before she's ready to head into the Board meeting and talks her out of reporting him by asking her to marry him. She again readily accepts. In this act, he gets the confidential document that came through his printer from her and shreds it right then and there. As Rebecca and Robin head off, Sam is left at the corporate office to deal with the Board. Jim Montgomery of the Board informs Sam that the Board knows that Rebecca has been receiving a lot of classified corporate information. As such, Sam decides to turn Robin in on Rebecca's behalf, but unfortunately the only proof he has is a pile of shredded paper.
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19 April 1990

Woody is looking for a roommate since...
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Woody is looking for a roommate since his rent is being raised. He finds Terry Gardner - a she, not a he - who, despite her gender, he thinks is perfect, especially since she's from Indiana. But as quickly as Terry moves in, she moves out as she reconciles with her jealous husband, Cutter, who just happens to be a hot tempered old acquaintance of Woody's from back home. Knowing Cutter's size and temperament, Woody offers up poor Cliff as the man Terry spent the evening with on her night away from home. Meanwhile, Lilith is taking singing lessons as she wants to be able to serenade Frederick. Frasier scoffs at her abilities. But she comes into the bar singing a heart wrenching rendition of Sonny Boy, which send all who listens the need to call home to Mom to tell her he/she loves her. Elsewhere, Rebecca reads in the society column that Robin's other girlfriend, Jeanne-Marie, the charg? d'affaires with the French consulate, is in town to attend a gala Franco-American ball. Rebecca, jealous, asks Sam to attend to the ball to spy on Jeanne-Marie and report back to her. He does so. In fact he ends up sleeping with Jeanne-Marie, in what he considers the best sex he's ever had - or so he tells Rebecca. In actuality, the hotel ballroom where the ball was to be held got flooded and the ball canceled, so he never even met Jeanne-Marie. Sam only told that story as he knew that Rebecca would want to know how to compete sexually. Of course the only way would be for Rebecca also to sleep with Sam. His plan works. In fact, Rebecca wants to recreate everything about the liaison with Jeanne-Marie, which Sam mentions included doing it in the hotel elevator, Sam tied up with Jeanne-Marie's scarf, and of course, various stages of undress of both parties. So, Sam and Rebecca go into the elevator, she ties him up and starts ripping off his clothes. After that, she leaves and leaves him tied up - she knew about the flooded ballroom and thus Sam's made up story.
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12 April 1990

Rebecca is going to be on a consumer...
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Rebecca is going to be on a consumer reports show as she wrote a letter to them complaining about an electronic depilatory that ripped off her skin when she shaved her legs. Rebecca is looking forward to exposing the crooked company that makes the product. On air, she finds that the manufacturer is a subsidiary of Colcord Industries. Right then, Rebecca does a 180 degree turn and praises the depilatory, even to the point of using it while being filmed. Despite bleeding profusely, she grins and bears it, all for her sweet baby, Robin. Meanwhile, Carla feels that the return of Darryl Mead - her fantasy Red Sox player - to Cheers is a sign that she's ready to date again, the first time after Eddie's death. When she and Darryl head off on their date, all Carla sees is Eddie LeBec's everywhere she goes. She figures that Eddie is haunting her since he doesn't want her to date. When she makes an announcement that she will not date, even more Eddie's appear. Eddie is haunting her for more than just not wanting her to date. Since she can't figure out why, she, Frasier and Lilith all decide that she needs professional help. Frasier and Lilith are thinking about her seeing one of their colleagues, whereas Carla is thinking a trip to her psychic, Madame Lazora. Frasier is appalled not only that Carla would confide in Madame Lazora, but that Madame Lazora even exists. Madame Lazora holds a s?ance in the bar to conjure up Eddie. On a diatribe against Frasier, Carla surmises that perhaps Eddie isn't haunting her at all, and that her visions are all in her head, a manifestation of the fact that she scared to go on her first date after three years. This revelation is enough for Carla, especially after Madame Lazora, hearing this, says that she has conjured up Eddie, who said just that. Frasier is even more exasperated at the end of the evening.
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29 March 1990

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15 March 1990

The gang thinks that since it's St....
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The gang thinks that since it's St. Patrick's Day - one of the busiest bar days of the year - Gary of Gary's Old Towne Tavern is about ready to strike on Cheers. Rebecca and Gary have however previously drawn an agreement to stop the pranks against each other. But Tecumseh, the Indian statue standing at the entrance of the bar, is missing, and the gang think that it's Gary at work. After Sam, Norm and Cliff close down Gary's with padlocks, toxic warning signs and police tape, they find out that Rebecca sent Tecumseh out solely to be varnished. Thus the gang await the wrath of Gary. When the Fire Marshal arrives for the bar's six month inspection, the gang thinks this is Gary's revenge and they torture the Fire Marshal. They find out the Fire Marshal is legitimate. Their collective nerves are so frayed waiting for Gary to hit, that Cliff suggests they, as an act of peace and good faith to Gary, sabotage themselves before Gary can. As stupid as some think the idea, they decide to go ahead if only to calm their nerves. Their act: Sam, Woody,Cliff and Norm shave their heads bald, except for the letters G A R Y - one on each head - shaved on top. They have news photographer come to shoot the Cheers guys advertising Gary's bar with the shaved heads. After that, Rebecca finds out that Gary's has been shut down for a month while the bar is being renovated, and Gary has been out of town, so doesn't even know what's been happening. So this war has ended up being one sided. What's worse, they find out that one of their own did not shave his head but wore a skull cap, none other than the one who treasures his hair: Sam. The war is now everyone versus Sam.
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08 March 1990

Woody's theater group is doing a...
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Woody's theater group is doing a production of Hair, and unbeknownst to Woody it has a nude scene. Despite everyone in the bar trying to convince him of the fact, he thinks they are all pulling his leg, that is until he reads it in black and white in the script. He is nervous about it until the director tells him that individuals can decide to take off their clothes or not based on how their mood sways them at the time. Being the professional that he is, Woody wants to be true to the production and wills himself to do it despite how uncomfortable he is. He is however the only one to strip when the time comes. Carla has her own problems. Eddie's will has finally been executed, and while Gloria, his other wife, got $100, Carla got everything else, which unfortunately was only debt. In discussion, Carla and Gloria negotiate splitting the $100, to which they also mutually agree that Carla would give Gloria half of everything that she would have got as well. Carla and Gloria end up being good pals, chumming around for the remainder of Gloria's time in Boston before she heads back to Kenosha. However, Carla soon finds out that Eddie may not have left anything of monetary value to Carla in his will, but he did have a life insurance policy from the ice show worth $50,000. Carla is elated, and despite her friendship with Gloria and more importantly her vow to Gloria, she decides to keep it all for herself. Carla is protective of her money, but is shaking uncontrollably, which she learns later is due to the guilt she feels. Finally after a week of this guilt and its physical manifestations which she can no longer take, Carla finally confesses to Gloria about the reason for her shaking and the money, half of which she does hand over. Gloria shows her true colors when she berates Carla for being such a chump for handing over the money so easily.
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22 February 1990

Robin is taking a day off work to...
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Robin is taking a day off work to spend with Rebecca doing her spontaneous planned dream date that she's fantasized about since puberty: a walk along the beach, a picnic in the park, a paddleboat ride, a trip to the zoo, The Phantom of the Opera, a late supper and a roll in the hay. But competitive Robin and equally competitive Sam get into a continual war of oneupmanship in bar games of darts and pool, each won by Sam. However Robin challenges Sam to a game of intellectual cunning: chess. Robin makes the challenge irresistible for Sam with a wager of a week's salary, Sam figuring that he can use the winnings to buy back the bar. Sam accepts despite the fact that he doesn't know how to play chess. Using some transmitting equipment and Norm and Pete sitting in front of a computer chess game, Sam takes on Robin with Norm and Pete's computer help. Things are going well until the computer crashes. Sam is on his own. That's when Sam makes some unusual moves, to which Robin is caught off guard. In a couple of moves, Sam calls check mate. Robin is flabbergasted. He knew Sam was cheating, knew Sam's every move, yet continued to play and was totally thrown by Sam's unorthodox last moves. Although Robin knew Sam was cheating, Sam calls the game fair and square since Robin continued to play. Robin pays up, but not what Sam figures. To avoid paying taxes, Robin pays himself a salary of $1 a year, making his weekly salary the equivalent of a penny. Meanwhile Rebecca spends her dream date with Woody, who at the end of their date is in tears by an offhanded comment from his date.
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15 February 1990

Cliff is downing prescription pills...
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Cliff is downing prescription pills to relieve a work stress related skin condition, more than the prescribed dosage. However, Cliff finds out that a side effect of masses doses is male breast enlargement, the fact of which the gang at the bar won't let him forget. Meanwhile, Lilith has written a new book, Good Girls/Bad Boys, the book's premise being that women are initially attracted to what she deems bad boys. However as women get over that need, they will seek out stable good boys. Lilith is promoting the book on a local women's afternoon talk show. Frasier, not wanting to be the only male in the audience, talks Sam into going with him. At the show, Lilith wants the discussion to be on the scientific merits of her research, whereas Brenda Balzac, the host, is more interested in the salacious aspects of the book's title. In the audience, she sees both Frasier and Sam, who she deems to be the typical good boy and bad boy as portrayed in Lilith's book - Lilith does not deny this. However, the show degenerates into the sexual peccadilloes of Frasier and especially Sam. At the end, even Lilith falls under the animal magnetism of Sam on camera, just about ripping off his shirt. Because of Lilith's display, Frasier wants to become a bad boy. He especially doesn't like the analogy of good boys being like comfortable old shoes, or worse yet ratty old slippers, not to be seen outside the house. So Frasier decides to don leather, and hooks up with Ellen aka Viper, a motorcyclist. When Viper suggest heading to Florida, Frasier wakes up to what the bad boy life he thought he aspired to really is, and runs back to a waiting and apologetic Lilith.
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08 February 1990

Woody is meeting Kelly's mother,...
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Woody is meeting Kelly's mother, Roxanne Gaines, for the first time. Roxanne and Kelly's father, Walter, have been divorced for years, hence the reason why Woody has yet to meet her. He figures she's his last opportunity for someone in Kelly's family actually to like him. She does like him, a little too much as displayed by the her tongue down his throat and the game of footsie she plays with him under the dinner table. At a dinner part at the Gaines household, Woody blurts out in front of all the dinner guests that he wants her to stop hitting on him. He thinks that act will ruin his relationship with Kelly. Contrary, Kelly believes that Woody has misinterpreted Roxanne's actions. Roxanne says as much to Kelly. But in a note Roxanne has written to Woddy, her true "tongue down his throat" and "footsie" intentions are made even more crystal clear. Meanwhile, one of Lily's restaurants in Texas is closing down and is moving it's unliquidatable inventory to its other properties. Cheers is the lucky recipient of a mechanical bull. Carla goads Cliff into riding the bull. He straps himself in and has the guys put it on the highest setting. The bull is bucking so hard, Cliff can't get off and no one can get close enough to shut it off. After getting expert advice, they find they can't shut off the power as it will cause the bull to stop immediately, which could injure Cliff. Finally the fire department lays down mattress pads against the wall so that when the bull stops, Cliff will be thrown safely against the pads. However Carla reads that he only has another five hours on the bull to break the world record. Cliff, rather than be world record holder, wants off. The rest of the bar want him to break the record and leave him strapped on.
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01 February 1990

Despite being a self-professed...
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Despite being a self-professed womanizer himself, Sam can no longer support Robin's cheating on Rebecca since she is his friend. Sam managed to get Rebecca out of Little Wally's with an exaggerated lie without her spotting Robin with his other date, but he is now regretting doing so, that is until Robin bribes Sam's silence by promising to buy Cheers back for him. Sam ultimately decides to decline the bribe and tell Rebecca the truth. When he does, she doesn't believe him. She thinks he's just jealous. But Rebecca learns the truth when she hides in Robin's limousine to surprise him, when in turn he surprises her when his other date, ballerina Christine Davi, bounds into the limousine. Christine has some morals and dumps Robin right then and there. Perhaps Rebecca has some morals as well, but it's going to take a little while for herself to figure that out. With Christine out of the way, Robin's affections are down to two: Rebecca and a charg? d'affaires at the French consulate. When Rebecca stands up to Robin and declines the offer of a diamond bracelet bribe, Robin declares that her moxie has "put her in the lead" in the race against the charg? d'affaires. Rebecca decides that being in the lead means everything and she rushes off with Robin. Sam tries to make her change her mind by saying that she'll regret giving up something valuable, meaning her self respect. Rebecca does choose that something valuable: she decides to take the bracelet.
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25 January 1990

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18 January 1990

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04 January 1990

Alice Ann Volkman, Rebecca's old...
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Alice Ann Volkman, Rebecca's old college professor and mentor, is coming by the bar to meet up with Rebecca. Rebecca is in awe of the woman and despite not being the best student and a bit of a suck up, Alice liked Rebecca for her sheer determination. Sam sees Alice's visit as an opportunity to pick the brain of a business professor as to ways to buy back the bar. Off to speak to Robin on the phone, Rebecca leaves Alice alone with Sam. As with Sam and any woman, they end up sleeping together. Rebecca is shocked that her mentor would slum with the likes of Sam. Although a one nighter in Sam's mind, Rebecca believes that for a woman with the class of Alice, she probably is expecting some sort of commitment with Sam. As it turns out, it too was just a casual fling for Alice. Rebecca is conflicted about her feelings. When Rebecca and Alice meet up, Alice tells Rebecca just to tell her what's really on her mind. After humming and hawing, Rebecca finally blurts that she thinks Alice is a slut. It's the first time Rebecca has ever said anything decisive without regard for the outcome. Despite the comment, Alice is happy that Rebecca is finally taking a stand. Meanwhile, Carla is being audited by the IRS and uses Norm's accounting services and advice. He tells her to make up fake receipts. Things get better for Carla when the auditor ends up being an old friend of Norm's. Things get worse again for both Carla and Norm when Norm makes off the cuff remarks about Carla's unreported tips - Norm now has the wrath of Carla to face.
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14 December 1989

Sam is still aiming to buy back the...
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Sam is still aiming to buy back the bar, but is still a lot short on capital. Robin is getting death threats and thus is surrounded by a mass of security guards. Sam and Robin's lives intersect when Robin, who was planning on sailing his boat, aptly named The Rebecca, in the Cape Cod Regatta that afternoon, is called off on emergency business. Sam would love to sail the boat in Robin's place since the winner's purse is $10,000. Independent of each other, Sam and Robin decide that Sam can sail The Rebecca in Robin's place. Now, all Sam needs is a crew, so he enlists the help of Carla and ex-Coast Guard employee Norm. During the race, Sam is working his butt off, but Carla and Norm concede defeat when they drop into last place early on. All three change their minds as to their priority on board when Norm discovers a bomb on board the boat. They discover the radio has been dismantled, the lifeboat no where in sight and although the life jackets are there, they can't jump overboard as the waters are shark infested. With 28 minutes left on the bomb's timer, they decide to sail as close to shore as possible and then jump if need be. They end up making it to shore just before the bomb detonates and the boat blown to smithereens. Although upset about the close call, they, but Sam in particular, are more upset about Robin's lack of sympathy for their ordeal, especially since it was his life the bombers were after. Robin does come to the bar and offers financial compensation to Sam. Sam is offended by this gesture and wants only some true compassion on Robin's part. Norm and Carla, on the other hand, want the money.
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07 December 1989

Due to declining business since he...
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Due to declining business since he has decided not to work, Norm has to fire his secretary, the mild mannered Doris. He writes her a letter of reference, which she in her warped mind misconstrues as a love letter. She confesses her supposed mutual love for Norm. Despite subtle and not so subtle hints from Norm, Doris just won't leave him alone. Frasier tells Norm that she is suffering from lack of self-esteem and he needs to build up her confidence to get rid of her. Norm tells her that the letter was written by all the guys, which she construes as their love for her. Cliff takes her up on her neediness. Finally Frasier takes matters into his own hands and tells her that she is a worthwhile person who should not settle for just any man. She is however still attracted to Norm. When he questions her why she wasn't so when she worked for him, she admits then she had an identity as "Mr. Peterson's secretary", so to solve his dilemma, Norm hires her back. Meanwhile, Woody and Rebecca bore the gang with their respective stories. Woody's is about the coldest day ever in Boston. This knowledge however earns Woody a trip to Hawaii when that is the question on a morning radio show contest. Rebecca's is about the antique desk that Robin has given her as a gift. He has let her know that there is a ring associated with the desk, the 'where' he will divulge to her next he sees her in two weeks. She infers that it is a wedding ring and despite saying that she will wait for Robin to show her the ring, she can't wait. The gang at the bar find out the ring really is a mark on the desk - the desk used to belong to George Bernard Shaw, the ring being where he set down his teacup. The desk is worth a lot of money. But when Sam goes to tell Rebecca, it's too late - she has destroyed the desk looking for the supposed wedding ring.
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30 November 1989

Rebecca is afraid that Robin is...
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Rebecca is afraid that Robin is getting tired of her since after four dates they have not yet slept together. So in an effort to spice up their relationship, she decides to wait for him stark naked in his apartment. However, Sam finds out Robin's delayed by a few hours so he rushes off to Robin's apartment to tell Rebecca, and of course to see her naked. Sam gets his wish. But neither Rebecca or Sam get their wish when Rebecca, thinking that she's pushes the elevator button in Robin's apartment, accidentally triggers the security system instead. All the doors and windows are secured and Rebecca and Sam are trapped inside. What's worse is that they also trigger the electronic laser sensor system, so they can't even move for fear of cutting one of the laser sensors. Despite their predicament, Rebecca and Sam have a nice nice chatting about their lives. Luckily, first thing in the morning, Robin's maid disarms the security system and Sam and Rebecca escape undetected. Meanwhile, back at the bar, Norm vows to teach Woody about economics, culminating in a game of Monopoly with Cliff and Frasier. Frasier is frustrated by the lying and cheating in the game, but gives kudos to the gang for teaching Woody the truth about economics.
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23 November 1989

When Sam comes into work with a day's...
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When Sam comes into work with a day's facial hair growth, he, Cliff, Norm and Frasier decide to have a $20 per person 1-month beard growing contest, judged by Carla and Rebecca on length, body, fullness, luster, sheen, bounce and the ever important beer absorption ability. The day before the end of the contest, Sam, Norm and Frasier's beards are looking full and lush, while Cliff's is still straggly. The day of the judging, Cliff miraculously comes in with a full beard, which he attributes the the Clavin genes of sporadic but quick hair growth. Carla thinks he's lying and has a glued on beard but a hard tug at his beard proves that it is real. After the judging, Cliff is deemed the winner. However, unbeknownst to anyone, Cliff's beard is fake which he affixed with a super strength but damaging to skin adhesive. Meanwhile, Woody is offered his first leading role at his theater group, that of the young lover George Gibbs in Thornton Wilder's Our Town. He is excited about doing the part but doesn't tell Kelly as he doesn't want her to know that he has a romantic scene with an actress, even though it's just make believe. However the scene isn't very romantic as there is no such chemistry between Woody and Emily, his leading lady. The fault is all Woody's as he feels like he is cheating on Kelly. Lee Bradken, the director, tells Emily that she has to coax a performance from Woody or else he is going to have to fire him. So Emily uses all her feminine wiles to seduce Woody, only to have their scenes be real. Woody construes Emily's come-ons as being real which makes his performance even less real in deference to his love for Kelly. Emily tells Woody the come-on was a fake purely to stir some emotions from inside him. Finally Emily takes matters into her own hands and gives Woody a passionate kiss, which Kelly witnesses. Kelly finds out that Woody has lied to her about being in a play, and is angry since she feels he doesn't trust her. Woody and Kelly clear the air. But nothing that Emily has done has evoked an emotionally charged performance from Woody. That all changes when Emily tells him that Lee is going to fire him unless he can tell her he loves her. In Woody's mind, fear is the key to great acting.
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16 November 1989

To memorialize Eddie, Carla's task is...
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To memorialize Eddie, Carla's task is to get his number retired from the Bruins. She is circulating a petition to achieve her goal. She doesn't convince the Bruins to do so, but she does get them to give her season's tickets, which is what she really wanted in the first place. Rebecca's task is to throw yet another party, this time for Larry, a corporate middle manager who is retiring. Rebecca is as enthusiastic about this task as Larry is about his retirement and his feelings for the company, which are not very much. However, when one of the corporate Vice-Presidents, Mr. Sheridan, arrives for the party, Rebecca has to pretend that she put more effort into planning and implementing it than she has. She takes Sam up on his suggestion to liven up the party: hire girls for a wet T-shirt contest. Ultimately the girls get depressed from the party. The Cranes are having a party of a different sort. Little Frederick Crane is one week old and it's time for his bris. All the guys in the bar are invited to the ceremony, but they all chicken out from going since they're squeamish about the circumcision procedure. Despite being happy about instilling some religion into his son's life, Frasier is also squeamish and kidnaps Frederick before the knife hits. Despite the guys convincing Frasier to take Frederick back and support Lilith on this important day, Frasier ultimately can't and runs off with Frederick again back to the bar. Lilith and the rest of the party guests go down to the bar to find the male Cranes. Lilith finally convinces Frasier to go through with it, and the bris is to take place in the pool room, where Larry's party is currently being held. The two parties co-mingle into one, and everything ends up happily ever after. Mr. Sheridan is somewhat perplexed but happy. Larry is happy as he found one of the T-shirt girls to run off with. And Frederick has his bris, and Frasier is fine. He needs to be as he needs to comfort a distraught Lilith, who just hated to see a knife go down onto her son.
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09 November 1989

After Carla meets Darryl Mead, a Red...
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After Carla meets Darryl Mead, a Red Sox player whom she has been lusting after and who has a mutual attraction for her, she mourns the fact that she is married. With Eddie constantly away on the ice show, she has all the disadvantages of marriage and none of the benefits. Her mourning turns into that of another kind when she receives news that Eddie has been killed saving an ice show performer - another penguin - from being run over by a Zamboni. She doesn't allow herself to grieve properly by this news. Things turn worse however when she finds out that there is another Mrs. LeBec, a woman by the name of Gloria who also claims to be Eddie's widow. She even claims to have had twins with him. Carla is angry - demonstrated by the cat fight she has with Gloria - and confused, and would really like to know what was in Eddie's mind for marrying another woman and what was truly in his heart toward her. Gloria comes by the bar to speak to Carla to discuss their respective relationships with Eddie. They can talk until they're blue in the face and nothing will be resolved, until Gordie Brown comes into the bar. Gordie is the person whose life Eddie saved. Eddie confessed his true feelings to Gordie and wrote it in a note which Gordie was to deliver to Carla if anything happened to him. In Eddie's letter, he tells Carla about Gloria, but that he only married her because he got her pregnant, and that Carla is his one true love. This revelation allows Carla to show compassion toward Gloria, but it also allows Carla to grieve properly, alone and in the only way she can.
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02 November 1989

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26 October 1989

Sam is trying to save money to buy...
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Sam is trying to save money to buy back the bar, but things are going slowly. Rebecca suggests he sell his beloved Corvette. After deliberating, he decides to do so. But he makes the process so difficult as the buyer has to be as committed a Corvette lover as he is. Finally he sells the car, but after snide remark and after snide remark about his replacement vehicle - a Volare - he needs to get his Corvette back. Finally Frasier is the one who convinces the buyer to give Sam his car back. The buyer was Lilith. Meanwhile, Norm is swamped with painting work, so Rebecca and Woody suggest he hire some painters to work under him. Norm is reluctant as he is not boss material. In other words, he figures he will have no backbone to demand work from his employees. But he does end up hiring Rudy, John and Scott, who end up being more buddies than employees. Their work ethic is lax. When Norm thinks out loud that he needs to hire another tough guy to handle the employee situation, Frasier suggests that all he needs to do is develop an alter ego. This alter ego become Anton Kreitzer, the last name being Vera's maiden name. Kreitzer is like a Nazi dictator. To further the masquerade, Norm even rents office space for him and Kreitzer, and hires a meek secretary named Doris, who obviously has never met Kreitzer despite sitting outside his office every day. Rudy, John and Scott want to confront Kreitzer for his rough treatment not only of them but of Norm as well. Norm has to rush down to the office before Rudy, John and Scott get there. Norm manages to avert Rudy and the others from meeting Kreitzer. However after that situation is averted, Rudy goes back to the office when Norm isn't there and finds that Kreitzer's office is all a front. Rudy assumes that soft-hearted Norm Peterson does not exist, and that Norm really is Kreitzer. The gang at the bar don't help Norm convince Rudy otherwise.
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19 October 1989

Rebecca has the opportunity for some...
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Rebecca has the opportunity for some free cosmetic surgery. There is much discussion among the gang what she should do if anything. She finally decides on her own to get a tattoo removed. Although she got more stuff removed - a mole - that is too much information for Sam, who only wants to fantasize about the tattoo. Meanwhile, Margaret 'Maggie' O'Keefe, Cliff's one time postal girlfriend in Canada, has left a message for Cliff, stating that she is stopping by Boston and needs to see him. Cliff is excited about this. Upon seeing each other, Cliff isn't disappointed as Maggie wants to "be his girl". However he immediately becomes afflicted with what he calls hysterical blindness. This condition happened to him only one other time, that when he almost got into a romantic relationship in high school. Then, as soon as he and Wendy Beeman started going steady, he lost sight only when she was around. His sight became normalized after they broke up. Frasier easily deduces that this is a psychosomatic reaction to commitment, and since he can't prescribe a quick fix for Cliff, Cliff begs Sam to at least help him through his first night with Maggie. Sam agrees. At Cliff's apartment, Cliff and Sam discuss a game plan and they do need it as Cliff immediately goes blind when Maggie shows up. Despite the blindness being a major problem for Cliff, he quickly kicks Sam out when Maggie shows interest in the workings of the sofa bed. But things quickly fall apart for Cliff who promptly falls off the balcony into the pool. Sam explains everything to Maggie, who tells Cliff that she will give him his space, including going back to Canada until he's ready for her, if ever. He goes after her and tells her he wants a commitment. Lo and behold, his sight issue is no more. As Maggie rushes off to get her things from the hotel, Cliff can still see, but is now afflicted with paralysis below the waist. Perhaps he's not ready for a commitment.
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12 October 1989

Sam is reevaluating his life in light...
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Sam is reevaluating his life in light of the fact that Rebecca has chosen Robin Colcord as the love of her life, with whom, by the way, she has not yet slept. The guys at the bar convince Sam that what he should do is get his life back by buying another bar. Sam does find a place, and gives his notice to Rebecca. However, the new site of "Sam's Place" is not all that it's cracked up to be. It's a dump in need of major renovations and is located in the worst neighborhood in Boston. But underneath the maggot infested boardings are nice touches such as a lead pane stained glass window, hardwood floor and marble bar top. Sam is moving forward on the plans. It ends up that Robin owns some property close by and wants to hear Sam's plans for the property. After hearing the plans, Robin tells Sam that he making a go of this place is a pipe dream. But he also makes Sam really look into what he wants in life. In reality, Sam wants Cheers back. So Robin helps Sam get out of the deal of the new property. However Robin buys the property himself as it is adjacent to the property he is developing himself. The score of this round: Robin Colcord, 1 - Sam Malone, 0.
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28 September 1989

Rebecca is whisked off her feet by...
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Rebecca is whisked off her feet by Robin Colcord. He has taken her on his private jet to several cities on the west coast, lavished with expensive clothes and jewelry, and pampered her with spas and facials. Sam on the surface is getting on with his womanizing life, but a dream with Rebecca turning into Al unmasks some deeper feelings. Telling the gang at the bar about the dream, Sam gets differing opinions from the gang, including differing professional opinions from the Drs. Crane. But Sam comes to the self-conclusion that he really does care deeply for Rebecca, something he feels that Robin doesn't. So he takes the chance and decides to tell her that he does really care for her. Just as he is ready to do so, Robin beats him to the punch and tells her that he cares very deeply for her. Sam has missed his chance with Rebecca, at least for the time being.
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04 May 1989

One of Frasier's colleagues, Dr....
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One of Frasier's colleagues, Dr. Lawrence Crandell, is in town on a book tour to promote his latest on human sexual attraction and marital fidelity. He is in town without his wife, Valerie, he says a good way to test his theories. He says he has been celibate for 10 months while on tour. Rebecca construes a private conversation between the doctor and her as an unwanted come-on. In public, she is visibly hostile toward him; Sam and Frasier don't believe her story of the come-on as she believes. Sam and Frasier convince her that she could be wrong, so she apologizes to Dr. Crandell. The come-on this time however is unmistakable as is the hole is his sock as he runs his foot up her leg. Later in his hotel room, Dr. Crandell propositions the gullible young chambermaid named Maria just as Rebecca, with Sam clandestinely in tow, come by to have the doctor admit that he did come on to her. The doctor does do so, but Sam is too preoccupied with a certain chambermaid to hear. When a violinist meant to serenade the doctor and Maria comes by the hotel room, the doctor can't deny his actions. However, what's worse, Valerie surprises the doctor at the hotel. Sam, Rebecca, Maria and the violinist are forced into hiding in the closet since Valerie, by the doctor's own admission, is the scariest bitch on the face of the Earth. They are discovered in the closet and Rebecca wants to clear the air with Valerie. She not only fails to do so, but comes across as a raving lunatic. It's time for the closet foursome to leave while the doctor and his wife continue on their respective lecherous/bitchy lives.
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27 April 1989

Rebecca's estranged sister, Susan, is...
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Rebecca's estranged sister, Susan, is in Boston to shoot a commercial. She's an actress specializing in horror movies. She stops by the bar in the off chance that Rebecca might want to see her. Rebecca doesn't. Sam finds out that much of the sisterly discord is from the Susan stealing Rebecca's boyfriends when they were younger. Sam uses this information in his attempt to bed both sisters. He tells Susan that Rebecca and he are an item, after which she agrees to go out with him. He tells Rebecca that Susan is interested in him, to which Rebecca replies that to get back at Susan, Sam should break off their date and Rebecca would go out with him in Susan's place. So Sam postpones his date with Susan to take out Rebecca, with his date with Susan now later in the evening. However Susan can't wait and appears at the same time Sam is supposed to go out with Rebecca. For Rebecca, this is the last straw with Susan. Rebecca pulls out a gun and shoots Susan. Sam is mortified. But Rebecca isn't, nor is the rest of the gang at the bar, nor is Susan, who is still alive. Susan's acting talents came into good use as it was all a gag on Sam. Rebecca and Susan planned the whole shooting incident to get back at Sam for his come ons to both. In fact, Rebecca and Susan are grateful to Sam as this was the act needed to bring them back together as loving sisters.
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13 April 1989

There are a lot of transactions...
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There are a lot of transactions taking place in the bar this evening. Despite Rebecca's concern about its legality and its affect on the bar's license, Sam organizes a basketball betting pool worth $500, $125 for each of the four quarters. Two reluctant bettors are Woody, who doesn't like to lose money or take money from his friends, and Rebecca, who eventually sees that $500 is more than she normally makes in an evening's work. Woody promptly wins each of the first three quarters, irking the guys by first being smug about it, then acting nonchalant about it. However the winner of the last quarter is Rebecca, who is promptly caught by an off duty police officer in the bar. Under pressure, she tells the detective the money is not unlawful gambling winnings, but earned moneys from her work as a prostitute. The second transaction happens between the Cranes and Norm, the former who have hired the latter to decorate their unborn child's nursery in as neutral and unbaby-like a scheme as possible. And the third sets of transactions happen primarily between the gang at the bar and the local florist. It's Carla's second wedding anniversary to Eddie, and she is without Eddie for the evening as he's on the road with the ice show. But Carla is certain that he'll come through with a romantic gesture for their anniversary regardless. He's got five and a half hours until midnight and nothing yet has happened. Fearing that Eddie won't come through, the guys buy Carla some roses, but she knows they're not from Eddie as the guys have signed the card "Edward", whereas Eddie's real name is Guy. Then sensing that Eddie may actually forget, Carla sends herself some flowers, signing the card with Eddie's name. However, her fraud is discovered when the florist calls the bar to say Carla's credit card has been rejected. Then daughter Sarafina calls the bar saying that Eddie has sent a package home and that Anthony's going to bring the package to the bar. It happens only to be Eddie's laundry. As Carla resigns herself to the fact that Eddie did forget, he calls the bar to wish her a happy anniversary. Apparently, he was on his way home when he was called back for an unscheduled rehearsal. Carla is relieved. However, she suspects that Sam may have called Eddie to remind him. Sam won't tell. Perhaps he can't since Carla has placed a curse on his tongue if he did warn Eddie.
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06 April 1989

Rebecca, self professed as "too darn...
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Rebecca, self professed as "too darn beautiful", and is looking to Lilith as her new role model in getting ahead in the business world. However what works for Lilith works for Lilith: corporate offers her the job that Rebecca wants. Woody is getting closer to corporate as well as he dates Mr Gaines' daughter, Kelly. It's Kelly's birthday and Mr. Gaines invites Woody to her party. The gang at the bar thinks he's doing it just to put Woody in a bad light in Kelly's eyes as Woody can't afford to buy Kelly an expensive gift to which she's accustomed. In fact, she does get one expensive new car after another as birthday gifts. Frasier suggests a gift from the heart. As such, Woody writes a love song and sings it for Kelly. As much as Kelly likes the song, she is still wondering where her present is. As much as he loves Kelly, he thinks this may be the end of their relationship. He tries to match her other gifts by buying her an inexpensive piece of jewelry, something that he can't really afford. He finally gets through to her that he is poor and that an Automated Teller Machine is not an infinite source of money. True love comes through. But love is a two-way street: Kelly was going to buy Woody a Porsche for his birthday, but now...
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30 March 1989

Sam hits on a beautiful woman in the...
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Sam hits on a beautiful woman in the bar, she who promptly shoots him down. She is Dr. Sheila Rydell, a clinical psychiatrist and a colleague of the Drs. Crane. Because she shot him down, Sam wants her more. Cliff suggests that he approach her on a professional level, that he should make an appointment to see her with some psychiatric problem. Despite the touchy nature of the issue itself, Carla convinces Sam to use the problem of impotence, as all women love to help a man rectify such a problem. He does go in to see her at her office and she sees right through his story. When he confesses that he made up the story just to see her again and to ask her out, she accepts, thinking that the clinical part of her job is creeping a little too much into her personal life. They have a good time at dinner, but it's Sam that can't separate her personal and professional life. She admits to him that she does have a negative professional opinion of him, that he is an aging Lothario who only has sex in his life. But she still wants to sleep with him since she suspects he's good at it. Sam is offended and promptly ends their date. He's a bit depressed because he thinks that the doctor may be right. But Rebecca, after some thought, convinces Sam that he has other interests in life, namely the Three Stooges.
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16 March 1989

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02 March 1989

Rebecca and the company are forcing...
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Rebecca and the company are forcing Woody to take a vacation, something he has not done since he's started working at Cheers. The company is sending him to Italy, and he's not happy about it. But he goes. He ends up having a great vacation, but not in Italy. He missed his flight and spent the entire week at the airport, meeting people from all over the world. Meanwhile, Lilith is well into her pregnancy and is becoming the stereotypical Earth Mother. Frasier is embarrassed by the way she's acting. However he changes his tune when he listens to the baby's heartbeat for the first time. He then becomes Earth Father. As part of this revelation, the Cranes relinquish the materialism of their lives and decide to live out in the wilderness in a cabin Frasier intends to build, and live solely off the land. Realizing that they are true urbanites, Sam convinces them to try it for a week in a friend's cabin first before making up their minds for good. They agree. They start out with the best of intentions, but nerves soon start to fray since neither brought matches and they can't start a fire. Frasier spends the entire time at the cabin trying to create a spark with two rocks. He is unsuccessful. They quickly and simultaneously come to the same conclusion: they want to go home, to the decadent, materialistic world they love so much.
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23 February 1989

Sam is dating a young woman named...
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Sam is dating a young woman named Erin. Sam meets Erin on the pretense that he is totally into athletics - tennis, hiking, cycling, running to name a few activities - since she implies that's what she's into. After a few dates, he becomes so tired that he feels he needs to call it off with her. But to maintain his macho pride, he tells her that he wants to break it off with her since she is just slowing him down. Ironically, she says that that might be a good thing since she really is looking for someone with who to lay back in bed and share a bubble bath. A little less active are Norm and Rebecca. Norm hasn't had a painting job in months. Rebecca just had another interview at corporate, but seems to be is getting nowhere in the company. So she suggests to Norm that she use her considerable marketing skills to help him market his painting company. Norm is reluctant to do so, until Rebecca threatens him with something called his bar tab. Rebecca has an expensive marketing plan up her sleeve. In Rebecca's mind, Norm's company is her new career when they get their first new client based on the marketing. When she finds out that she didn't get the new job at corporate and lost it to someone less qualified, she decides to go down to corporate to tell off the CEO, Mr. Anawalt. After she leaves, Norm finds out they lost their one and only client. Norm manages to tell her before she tells off Anawalt, but she decides that she needs to stick to her guns this time and take a stand. She accuses Anawalt of incompetence in terms of his marketing decisions, especially in the choice of the marketing executives. Instead of firing her, he admires her initiative and promotes her. Just then, the FBI come in and haul Anawalt away in handcuffs on charges of insider trading, which he admits is the truth. Rebecca is back to overseeing the slinging of beer at Cheers.
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16 February 1989

Ludlow is Carla's son, fathered by...
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Ludlow is Carla's son, fathered by Frasier's mentor, Dr. Bennett Ludlow. Ludlow has some of his father in him: he's an intellectual and enjoys cultural things in life, like the opera and classical music, unlike Carla's other children. Frasier and Lilith want to take Ludlow to the opera, both because they want to help Ludlow further his interest in the arts, but also to find out if they are parent material as they're thinking about having children of their own. Ludlow is enamored with the opera and Frasier and Lilith are equally as enamored with Ludlow and want to do more cultural things with him. Carla feels like she's losing him to another social class. After a week of Frasier and Lilith doing everything with Ludlow, Carla puts her foot down when they want to take him out to the most exclusive restaurant in town, if only because she wants some time with her own son. But Carla gives in yet again. However Sam talks Frasier and Lilith into asking Carla along as well. At dinner, the Cranes ultimately see another side of Ludlow - after all, Ludlow is only six years old and does have some of Carla's genes as well. The dinner goes so poorly for Frasier and Lilith, Frasier reconsiders his initial thought of wanting to be a father. Despite that statement, Lilith has news: she's pregnant. The Cranes are elated about their situation. With others in the bar, Woody is going to his first country club dinner with Kelly, and wants to drive there instead of taking the bus like he and Kelly usually do. Carless, he asks Sam, the man who lives for his Vette, if he can borrow his car. Initially Sam laughs in his face for even asking, but Woody somehow manages to talk Sam into it. But Kelly and Woody are going to end up with a chaperone for the evening. In actuality, Sam's Vette is going to have it's owner not let it out of his sight.
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09 February 1989

Rebecca is asked once again by one of...
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Rebecca is asked once again by one of the corporate bigwigs to organize a party. This time, Vice-President Walter Gaines wants her to throw a luncheon at his house as a European homecoming for his daughter Kelly. Rebecca drags along Sam and Woody to tend bar at the get together. Sam has a great time as he figures out the way to a good tip is to tell an 'ex-famous-pitcher now doing menial labor' hard luck story. Woody doesn't have as good a time as he butts heads with Kelly's boyfriend Nash, he and Nash taking an instant dislike to each other. It goes as far as them making a date for a fight at Cheers the following day. It can't really be called a fight as Nash decks Woody with one swift, quick blow. Kelly finds out about the fight and comes to the bar, although she's too late to stop it. Sam and Carla and finally Woody think that Woody dating Kelly would be a good way to get back at Nash. He goes about it the old fashioned way by asking Mr. Gaines for his permission. Although Mr. Gaines admires Woody's old fashioned approach, he basically laughs at Woody for his presumption. But to Woody's surprise, Kelly, who's opinion is the one who really counts, decides to go out with Woody as she feels unappreciated by Nash. Kelly and Woody end up having a nice date, at an event unfamiliar to Kelly: a monster truck pull. Nash finds out about the date, and he isn't mad as he understands Kelly only did it to make a point. Kelly and Nash make up - or so everyone thinks. Kelly comes back to Woody saying that she had more fun with Woody than she ever did with Nash. Woody has a whole new unrefined life left to show her.
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02 February 1989

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19 January 1989

Frasier is nervous about a speech he...
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Frasier is nervous about a speech he has to make at a seminar. Carla suggests a device she uses: picture everyone naked, but wearing black socks. She says that you just can't help but laugh at the picture. It works. As Frasier practices it with people in general, he gets more and more and more relaxed. Perhaps he gets a little too relaxed as he forgets to attend the seminar. Meanwhile, Rebecca is asked by yet another Vice-President at the company to do a menial task: Mr. Sheridan needs someone to house-sit and look after his dog Buster while he's away on a trip. As usual, Rebecca agrees, although this time she does so reluctantly in part because looking after such a large house by herself spooks her out a bit. Sam sees this as the perfect opportunity to get her into bed by visiting her at the house and playing on her insecurities. However as Sam enters the house, Buster finds an open door to leave. So Rebecca, Sam and the rest of the gang at the bar are placed on Buster search detail. Thrown into the mix are an attack dog named Satan, who looks like Buster and who Woody finds as a replacement "just in case", and the fact that Mr. Sheridan is on his way home a day early.
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12 January 1989

Cheers is in competition with Gary's...
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Cheers is in competition with Gary's Old Towne Tavern once again, this time it's the annual Bloody Mary contest open to all bars in the Greater Boston area. Cheers won the competition the first two years, but Gary's has won the last four, ever since it opened. Rebecca has at least managed to get the organizers to hold the contest at Cheers this year. Sam in particular is in Bloody Mary mode, even getting Norm to stop drinking beer and start sampling Bloody Mary's. Sam thinks one of the secret ingredients of Gary's Bloody Mary's is black cardamom, which Carla manages to find in a store in Chinatown, this being the last anywhere, she states, on the eastern seaboard. Unfortunately Woody is allergic to black cardamom causing him to sneeze their stash all over the place. Rebecca's tact is to get a sample of Gary's Bloody Mary, which she plans to take to the corporate lab for analysis. Before doing so, everyone in the bar tries it just to see if it really is the best. It is and they say so, their statements captured by hidden camera, which Gary uses later to create a television commercial. But back with the task at hand, Gary's Bloody Mary does indeed contain black cardamom and allergic Woody sneezes and drops what's left of the sample. Knowing that they can't beat Gary by the quality of the Bloody Mary, the Cheers group decides other methods are in order. Woody, the actor, decides to infiltrate Gary's, going undercover dressed as a nun. A nun in a bar isn't quite the right mix, and the gang at Gary's quickly discovers Woody's plan and deliver him back tho Cheers bound, gagged and hung upside down. The gang at Cheers chastises Woody for being so dumb as to use a nun's outfit, and as such Woody storms out of Cheers for good. Looking for another job, he heads to Gary's. Gary is a bit skeptical, as are some of his regulars, but this is plain, simple Woody who would never tell a lie, and Gary gives him a job tending bar. Woody's tenure is going well at Gary's for a week, that is until Woody forgets to tell Gary about a change in time for the Bloody Mary contest, the contest having already started when Woody tells Gary. Yes, this stunt was all part of Woody's grand plan. Unfortunately Gary does make it to the contest just before they announce the winner, the judge allowing Gary to enter. Gary's Old Towne Tavern wins again. Just as Gary leaves Cheers, Woody unmasks himself as the judge. The contest time did not really change. This act still was part of Woody's grand plan. Unfortunately Gary drops back into the bar and discovers the truth and eventually wins the contest, again. Or so everyone thinks except the grand planner herself, Carla. Carla fixed this whole secret contest over a year ago, the real contest taking place later. Cheers may not win then, but at least one thing won't happen: Gary won't win, Gary won't win, Gary won't win...
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05 January 1989

Sam gets a call from an old flame,...
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Sam gets a call from an old flame, Judy Marlowe. Sam and Judy haven't seen each other in 15 years. Back then, Judy, a divorc?e, and Sam spent much of their time together with Judy's young daughter Laurie. Upon meeting again, Sam is relieved to see that Judy is still a knock-out. What he doesn't expect though is that Laurie is now all grown up and is equally as beautiful as her mother. Sam being Sam has the hots for both Judy and Laurie, and beyond the warnings of Frasier, tries to date both. Despite the fact that weak Sam can't resist Laurie, he is saved only by the fact that Laurie announces that she is engaged. At least in Sam and the guys' minds, he tried to do the wrong thing! Meanwhile, Rebecca hires Woody as a clown to entertain at a corporate children's party. At the last minute, Woody is called in for a real acting job and has to ditch the party clown job. As the one who suggested she hire Woody, Frasier is demanded by Rebecca to take Woody's place. What Woody forgets to tell Frasier however is the handkerchief trick - pulling out the handkerchief from the clown's lapel pocket makes his pants fall down around his ankles. What's worse for the unsuspecting Frasier is that he has been wearing a new pair of french cut underwear that Lilith bought for him. He makes it through the party all right, when Rebecca tells him that Woody called to warn her about the handkerchief, to which Frasier breathes a big sigh of relief since he took off the uncomfortable pair of underwear and was going au naturel. Unfortunately he doesn't quite make it out of the house party without pulling on the handkerchief.
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22 December 1988

Woody, Norm and Cliff come bounding...
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Woody, Norm and Cliff come bounding into the bar after a drunken evening of watching The Magnificent Seven, and are feeling all macho. They talk about the lack of danger in everyday life, and crave for such. Another patron in the bar, Bob Speakes, is a skydiving instructor and suggests that they give skydiving a try. The three are all talk and no action, but finally agree to do it after Bob and Carla talk them into it, Carla more like goading them. The next day, the three are up in a plane ready for the jump. They all chicken out, the first men ever in Bob's history of teaching that have ever chickened out. However, the three make a pact that they will say to the gang at the bar that they did it, keeping the story nice and simple: they jumped, the chutes opened, they landed. The two problems are Cliff, who needs to embellish the story to pump up his own so-called extraordinary achievements, and Woody, who has never told a lie in his life. Carla doesn't believe that they did it, until Woody, who is nervous in the lie, says that they did. He manages to convince Carla in the lie. Sam is jealous of the three as he's always wanted to skydive, and talks the three of them into taking him up for a jump. They can't weasel out of it, but especially Woody feels that given another chance, he could do it and the lies he told would no longer be lies. Back up in the plane the following day, the three chicken out once again and the truth comes out that they didn't jump before. But Sam also chickens out, and suggests they continue with the lie. Back at the bar, the guys talk up a storm, and Rebecca suggests that they do one more jump holding a banner advertising Cheers, the act filmed by a camera crew. They all talk her out of the idea until she infers that the macho bravado of the act might be enough for her to go to bed with Sam, which is enough for him to agree. The third time out, the four chicken out again. However at the last minute, Woody, who is feeling guilty about the lies and deceit, decides to jump, which he does with abandon. Sam is buoyed by Woody's action, and he talks Norm into jumping with him. They do it. Cliff, alone in the plane with Bob and Rick the pilot, has no intention of jumping. However Bob has ways of making people jump without them knowing it, and Cliff is out of the plane. After all is said and done, the possible Rebecca liaison with a skydiver: she has a date with Bob, the instructor.
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15 December 1988

The Cranes are going on a driving...
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The Cranes are going on a driving vacation, and Lilith admits to Sam that she doesn't know how to drive and would like him to teach her. He soon regrets saying yes as she becomes an aggressive, maniac driving machine, with Sam taking the brunt of other drivers' wrath against Lilith. Meanwhile, Rebecca gets her photo taken for a newspaper article. However her photo gets misprinted - in the obituary section. Cliff isn't dead but goes on like he might be soon. He is going into the hospital for an appendectomy. He's making a big deal about the life and death nature of the surgery. While in the hospital, he gets no visitors. Everyone at the bar assumes that someone else has gone to visit him. Frasier volunteers only since he has to make rounds at the hospital anyway. When he arrives at Cliff's room, he finds out that Cliff has already been discharged. Frasier makes some disparaging remarks about Cliff which Cliff overhears. Cliff is hurt that no one came to visit, Frasier leveling with him that perhaps it is because of his insensitive and obnoxious personality. Cliff thinks that some fast acting and drastic measures are required to strengthen his so-called friendships, and decides on shock-aversion therapy. Against the advice of the therapist, Dr. McManus, he takes the shock-aversion treatment with him to the bar. Dr. McManus has a remote to shock Cliff every time he makes an insensitive or obnoxious remark, the shocks unbeknownst to everyone else in the bar. Cliff starts out well enough but soon gets shocked every other second, which cause Cliff to grab the remote and chase the therapist out of the bar. The gang is sorry that Cliff felt he had to resort to such measures to feel like he had friends. All is back to normal with their relationships, except for one, who has got a hold of the remote.
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08 December 1988

The Crane's are having their...
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The Crane's are having their apartment redone and have called in renowned designer, Ivan. They've also called in Norm to do the prep work and painting. However, Ivan's ideas are all form and no function. On top of that, he's dictatorial. So they fire him - nicely of course. Inadvertently, Norm, by just moving a chair in their living room so that he can spackle a wall, causes Lilith and Frasier to gush about the great placement of the chair in its new location. From this, Norm really does show his talent for what he calls color and "where to place the ottoman", and he is hired to design and implement the Crane's apartment. It turns out to be exactly what they want and it looks great. From this, the Crane's recommend Norm to their yuppie friends of friends, Kim and Robert Cooperman, who also want their place redone. Norm's initial meeting with the Cooperman's doesn't start off well. Frasier tells him that the Cooperman's are snobs who expect their designers, to use Frasier's term, to be "stylish" i.e. gay and flamboyantly so. To get the job, Norm pretends to be what the Cooperman's want. He eventually gets hired and does another great job. From this, the Cooperman's want Norm to do their mountain cabin as well. But the Cooperman's also have another gift for Norm: a man. To get out of revealing his true identity, Norm fabricates a boyfriend: Sam. As good a friend as Norm is, Sam can only take the lie so far and Norm's true life is revealed. The Cooperman's are hurt and vow to take their business elsewhere. That is until Norm offers a compromise. The gang at the bar are also hurt that Norm didn't confide in his new life to them, but they quickly get over that with a few special deals. Elsewhere in the bar, Rebecca is afraid that she's looking a little fat, and Sam in particular ribs her about that.
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24 November 1988

Eddie is back in Boston with the ice...
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Eddie is back in Boston with the ice show, and with the show comes beautiful East German skater Franzi Schrempf, who is notorious for dating her male partners. Does Carla have anything about to worry? Franzi finds Sam rude and crude. She likes simpler men. Could that be Eddie? Carla suspects that Franzi and Eddie are having an affair but has no proof whatsoever. However the gang at the bar do find out that Franzi has fallen for some guy in the ice show. Sam implies to Carla that if Eddie has strayed, perhaps she pushed him into it by not being nicer to him and by not being more "feminine". Carla is repulsed by the idea by being a frilly woman, so she confronts Eddie in her usual way. That doesn't work, so she does try being frilly and subservient at a poker night at the house. She soon finds out that Franzi's boyfriend is someone else in the ice show, and thus is even madder at Eddie for going along with the frilly stuff. But Eddie realistically loves his little spitfire of a wife, the frilly Carla who actually scared him more.
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17 November 1988

Rebecca is still in a quandary over...
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Rebecca is still in a quandary over what to do about the marriage proposal from Martin Teal. Martin, her boss, is a weaselly little twerp in her own words, but she doesn't want to jeopardize her career. She talks Sam into rekindling their fake relationship to the point of being in a fake engagement to throw Martin off her trail. Martin however makes a preemptive move by sending Sam down to Cancun on a bartender exchange for a month, Sam who is thrilled by this opportunity. While away, Sam thinks nothing about Cheers or Rebecca. When Sam misses the corporate jet back to Boston, Martin takes that as a sign that Sam has forgotten about Rebecca and his job in Boston, and once again hits on Rebecca. Rebecca manages to hold Martin off in the short term while she works on her supposed "grief". She heads down to Cancun herself to plead with Sam to come back, even to the point of threatening him at gunpoint. When Sam still won't go back to Boston, Rebecca leaves in total dejection. Back in Boston, Rebecca concedes to Martin by getting into a drunken stupor. Martin asks her to marry him once again and she accepts. He is well prepared and has Justice of the Peace with him for the ceremony right then and there. Just at that moment, Rebecca's knight in shining armor, Sam, comes bounding back into Cheers to save Rebecca from Martin. Luckily, Martin not only sees that Sam has "won" Rebecca, but he doesn't fire her from the corporation. After Martin leaves, Rebecca passes out. Unlike the several other such opportunities he has had with Rebecca, Sam finally takes advantage of her vulnerable situation: he draws a mustache on her.
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10 November 1988

Woody has some honey bees delivered...
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Woody has some honey bees delivered to the bar and keeps them in the office for safekeeping. Luckily he does as they do get loose and they seem rather angry. Rebecca has another pest with whom to deal, namely her new boss, Martin Teal. Greg Stone has been fired from the company, and Mr. Teal has taken his place at corporate. He wants to meet with Rebecca. In the elevator at corporate, she is hit on by a vertically-challenged man-child in a suit, to whom she basically tells to go back to his mommy. Later, she is horrified to learn that the man-child is Martin Teal. He takes an instant like to her in more ways than one. He not only reinstates her as the sole manager at Cheers, he wants to date her. To get him off her back, she lies and tells him that she is already romantically involved with someone, namely Sam. Back at the bar, Rebecca agrees to Sam's earlier proposition to go out on a date, just to maintain the fa?ade for Mr. Teal. Sam quickly sees through Rebecca; he looks forward to meeting Martin Teal, the man from who Rebecca is trying so hard to get away. But Martin Teal, a man used to getting what he wants, has more than a romantic liaison with Rebecca in mind: he wants to marry her.
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03 November 1988

Sam is in the middle of picking up an...
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Sam is in the middle of picking up an attractive woman named Suzanne in the bar, when he's called by another former lover named Denise who wants to see him as soon as possible. So many women, so little time. He chooses to see Denise, while he puts current prey, Suzanne, on hold. However Denise doesn't quite want a liaison: she tells Sam that he is one of two possible men who fathered her newborn child. Sam is shaken at the news, and swears to God that he will forgo sex forever if the child isn't his. Well actually, he changes that to three months, which is like a lifetime for Sam. He quickly finds out that he is not the father, and is relieved. He is just about ready to head off for an evening of debauchery with Suzanne when Carla reminds him of his vow to God. Because of Carla's strong Catholic background, she convinces Sam, with a little help from Woody dressed as Moses, that a vow to God is something one should not take lightly. Besides Carla, Sam asks for advice from Father Barry and Frasier, the former who won't let Sam off the hook, and the latter who suggests he funnel his sexual energies into other endeavors, such as learning to play the piano. It doesn't help that another old flame, Rachel Patterson, comes by the bar on a short layover she has in Boston. Weak Sam eventually breaks and heads off with Rachel. However, he comes back into the bar a changed man: he was about ready to do the deed with Rachel in a hotel room when all of a sudden he noticed a Bible in the nightstand. They switch hotels and Sam notices the same Bible in the next hotel room and the next. According to Sam, it must be a sign from God. Just as Frasier is about to set him straight on Bibles in hotel rooms, he is stopped by Carla, who wants Sam to live up to his vow to God. They let Sam live with his misconception. Sam's made it through this episode with Rachel, but it's going to be a long three months with a lot of piano playing.
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05 May 1988

Evan Drake wants to speak to Rebecca...
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Evan Drake wants to speak to Rebecca about something important. She thinks it is finally to tell her that he loves her. In her mind, all the signs are there: since his divorce, he has had many of his business meals at Melville's so that he can be close to her, and he is currently in her office using her phone with his mouth inches away from where her own mouth is so often. He however tells her that he has accepted a job to take over the corporation's Japanese division and is off to Japan for good that evening. She is so devastated, she faints right in front of him. Sam feels that she needs to tell Drake how she feels before he takes off, or else she'll be in romantic limbo for the rest of her life. Sam even plans a party for Drake to give her such an opportunity. At the party, she starts to tell him, but they are interrupted time and time again until he has to leave for the airport. She's missed her chance. Or has she? Sam apprehends Martin, Drake's chauffeur, which allows Rebecca to be Drake's chauffeur for his trip to the airport. The one time she does have both the guts and opportunity to tell him that she loves him, he doesn't hear since the dividing glass partition in the limousine is up. When she is about ready to tell him again, he mentions that they need to pick up Kristie, his girlfriend who will be accompanying him to Japan. She is once again devastated, even more so by the fact that Drake and Kristie make out in the back seat, causing Rebecca to crash the limo. While Drake and Kristie grab a cab to the airport, Rebecca gets stopped by a police officer and is hauled to jail for resisting arrest. Sam, in what he calls his vulture position, bails her out in every respect. He sees this as his opportunity finally to bed Rebecca. Things are going just as he planned as Rebecca is in as vulnerable a state as she's ever been. Then she says that he's the best friend that she has in the world. That puts a kibosh on Sam's plans, at least for the time being, as he can't take advantage of his friend in that way. He still wants to help her the best he can but knows he can't be trusted in her presence. The state of her bra is proof of that.
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28 April 1988

Sam out to prove that he is STILL hot...
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Sam out to prove that he is STILL hot and Woody out to prove that he IS hot compete to see which one of them can kiss Rebecca first before midnight. While Woody asks Rebecca to help him rehearse a romantic scene Sam comes into the bar in Uniform because he has inlisted. Rebecca becomes suspicious over what's going on asks Carla who is happy to do something that will embarrase both Sam and Woody tells Rebecca who decides to set up the guys and in the end they both get a liplock, from each other.
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31 March 1988

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24 March 1988

In Sam's unfortunate presence...
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In Sam's unfortunate presence (unfortunate for Sam in more ways than one), Anthony and Annie tell Carla and Eddie that they're expecting - meaning Carla will become a grandmother - and that they plan on continuing living at her house after the arrival of the baby. Carla is angry and goes into a deep depression. Carla implies that her issue is that she has gone from being a child herself to being a grandmother, missing out on her own growing up, including her adolescence and middle age. Being a grandmother means her life is almost over. This news in turn affects Rebecca as Carla is in hibernation while she awaits "the angel of death" so Rebecca is short staffed at the bar, and she herself has to schlep drinks to the customers; Rebecca is a reluctant and lousy waitress. The gang think that something that Carla referred to - a slumber party - might get her out of her funk, as in the words of Lilith, recreating a childhood ritual often helps in getting one out of depression around aging. However, Rebecca is unfamiliar with the rituals of slumber partying. She enlists the help of Lilith (equally unknowledgeable) and Lilith's childhood friend Dorothy (ditto), who can only be described as a clone of Lilith. With information from one of Lilith's teen-aged patients, Rebecca, Lilith and Dorothy throw Carla a surprise slumber party. Carla is not amused. She just wants to be left alone. She does agree to the party if they agree to leave her alone if after an hour she is not feeling any cheerier. The final act of the depressing party is the guys come over to crash it. Even that doesn't cheer Carla up and finally Carla convinces them all to leave and leave her alone. She tells them that she needs to work through this on her own. But it's an unwitting act by Cliff that finally gets Carla out of her slump.
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10 March 1988

One by one, Woody, Sam and Carla go...
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One by one, Woody, Sam and Carla go into Rebecca's office asking for a raise. All three come out of her office with obligatory new titles. In other words, Rebecca has duped them. However she confesses first to Sam then to everyone in the bar that she cannot afford to give anyone a raise since the bar has been losing money for the past three months and the corporation is threatening to close the bar and take its losses. After brainstorming, the gang at the bar come up with an idea for a raffle for a Caribbean cruise. Despite thinking it's futile, Rebecca goes along with it. But the bar is packed for the duration of the contest and the idea is a success. Woody pulls and announces the winner as being number 99. Or is it? He looks at it again and announces that he was wrong, that it really was number 66. Both 99 and 66 argue that they are the rightful winner, and a mob mentality ensues in the bar. Rebecca appeals to both 99 and 66's sense of fairness, but that doesn't work. They both threaten to sue and complain to the corporate bigwigs. Rebecca's budget won't allow two winners. On Sam's advice, Rebecca resorts to tears and stories of her own personal bankruptcy if she awards two winners. 99 and 66 both cave in, but the mob mentality takes over again and the group feels that both, being such compassionate and down on their luck people, deserve to win. Finally, Sam comes up with a solution that has an unwitting and absent Frasier in it's core. Frasier bought a painting for Lilith for their 1-month anniversary, an abstract piece by Tidwell. The gang all think it looks like, in the words of Lilith "two dogs co-mingling". Lilith further states that she heard that Tidwell sold it for some ungodly amount to some ninny. Obviously Frasier ends up not giving her the painting, which leads to Sam giving it away as a co-first prize in the raffle. 66, a Tidwell fan, gladly accepts the painting and lets 99 take the cruise. That problem is solved. In Woody's mind, a further problem arises when he pulls the number for the consolation prize. He pulls number 11, and then looks at it upside down in panic. By the way, Frasier ended up giving Lilith his Mercedes for their anniversary.
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03 March 1988

Rebecca is upset that Evan Drake has...
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Rebecca is upset that Evan Drake has promoted Sam to an executive position at corporate, the position of Eastern Regional Sales Manager to be more precise. Rebecca thinks something is fishy about the promotion. Despite having nothing to do even after asking Drake about his job responsibilities, Sam is oblivious to any ulterior motives for his promotion. Even after playing in the corporate league's first playoff game for the company, Sam is still oblivious but Rebecca catches on: Sam is the company's softball ringer, and once the playoffs are over, Sam will be let go from his executive position. Rebecca relishes the opportunity to rub Sam's smug nose in it, that is until Sam tells her stories of his recent talks with his estranged father, who is now proud of his son for the first time. Rebecca now feels like she has to tell him the truth out of compassion. Sam at first doesn't believe it, until he finds out that there is a sales meeting to which he wasn't invited. When Sam confronts him, Drake confirms as much. Finally Sam gives him an ultimatum: hire him for legitimate reasons, or off he goes back to the bar. Drake gives him the golden corporate handshake. Sam isn't really disappointed, as life at corporate wasn't his lot. But Rebecca tells everyone at the bar to treat him with kid gloves since he's probably shattered. Sam uses this information as usual to try to get into bed with Rebecca. Life between Rebecca and Sam has returned to normal.
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25 February 1988

After being cut by the Bruins, Eddie...
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After being cut by the Bruins, Eddie finally gets a job. He is a penguin, not of the Pittsburgh variety, but rather a dressed-up penguin in The World of Ice, an ice show. The first stop on the show's tour is Seattle. Carla is reluctant to visit Eddie on the extended Seattle stop as everyone finally finds out she is afraid to fly, or to be more precise she is afraid to crash. After the gang discusses ways to help Carla, Frasier decides that he could hold a week long pteromerhanophobia workshop ending with an actual flight on a plane. Carla agrees to participate. On the flight, Carla and her three other workshop participants are nervous, while Frasier tries to calm their nerves. Starting with a comment about ice on the wings from Carla, Frasier slowly becomes totally unglued and paranoid about flying. But Frasier's irrational behavior shows Carla that really there is nothing to fear about flying. Meanwhile, Murray Treadwell, a local restaurant critic, stops by the bar. When the bar was managed by Sam, Treadwell gave the bar a rotten review, so Rebecca will do anything to rectify that. Treadwell implies to Rebecca that he will give the bar a good review if she goes out with him. Rebecca does go out with him but does not compromise herself and sleep with him. Despite that, Treadwell does the give the bar a good review. But everyone makes the assumption that the review was not for the bar but for Rebecca's performance in bed.
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18 February 1988

Evan Drake is in Europe and has hired...
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Evan Drake is in Europe and has hired Norm to paint his house, Norm tells Rebecca that she can come over and look around the bedroom, which is what he is up to. While Rebecca is up there Mr. Drake comes home early and so Rebecca has to hide. Mr. Drake, a very light sleeper is tired as hell and just wants to sleep. Norm can't think of anything and so has to leave her there, after telling the gang at the bar he is sent back there to bail her out. After many failed attempts Norm finally succeeds in two things one getting Rebecca out, and two convincing Mr. Drake that he(Norm) is crazy. Fraiser tells the gang about a patient he saw that morning who is REALLY hot for dancers or anything having to do with dancing, after Fraiser leaves a beautiful girl comes to the bar looking for Fraiser because she had a session with him that morning and left a package in his office Sam likes her and decides to dance his way into her pants. Sam is dancing his brains out and nothing so he asks Fraiser about the beautiful girl he counseled in the morning, Frasier tells him he saw two beautiful girls in the morning one dance-loving and the other fire-loving(pyromaniac), Sam is trying to figure out pyromania when he hears sirens and runs out of the bar.
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11 February 1988

Frasier and Lilith's wedding is...
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Frasier and Lilith's wedding is nearing, and their best man and maid of honor, Sam and a very surprised Rebecca, are throwing them each a bachelor/bachelorette party. However Lilith is annoyed at Frasier's increased frequency of snide remarks about marriage and sees it possibly as a sign he is having second thoughts. So she says to him directly that she will give him his freedom if he so desires, and will await a telephone call from him after the party to tell her he still wants to get married. At the bachelor party, Frasier is having a good time but things slowly become more contemplative after the stripper ends up being a client of Frasier's. That incident makes him think whether he really does want to get married at all. The gang give Frasier their own opinions, Sam's being that perhaps Lilith is the one having having second thoughts and that there is nothing that beats the freedom of being single. But Frasier really does love Lilith and calls Rebecca's, where the bachelorette party is being held, to speak to his wife to be. But Carla, the person who answers the phone, tells Frasier that Lilith is too busy with the male stripper to speak to him. Frasier is paranoid that Lilith will run off with the stripper. Lilith does end up crashing the bachelor party with Randy, the male stripper, she stating that she is running off with Randy. In reality, she's drunk and Randy and has brought her to the bar to sober up. Her drunkenness is due to the fact that Frasier didn't call, or at least she didn't know he called. The happy but drunk couple are in love and want to get married and head off on their merry way. The respective parties have ended and all have gone home except Sam. Perhaps the single life isn't all it's cracked up to be.
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04 February 1988

Evan Drake invites Sam and a date...
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Evan Drake invites Sam and a date onto his yacht for the weekend, Drake implying that it should be Rebecca since Sam and Rebecca are supposedly boyfriend/girlfriend. Sam has someone else in mind - Julie, perhaps the most superficial person in the world - instead. Rebecca finds out and of course insists that Sam bring her so that she can get closer to her unrequited love, Evan Drake. Sam reluctantly agrees, but brings along his "sister" Julie as well. Drake is enamored with Sam's sister and makes a play for her unbeknownst to Sam or Rebecca. Julie wants Evan Drake as well because he's rich. Ultimately Sam and Rebecca find out about the Drake/Julie tryst and are both hurt that they've lost their respective "playmates" for the weekend. Rebecca in particular feels that perhaps she's lost her chance at love while she's been pining for Drake, implying that that person may be Sam. Just as Sam and Rebecca are about ready to do it, Drake comes in and confesses that he was about to take advantage of Julie as he has been lonely since the break up with his wife, but ultimately did not act on his desires for Julie. This act reignites Rebecca's passion for Evan Drake. Sam on the other hand is all hot and bothered by his close encounter with Rebecca, who is again saving herself for Evan Drake. But Julie is now available again. Or perhaps she's found someone else on board, like Lorenzo the hunky shipboard steward. But Sam needs some relief from his sexual build-up, and tries once again with Rebecca. But Rebecca is one step ahead of him.
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21 January 1988

Carla has given birth to her twins,...
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Carla has given birth to her twins, and this is causing some short term waitressing issues at the bar. Sam decides to hire Annie Tortelli, Carla's daughter-in-law, since the Tortelli's are facing some financial hardships. However, Evan Drake would like Rebecca to hire his "friend", Laurie. Having already hired Annie, Sam and Rebecca let Annie work solely for tips. Sam and Rebecca's waitressing problems don't end there. Annie is falling for Sam, especially since Anthony is unemployed and a bum by Annie's standards and since Sam made an offhanded comment about Annie being beautiful. Sam solves the problem by, behind the scenes and unknown to Anthony, getting Anthony a job as the assistant night manager at Burger Burger Burger. Anthony once again becomes Annie's macho stud husband. With Laurie, Rebecca suspects that she is Evan Drake's young lover, to which Rebecca is devastated. Rebecca has open animosity toward Laurie, and uses words like slut, harlot and tramp to describe Laurie. But Rebecca needs to find out for sure if Laurie is indeed Evan Drake's lover. When Laurie offhandedly makes a statement to the fact that Evan Drake wears boxer shorts, Rebecca has her proof - why else would Laurie know such a personal detail. Finally Rebecca confronts Laurie, saying that she knows why the powerful Evan Drake would want her hired. Rebecca asks her if there is mutual love between Evan and Laurie, Laurie responds yes. Out of reflex to the response, Rebecca strikes Laurie in the face. Rebecca is horrified at what she did, even more horrified that Evan Drake walks in at that particular second. But Drake and Laurie's mutual love is not what Rebecca thinks: she is his daughter. Rebecca manages to explain hitting Laurie by saying that she has a nerve disorder, the medication for which she hasn't been taking of late. Miraculously, he buys the story. Elsewhere in the bar, Frasier is angry at the guys for ruining the ending of book after movie, and gets back at them by divulging some of the biggest movie endings of all time.
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14 January 1988

Cliff goes into the mail order shoe...
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Cliff goes into the mail order shoe business. At only $19.99 a pop, all the guys in the bar decide to get a pair. When the shoes arrive, the guys are all amazed at how comfortable and good looking the shoes are. However the shoes do have a flaw: they squeak. Nine pairs of squeaking shoes go running around the bar for that evening. Meanwhile, Rebecca thinks that she finally has her ticket out of the bar. Daniel T. Collier, the Chairman of the Board of the corporation - which by the way is called Lillian - has asked her to organize a party for him at his house. After much convincing on Sam and Woody's parts, Rebecca hires them for the party to tend bar. The party is going well until Woody empties some garbage into what he thinks is a garbage can, but is really a priceless antique vase. What's worse is that Rebecca accidentally breaks it while she's emptying it out. She's devastated. As he feels her job is more important to her that his to him, Sam decides to take the fall for Rebecca. But Woody beats him to the punch and tells Mr. Collier that he broke the vase. Mr. Collier is upset that this piece, significant to his collection, is gone forever, but more importantly he has a strong admiration for Woody, who stepped up to the plate in his admission. Mr. Collier a.k.a. Pinky spends the evening chumming around with Woody doing childish pranks, while Rebecca reluctantly takes Woody's place behind the bar schlepping drinks. Collier even invites Woody on a trip to Vail. But because Rebecca feels that Woody's good fortune should rightfully be hers, Woody admits to his buddy that Rebecca was really the one who broke the vase. Collier is livid and threatens to fire her, but only keeps her on on the recommendation of his good buddy, Woody. The next day, Collier comes into the bar with a look of consternation on his face. Rebecca thinks he's changed his mind and is going to fire her. However, he is mad that he found his broken vase in the kitchen and does not know who did it - he suspects it was one of her staff - as he was drunk during the party and can't remember anything from the evening. Initially Rebecca and Sam are going to deny everything until Woody comes bounding into the bar with the ski suit and pounces on his good buddy, Pinky, who now has no idea who Woody is. Finally, Sam does what he was going to do the previous evening and confesses to Collier about breaking the vase. Collier, as mad as he is about the vase, admires Sam's admission. Pinky has found his new Woody.
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07 January 1988

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17 December 1987

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10 December 1987

Cliff has bought himself a new condo...
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Cliff has bought himself a new condo in a singles building. He starts dating Sally from the building. The guys at the bar are anxious to meet Sally, but Cliff says that Sally wants Cliff all to herself and would rather stay in all the time. In reality, Sally is a shy, Plain Jane who would really love to go out with Cliff, but Cliff is embarrassed by her looks. Cliff asks Rebecca for advice about Sally, although he tells her that it is Sally who is embarrassed by her looks, not Cliff. Rebecca suggests a make-over as described in beauty magazines. So Cliff becomes Sally's Henry Higgins and transforms Sally into a beautiful woman. When Cliff sees her, he suggests that they go down to the bar for the evening - he is no longer embarrassed. At the bar, Sally garners a lot of attention, which is making Cliff feel like he created a monster. Sally is happy with her new looks and the new attention she is receiving and won't revert back to her old Plain Jane self, even for Cliff. They just have to live with the transformation as part of their relationship. Meanwhile, Rebecca has started smoking again to relieve some stress in her life. However she quickly realizes that it was a mistake and wants to quit, a task more difficult than she anticipates. Frasier suggests that she associate smoking with the most vile act she can imagine. As such, she tells Sam that if she smokes another cigarette, she will sleep with him. Sam does whatever he can to catch her smoking, specifically enlisting the help of Carla to follow her into the ladies' room. When Sam finally catches her smoking, Rebecca resigns herself to doing the deed with Sam. Because of Rebecca's total disgust about the act and her resignation to actually doing it, Sam is no longer in the mood and says no to her. What was he thinking?!
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03 December 1987

Frasier is not having a good day....
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Frasier is not having a good day. First his latest paper is attacked by a noted colleague, then second he comes down with an uncontrollable case of the hiccups. But his troubles are nothing compared to Rebecca's. Evan Drake, her boss and unrequited love, comes by the bar at a time when she is a physical mess as she has just finished changing the tire on her car. That and the fact that she has turned down every date from men in the company has led Mr. Drake to suspect that Rebecca is a lesbian. He states as much to Sam, who does not refute the statement. Rebecca is horrified. Mr. Drake invites Rebecca and whomever she chooses to be her date - perhaps a woman? - to a black-tie function. Since Rebecca has not had a date in the two years she's been lusting after Mr. Drake, she doesn't have a man upon who she call to bring. Sam volunteers, and based on circumstances, Rebecca takes him up on his offer. She needs to convince Mr. Drake that she is heterosexual by bringing a male companion. At the party, Rebecca asks Sam to be her spy on the life of Evan Drake. Sam finds out that Mr. Drake is separated from his wife. With that information, Sam convinces Rebecca to tell Mr. Drake her true feelings for him. Rebecca decides that Sam is right and approaches Mr. Drake, but instead of saying that she is attracted to him, she jumps on him, kisses him madly and just says to him, "take me". Mr. Drake is disgusted at her behavior, which he thinks is brought about by too much alcohol. He sends her home, and she is embarrassed and dejected. Sam takes Rebecca back to the bar where she mopes. Mr. Drake comes by as well, thinking that he has overreacted and wants to apologize to Rebecca. Sam intercepts the message and uses it to his own advantage with Rebecca. Sam tells Mr. Drake that Rebecca was trying to make Sam jealous after a tiff. Conversely, Sam tells Rebecca that Mr. Drake is angry at her, didn't buy the jealousy story and they need to make him think that they are indeed making up by being caught in a passionate kiss. As Mr. Drake walks in on Sam and Rebecca, Rebecca does grab Sam in a passionate embrace. She wants to change that embrace to a strangle when she finds out the truth about Mr. Drake's visit to the bar and that Sam was lying just to get her to make out with him.
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26 November 1987

The Drs. Cranes are a little stressed...
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The Drs. Cranes are a little stressed at each of their respective practices, and Sam suggests they take a vacation. They immediately go on vacation mode in preparation for their impending Caribbean cruise. On the cruise, they both are sea sick for the entire time, but have a great time away from their patients regardless. Meanwhile, Woody has joined a local theater group. He tries out for the company's original 4-hour play called "Authors in Hell"; he ends up being the understudy for the Mark Twain role. He wears his costume into the bar each night in the hope that he will go on, and at work he spouts Mark Twainisms to everyone. Into the bar walks a new customer named Mary. Mary is an older woman who is a bit nearsighted and who has recently become a widow. Mary and Woody as Mark Twain hit it off. Carla suspects that Mary has no idea that Woody is really a young man and that Mary is falling for Woody. Carla convinces Woody as much as well. Woody as Mark Twain spends a lot of time with Mary on what could be construed as dates. He doesn't have the heart to tell Mary the truth. Finally he does. She knows that he's not really Mark Twain and that he is a young man, but didn't have the heart to face him with such information since he always starting spouting Twainisms whenever she tried. So instead of becoming lovers, they become favorite aunt/nephew.
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19 November 1987

Rebecca is planning a bachelor...
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Rebecca is planning a bachelor auction at the bar to raise money for Children's Hospital. She doesn't ask Sam to be one of the bachelors for auction, which results in a contest between the two regarding Sam's sexual power. In an effort to raise more money, she does ask Woody to be in the auction. Flattered, he agrees but lives to regret it as he is bought by a tough, chain-smoking woman who scares not only Woody but everyone in the bar. Sam ends up being the last auction item. Meanwhile, Lilith and Frasier are in pre-wedding mode. Frasier suggests something that is totally off the radar for Lilith, namely a pre-nuptial agreement. Lilith is shocked and hurt. This act by Frasier could jeopardize the wedding. It becomes even more of a possibility when Lilith, in a last minute coup over Rebecca, buys Sam in the auction for $2,000. Rebecca is relieved as she was only bidding for Sam on Carla's advice to jack up Sam's price. But both Sam and Frasier are stunned by Lilith's move. Before Sam and Lilith head off on their date, Sam and Frasier formulate a plan for Frasier to be Lilith's knight in shining armor and come and rescue her and sweep her off her feet while she's on the date with Sam. In the hotel room on their date at the Cape, Sam talks up Frasier while Lilith tries to seduce Sam. But Sam waits and waits and waits for Frasier to show up. Finally, Frasier bursts in on them just as Lilith has got Sam in a compromising position. Frasier is shocked, but Lilith eventually admits to him that it was all an act as she knew he was coming to rescue her. They clear the air and Sam quietly slips away to let the engaged couple continue on with their lives.
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12 November 1987

Frasier finds out some juicy...
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Frasier finds out some juicy information about Rebecca from her college days, specifically that she was the party girl on campus and that her nickname was Backseat Becky. Although embarrassed by the information albeit one where how the nickname arose not divulged, Rebecca ultimately uses the incident to turn the tables on Sam. Meanwhile, Cliff and Ma Clavin, who we learn is just like Cliff in the "know-it-all" department, are on a roller-coaster of emotions regarding the possible selling of their house to commercial developers. Cliff wants to sell in the name of progress, whereas Ma Clavin wants to preserve the memories of their lives in that house and not sell. Ma convinces Cliff that she's right by reliving memories through the old scrapbook, which always gets to Cliff. However when they're offered $250,000 for the house, Ma Clavin jumps at the offer. Cliff is still steadfast in his resolve to keep the house. Ultimately, his arms around a column, he handcuffs himself to the house just as the demolishers are there to knock it down. Based on Cliff's resolve and passion, he convinces Ma that they really should keep the house. But they still need to uncuff Cliff from the house, not an easy task as Cliff's thrown away the key. Norm comes in with a chainsaw, first suggesting to cut the cuffs. They decide a better approach would be to chainsaw the column. Norm does so and Cliff is freed. As Ma, Cliff and Norm exit the house to decide how to stop the demolition and rebuy the house, the house collapses around the column, what ended up being a supporting column. Perhaps it was a good idea that they sold their dilapidated house after all.
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05 November 1987

Rebecca cuts off unemployed Norm for...
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Rebecca cuts off unemployed Norm for being unable to pay his bar tab. Sam convinces her to give Norm a job at the bar, ultimately deciding on painting her "unneeded to be painted" office. As an aside, Cliff shows an obvious distaste for the painting profession. While Norm is in the office painting, Rebecca gets a call from boss and unrequited love, Evan Drake. He chews her out for the poor last fiscal performance at the bar. She's crushed and breaks down in front of Norm. This act is the first glimpse of any real human emotion anyone in the bar has seen of the previously cold-hearted Miss Howe, who admits herself that everyone sees her as being cold. Although the nature of this human connection is a secret between Norm and Rebecca, Norm does admit to Sam and Carla, to their utter amazement, that Rebecca showed some real emotion to him. Rebecca asks Norm to paint her apartment, and in an act of desperation in more ways than one, Sam pleads with Norm to let him come along as his assistant to see what Norm sees in Rebecca as a human being. Norm reluctantly agrees. Sam is a poor excuse for a painter's helper, but of course painting is not on Sam's mind. In the middle of the job, Norm is called away, leaving Sam and Rebecca alone in her apartment. Sam admits to Rebecca his real reason for coming over and Rebecca in turn does open up to Sam. Among her stories is an overachieving family and a desperate want on her part to please her father, a military captain. Things are going well between the two of them until Sam takes it one step too far. They end up back where they started, although at least knowing and understanding a little more about each other.
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29 October 1987

Frasier is feeling pressured by...
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Frasier is feeling pressured by Lilith to get married, and he doesn't like it. He wants to be the man in the relationship and make the decisions. But this relationship is the first one he's ever had where he does feel sexually desirable in an animalistic sense, and wants to know what that may feel like with another woman. Norm, Cliff, Tim and Alan convince him that Rebecca has the hots for him, and Cliff even manages to get Rebecca to inadvertently give Frasier that impression. Based on this, Frasier decides to pursue Rebecca and dump Lilith, the latter in the coward's way by leaving her a note. When he hits on Rebecca, he quickly finds out that not only is she not interested in him, she doesn't even know who he is. Humiliated but panicked, he wonders if he can retrieve the note he left for Lilith before it's too late. He originally thinks so, but she has read the letter and is furious. Frasier tells her a condensed version of the truth. When she is even more furious that he dumped her on only the mere possibility that another woman might be interested in him, he lies and says that he did have an affair. Lilith forces him to reveal the name of this woman, and he does so under duress. Lilith feigns some forgiveness, but secretly rushes off to the bar to confront Rebecca to fight for her man, albeit in a civil and controlled way. When she finally speaks to Rebecca, she realizes that Frasier lied to her about a relationship with Rebecca. As a result, Lilith is even more hurt that he would perpetrate such a lie just to get away from committing to her. Frasier shows up at the bar looking for Lilith, who hatches a plan to force Frasier to continue perpetrating the lie to who he thinks is an unsuspecting Rebecca, but who in reality now knows the story behind Frasier and Lilith. Amazingly, Frasier does continue with the lie, although obviously nervous in doing so. Finally he gets to a point where he is totally backed into a corner with the lie, and the only way he feels to get out of it is to use one of the oldest tricks in the book: he gets down on his knees and proposes to Lilith. She accepts. And the look on both Lilith and Frasier's faces show that they really are happy. Meanwhile, the power struggle between Sam and Rebecca at the bar continues, the biggest bone of contention being who's photograph should hang in the bar: the ex-bar owner and pseudo-celebrity Sam or the current bar manager Rebecca.
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22 October 1987

Eddie and Carla's wedding is off...
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Eddie and Carla's wedding is off because Mama LeBec doesn't approve of her intended daughter-in-law. Eddie can't go against Mama, and Carla is pissed off at Eddie for not doing so. But the person who seems most upset is Rebecca because it will look badly upon her if Evan Drake, her boss and unrequited love, shows up to a wedding reception with no bride and groom. Sam assures Rebecca he can get the wedding back on track so that the reception will happen, but will do so only on the condition that they lose the uniforms. Rebecca reluctantly agrees. Sam ends up doing a juggling act, maneuvering all the players back into place. Sam convinces Eddie that he loves Carla, and Sam makes Carla forget about being mad at Eddie once she puts on her wedding gown. So the wedding is back on. Now if only they can overcome the backlog now happening at the church as they need to get married by 4:00 for their superstitious planets to be in alignment. The church monsignor does manage to accommodate the wedding - albeit in the church vestibule - but they are pronounced man and wife at 4:01. Despite being married, they feel their life is doomed. At the reception, Eddie is miserable, Carla is miserable. And Rebecca is miserable - and drunk - since Evan Drake got stuck at a meeting and couldn't make it to the reception. For Eddie, the final nail in the coffin for the evening is the news that the Bruins just cut him and they couldn't trade him, so he's now out of a job. Although a bad thing, Carla comes to a slightly different conclusion: Eddie was cut because he was a lousy goalie. So if Eddie being cut wasn't due to superstition, perhaps everything else that happened that day wasn't either. Perhaps it was just life. Carla also realizes that it is unfortunately her life. Regardless, she's now married to a great guy, which does make her happy. But the day's other events also dawn on her: she is now the sole breadwinner of the family and immediately goes back to work, even if it is at her own wedding reception.
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15 October 1987

A week after Carla tells Eddie that...
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A week after Carla tells Eddie that she's pregnant with his child, Eddie walks into the bar; Carla feels this could be her lucky day. He indeed does ask her to marry him. She's excited beyond words. She's even more excited in the fact that Eddie tells her that she no longer has to work since he can support them both. They start planning their wedding, but being the two most superstitious people in the world, they have a lot of superstition obstacles to overcome. With all that to consider, they figure they have to marry in exactly eight days, or postpone the wedding until 2042. Sam plans on having a reception for them at the bar, Rebecca initially indignant that Sam suggests doing so without her authorization, until he suggests she invite her unrequited love and boss, Evan Drake, who is a sports fan, to meet famous goalie Eddie. All the plans for the wedding go smoothly enough, until the wedding day, when Carla and Eddie inadvertently break the most superstitious rule of them all: he sees her on their wedding day before the wedding. Carla thinks they're doomed. Although deep down still superstitious, Eddie on the other hand states that superstitions are nonsense and starts tempting all the superstition fates by purposely breaking them, such as breaking a mirror and spilling salt. One by one, bad things, according to Carla, start to happen, but Eddie sees the bright side. Carla learns she's going to have twins; Eddie says they're twice blessed. Carla's son and his wife, Anthony and Annie, come in with the news that Nick's TV shop, where Anthony was working, has gone under, they have no money and thus need to move back in with Carla; Eddie says it is then a good excuse to buy a bigger house with the salary increase he is expecting. Anthony hates the fact of "a new father"; Eddie brushes it off as regular kid behavior, and sees it as a sign of a son who loves his mother. The next bad sign is that Eddie's mother hates Carla on first sight. Mama Lebec thinks Carla is a gold-digging hussy who is trying to trap her son by getting pregnant. Mama Lebec runs off and Eddie follows after her. Eddie comes back, which makes Carla change her mind - she now thinks their impending marriage can withstand anything life has to throw at them. However Eddie has also changed his mind: he calls off the wedding because of Mama.
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01 October 1987

Dave Richards is looking for a...
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Dave Richards is looking for a replacement television sportscaster to fill his position and thinks Sam would be the perfect person: he knows sports and he looks good. Although initially apprehensive about his abilities to do it, Sam agrees to fill in for the week. If he does well, this stint could lead to a whole new career in front of the camera. With Woody's help, Sam makes up a lie to Rebecca to get out of working at the bar for that time, and although Rebecca eventually finds out the real reason for Sam's absence, she allows him time off to do his sportscasts. Sam's reporting of the news is adequate enough, however it is his commentaries that are the problems. They start off being bland, worse than watching paint dry. When everyone advise him on how to make the commentaries better, Sam makes the next commentary not only bland, but bland and incorrect and indecisive. Then to make them more exciting, he decides to deliver the next one in a rap style. Sam thinks he is doing well. Then the final sportscast goes from the sublime to the ridiculous as he tries what he thinks is the pi?ce de resistance, ventriloquism. It is then that he realizes that he was not cut out to be a sportscaster. Much like his earlier lie to Rebecca, Sam enlists Woody's help to regain a little dignity with the gang in the face of his on-screen humiliation.
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07 May 1987

Sumner Sloan, Diane's ex-fianc? and...
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Sumner Sloan, Diane's ex-fianc? and old English professor, tells her that he submitted one of her old unfinished novels to an editor at a publishing house, the editor who sees promise in it and sees the possibility of it being published. Diane hasn't yet finished it, in fact she hasn't written anything since she started working at Cheers. Sam secretly overhears their conversation, and thinks that their impending wedding may be holding back Diane in her writing career, something she's always wanted. He tries to talk her into postponing the wedding to finish her novel. She in turn suggests that they get married that night at the bar instead of waiting for their original wedding date. Sam daydreams about himself and Diane in old age together, she having forgone her writing career. The picture is a happy one, and back in reality, he agrees to Diane's request to get married that evening. With the exception of the guys at the bar betting on them actually going through with it and Carla's wailing at the prospect of Sam marrying Diane, the wedding is going smoothly until a phone call comes through for Diane: the publisher has decided to publish her novel and give her a huge advance to finish it. Despite Diane saying "I do", she is obviously distracted. Just before they are announced man and wife, Sam calls it off, as he doesn't want to be the person standing in the way of the one thing she really is good at and which she loves doing. He convinces her. This is only supposed to be a six-month postponement of the wedding while she finishes her book, but Sam knows he is saying goodbye to Diane for good.
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30 April 1987

Diane finds the perfect house for her...
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Diane finds the perfect house for her and Sam to buy. An elderly couple, Bert and Lillian Miller, currently live there and have for forty years. After hearing the Miller's stories of life in that house, Diane no longer thinks that it is the perfect house for her since it is Bert and Lillian's emotionally. She states emphatically, "I cannot live a single day in this house." Sam reasons with Diane that they can change the cosmetics of the house and start making their own memories by living there. These arguments do not work. Based on a statement by the Millers that they will miss the Christmases the most, Frasier suggests that they give the Millers one last Christmas in the house to rid Diane and Sam of any guilt. Sam thinks it's a screwy idea, but it's just what Diane needs. Despite it being the heat of summer, Diane decides not to wait until December and to have Christmas come in the summer this year, at least for the Millers and their extended family. During the summer Christmas party - complete with all the trimmings, a blazing fire, hot apple cider and Sam in a heavy wool Santa suit - the Millers get all sentimental about the Christmases and all the other holidays in the house. Diane breaks down and invites them over the following week for Easter. Sam finally puts his foot down and kicks the Millers out. Contrary to what Sam might think, Diane actually now feels that the house is theirs since Sam has claimed it for her. Life in the house is now almost perfect for Diane, all she needs is to convince Sam not to hang in the house his favorite picture: dogs playing poker.
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02 April 1987

After Woody's Uncle Fergie has a...
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After Woody's Uncle Fergie has a mugging filled trip to Boston, Woody's father thinks that Boston too dangerous a place for his son and wants him to return back home to Indiana. The gang at the bar thinks that showing Woody's friends through the making of a home movie would settle Woody's father's concerns. The first attempt has Diane as writer, director and cinematographer. Her "cast" rebels at the unnatural for them dialog in Diane's script and they fire her; she then absolves herself from the project. The final product of the second attempt has Woody shown individually with each of his friends in each of their natural settings: Sam in his office, Carla at a backyard BBQ at her house with her rambunctious kids, Cliff on his postal route, Norm at the Hungry Heifer and Frasier at his psychiatrist's office. After viewing each agrees that they all come off as boobs, that is except for Diane, who sees this version as the start of something great, all it needing is a few Chambers touches. The third and final version has Diane's hands jazzing up the second version, complete with 1950s/1960s new wave touches such as nuclear explosions and Nazi soldiers. Although Diane is happy with this version, the rest of the gang isn't. Unfortunately she has already sent a copy to Mr. Boyd senior. The film did not do the trick. Just as Woody is ready to leave the bar and Boston for good, his father gives him a call and says that he can stay. What made him change his mind was an anonymous letter he received stating "let your son choose his own path and it will always lead back to you". But who sent the note?
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26 March 1987

Norm announces to the bar that he has...
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Norm announces to the bar that he has a great new job at a prestigious CPA firm. Although happy for him, everyone at the bar gives Norm little jibes about the job. After Norm leaves to go back to work, Diane is upset at the bar's treatment of Norm and suggests they all go down to his new office and surprise him with a gift as a show of their support. When they arrive, they find Norm in his office, which is the size of a phone booth and which used to be the supply room. What's worse, he has to share it with an obsequious brown-noser of a colleague named Tompkins. When alone with Diane, Norm shows his frustration at which Diane chastises him for not being more of a go-getter in his life in general. This act and his lot within the company makes Norm think he can move up the corporate ladder, and he drafts a proposal to save the company some money, the proposal which, with Diane's support, he intends to present to the Board of Directors. While preparing for the presentation, Norm leaves the proposal unattended, which is quickly snatched up by Tompkins, who immediately goes into the Board Room to pitch the idea as his own. Tompkins is shot down as the proposal is bad. This shows Norm that he really has found his lackluster lot in life. In his own words, "the world needs bench warmers". Meanwhile back at the bar, Sam and Diane discuss where they should go on their honeymoon. Will it be Tibet or Disney World?
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19 March 1987

The Coach's niece, Joyce, comes to...
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The Coach's niece, Joyce, comes to Boston to attend BU. She comes to the bar bearing a letter from her father, the Coach's younger brother, for Sam: he asks Sam keep an eye out for his little girl, for if anything was to ever happen to her, he would blow his brains out. This is a heavy burden on Sam, and by association Diane. To keep her out of trouble, they ask the most innocent person they know to show her a good time, that person being Woody. Woody and Joyce have a good time together, so good in fact that after a couple of days, they announce that they are engaged. This news throws Sam into a tizzy. He first tries to reason with them to no avail. He second tries to bribe them, also to no avail. And third and finally, he begs them on his knees, to which they think Sam may be right. Thinking that he has won the battle, Sam is satisfied. However Woody and Joyce come back and say that they have decided to live together instead. It's Diane's turn to try and talk them out of this, first by reasoning with them, and finally she ends up begging as well. After that works, Sam and Diane compare notes, both admitting their tactic and contemplating how bad they will be as parents, vowing off sex to avoid having children. But then again, this is Sam and Diane. Meanwhile, Frasier and Lilith are celebrating an anniversary of their first meeting. Frasier buys Lilith an antique armoire, while he leaves clues around the apartment for what he wants, a new set of golf clubs. His extra special gift ends up being a plain old every day tie.
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05 March 1987

Frasier's colleague from his Rhodes...
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Frasier's colleague from his Rhodes scholar days, Dr. Simon Finch-Royce, is a world renowned marriage counselor and is in Boston to accept an honorary degree. Diane asks the good doctor to provide a counseling session for her and Sam, to which the doctor agrees. Frasier wants to pay for the session as a wedding gift to Sam and Diane; Dr. Finch-Royce charges Frasier $1,500 for the session, to which Frasier steams quietly. After the Q&A session with the couple, the doctor pronounces that Sam and Diane are the most ill-matched couple ever and that they should definitely not get married; he then leaves the bar to return to his hotel, as he wants a quiet evening of calling his wife in England, eating a quiet dinner, having a soothing shower and going to sleep early. Diane is incensed by the doctor's assessment. She and Sam go to his hotel for a first time as Diane thinks he was testing their resolve for each other (which he denies), a second time as Diane says she answered the questions incorrectly (which he says doesn't matter), a third time as Diane has additional published information on why he's wrong (which he doesn't care), and finally a fourth time as Diane pleads for her and Sam's life. Of course, they are egged on by Frasier, who wants to get back at his colleague for the exorbitant fee. Finally, the doctor, totally fed up with the couple who he has grown to hate, goes into a wild man and obviously sarcastic rant about how Sam and Diane are the most perfect couple there ever was and ever will be. Diane is now content she got the assessment she wanted.
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26 February 1987

Frasier and Lilith announce that they...
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Frasier and Lilith announce that they are moving in together and as the instigators of the relationship, they invite Sam and Diane over as their first dinner guests. Just prior to Sam and Diane's arrival, the new couple analyze their relationship and who manipulated who into doing what, which starts an evening long argument. As Sam and Diane arrive, the evening goes on a roller coaster of emotions, the major downturn initiated by Diane revealing to Lilith that she and Fraiser were once engaged, something that Frasier had not yet mentioned to Lilith. Thus Diane becomes the third member embroiled in the emotional battle for the evening. Sam ultimately becomes the voice of reason calming everyone down. As the evening looks to come to a final calm end, both Lilith and Diane storm into the bathroom over other separate issues, to which Frasier finally takes matters into his own hands.
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19 February 1987

On his postal route, Cliff is bitten...
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On his postal route, Cliff is bitten by a dog, and decides to sue the owner for $200,000. Madeline, the dog's owner, ends up being a beautiful, voluptuous woman, but one that is up front about wanting to help Cliff despite the fact that she has little money. Cliff and Madeline start dating, the gang at the bar thinking that it only a ploy on her part for Cliff not to sue. Cliff realizes this is the case, but is still dating her in hopes of trading dropping the lawsuit for a roll in the sack. Madeline announces to everyone that her lawyer wants her to get Cliff to sign a waiver to absolve her of any responsibility, but she refuses to do so. Perhaps Madeline really does like Cliff. Or maybe she's got other methods of getting her way. Madeline and Cliff make it all the way to bed in a nice suite at the Ritz, when... Meanwhile, Diane is off on a Buddhist monastery retreat for a couple of weeks.
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12 February 1987

For the bachelor party the guys at...
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For the bachelor party the guys at the bar throw for Sam, Woody offhandedly asks Diane if she would be the girl who jumps out of the cake. Although she abhors such male sexual rituals, she agrees if only to stop someone else from "pleasuring" Sam. At the party, just as Diane is ready to come out of the cake, Norm makes a comment which makes Sam reexamine out loud for the first time this wedding and the fact that Diane will now be the one and only woman in his life. After jumping out of the cake mad at Sam for his comments, Diane later offers Sam a proposition: she will give him a last 24-hours of freedom to do whatever he pleases with whomever he pleases. Excited, Sam agrees when Diane throws in that she too will have her last 24-hours of freedom to do whatever she pleases with whomever she pleases. This throws Sam's 24-hours into a different mode, as he spends the entire time thinking about Diane and what she's up to, even as far as spending the night in his car outside her apartment waiting for her to come home, which she never does. Just before the end of their 24-hours, Sam admits to Diane what he had done and is angry at her for not coming come, obvious to him that she did have her last fling. Knowing that her leap of faith worked, Diane admits that she was down the street in her car watching him!
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05 February 1987

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29 January 1987

Eddie Lebec, a newly acquired goalie...
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Eddie Lebec, a newly acquired goalie for the Bruins, comes into the bar prior to a game. Eddie is currently the hottest goalie in the league. Since the start of his winning streak, Eddie, a superstitious person, will not stray from his regular routine, which includes a drink of club soda, no ice, 2 slices of lemon and a red straw. Eddie and Carla hit it off and start dating. Carla is excited but anxious that something will go wrong to ruin the relationship. On the day Eddie publicly declares Carla as his girlfriend, a game against the Flyers goes into OT, and as soon as Carla blows him a kiss of good luck, Eddie's winning streak comes to an end. Is the only difference in his routine the fact of Carla being in his life? With others in the bar, Diane is called to jury duty, to which she is named foreman for an attempted murder trial. Despite being sworn to secrecy, Diane talks about the trial to anyone who will listen, that really being no one. And a depressed Frasier is sad about the passing of beloved lab chimp Bombo. To cheer him up, Carla takes him to a hockey game. The game does get him out of his funk, a little too much however.
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22 January 1987

Diane and Carla console Loretta, who...
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Diane and Carla console Loretta, who has caught Nick cheating on her. They counsel her to stand on her own two feet and leave Nick. When Nick comes into the bar to claim her back, a chivalrous Sam stands up for her, Nick taking that as a sign that Sam has stole Loretta from him. So Nick threatens to steal the same from Sam, that being Diane. Nick makes an attempt to wine and dine Diane, then Loretta, then Carla and then back to Diane, who ultimately convinces him to go back to his wife. Meanwhile, Frasier, the chess expert, has met his match in simpleton Woody.
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15 January 1987

Sam and Diane announce to the gang at...
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Sam and Diane announce to the gang at the bar that they are engaged, however Carla goes into deep denial which she finally comes out of by the end of the episode. Diane loves this one engagement ring, and so does Sam until he finds out the $5,200 price. Norm mentions to Sam in secret that he has a jeweler friend, the term jeweler used very loosely, who can reproduce the ring for a fraction of the cost ($1,200). Sam agrees with the ruse. After giving Diane the fake ring, he in turn needs to tell one lie after another to protect his secret, each lie costing his some money. After he figures he can no longer support the lie, he goes and buys the real ring - now having paid in total $9,000 - and without Diane's knowledge, switches it for the fake ring. Afterward, Diane, without Sam's knowledge, finds out that Sam bought this fake ring, and in a fit of rage, throws what she believes is the fake ring, but what turns out to be the real ring, out the car window. Because of both Diane's act of throwing away the ring and Sam's of perpetrating the ruse, they have a heart to heart about the real meaning of love, marriage and an engagement ring.
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08 January 1987

Diane waltzes into the bar full of...
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Diane waltzes into the bar full of cheer, announcing to Sam that she had a premonition that he would ask her to marry him today; he mocks her and laughs in her face. Superstitious Carla warns Sam not to test the fate of woman's intuition. Diane does whatever she can to set the mood for a proposal and Sam does everything he can to prove to Diane that he won't propose. When they're finally alone just prior to midnight, Sam states that her insistence is driving him nuts and adamantly states that he will never ask her to marry him again. When Diane comes to the realization that it might not happen, her tears start to flow which prompts Sam to ask her to marry him. She says no, again! For a split second, he dreams that he has murdered Diane and is on death row - he chases her out of the bar to perhaps do the deed?! The following day, we find that Diane has had Sam arrested for assault and battery, and has asked newly minted but inept lawyer Tom, who has finally passed the bar examine after umpteen tries, to be his lawyer. At the bail hearing, Diane walks with a cane into the courtroom with a brace around her neck. Sam denies even laying a hand on her. Despite the fact that the judge has waived bail and released Sam on his own recognizance, Diane feels the need to tell the court of their relationship and their proposal history. Suggested by Tom and agreed to by the judge, they can get themselves out of this entire situation if Sam just proposes to Diane again.
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18 December 1986

Diane admits to the gang that she has...
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Diane admits to the gang that she has been taking a ballet class at the local community college under the tutelage of world renowned Madame Lihkova. The final exam for the class entailed performing a solo to be videotaped for adjudication. The gang at the bar intercepts the tape and the critique before Diane has a chance to see it; the critique is negative as Diane truly has no dancing talent. To spare Diane's feelings, Frasier decides to write a glowing review for Diane instead thinking that this act of kindness will cause no harm. After reading the altered review, which states that she has "the soul of a dancer", Diane decides to pursue her dream of becoming a ballerina, despite her advanced age. She crashes a closed practice for Boston Ballet, and is about ready to perform for the company when Frasier rushes out on stage and tells her the truth.
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11 December 1986

When Sam goes away on vacation, he...
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When Sam goes away on vacation, he chooses Woody to hold down the fort at the bar. Woody is prepared to do so, but unprepared for the Dear John letter he receives from Beth. Wanting to explain in person, Beth and her fianc?, Leonard Twilley - who Woody knows - plan on stopping in Boston on their way to Niagara Falls. Although Woody is sad, he is more fearful of looking pitiful in Beth's eyes by not having a girl on his arms. Seeing that Beth and Leonard's stopover is a short one, Diane thinks that making up a girlfriend for Woody is not a bad idea. However Beth and Leonard's stopover is a bit longer than either Diane or Woody thought, and Beth suggests that they, including Woody's girlfriend, go out for dinner. As a last resort, Woody picks a name out of Sam's little black book - Desiree Harrison - who, according to Sam "is the best" and has multiple stars next to her name. When Desiree comes to the bar at the appointed time, she is not what Woody expected. She is slightly older and a bit rough around the edges. She is, in fact, Sam's cleaning lady. But it's too late for Woody to back out of a date with Desiree as Beth and Leonard have arrived. After dinner, they return back to the bar. Diane thinks that it best that Woody tell Beth the truth. He does clear the air with her about his true feelings for her and Desiree's true identity. Beth likewise tells Woody that she still loves him but that a long distance relationship just isn't going to work, and she's not prepared to move to Boston just as Woody's not prepared to move back to Indiana. With Beth and Leonard on their way, Woody still has to deal with Desiree. He also clears the air with her. He did have a good time with her and just needs someone with who to talk. Desiree's there for him.
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04 December 1986

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27 November 1986

Thanksgiving is approaching and no...
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Thanksgiving is approaching and no one has anything to do. No one except Diane that is, who is among a select few graduate students one of her professors has asked to spend Thanksgiving with his family, celebrating in the pilgrim's tradition. In her excitement, Diane suggests that the rest of the gang spend Thanksgiving together in Carla's new home. Carla agrees to a potluck dinner, with Norm in charge of the humongous turkey with the little pop thermometer. Woody, Cliff and Frasier are solo for the day, but Sam is to bring his date Wendy and Norm is to bring his never seen wife Vera. Both end up being stiffed, Wendy spending it with her out of town sister, and Vera, in the biggest argument ever with Norm, vows to her tradition of spending Thanksgiving with her mother. A surprise attendee to the festivities is Diane; she left her professor's house in a huff when she found out she and the other students were invited solely as domestic help. Despite all these set-backs, they all vow that this will be the best Thanksgiving ever. Much to Diane's dismay, they end up spending the afternoon watching football game after football game followed by professional wrestling. But the end of the afternoon marks the anticipation of dinner. The turkey however is not cooperating. "Birdzilla" as coined by Carla, is still stark white and the little pop thing won't pop. They all vow not to eat until the turkey is ready; nerves get more and more frazzled the longer they wait for birdzilla. The rest of the hot food gets cold and the cold food gets warm. The simple act of Norm flicking a pea at Carla starts an all out food fight among the entire gang. But at least it lightens the mood, and sopping wet in food, they finally get to enjoy a cooked birdzilla and each other's company. Vera even shows up at the end. However a misplaced pumpkin pie in Vera's face leads to a chastised Norm being dragged home.
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20 November 1986

Diane is doing some part-time...
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Diane is doing some part-time teaching at the college and tells Sam that one of her students is falling in love with her. The problem is that she prides herself on being attracted to men solely on their inner beauty, but this guy is drop dead gorgeous which is stirring animal passions in her. But he is also young and a student. Sam thinks she is making this story up to make him jealous, especially since the student's name is Lance Apollonaire, as made up a name as you can get. Regardless of if Diane's story is real or not, it is starting to bother Sam. He is beginning to feel old and unattractive. To make matters worse for Sam, Lance is indeed real, is indeed in love with Diane, and is indeed drop dead gorgeous. Diane considers her options with Sam's blessing, but really Sam and Diane are in another battle of wills. A trio of passionate kisses, including one with Carla, helps Diane make up her mind. Meanwhile, Cliff has reached one of his goals in life, that to become a member of a lodge called Knights of the Scimitar. He wants to invite all the guys into the lodge as well, they all really not wanting to join. He talks Norm into joining as it's a good place to make business contacts. Norm breezes through the interview and gets into the lodge. Upon joining, he finds out that lodge members are not permitted to do business with each other. Norm decides to stay regardless since he really does like these guys. However, when they pass a motion to ban beer at lodge functions, Norm's out of there in a flash.
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13 November 1986

Woody is determined to mix a new...
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Woody is determined to mix a new drink. However his concoctions are either an existing drink or taste like sewer water. Drink after drink after drink he tries, until finally he comes up with something tasty and new. Now if he could only remember what he put into it. Diane is a little happier in her latest quest. She and her date, Jordan Brundidge, have managed to secure reservations at the latest "it" restaurant in Boston called The Cafe. Sam thinks that perhaps he should take his latest conquest, Darlene, there as well. Diane laughs in his face as The Cafe is not the type of place one can call up on the spur of the moment and expect a table. Sam thinks that he can seeing to his local celebrity status. He calls and Diane seems to be right. Even Frasier can't manage to call in a favor from an old colleague, Dr. Julian Weinstein, a world famous transplant surgeon and gourmet, who would be able to get a last minute reservation there. To exert his superiority over Diane, Sam calls The Cafe to cancel Diane and Jordan's reservation, and then calls back immediately in expectation of getting Diane's canceled table - it doesn't work, but he has still managed to cancel Diane's reservation. At the restaurant, Diane is miffed when they inform her and Jordan that the reservation has been canceled, and they probably cannot be seated that evening. Diane wants to wait anyway on the slim chance of getting a table that evening. Just then, who should waltz into the restaurant but Sam and Darlene. How did he manage to get a reservation?: he is pretending to be Dr. Julian Weinstein. Diane is furious. But Sam manages to make it through the night as the great doctor despite Diane's attempts to expose him, and several people in the restaurant who either know Dr. Weinstein or who are doctors that want to talk shop. Diane perseveres in her wait, but Jordan gives up and opts for a bucket of Colonel Sanders' best. Just as Sam is leaving, Diane is still waiting and The Cafe is no longer seating any more guests that night. Sam as Dr. Weinstein convinces Paul the Maitre d' to seat her as a favor to him. Diane is grateful after a long hungry evening. Sam, feeling guilty, places Darlene in a cab and comes back to have a second dinner with Diane, Dutch treat. However, what Sam doesn't count on is that he doesn't have enough cash to cover this second meal. And of course he can't use his credit cards with the name Sam Malone emblazoned on them. So Sam does the only thing he can do: he makes a run for it.
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06 November 1986

Diane goads over Sam the fact that...
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Diane goads over Sam the fact that she is dating other men, namely Chad. Sam doesn't seem to care, but does. Diane probably is only doing it to bother Sam. After a few dates, Diane calls it off with Chad, she's says because she knows that it is bothering Sam. Once again, Sam feigns indifference in front of her. Meanwhile, Norm has added financial counselor to his resume and has made a tidy profit for one of his grateful clients. The gang at the bar all want in on Norm's next big investment opportunity, but he is reluctant to even tell them what it is as business and friendship don't mix. Easily plied with free beer by Sam, Norm does reveal his next investment: Tan 'N' Wash, a combination tanning salon, coin operated laundry. Norm swears the timing is right for such a venture - winter is approaching, and everyone always needs clean clothes. Everyone is skeptical as to the concept, but Sam, Diane, Cliff and Carla all buy in fearing losing out on Norm's winning streak. The timing may not be perfect after all as Boston is experiencing an Indian summer, and the public is continuing to get their tans the natural way outdoors. The four investors are all antsy at the investment, some are mad at Norm, but all want out. Reluctantly, Norm lets them out of their financial obligations. Immediately after that, the weather in Boston changes to snow, and Tan 'N' Wash becomes a big success. Norm is making a lot of money and is flounting his riches. The four investors are now mad because they didn't stay in, and mad again at Norm for his success of which they could have been a part. Just as Norm is about ready to leave Cheers forever due to the ill will, they all come to their senses and apologize to Norm for their childish behavior. That's when he tells them that he didn't take their money out of Tan 'N' Wash after all, and he hands them all their first big dividend checks. They're elated. As they all bask in the glow of their riches, the roof literally and figuratively falls on Tan 'N' Wash: the weight of the snow collapsed the roof of the building and they had no insurance. That's the break in venture capital investment.
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30 October 1986

Because of her burgeoning family,...
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Because of her burgeoning family, Carla is looking to move from her apartment and buy a house. Cliff mentions to her that he has noticed a nice and quite inexpensive house in a nice neighborhood on his postal route. Although she is somewhat skeptical especially since the tip was given by Cliff, the gang talk her into at least going to take a look at it. She is enamored with the house, and quickly buys it. It is then that Norm finds out that the house was built atop an old prison grave, with legend being that the spirits in the grave will haunt any person who decides to live on that property. They are reluctant to tell superstitious Carla. They as a collective are even creeped out by the story. But they do decide to tell Carla. Once they do, Carla balks at the idea of the house being haunted. This balking however is masking a deep seated fear of the house. They talk her into spending at least one night in the house, which should exorcise any demons living there, or at least allay any fears she might have about the house. She agrees. On that night, Cliff and Norm drop by the house to provide some comfort to her. Norm doesn't stick it out long as Vera calls him home, for which he is grateful since he doesn't have a good feeling about the house. However Cliff and Carla make it through the night in the house without incident. Carla is relieved as in her mind the curse of the house is broken. Just then, the house starts to shake, a loud noise rumbles and a bright light shines through the front window. Carla is sure that it's the spirits out to get her. As it subsides within about ten seconds, Cliff determines that it isn't deadly spirits but rather a jumbo jet: the house is located at the end of an airport runway. That's probably why the house was so cheap. Instead of being angry, Carla is relieved that it isn't deadly spirits. She's finally home.
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16 October 1986

Frasier is scheduled to appear on the...
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Frasier is scheduled to appear on the debating television show Psychology This Week. However he decides to cancel when the original opposing colleague to appear cancels and is replaced by Frasier's one time terrible date, Dr. Lilith Sternin. Frasier's not too enamored with Dr. Sternin, or so he says. Diane thinks it's love. Frasier's passionate diatribe against Dr. Sternin in Diane's mind is not the opposite of love - indifference is. But before Frasier can cancel, Dr. Sternin comes to the bar to speak to him, to the lay the groundwork for the debate. Their pre-show meeting turns into a name calling argument. Diane approaches Dr. Sternin with her theory of Frasier's true feelings. Diane appeals to Dr. Sternin's professional side that in making herself more attractive for the debate may give her a psychological edge over Frasier. The first Frasier sees of the transformed Dr. Sternin is when they are on the air. She is jaw-droppingly gorgeous as Frasier's dropped jaw displays. The debate is peppered with sexual innuendo, and ends with an on-camera game of footsie between the two. Both Frasier and Lilith are embarrassed and not only revert back to their old selves prior to the show, but they also don't really want to discuss their obvious mutual attraction. However the attraction doesn't really come to the surface until Sam and Diane make Lilith take down her hair. Then it's animals in heat all over again.
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09 October 1986

Sam and Diane are still on their...
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Sam and Diane are still on their divergent paths to the supposed altar, Diane going on like they're engaged, Sam like they're not. Cliff is hoping for some other romance in his life. Wealthy and all alone in the world Duncan 'Fitz' Fitzgerald is a new patron in the bar, and Cliff can see himself on easy street for the rest of his life if Fitz and Cliff's mother, Esther, hit it off and get married. Much to his amazement, Fitz and Esther do hit it off and do get engaged. But much to Cliff's consternation, Fitz and Esther decide to donate all Fitz' excess money to charity. Cliff is no longer as happy about his mother's new romance. But after a little chastisement from Sam, Cliff remembers that his mother's happiness is as important. But everyone's happiness is short lived as Fitz passes away from a heart attack at his bachelor party. Esther is practical about the situation, which hides some deep seated emotions about the person who was about to be her new husband.
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02 October 1986

In light of her reconsideration of...
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In light of her reconsideration of Sam's marriage proposal, Diane comes back to work at Cheers as she knows it's only time before Sam's will will once break down and he'll ask her to marry him again. Sam does let her work there only so that she'll see the bevy of babes he will be dating. However his next date, a romantic weekend getaway to the Cape, turns out to be the 'Murphy's Law' of getaways for Sam. First his original date, Rhonda, cancels on him, and then the replacement date, Vicki, has to leave once they get to the Cape because of an illness in the family. What's worse is that Diane shows up at the same inn just to rattle Sam. Wanting to show Diane that he is having a good time with anyone but her, he clandestinely sends Vicki off on her way by herself while hiding in the room supposedly with Vicki. Diane however finds out that Vicki has been called away. Sam continues on with his ploy at any cost, but eventually Diane tells him that she knows Vicki is no longer there. They both feel embarrassed by their childish behavior and try to avoid each other for the rest of the weekend. But they meet up at dinner and clear the air - sort of. They agree that they're still attracted to each other but are at odds about how to deal with it and what it means. This will all be dealt with another day.
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15 May 1986

Despite her assertion that she would...
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Despite her assertion that she would never return to the bar, Diane does indeed do so if only to apologize to Sam about accidentally eavesdropping on his and Janet's private conversation. She waits in his office and Sam is about to enter, but not alone - he's with Janet and she wants a private word with him. Diane once again must hide to prevent them knowing she's there. Janet asks Sam what his intentions are to her, if only because she's in the public spotlight and must tell the reporters something sometime soon. He ducks the question. But in her eavesdropping, Diane also finds out that Sam has yet to start thinking about replacing her. With this new knowledge, Diane decides to crash the press conference and ask questions as to Sam and Janet's relationship knowing that there is no answer. Sam is rattled. Janet is rattled. And Sam and Diane end up getting into a war of childish behavior, much to Janet's dismay. Diane storms out once again. Seeing that Sam still has strong feeling toward Diane, Janet finally gives Sam an ultimatum akin to dumping him. Sam feels like he let the woman of his dreams slip through his fingers. So he picks up the telephone and tells the person on the other end that he wants to marry her.
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08 May 1986

The civic election has long passed,...
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The civic election has long passed, and Sam and Janet are still dating. Outwardly, Diane should be relieved as her spoken fear was that Janet was just using Sam to score political points during the election. But Frasier calls her on her true feelings. He also says that he does not see a future for Sam and Janet. On top of this, Diane overhears Sam admit to Janet that his longest relationship was with Diane, to which Janet responds that Sam should let her go professionally and thus personally. So Diane thinks she's going to beat him to the punch, and decides to resign before he can fire her. As she does so, she reneges as she feels she's giving Sam an easy out, betting him that he doesn't have the guts to fire her. He does. Thus they get into a typical war of who did what. But what's undeniable is that Diane is gone, she says forever.
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01 May 1986

This is a story of old relationships...
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This is a story of old relationships and new relationships with a little politics thrown in. Sam and Diane, still in the rocky period following Diane Chambers day at the opera, are trying to ignore each other romantically and one-up each other with the passion of their respective dates. Frasier is celebrating the first anniversary of Diane leaving him at the altar by spewing venomous words in Diane's direction, although deep in his heart he still loves her. Thrown into this mix is beautiful City Councillor Janet Eldridge, who comes by the bar on her re-election campaign tour. Diane is politically at odds with the Councillor, and Diane is spurred to work on the campaign of Janet's opponent, Jim Fleener. Asking for volunteers to work on the Fleener campaign, Diane gets Frasier, who has no idea who Jim Fleener is or what he stands for; Frasier obviously just wants to spend time with Diane. Unlike Diane, Sam gets along very well with Janet. In fact, they start dating. Diane is suspicious of Janet's intentions, thinking that Janet is only pursuing Sam to have a handsome local celebrity on her arms to boost her visibility and approval amongst the voters. It doesn't hurt either that Sam is Irish. But Diane is also concerned about the possibility of her relationship with Sam with Janet now in the picture. Sam admits as much that he is serious about the Councillor. But how does the Councillor feel? Diane confronts Janet with her outward suspicions, which Janet doesn't deny and actually confirms. However her motivations have changed from Sam as political prop to Sam as the true love in her life. Diane is crushed when Fleener loses the election to Janet, but also when Diane possibly loses Sam to Janet forever.
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27 March 1986

Although Diane and Sam were on the...
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Although Diane and Sam were on the verge of rekindling their relationship following Diane Chambers Day at the opera, the flame subsides a bit when Sam goes on a date with another woman, despite the fact that Sam and Diane aren't officially dating again yet. But Sam has other things on his mind, namely business. Another sports celebrity is opening a chain of pubs which is bound to take away business from Cheers. So Sam proposes a new management structure, where he hangs up his bartender hat to become the full-time manager/host, welcoming guests and devising new ways to drum up business. This opens up another bartender position. The staff at the bar think this idea is bad, but Sam goes ahead with it anyway. Sam hires a new bartender, Ken Charters, a young family man struggling to make ends meet before this job. A week goes by, and Sam's plan is a failure, as he isn't really good at coming up with money raising concepts. This means that he will have to go back to bartending, and fire one of the bartenders. He doesn't have the heart to fire Ken just because of his family situation. That leaves single Woody. Sam hates to do it but has no choice. Woody takes the firing with some hurt feelings since he feels like the bar and the people there are like home to him. However just as Woody is about to leave for good, Ken quits as he is offered the job of his dreams elsewhere. Sam thinks that he can stop Woody from leaving, but it now won't be as easy as he thinks. In the end, Woody decides to stay, but he isn't as dumb as he looks as he pulls one over on Sam.
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20 March 1986

The divide between the sensibilities...
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The divide between the sensibilities of Diane and the rest of the gang at the bar are first highlighted by Diane's latest date, who shows up at the bar dressed in Renaissance garb. But the greater rift is displayed when Sam invites everyone, including Frasier, to his place to watch The Magnificent Seven, everyone that is except Diane. It is this act that makes Diane storm out of the bar in tears as the outsider. The next day, she's still wallowing in tears of self-pity. To make it up to her, Frasier suggests that they all partake in an activity that Diane would choose, he suggesting an opera, not just an opera, but Diane's favorite opera, Lucia di Lammermoor. Frasier makes all the arrangements, all they have to do is show up. Not only does Sam go, but also Norm, Woody and Cliff; Carla kindly declines, both for her sake and Diane's as well. The night is perfect for Diane: box seats, a ride in a limo, her favorite flowers and the four men dressed in their best tuxedos. Diane is still in tears, but now they're tears of joy. Regardless, everyone in their group including Diane and unbeknownst to each other, falls asleep during the opera. However the evening ends with Sam and Diane back at the bar alone. Diane is still basking in the joy of the night. This leads Diane right into Sam's arms. This is when Sam has to admit that the night was all Frasier's idea and Frasier's planning. To this, Diane states that she is attracted to Sam more from his admission of truth. Although Sam's more immediate goal is to get Diane into bed, that is thwarted by Diane suggesting that they not that night if only to preserve the meaning of their longer term relationship. Sam's going to have to take a cold shower instead.
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13 March 1986

Jack Dalton, a daredevil of a man...
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Jack Dalton, a daredevil of a man from Diane's carousing Europe days, is coming by the bar. Diane isn't overly pleased to see Jack again as he was a part of her life she'd like to forget. He is bigger than life, and wants to live it to the fullest. Ultimately Diane tells him that she is no longer the same person, is settled in her life and no longer feels the need for the dangerous life Jack leads. Jack asks for just one last night out with her, up for a spin in his plane. Diane wants nothing to do with him anymore, but finally concedes if only Sam comes along. In reality she needs Sam for protection from the will of Jack. So the three of them go off. Up in the plane, Jack hands the controls over to Diane as pilot and Sam as co-pilot while he needs to deal with something in the back. Diane and Sam are nervous but somewhat exhilarated. They are less so when Diane finds Jack dead at the back of the plane. They first panic about how they're going to land the plane, but when they figure they're going to die, their discussion turns to their lives, especially their relationship with each other. Just when they mention that they would have gotten married, Jack reappears. He has the ability to slow his pulse down to virtually nothing, and did so to test Diane as he saw someone in the bar who needed a jolt in her life. Back at the bar after the incident, Diane and Sam find themselves alone at the end of the evening, Sam nervous about facing Diane alone in light of the things said. But Diane is the the one with the level head, and suggests they put aside what they talked about for another time when they can better deal with it.
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27 February 1986

The Boston Bopper television show -...
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The Boston Bopper television show - Boston's equivalent of American Bandstand - is holding a reunion. Carla and ex-husband Nick used to dance on the show when they were teenagers, they being the best dance couple at the time. Carla wants to go to the reunion with Nick only because there is a dance contest with a first place prize of $500 and trip to Hawaii. However when Nick - with current wife Loretta in tow - shows up to discuss going to the reunion together with Carla, they get into an argument about who was and is the better dancer. The argument breaks down into a contest pitting Nick against Carla, Nick vowing instead to bring wife Loretta. Carla first thinks about asking another old Bopper dancer, Eddie Csznyck, a great dancer who always had the dance hots for Carla. Eddie is willing but not able as he has an accident which sidelines him. Diane suggests to Sam that he take Carla. At one point in their relationship, Diane and Sam clandestinely took ballroom dance lessons, and Sam was good. He is reluctant to help Carla because he doesn't want to appear too graceful and ruin his macho image. Sam surprises Carla by telling her that he'll take her and actually being quite a good dancer. At the reunion, Nick/Loretta and Carla/Sam square off, seeming like they are the only two couples on the dance floor. However there is another couple better than either of them. Nick states to the crowd that realistically he and Carla are the best dance couple if given the chance. They dance a passionate solo to Unchained Melody and dance away with the prize. The dance ignited more than just their old dance magic. Carla may be ready to head off with Nick again until she learns what he has in mind.
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20 February 1986

Cliff brings in his next in the long...
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Cliff brings in his next in the long line of home grown vegetables resembling something, this one being a turnip, with its green top, that looks like June Lockhart. The gang think Cliff has gone off the deep end, and Cliff himself finally agrees. Cliff wants to spend a little time with Frasier - in other words, Cliff wants some free therapy. The time with Frasier does Cliff some good, that is until Frasier hands him a bill for the therapy. The bill has a regressive effect on Cliff, who now has a corn that looks a lot like Meryl Streep. Meanwhile, Sam is dating a very young woman named Bonnie, who, generationally, has more in common with Woody. To prove his 'youth' in front of Bonnie, Sam challenges Woody to a racquetball game. The game takes its toll on Sam, who is in pain, but hides that fact from the gang. He tells everyone he's off on a ski trip, but in reality, he has pulled a hernia - what he considers to be an old man's ailment - and goes to the hospital. Diane tracks him down to the hospital, where they have a philosophical chat about aging. Over the course of the day, Sam has a roller coaster of emotions about how old he feels. At the end of the day, he is as old as he is.
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13 February 1986

Frasier is doing some spring cleaning...
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Frasier is doing some spring cleaning and getting rid of some things, including the slides he took when he and Diane were in Europe. When he shows the slides, which are all of Diane and only Diane, his actions show that he still has unresolved feelings about Diane. To renew this part of his life, Sam decides to take him out for a night of "Sammy carousing". Norm is in for some possible renewal in his life as well when he is up for a promotion at work. He really wants this promotion, as does Vera, and is up against one other person, Morrison, for the job. Norm comes into some information that could sway the promotion in his favor: Morrison has been sleeping with the boss's wife. Norm wrestles with what to do with this information, as is the gang, who individually have opposing views. Mr. Reinhardt, Norm's boss, comes to the bar to tell Norm personally the verdict: Norm did not get the job. Norm and Morrison were equal in every evaluation category, the deciding factor being that Vera did not fit in with the other executive wives. That information was enough to sway Norm's mind: he quits. If the company doesn't want Vera, he doesn't want the company. He phones Vera to tell her the bad news, but leaves out the part about the real reason for not getting the job. Norm truly does love his wife.
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06 February 1986

After a disastrous date with a...
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After a disastrous date with a colleague named Dr. Lilith Sternin, Frasier is once again despondent about his luck with women. The guys think that Sam could throw Frasier one of his so-called castaways, and quickly Sam comes up with Candi Pearson as the perfect person to help Frasier out out his slump. Candi is a simple, fun loving gal, who is glad to help out Frasier, especially after she meets him and sees that he's got such a great forehead! But Frasier doesn't want either Sam or Candi's charity or pity, that is until Sam and Candi explain to him that they thought that Candi and Frasier could just have some fun. Frasier does leave the bar with her for a date. Diane is incredulous that Frasier would go out on a date with a woman such as Candi, someone obviously intellectually and socially lower than Frasier. The next day, Frasier and Candi come back into the bar announcing that they're getting married - they want the wedding ceremony to happen at the bar that evening. Diane is even more incredulous. As the Justice of the Peace gets to the part about "if anyone knows just cause why these two should not be married", Diane of course interjects. Diane and Sam take Frasier and Candi into the office for a discussion. Diane compares Frasier and Candi's relationship to her and Sam's turbulent relationship, on top of the fact that they have only known each other for 16 hours. When Candi interjects with her thoughts, Frasier snaps at her and tells her that she was not placed on the earth to think. This wakes Frasier up to the fact that Diane may be right. Although Frasier sincerely apologizes to Candi and although the two of them are still very fond of each other, they do agree that extending their pre-wedding relationship may be a good idea. So now that there's a Justice of the Peace and no wedding, Diane and Sam muse about how to solve the problem.
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30 January 1986

Cliff has been awarded Postman of the...
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Cliff has been awarded Postman of the Year by his branch office - one of 267 awards given out in the Greater Boston area - and wants to have a woman on his arms at the Gala Postman's Ball. That is no easy task. He first asks Diane, with the caveat "no strings attached". Diane, who is touched by the request, has to decline his offer since she already has a previous engagement that evening: her cheese club meeting. Desperate, Cliff next asks Carla - "bribes" would be a better term, bribes with not having to dance, a dress, a corsage, $100 and a VCR. After Cliff sheds a tear, Carla accepts with the bribes. Sam however talks Diane into accepting Cliff's offer and she does agree to go with him after Carla has already accepted. Cliff would rather go with "classy" Diane, and although the guys think he should go with Carla only because she said yes first and the fact that Carla would kill him if she found out he asked Diane first, Cliff makes up a story to Carla that someone else has expressed interest in going out with her instead, a Robert Redford type who drives a Porsche. Carla is suspicious, but agrees to the change with the extra bribe of a big screen TV. Lucas' similarity to Robert Redford is only that the two are both men, but Carla gets along with "tall, dark and gruesome" as she refers to him regardless. The four double date, Diane and Carla unaware of the fact that Cliff asked both. They all have a good time at the ball. But afterward, when it looks like Carla and Lucas will make it to bed that evening, Cliff accidentally lets it slip to Carla that he made the wrong choice in picking Diane. Carla exacts a little revenge by telling Cliff that Diane really wants more from him, specifically that she would like him to run his hands up her arm, while singing Misty in her ear. Cliff is excited. He takes it one step further by pretending to run out of gas in the middle of nowhere. When Cliff starts his hands up her arm and his rendition of Misty, Diane is furious. She kicks him out of the car, and leaves him stranded there. This ends the best date that Cliff probably had in his life.
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23 January 1986

Diane convinces Sam to go to Frasier...
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Diane convinces Sam to go to Frasier with fake depression symptoms so that Frasier can analyze him and get his confidence back as a psychiatrist. But Frasier comes back with a diagnosis that Sam's depressed because he's still in love with Diane.
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16 January 1986

A strange man has been in the bar all...
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A strange man has been in the bar all day and is giving everyone, especially Carla, the creeps. He just sits there, drinks coffee, scribbles some notes every once in a while, and watches the gang. Increasingly, they all get paranoid. Could he be a spy? Could he be a detective? Could he be a detective spying on one of them? Everyone thinks he is a detective but that he is spying on anyone else but him/herself. Finally Sam is about to confront the guy and throw him out of the bar, when Diane confesses that "Irving" is a friend and classmate of hers, in the bar to conduct an experiment for her on paranoia. Introduce a foreign element into an established secure setting and see what happens. The gang don't take too kindly to Diane's confession and imply that they will get even with her. It's a few days later and they haven't struck yet. Diane is jumpy, thinking the most innocent gestures are the act of revenge. She strikes out at customers. She destroys a gift of a muffin from Woody thinking it's tainted. She calls in Frasier to help her through this, not for counseling for her paranoia, but to spy on them. And finally when a camera crew from a public television program comes to interview her, she makes a mockery of herself and the show, thinking again that this is the act of revenge. It ends up not, the show is aired, and Diane is humiliated. But Diane is now not only paranoid and humiliated, but hurt. She feels that by them not carrying out their revenge, they still see her as an outsider to the group. It is then that their plot is carried out, a plot as only the gang at the bar could carry out. Although got, Diane is exhilarated: she's officially one of the gang.
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09 January 1986

Norm brings prospective new clients...
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Norm brings prospective new clients into the bar, and pleads with especially Cliff to help his cause in landing the job by not shooting off his mouth. The clients, the Brubakers, end up being dour people and Norm is failing miserably to win their favor, and turns' 180 degrees and asks Cliff to help out, especially since both of the Brubakers are "postal brats". Although Cliff is somewhat reluctant, he can't pass up the opportunity to talk, and talk specifically to people with a postal background. Diane is off to a public television auction, which spurs Sam into donating one of his old baseball jerseys. He is doing it in part to help the cause, but also to relive some of his former glory as a local celebrity. The jersey doesn't sell, and may be relegated to Mr. Bobo's table: Mr. Bobo is a chimpanzee who draws viewer's names to which to give the items that don't sell. That fate is worth than death for Sam. First Diane secretly buys the jersey. When Sam finds out, he asks her to take it back to the auction for a legitimate buyer. She does. However, as Sam sees Mr. Bobo on the television, he secretly buys the jersey himself. When Diane finds out, Sam is embarrassed and ends up taking it back to the auction. They take up a collection at the bar to buy the jersey, but when Sam finds out, he asks them not. When the jersey is about to be relegated to Mr. Bobo's table, someone finally buys it. It wasn't anyone in the bar and is relieved. The buyer ends up being someone who doesn't watch baseball or even know who Sam is - he was just tired of seeing the jersey come back time after time. Sam's local celebrity has faded.
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19 December 1985

Frasier is taking stock about his...
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Frasier is taking stock about his relationship, or ex-relationship with Diane, and although he wants to move on, he isn't dealing with it very well. He and Diane get into several words, none of them kind. Frasier tries to take some solace - very little solace at that - "hanging out with the guys" who are watching football on this typical Sunday. Woody is having the best time as this will be the third week in a row that he will have won the bar's football pool. Norm offhandedly muses about how much money he would have won through real betting. Woody feels mentally ready to do so, and asks Sam, who knows a bookie, to place a $1,000 bet for him, that amount his life savings. Sam is reluctant to do so, but does offer when Woody seems determined to find anyone to do it for him. Sam is even more reluctant however when many of Woody's picks are underdogs. The next week, everyone is surprised that Woody actually won his bet, netting him $10,000. The only problem is that Sam didn't place the bet, wanting to protect Woody. Sam doesn't know what to do beyond not wanting to tell Woody. But Sam doesn't have $10,000 lying around to give Woody. Perhaps Sam's Corvette would do instead.
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12 December 1985

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05 December 1985

Sam has a date with intellectual,...
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Sam has a date with intellectual, Claudia Mitchell. As Claudia waits for Sam to finish work, she and Diane meet and hit it off. Claudia is having a good time with her new friend, and asks Sam if Diane can tag along on their date. Diane doesn't want to because of her history with Sam, Sam obviously doesn't want to but he relents thinking that pleasing Claudia will get him one step closer to a roll in the sack. His plan to have a small table for two at the restaurant which would relegate Diane to another table ultimately fails as Claudia wants to spend the time with Diane, so Sam ends up eating alone. Things just get worse as Claudia abruptly ends the date seeing that Sam is no where close to the man she wants in her life. After the fact, Sam accuses Diane of purposely ruining the date because she wants Sam back. Diane fires back that Sam was only trying to make her jealous by dating a clone of her. They're both probably a little right. Cliff is having a relationship issue of another kind. His father, who walked out of his life when he was nine years old, has come back looking for him. Cliff Clavin Sr. wants to make peace with his long lost son before he needs to leave town the following day. Although Cliff Jr. initially wants nothing to do with his father, a childish act on his father's part is the ice-breaker needed, and Cliff Jr. falls under the spell of his dad. They spend a fun filled day together before Cliff Sr. has to head off. He asks Cliff Jr. to come with him to Australia. The departure has to be immediate though as he tells Cliff Jr. that he is a fugitive from the law for real estate fraud. Being a federal employee, Cliff Jr. just can't get over the fact that his father purposely committed a federal offense. Cliff Sr. takes off, but Cliff Jr. doesn't turn him in. It is his dad after all.
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28 November 1985

The gang at Cheers is in competition...
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The gang at Cheers is in competition with the gang at Gary's Old Towne Tavern again. This time it's baseball, and Cheers is whooped, despite having former major leaguer Sam on the team. Gary comes to Cheers to gloat, which leads to another contest, this time in bowling. Carla figures that all bowlers are beer guzzling slobs, and thus Cheers has a shot at winning. It doesn't seem likely after the tryouts. However Carla finds out that they might have an ace in the hole in the form of Woody. Woody has other things on his mind though as he hasn't bowled since 'the accident', where his ball made a pin fly through the air which in turn struck an innocent bystander. Woody refuses to bowl, and without him, Cheers is sure to lose again. However part way through the match with Cheers down by fifty pins, Diane and Woody show up at the alley. Woody has decided to bowl to help out his friends. However his psyche has other thoughts as he freezes at the line. It isn't until Gary ups the wager - Gary setting Sam up with beautiful Tawny if Cheers wins, Sam setting Gary up with Diane if Gary's wins - that Cheers' then unknown other ace in the hole shows his face, this time being a her, namely Diane. She took up bowling in her college years as she needed a phys ed credit, and despite the fact that she hates the game, she's good at it and isn't going to give Gary the satisfaction of beating both Cheers and getting her in a bet. Diane leads Cheers to victory, one of the few times that Cheers will have ever beat Gary's at anything.
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21 November 1985

Sam is being interviewed by his old...
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Sam is being interviewed by his old buddy, Dave Richards, for a radio program. In it, Sam refers to Diane as one of his old love bunnies, to which she takes offense. That is a small relationship issue compared to what Norm might be facing. Norm's neighbor, Phyllis Henshaw, has a sneaking suspicion that her husband, Ron, and Norm's wife, Vera, are having an affair, a suspicion she shares with Norm. Although Norm is at first unconvinced, Phyllis convinces him that they should hire a private detective to find out for sure; Carla recommends her cousin, Santo. While Norm and Phyllis await the ultimate news, they ponder their fate if the news is bad. They both vow to have an affair as well, and they end up in each others arms. Just then, Santo comes in with the news: Vera and Ron contemplated having an affair - Vera because of Norm's lack of attentiveness - however, they ended up not. Despite the news, Phyllis still wants something to happen between her and Norm. But for all Norm's kidding, he really loves his wife.
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14 November 1985

Carla's a little depressed. No one...
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Carla's a little depressed. No one has answered her personal ad, in which she was totally honest, including about the size of her family. To boost her self-confidence which they figure will ultimately attract men, the guys at the bar decide to create a fictional respondent - Mitch Wainwright, airline pilot - obviously who will always make excuses for not being able to meet. Diane disapproves as she sees no good coming out of a lie, especially when it comes time for Carla and Mitch to meet. But Carla is ultimately enchanted by Mitch, so enchanted that she waits for a date with Mitch to the exclusion of all others, including Vinnie Clausen, a real person who has answered her ad. Vinnie is no Mitch, but he's a real person. Vinnie stops by the bar and Carla doesn't give him the time of day, until Sam tells Carla the truth about Mitch. Although still smarting from the realization that Mitch was not real, she does decide to give Vinnie a chance. Meanwhile, Diane is taking a mime class and brings the resident mime, Sotto, into the bar to entertain the patrons. Sam hates mimes and apparently so does everyone else except Diane, that is until Sotto is ready to leave at the end of the night.
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07 November 1985

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31 October 1985

It was a dark and stormy night. These...
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It was a dark and stormy night. These are the types of nightmares that Diane has been having since she found out that Andy 'Andy' Schroeder, the ex-con murderer who tried to strangle her once, has been released from the mental institution. Behind her back, Frasier has been counseling Andy just to make sure that Diane's fears are unfounded, which he assures her they are. Frasier suggests that she just talk to Andy to confront her fears. But she doesn't have a choice as Andy comes to the bar unannounced. In part, Andy has come to ask for Diane's forgiveness, which she reluctantly albeit not quite sincerely gives. But he also wants everyone's help. He has met a wonderful woman who knows nothing about his past, and he has made up a background that consists of everyone at Cheers. Sam agrees to go along with Andy's ruse, but Diane is not too sure she should trust him. They all do go along with it, however his stories revolve primarily around Andy owning the bar. They all, but especially Sam, takes a leap of faith that Andy is being genuine when he requests the bar's take for the evening for a trip. Has Andy returned to a life of a psychopathic maniac? And ultimately, what is going on in Diane's psyche?
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24 October 1985

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17 October 1985

There's a coat left in the bar. Not...
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There's a coat left in the bar. Not just any coat: a cashmere coat with hand stitching, tortoise shell buttons, and bemburg lining. There is a slight smell of a special blend pipe tobacco, and two tickets to the Grand Kabuki and a dried rose bud in the pocket. Diane is in awe of the coat and by association the man who owns it, despite the fact that she doesn't know who it is or what he looks like. Diane goes on and on about how she knows this is the man of her dreams. The coat's owner calls the bar looking for his coat. Sam and Carla goad her into asking "Stuart" out on a date over the telephone, again before she even meets him. Under the pressure, she does. With great anticipation, the three await Stuart's arrival. Stuart ends up being an accomplished architect working on the restoration of a historic house, is refined, self-deprecating, rich and really a nice guy. But admittedly, he isn't the most handsome man in the world. Despite that, Diane decides to go out with him. They continue dating. And even Sam admits later that Diane's intuitions were right: Stuart is just one heck of a nice guy. But in private, Diane admits to Sam that all she can think about Stuart's looks, or lack thereof. She feels so guilty about this, that she even asks Sam to help her out with a lie to dump Stuart as to not hurt his feelings as she feels that he is falling hard for her. But Stuart beats her to the punch and dumps her first. Diane is relieved, despite being the dumpee.
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03 October 1985

The gang at Cheers flies Woody's old...
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The gang at Cheers flies Woody's old girlfriend in from Indiana to visit, and it becomes obvious that when they're together they use binge eating to curb their sexual urges. Meanwhile, Frasier takes a job at Cheers to make Diane feel guilty.
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09 May 1985

Sam gets an answering machine on...
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Sam gets an answering machine on which he records an outgoing message to fool whoever is calling, he records his name and takes a LONG pause before telling the caller that they are talking to a machine. In Italy Fraiser and Diane go out to dinner where Fraiser proposes to Diane she is very surprised and "accidentally" knocks over a glass of water, it spills on her,and she leaves the table to clean up. While away she calls Sam to tell him the news and that her and Fraiser will be married tomorrow, obviously she calls him so he will tell her not to marry Fraiser instead Sam gives her his blessing. Diane goes back to the table tells Fraiser that she was just overwhelmed and that of coarse the answer is yes. At the bar taking about the phone call Norm tells Sam that Diane probably called to so Sam would talk her out of it, Sam says that that's exactly what what she wanted so that she could laugh in his face about it but that he's outsmarted her this time. Than there is the wedding which Sam crashes, right at the alter he talks to Diane getting her to admit that she doesn't love Fraiser she loves him, Fraiser not too ecstatic says fine and that he's happy for them. Sam walks away carrying Diane and they are talking and Diane is saying how she will be better this time, that she won't nag him, and how she won't mind if he dates other women while she remains faithful to him, he is just saying how it would definitely work this time,m that's when Sam is woken from his delusion. Sam asks how long it would take to get to Italy, Norm tells Sam that he thinks that him and Diane are both lovely special people, separately, apart, but that together they stink. Carla knows why Sam is asking and tells him not to go she that he's a hound and will always be a hound, Sam goes anyway. In Italy Fraiser and Diane are at a gas station on the way to get married Diane says she wants to call and tell her mother, when Fraiser walks away Diane calls Sam. At the bar Carla, Cliff, and Norm hear the phone but Carla says that it's Sam's private line and that the machine will pick it up. Diane in Italy while waiting for Sam to answer is saying to herself for Sam to not to be at Cheers but to be on a plane to Italy, she than hear's the machine pick-up saying Sam Malone, Diane hangs up and when Fraiser comes over says that why don't they just get married right then and there. At that time Sam has some kind of chill go through him while on a plane going to Italy.
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02 May 1985

Cliff is boasting that a woman,...
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Cliff is boasting that a woman, Lynette Cahill, that he met in Florida has been sending him love letters, and even produces at least the envelope from one of those letters. But even more amazing, at least to Carla, is that Drusilla Dimeglio, Carla's evil principal from her childhood school days at St. Clete's, is sitting in the bar. Or at least she thinks it's her. Carla vowed vengeance on the woman who caused her childhood to be a living hell. But it's been twenty years since Carla's seen her, and so for confirmation, she calls in some of her friends from her St. Clete's days. Not only don't they think it's her, they don't really care. So Carla's on her own. Alone at the end of the evening with the mystery woman, Carla does find out that she is indeed the dreaded Drusilla Dimeglio. But before Carla can exact her fantasy revenge of shaving the evil one's head, Drusilla explains to Carla that she only did what she thought best to make the girls at St. Clete's better people. So Carla and "Drusy" become the best of pals, but not before Carla takes some action. Back with Cliff, Norm and Sam find out that in reality Lynette Cahill is the owner of the motel Cliff stayed at in Florida, and is threatening to sue Cliff unless he returns or pays for the towels, ashtrays, light bulbs, doorknobs, and shower curtain assembly including rod that he stole from the motel. But being the good friend that Norm is, he supports Cliff's lie to the rest of the guys at the bar.
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18 April 1985

In light of Diane's move to Europe...
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In light of Diane's move to Europe with Frasier, Sam is looking for a new waitress. His criteria: someone he can sleep with. Carla, who he has given approval power, is looking for someone a little more substantial. After interviewing a few bimbos who Carla has exerted her veto power, they come across Lillian Huxley, a matronly British tavern waitress, a person whose career is waitressing. She fits Carla's criteria to a T, even more so in the fact that she poses no sexual complication for Sam. Sam hires her, and admits after her 1 week probation that he made the right choice: she's a great waitress and the customers love her. He's even slightly relieved that no romantic complications will screw up this arrangement. Just at that moment, a beautiful woman walks into the bar: it's Lillian's daughter Carolyn. Carla threatens to quit if he goes out with Carolyn as she knows that will result in Lillian quitting. Sam breaks down and begs Carla to let him go out with Carolyn. Carla agrees, only if he tells Lillian and gets her approval. In the process of Sam telling Lillian, she mistakenly thinks that Sam is coming on to her. Sam now is in a real bind because if he tells her the truth, she will definitely quit. But Carla comes up with a brilliant idea: she knows that Lillian is a smart woman, and so she suggests Sam tell her, "Lillian, we can't do this, because... well, you know," where Lillian will fill in the rest with whatever reason her smart mind comes up with. Sam tries it, and it works. In their discussion however, Lillian divulges that she is a passionate woman, so passionate that two of her husbands died while they were making love. Although Sam becomes more intrigued with Lillian, he quickly refocuses on Carolyn. He gets approval from Lillian to take Carolyn sightseeing; so Sam gets to eat his cake too. All is perfect in the world of Sam Malone, until Carolyn tells him that because of the way her Mom "killed" her Dad, she hates sex.
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11 April 1985

Frasier has been asked to be the...
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Frasier has been asked to be the visiting scholar at the University of Bologna in Italy for a 6-month tenure, and he asks Diane to come along. Although she implies that she will, she is less than enthusiastic. Frasier obviously picks up on this. She mentions Sam's fragility about the last time she left as one excuse, but she reassures Frasier that she really does want to go. In private with Sam though, she accuses him of thinking that this incident will lead to the end of hers and Frasier's relationship for a variety of reasons. Sam however is sincere in his want to see Diane and Frasier happy. So Diane plans to leave Cheers forever. After Diane's bon voyage party at the bar, Sam and Diane have a private moment together to clear the air, but it leads to a passionate kiss and embrace. However things don't continue to bed as an on-going conflict between the two rises to the surface. So Diane leaves, but before she does, Sam gives her the option of coming back to him if the "one day at a time" type relationship that he only can offer is better for her than the secure relationship with Frasier.
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07 March 1985

Norm's boss, Mr. Hecht, comes into...
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Norm's boss, Mr. Hecht, comes into the bar looking for Norm. Norm's afraid that Hecht's come to fire him for slacking off. Norm does leave work early every day, today being no exception. Hecht corners Norm in the men's room. Hecht does indeed want to talk to Norm about being fired, but it's not quite what Norm thinks. Hecht wants him to the "corporate killer" aka the person who notifies employees that they're being fired. He states that the company wants to find someone as non-threatening as possible to do the job, as studies have shown that people having just been fired feel more humiliated when done by someone in power. Norm has nothing in his life that anyone could envy or resent, thus he's the perfect person. This job change is not a request from Hecht, but a directive, albeit one with a 300% salary increase. How can Norm refuse?! The first victim, Billy, is a sweet young guy who Norm doesn't have the heart to fire. It becomes more and more difficult when Norm hears his story: he loves his job, his wife is pregnant, they just bought a new house. Norm can no longer stand it and breaks down in tears and fires him, but says he's sorry. Billy is just so overtaken by Norm's empathy and sorrow and floodgate of tears, that he is more concerned with making Norm happy than he is about his just received firing. Unbeknownst to Norm, a company henchman witnessed the firing - it's company policy to observe employees in their new positions - and tells Norm that the way he fired Billy was brilliant: Billy felt he was fired by a caring, sensitive organization. This modus operandi is to become Norm's new shtick in firing. But at least Norm's being sincere. He finds it emotional draining to fire people time after time, but at least he's good at it. That is until he has a nightmare where he is pushing an unending line of accountants down a bottomless elevator shaft, one of those accountants who is himself. Finally, his tears dry up and the emotion is gone. He knows he can't do the job anymore, so calls the office to quit. Person after person he tries to call yells in horror and hangs up the phone on him. He apparently is known solely as the company's killer. Norm decides that as his final act he is going to call Mr. Hecht to give him a taste of his own medicine.
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28 February 1985

Loretta has left Nick to pursue a...
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Loretta has left Nick to pursue a singing career. What's worse for Nick is that Loretta gets everything in a divorce based on their prenuptial agreement. As soon as Carla sees him, she knows that Loretta's dumped him. Nick asks Carla for a second chance, not only for herself but also for the kids. Carla rebukes him, as does everyone else in the bar. That is, except Sam. Nick begs Sam for a job doing odd jobs around the bar, and Sam ultimately relents. After three weeks of working at the bar, everyone thinks that Nick is making a real effort to turn his life around, everyone but Carla. Sam and Diane suggest to her that he may be worth giving another chance, but Carla's not too sure. Even after Carla witnesses Nick's harsh reaction to Loretta when she comes into the bar, she's not too sure. Even after she and Nick go off and do family things together, she's not too sure. She just doesn't believe he'd stay with her if Loretta wanted him back. She tests him by calling him pretending to be Loretta, saying that she wants him back. He passes the test. The final test: Loretta comes to the bar in person, and wants him back. To Carla's surprise, he kicks her out of the bar. Based on that, everyone in the bar convinces Carla to take him back. She decides to do so, even though she still isn't totally convinced. After she does take him back, he admits to her that the last test with Loretta coming to the bar was the toughest to pass. When Carla tells him that wasn't a test, Nick fabricates an outlandish lie to go back to Loretta. Carla at least proves her superiority to the rest of the bar, that in the knowledge of the true nature of Nick Tortelli.
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21 February 1985

Paula Nelson, a beautiful...
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Paula Nelson, a beautiful intellectual reporter for Boston Scene magazine, is doing a story on the Boston single's scene. While at Cheers, she interviews Sam for her story. Sam being Sam, hits on her, but his womanizing approach gets him nowhere with her. He realizes that to get anywhere with her, he has to think like Diane. Although initially turned off by Sam, Paula eventually decides to go out with him based on his Diane-isms. She even agrees to go away with him for the weekend, to someplace that he once took Diane. Meanwhile, Diane and Frasier are having a tiff partly on what Frasier sees as Sam's attempts to win her back; this argument places Diane in a vulnerable emotional state. Diane is impressed by the new Sam she sees, the one who has a new passion for the arts, although she does not know that he is only using this information gleaned from her to impress Paula. Diane secretly overhears a discussion between Carla and Sam about why he's falling for an intellectual and the fact that Carla doesn't like her. They are talking about Paula, while Diane thinks they're talking about her. Despite being in a relationship with Frasier, Diane thinks long and hard about getting back into a tryst with Sam. She secretly overhears a second item: Sam on the telephone making a hotel reservation for the weekend, the call where he tells the reservation clerk that he wants the same room he had before to rekindle the old magic. Once again he is talking about Paula, whereas Diane thinks it's about her. As The Coach is away, Sam is about ready to ask Diane to tend bar while he's off on his weekend, nervous in doing so since he knows tending bar is a job she hates. She stops him, and tells him that she knows what he's going to ask, again thinking that he's going to ask her to go away with him for the weekend. They are both slightly confused in their conversation, as each thinks the other is talking about something else. It all becomes clearer to Diane when both she and Paula walk into the bar at the same time, each carrying a suitcase, each talking about meeting a dumb lug of a man to go away with to an inn on the coast of Maine for the weekend.
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14 February 1985

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07 February 1985

There's a chill in the air, even in...
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There's a chill in the air, even in the bar where there's a blockage in the furnace vent. The furnace repairman is delayed in his visit, so in the meantime, the collective in the bar suggests that the skinniest person try and shimmy down the furnace vent to unblock the clog, that person being Diane. Diane gets stuck in the vent, which is located underneath the floor, but that doesn't stop her from dispensing her wisdom to the gang as the bodiless voice. The chill is also affecting Cliff, who is under the weather, even so much so that he's come into the bar during the middle of his route to get something hot to drink. He's obviously sick, but won't let that affect him finishing his route. Actually he used all his sick days to take his trip to Florida. Norm, being the friend that he is, tells Cliff that the remaining handful of letters he can deliver for Cliff. Although initially reluctant to let Norm do this for him if only because of what he sees as Norm's lack of postal delivery skill, Cliff does let him do it. However, Norm is caught with the undelivered mail by a police officer, who arrests him. As it may jeopardize his career, Cliff doesn't set the record straight with the police and lets Norm be hauled off to jail. Everyone in the bar can't believe that even "weeny" Cliff is treating his best friend, one who was only doing him a favor, in such an abhorrent manner. After exhausting all other avenues, they all finally force Cliff to own up to the situation or face being ostracized. He does so, albeit reluctantly. The first Norm sees Cliff, he is as furious as he has ever been. After Cliff offers a heartfelt apology, Norm does eventually forgive his best friend, although not without first some retribution.
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31 January 1985

Sam is being very secretive. Diane...
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Sam is being very secretive. Diane finds out that his secret is that he's gone back to school. But later, initially to her horror, she finds out that he is not getting his college degree, but rather his high school diploma - she dated, in her words, "Dobie Gillis". But he is doing this as a promise to his parents, and because he really wants to finish this uncompleted part of his life. The Coach shows some interest in going back to school as well, and although Coach needs a few more credits than Sam to graduate - actually a few more years - he decides to take the same Geography course as Sam. Nearing the end of the course, The Coach and Sam are getting the highest marks in the class and are enjoying their experience. The Coach is doing it through hard work and studying. Sam on the other hand, as Diane deduces, is getting his high marks because he and Miss Purdy, the teacher, have a special relationship, not quite typical of a teacher/student. In other words, they're sleeping together. Diane chastises him, although she doesn't need to. Sam knows what's happening is wrong. He never dreamt that dating the teacher would result in her letting him slide with the class. Despite being at a point just before the final exam (worth 80% of the final grade) with Sam knowing nothing about the course, Diane talks him into setting things straight with Miss Purdy and the class, and having his final grade being a true reflection of his knowledge of the course material. After doing so, Sam's in a panic. How is he going to pass? He knows he can't do it alone. The Coach won't help him since he basically "cheated" in The Coach's eyes. Everyone else in the bar can't help either for various reasons. Finally The Coach relents and does help Sam out. The Coach's studying method, which he imparts on Sam, is to memorize the information by putting it all into song format. Sam thinks the idea's stupid. But The Coach won't help him unless Sam does it his way. So Sam and The Coach start singing, "Albania, Albania, you border on the Adriatic. Your land is mostly mountainous. And your chief export is grown..." After all is said and done and the marks are announced, The Coach gets an A, the best mark in the class. Sam ends up with a D, but passes and gets his high school diploma. But Sam feels dumber than ever. But at Diane's expense, he comes to the realization that some of the information from the class really did sink into his brain. Another in the bar is also on a quest for self-improvement: Cliff, with a little from his medical insurance, is thinking about getting his ears tucked, a physical feature of which he has always been self-conscious.
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24 January 1985

Despite not usually into such things,...
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Despite not usually into such things, Sam has agreed to play in a charity baseball game. The gang at the bar soon find out why: the opposing team is comprised of Playboy Playmates. Sam is relishing the fact of having his cake and eating it too. But beyond the Playmates, he is taking this game seriously, practicing his pitching with Carla. On game day, he blows the Playmates away with eighteen strike-outs and a 7-0 final score. He's thrilled that his baseball arm is back. But the Playmates are now mad at him and did not come back to the bar after the game as they said they would. Although Sam stands up for what he did, Diane puts it into perspective for him: he would rather beat the Playmates than to sleep with them. With that, he realizes that he is a sick man with his competitiveness. However, upon further discussion, Sam exposes the fact that Diane is just as competitive. They compete to see who is less competitive. This culminates in an all-night ping-pong game. The question is: when will the competition end?
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10 January 1985

Frasier comes into the bar a little...
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Frasier comes into the bar a little down. Work is getting to him. Diane suggests to Sam that he ask Frasier to tag along on the guy's fishing trip with Norm, Cliff, Tim and Alan. Sam doesn't want to ask the depressed, outdoor inexperienced and boring Dr. Crane, but does so when he feels like he can't avoid it. Frasier, thinking that it'll do him some good to get away and do some male bonding, agrees. But the trip ends up being slightly different than what both Sam and Frasier first envision. The gang decide to go snipe hunting instead, initiating Frasier into the ritual as being the one who actually holds the gunny sack in the bagger's position and does the snipe call while the others go off and search the snipe out. The catch: there is no such thing as a snipe, so there is no reason for the others to search out something that doesn't exist. In other words, they left Frasier out in the woods by himself holding a gunny sack purely as a gag. Diane is furious with them. Just as Diane shames Sam into going back out and finding him, Frasier enters the bar. Far from being mad, Frasier is intoxicated with the thrill of the snipe hunt. The guys think Frasier's even more of a sap now. Sam is just about to tell Frasier the truth when Diane stops him: she would rather Frasier live with the joy of what emerged from this experience than to be humiliated by the truth. However, much to Diane's chagrin, Frasier agrees to go back out and fulfill the experience by actually bagging a snipe. The guys all continue with the gag. Before they head out again, Diane takes Frasier aside in private and tells him that there is no such thing as a snipe and this was all a gag. Frasier, not as gullible as he looks, knows. Diane unwittingly has helped Frasier execute a plan to exact some fun revenge.
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03 January 1985

Frasier and Diane bring Dr. Bennett...
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Frasier and Diane bring Dr. Bennett Ludlow, Frasier's mentor, to the bar for a drink. Both Frasier and Diane are in awe of the man and obsess about the smallest social issues with him, like how to tell him he's got a crumb on his tie. But it's Carla with who Dr. Ludlow is obsessed. Two weeks after that night, Carla has been getting expensive flowers from a secret admirer, and Dr. Ludlow has been canceling plans with Frasier and Diane. Frasier and Diane think that Dr. Ludlow doesn't want them as social companions. However Sam suggests that the coincidence between Carla's flowers, the nights she wants off and the nights where Dr. Ludlow cancels plans with Frasier and Diane is just a little too much. Could Dr. Ludlow be Carla's secret admirer? Frasier and Diane think the idea ludicrous. They learn that night by witnessing Dr. Ludlow and Carla's embrace that Sam is indeed right, much to Diane and Frasier's horror. Frasier implies to Dr. Ludlow that he would be better to return to his own social circle after this walk on the wild side, but they all, including Frasier and Diane, come to accept and support the relationship once Dr. Ludlow announces that he plans on asking Carla to marry him after returning from a short trip. On the night Dr. Ludlow plans on asking, Carla is late, apparently in more ways than one: she's pregnant again, with Dr. Ludlow's baby. Before she tells him about the baby, he does ask her. Thinking that it a good idea for the marriage, she tells him the truth, which also does include that she has five other children, a fact she hadn't mentioned to him previously. Although taken aback, he still wants to marry her. She's stunned at his class compared to other guys she's dated, but can't say yes. She tells him she's in love with someone else, really implying that she doesn't love him. So she's unmarried and pregnant again, the continual saga of Carla Tortelli.
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20 December 1984

Sam hits on a woman in the bar named...
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Sam hits on a woman in the bar named Amanda Boyer, and is successful in charming "the socks off her". They makes plans to go out, however Amanda has to wait to meet "a friend", that friend who just happens to be Diane. When Diane finds out that Sam has made plans to go out with Amanda, Diane warns him not to go out with her, only implying that Amanda's crazy, the specific reason beyond that Diane won't give. Sam thinks Diane is just still full of sour grapes over their past relationship. Sam ignores Diane's warnings and goes out with Amanda. After Sam returns from dinner alone, Diane grills him about Amanda and his plans with her. Although he doesn't think Amanda's quite his type, he does plan on asking her out again. To spare Sam, Diane finally tells Sam about Amanda: the two met at Goldenbrook, the sanitarium. Diane didn't originally feel that she could violate Amanda's secrets learned in group therapy. Amanda's problem was/is that she is obsessive and possessive with men with whom she is fixated. Just as Sam asks Diane to give him an example of such behavior, Amanda walks into the bar with her parents, announcing that Sam is the man she is going to marry. Sam and Diane discuss the best way to get rid of Amanda for good, without Amanda hurting herself or hurting Sam. Despite traces of self-destructive behavior in Amanda, Sam is up front with her. Amanda implies that she is going to kill herself. Not wanting to be responsible for such, Sam reneges the break-up. He feels trapped. Finally feeling like he has no other option, he perpetrates a lie and fakes his own death. Hearing this and Amanda's undying and eternal love for Sam, Diane takes matters into her own hands. Diane tells Amanda that Sam is "Ralph", the person of whom she spoke in the group therapy sessions. Immediately Amanda's view of Sam takes a 180-degree turn and she walks out of Sam's life forever. Instead of being grateful, Sam is perturbed at what things Diane may have said about him in group therapy. She rattles off a long list of insensitive things he did while they were going out. Although he defends his actions, he also admits that he may not have been the best boyfriend, but that he worked harder with her than with anyone else and their good times were some of the best of his life. Finally he tells her he's sorry.
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13 December 1984

Diane and Carla have a bet about who...
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Diane and Carla have a bet about who can make the most tips in one evening, the tips a measure of who is the better waitress. Even giving her a $10 head start, Carla is $9 ahead with 1 minute to go, however a last minute $20 tip puts Diane over the edge. Diane is elated, but Carla is crushed by the defeat and mopes around for weeks, the only thing she tells Diane that will get her over the funk is Diane admitting she cheated. Although she didn't, Diane does admit to such just to put Carla in a better mood. However, Carla now won't let Diane off the hook for the fact that "she cheated". Regardless, they may be losing one of if not their best customer, namely Norm. Norm, who just landed a new job, had to take a physical for such, and the x-ray showed a spot on his chest. He questions his mortality and what little he's accomplished in his life. Later, he luckily finds out that the spot was just an error. He breathes a big sigh of relief but still does question what he's accomplished in his life. He now wants to stop and smell the roses. Ultimately, he decides to quit his new job and live his fantasy life: to sail to Bora Bora on a cargo ship and live in a hut on the beach for the rest of his and Vera's lives. To everyone's amazement, he actually goes through with it. After he's gone for a few weeks, letters from Norm coming pouring into the bar about how great a time he's having living his dream life. But lo and behold, as Sam is sitting in his office one afternoon, Norm comes wandering out from the office's back room. Apparently, he chickened out: he never even got on the boat, gave a series of letters to a sailor to mail on his behalf from Bora Bora, and has been living in Sam's office for the past week. He is apprehensive about going back to face everyone in the bar since he made such a big deal about living this dream life. Sam does talk him into going out and facing everyone, but just as he is about ready to go out, they overhear Cliff and the gang talk about how great a man Norm is for living his life to the fullest in Bora Bora. They all express how much they admire him for doing this, never having respected him before. But then they find out that he is hiding in the office. They are all mad at him and he refuses to come out. Diane finally is the voice of reason and says to him, "Everyone has had a dream they let slip away". One by one, they all tell him of their life dream that they let slip away. It isn't until it's Cliff's turn that Norm finally decides to come out, only because Cliff's dream was that much more humiliating. What are best friends for?!
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06 December 1984

Nervous because they think he still...
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Nervous because they think he still has feelings for her, Diane and Frasier tell Sam that they are moving in together. Sam is happy for them, as happy as he can be for Diane and Frasier. But in a private discussion between Sam and Diane, each has an underlying but unspoken air of apprehension about this move. After Diane moves in with Frasier, she develops a constant tickle in her throat and sneezing fits which she attributes to being allergic to Frasier's dog, Pavlov. Sam thinks her symptoms are psychosomatic, masking a reality of not wanting to live with Frasier. When Sam agrees to take Pavlov after Frasier offers to give her up for Diane, Diane seems somewhat annoyed. After Pavlov leaves the Crane-Chambers household, Diane develops another symptom in addition to the tickle and the sneezing, that of a "voice change" which words alone cannot describe adequately. This added symptom is also despite the house being fumigated, the upholstery changed, and the wallpaper stripped. Finally Frasier is fed up, and faces the reality that Diane's symptoms are indeed psychosomatic; she still doesn't agree but can't get over the fact of the symptoms. While Diane's off in the bathroom dealing with her symptoms, Frasier asks Sam for his dog back. Sam refuses and they get into an argument, during which Frasier adamantly declares his love and commitment for her. Diane returns just in time to hear this statement, thinking that they are arguing about her. All of a sudden, her symptoms subside completely. Elsewhere in the bar, it's Carla's birthday, and the course for such is a series of gag gifts, even from Frasier and Diane. Although not unexpected, Carla is hurt. Sensing this, the guys decide that it might be a nice gesture to get her a "sincere" gift, which Cliff offers to go out and buy. When he returns and gives the gift to Carla, she loves it and expresses her gratitude to everyone. But how sincere can the gift be seeing that it was purchased by Cliff?
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29 November 1984

Nick and Loretta - Carla's ex-husband...
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Nick and Loretta - Carla's ex-husband and his new wife - come to the bar to talk to Carla. Loretta can't bear children, so they want to take one of Carla and Nick's existing five kids, namely the oldest Anthony, who is under Carla's custody. Carla is incredulous and refuses. Nick threatens to take her to court, stating that in comparison to his stable life, she is an unfit single mother who works in a seedy bar night after night. She still refuses. It isn't until Nick speaks to her alone that she agrees. Everyone is stunned that Carla gave in. Although she says she's happy with one less child, she truly is crushed, the fact of her giving in that she could never stand up to the powers of Nick Tortelli. He apparently has this secret magic over Carla and all women. The gang at the bar proclaim their support for Carla to stand up to Nick and not sign the legal papers. When Nick and Loretta come back with the legal papers, Carla hangs tough and refuses to sign. Finally Nick suggests they go and talk in private, to which Carla agrees: she thinks she can hang steadfast this time, and if she does, she will have broken the Nick Tortelli spell over her forever. In private, talking doesn't work for Nick, so he uses "the look" and "the song", both of which have always worked on Carla. The culmination of "the look" and "the song" is a passionate kiss. It doesn't work. Carla is somewhat surprised but relieved. However Carla thinks that Nick gave up too easily and perhaps he truly believes Anthony is better off with her. Regardless, Carla will never know the truth, but most importantly, she gets to keep all her kids. But before Nick leaves the bar, Diane gets a taste of the Nick Tortelli magic.
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22 November 1984

Diane is nervous: she is meeting...
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Diane is nervous: she is meeting Frasier's mother, the woman who could end up being her mother-in-law, for the first time. Frasier, his mother - Dr. Hester Crane - and Diane are having dinner together at Melville's. Diane is nervous enough meeting her because she's his mother, but Dr. Crane senior is also an imminent psychiatrist who may analyze every minute detail of Diane's behavior. When they meet, everything is rosy as they both seem to like each other. "She's lovely", is what mother says to Frasier. However, the first moment Hester gets Diane alone, she threatens to kill her if she continues dating Frasier. Diane is shocked and stunned, and Hester continues the threat through what seem to be harmless innuendos to the uninformed. When alone with Sam, Diane mentions to him the threats from Hester. Sam thinks that she must be misconstruing the threats as harmless fun, which an unconfident Diane thinks must also be the case. When Hester, Frasier and Diane meet for lunch the next day, Diane returns the verbal jabs and tells Frasier that they should commit mommy dearest to a rest home where starvings and beating are the order of the day - or as a compromise, they'll have her stuffed. Frasier is incredulous and Hester feigns incredulity and ignorance. In private, Diane says that she is kidding just as Hester was kidding with her; and if Hester wasn't kidding, she threatened Diane's life. Again Hester feigns ignorance. Diane gives Frasier an ultimatum: believe her, or else they're through. Frasier sides with Diane, so Hester finally admits her threats. She reasons that Frasier marrying a "pseudo-intellectual barmaid" would ruin his career. But as Frasier stands up for Diane and their love, Hester re-examines what she concludes are her irrational feelings and vows to start anew with Diane. They are now like three peas in a pod, that is until Hester gets a private moment with Sam, who she tries to bribe to start dating Diane again. So, the world with Diane Chambers is not all right with mommy dearest. Elsewhere in the bar, it's Norm's 36th birthday, and he drops hints to everyone as such. Although his words say that he wants no special treatment, the tone of his words, which everyone picks up, is that he wants special attention. Sam offers a bottle of champagne to celebrate, the cork from which beans Norm in the forehead. Sam suggests he go to emergency to check things out, and offers to pay for whatever medical expenses he incurs. Norm, who ends up being OK, gives himself an extra birthday present via Sam by getting a mole removed while at the hospital.
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15 November 1984

This is an episode of faith and...
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This is an episode of faith and resolve. It's been a couple of weeks since The Coach and Irene got engaged and since Irene won the lottery. However, The Coach hasn't seen her at all. In fact she's postponed the wedding a couple of times and even moved, which she didn't tell The Coach. It's obvious to everyone at the bar that it is over between The Coach and Irene, everyone that is except The Coach. Sam takes The Coach aside and gives him the facts. Just before he states the final obvious fact of Irene no longer wanting to get married, The Coach asks Sam to be his best man. Sam no longer has the heart to tell The Coach the truth. Irene finally shows up and talks to The Coach, basically telling him that things are over between the two of them. Although she says that he is the sweetest man in the world, "money changes people" and she is a changed person. The Coach still thinks this is only a phase that Irene is going through, and that she will eventually come back to him. So The Coach still prepares for the wedding. On the scheduled date, The Coach shows up at the bar wearing his tux, all ready for his wedding. Diane is touched by The Coach's resolve and faith in humanity. Everyone else at the bar is incredulous at Irene's lack of sensitivity to The Coach, as is Irene's daughter Sue. They find out from her that Irene is now engaged to another man, a wealthy industrialist. Sam relays this news to The Coach, who is still convinced she will show up. The end of the day comes with no Irene. The Coach is crushed and surprised, but now faces reality, at least to an extent. Just as Sam and Diane and The Coach are ready to leave the bar for the evening, the telephone rings. The Coach is convinced that it is Irene. He picks up the phone, and without listening to who it is, says to "Irene" that he thinks she is better off without him in her new life. After the Coach leaves the bar, the telephone rings once again. Sam, curious as to if it really was Irene, is about to pick up the phone, when Diane tells him not to, that it really was Irene. With others in the bar, Cliff continues to bore everyone with his Florida stories and Sam and Diane continue their "who loves who" banter with each other.
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08 November 1984

Mother and daughter, Irene and Sue...
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Mother and daughter, Irene and Sue Blanchard, come into the bar for a drink. There is an intense and immediate eye contact between The Coach and Irene, following which Coach says to Sam that he is going to marry her. Needing some support and a distraction for daughter Sue, The Coach asks Sam to come with him to introduce themselves. Despite the fact that Sue is not Sam's type, he agrees to support The Coach. Following introductions, Sue apparently is not attracted to Sam either, which makes Sam now interested in getting her to go out with him. He fails and fails and fails again. With The Coach and Irene, things go a little more smoothly although there is a sense of nervousness on The Coach's part. After three weeks of dating, The Coach announces to the bar that he is going to ask Irene to marry him - everyone in the bar is happy about this news and wish him good luck. The Coach takes Irene aside in the bar and asks her, and she accepts. Immediately following, Sue calls with some news for her mother: Irene has just won $2 million in the lottery. She forgets all about what was supposed to be her happy news with The Coach.
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01 November 1984

Sam dumps his latest conquest,...
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Sam dumps his latest conquest, Maxine, because she has just told him she's married. Even Sam has his standards. After everyone has left the bar for the night, Maxine's husband, Marvin, comes by the bar brandishing a gun, threatening to kill the man who is cheating with his wife. Sam reasons with Marvin, telling him that he didn't know she was married and when she told him, he ended things with her. Marvin finally admits to himself that Maxine is, in his own words, indeed a "tramp". Marvin is a bit despondent, but Sam manages to get the gun away from him. Thinking that it would be safer there, Sam starts to put the gun in his back pocket when the gun goes off - Sam has shot himself in the butt. The next day, Sam comes into the bar with a cane, limping. He tells everyone at the bar of being held up at the bar last night, fighting off the assailant, and getting shot in the leg after which the assailant runs off. Everyone in the bar think Sam's a hero. As Sam's story changes slightly, Diane smells something fishy. In private, she finds out the truth from Sam when Maxine comes to the bar. Sam asks Diane not to blow his story, to which she agrees, however she does warn him that lies can backfire on one. The lie gets bigger when a news team comes to the bar to cover the "attempted robbery". After everyone has left for the night, Marvin comes back to the bar brandishing another gun; he's mad that Sam is getting all this glory for cheating with Maxine. In the middle of their argument, Diane comes back to the bar. When a distraction ploy orchestrated by Sam and Diane fails, Diane reasons with Marvin. Diane likens her relationship with Sam to Marvin's relationship with Maxine, to which Marvin can relate - he leaves without hurting anyone. For saving his life, Diane wants Sam to set the record straight with the gang. He goes one step further by calling the reporters to set the media straight. However the woman he gets on the phone is intrigued by "Sam Malone, The Hero", and the lying, womanizing Sam comes back into the fore. Meanwhile, Norm, looking to sell his house, is in negotiation with Cliff. During the negotiation, everyone finds out that Cliff still lives at home with "Ma".
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25 October 1984

Everyone at the bar is in costume,...
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Everyone at the bar is in costume, which means it's Hallowe'en. Late arrival Cliff is dressed as Ponce de Leon, Cliff and Ponce still going on about his trip to Florida. The gang get into an argument about Cliff and women or the lack thereof. Then, as Cliff is boring a bar patron about Florida, a woman dressed as Tinkerbell shows some interest in him. They have a good time that evening as Ponce and Tinkerbell, and decide to meet the following night as their real selves at the bar - Cliff on an actual date. The following night, Cliff awaits anxiously at the bar, but Tinkerbell never shows up. Feeling rejected once again, Cliff is depressed until Tinkerbell calls and says that she was nervous about meeting him as herself and that she is calling from a pay phone across the street ready to meet him. Cliff is amazed that he made a woman nervous. She finally makes it to their date, both nervous but with a little help from Sam, both ultimately enjoying themselves with each other as Cliff Clavin and Sharon O'Hare. Meanwhile, Diane, with an extra ticket and no Frasier available, takes Sam to the Boston Pops with Frasier's blessing. Diane isn't nervous about being on a "date" with Sam until they're ready to go home.
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18 October 1984

Three people say things that they...
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Three people say things that they perhaps should not have. First, Cliff anonymously tells his supervisor that his colleague and former bodyguard, Lewis, has been pilfering fragrance samples from magazines to be delivered. Lewis is fired and asks Cliff to find out who squealed on him. Cliff is scared of Lewis, but ultimately tells him that he has written down the name of the person, but that that person is sorry for what he did. Lewis, who manages to find another job, doesn't look at the piece of paper. That is good for Juan Torres, another postal worker whose name Cliff wrote down. Second, Frasier tells Sam a story about himself and Diane through the old "a patient of mine..." scenario, the names he uses for himself and Diane being Thor and Electra. What he mentions is something that third, Diane said in the heat of passion when she and Frasier were making love: she yelled out her old boyfriend's name. That old boyfriend obviously is Sam. Next he sees Diane, Sam drops strong hints that he knows that she said his name while she was making love with Frasier. She is humiliated, and also furious with Frasier for telling Sam. In the light of reality, Sam and Diane reassure Frasier that they feel nothing at all for each other. However when Frasier leaves the room, Diane's tune changes. Does she still love Sam? Does her hinting that she still has feelings for him make Sam confess that he still has feelings for her?
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04 October 1984

After 10 days of therapy with Dr....
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After 10 days of therapy with Dr. Crane and AA meetings, Sam realizes the destructive ways of his recent drunken carousing behavior. Diane comes back to the bar wanting to talk to Sam. Each is afraid that the other is still in love with the other, but they simultaneously tell each other that they are over the other. However Diane goes further and tells Sam that she and Frasier are going together. Sam passes this news along to everyone else in the bar. As Julie, the latest waitress quits because of Sam's cheating ways, Sam needs a new waitress and suggests Diane come back to work there. Both Diane and Frasier are individually reluctant for her to do so, but the Coach becomes the psychologist and talks both into thinking it's a good idea at least for the time being. He also convinces Sam that it's for the good of Diane.
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10 May 1984

Phillip Semenko has got Diane to pose...
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Phillip Semenko has got Diane to pose for him. He is having troubles with the painting, not knowing why, but he comes to the conclusion that Diane has lost the anguish that was making the expression of the portrait so brilliant. In their discussing Sam, Diane confesses that their relationship is a troubled one, where they are two opposites, and she gets the feeling that Sam often likes to hurt her, which Sam had admitted to others in the past. That discussion was enough to bring back her anguish, and Phillip can finish the painting. Diane loves it and thinks that Sam will as well. Phillip's take is a bit different however and tells Diane that Sam will not be able to get over the fact that she went behind his back and the painting will be the impetus for the last time Sam and Diane will ever see each other. Meanwhile Sam has another portrait painted of Diane - he thinks it's great, but the laughter from everyone in the bar makes him realize it truly is awful. Diane brings Semenko's painting to the bar to show Sam. Luckily the bar is empty and they can be alone during this crucial time. Sam is upset that Diane went behind his back. They argue about the painting, which leads to a deeper discussion about the dynamic of their relationship, where Diane patronizes Sam, and Sam acts like a child. The argument goes into name calling, and some threats of and actual physical acts. Ultimately, Sam kicks Diane out, and Diane walks out, each vowing this time it's forever. Diane walks out. Just as she does, both she and Sam do a double take, but both don't act on it. With Diane now gone forever, Sam, in an emotional state, takes a look at the painting and incredulously says "wow".
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03 May 1984

Sam tries to pass off quickly to...
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Sam tries to pass off quickly to Diane the fact that he was interviewed for Boston Magazine's article on the 20 Most Eligible Bachelors. Diane is livid. Sam and Diane are close to the breaking point in their relationship and this article may be the nail in the coffin. Sam knows that it will take a highly romantic gesture on his part to placate Diane and to save their relationship. Carla suggests he have a portrait of Diane painted. Cliff knows a renowned painter who lives along his postal route. Phillip Semenko ends up being a temperamental bohemian artiste, where the art is more important than money. Upon meeting, Semenko takes an instant dislike to Neanderthal Sam, and the feeling is mutual. Just as Semenko is about ready to leave the bar, he runs into Diane, of whom he immediately feels the need to paint a portrait. She knows his work and is in awe. When Sam finds out, an argument ensues between Sam and Diane and he threatens to break off their relationship if she goes off with Semenko. Although she concedes to Sam, she ultimately decides to go off with Semenko since she feels that Sam will understand once the painting is completed. Will he understand?
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23 February 1984

Norm brings a beautiful new client,...
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Norm brings a beautiful new client, Emily Phillips, into the bar for a drink. She seems "friendly" to Norm, and the guys and Carla egg him on. Diane and Sam are the only voices of dissent. Norm loves the attention and half-seriously goes along with the kidding, despite the fact that he is married to Vera. Finally the kidding gets to him and he takes Emily back to her place for dinner. Later, Emily calls to the bar looking for Norm. Apparently he never made it to her place, and now everyone at the bar knows. Norm comes back to the bar, all full of himself and his supposed conquest of Emily. Even after he finds out about Emily's telephone call, Norm keeps up the fa?ade. In private with Sam, Norm admits that he loves Vera despite his kidding, and that she is the only woman with whom he's ever been, and he wants no one else. But he also admits that he feels uncomfortable about bragging about how much he loves his wife, which is the reason that he kids about Vera. So when he gets back out with the guys, Norm breaks down to his old self and continues his Vera bashing.
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16 February 1984

The Coach has gone to Phoenix for the...
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The Coach has gone to Phoenix for the funeral of his best friend, T-Bone Scappagioni. T-Bone and The Coach played together in the minors and coached together for the Red Sox. Sam admits that he personally never liked T-Bone, the reason he didn't go to the funeral. The Coach, having returned to the bar, admits that the funeral was a bit impersonal since T-Bone had lived in Phoenix for only a short time, to which Diane suggests that they should hold a memorial at the bar in Boston where all his old friends still live. After the plans for the memorial are all set, Sam tells Diane the reason that he doesn't like T-Bone: he once made a play for The Coach's wife, Angela. Coach overhears their conversation. Despite the fact that The Coach now hates T-Bone, Sam and Diane tell him to at least deal with his feelings. The Coach decides to go through with the memorial, but that's where he wants to spill his guts about his feelings. At the last minute, The Coach decides to forgive T-Bone. However, the talk about forgiveness brings out the fact that T-Bone hit on all his friend's wives among other bad deeds. All his friends come to the conclusion that he really wasn't a nice guy. A mob mentality ensues, the only thing that ultimately turns the tide back to forgiveness is a rendition of Amazing Grace from Diane.
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09 February 1984

It's George Washington holiday...
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It's George Washington holiday weekend, a weekend that Carla lets slip to Diane that Sam traditionally goes on a ski weekend with his buddies to chase snow bunnies. Diane thinks now that they are dating that Sam won't go. But when Sam makes an excuse to take a trip to ski resort Stowe, Vermont - he states he needs to go there for an uncle's funeral - Diane knows the real reason for his trip. Although Diane doesn't let on that she knows, she says something to Sam time after time just as he is about to leave which makes him think that she may know the truth. And time after time, Sam, who actually makes his way close to Stowe, comes back much to Diane's certainty and much to Carla's consternation. Finally Sam and Diane have it out about the truth. After Sam storms out for the final time, Diane is right once again that he'll be back. With others in the bar, Coach tests fate when he's close to beating his monthly record for the fewest glasses broken. And Cliff is jealous when Norm starts hanging out with a new friend by the name of George Foley.
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02 February 1984

Much to Sam's consternation, the...
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Much to Sam's consternation, the Coach buys a non-returnable fortune-telling scale for the bar. The one who is however most concerned is Carla, who says that the fortunes the scale is spewing out are actually coming true. She believes the scale is possessed and evil. The scale is a big hit with the customers although unlike Carla they are getting their fortunes just for fun to see if they do come true. Diane is one who doesn't believe in the fortune-telling abilities of the scale, that is until she gets her fortune. It says "deception in romance will prove costly". Obviously Diane did something deceptive against Sam, despite she being a stickler for honesty in a relationship. Later, she admits to Sam the reason for her nervousness and her deception: she went out on a date, albeit harmless one, with another man to an event she knew Sam did not want to attend. Sam thinks that perhaps they should break up as he obviously doesn't fulfill all her needs and she doesn't fulfill all his. This leads to an argument, a full scale break-up, and a further argument about who broke up with the other first. Ultimately, after Sam kicks the scale and a fortune comes out, they decide to let the scale decide their fate - the scale proves that it doesn't have fortune-telling abilities. Meanwhile, Norm gets back together with Vera after a friend, as a gag, sets them up on a blind date.
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26 January 1984

Tough guy bar patron, Victor, has...
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Tough guy bar patron, Victor, has taken a dislike to Cliff and his know-it-all attitude. Carla eggs Cliff on to confront Victor, as she says he is just a blow-hard who will back down once Cliff shows he's not afraid of him. Reluctantly Cliff does so, but Victor doesn't back down, wanting to "take things outside". While Victor goes out waiting for Cliff, Cliff sneaks out the Melville's entrance. The next time Cliff comes to the bar, he brings his tough guy colleague from the post office, Lewis, in the off chance that Victor shows up as well, which he does. Knowing that Lewis is there, Cliff verbally pushes Victor more. Lewis defends Cliff until what Victor says about Cliff makes Lewis think that Victor is right. Without his bodyguard, Cliff uses the oldest back down statement in the book: that he knows karate and his hands are lethal weapons. Victor says that he will leave Cliff alone if Cliff admits that he's a loud mouth know-it-all. Unwilling to do so, Cliff cowers out of the bar. After Victor leaves, Cliff comes back into the bar to prove that he does know karate. He has with him a couple of solid pieces of wood to break, which he does with his head and foot. Apologetic, everyone at the bar is amazed. But then again, so is Cliff himself since he doesn't know karate, something that no one knows, that is except Diane, who Cliff tells since he needs ride to the emergency room. Elsewhere in the bar, Sam is disgusted with Diane, who is making a mockery of the bar's football pool, by choosing her picks based on her own sensibilities, such as cities whose symphonies are led by foreign born conductors. But what bothers Sam more is that she is winning the pools.
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19 January 1984

Sam and Diane are having an intimate...
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Sam and Diane are having an intimate night at Diane's apartment when the Coach barges in on them. Although they are at a crucial time in their relationship, they ultimately let the Coach stay for the evening as they realize they have the rest of their lives together and the Coach is all alone. However this night is just the start of the Coach joining them in on everything without them even asking him. To get him off on his own, Sam and Diane, with the help of Carla and the rest of the gang, try and set him up with a woman that he has admitted that he likes. After they finally find out who she is, Sam and Diane go on a double date with the Coach and Katherine. They end up back at Diane's place for an after dinner coffee, where the Coach and Katherine seem to be having a good time. The Coach offers to escort Katherine home, or so he says. He drops her off at the bus stop and comes back to Diane's alone, saying to Sam and Diane that Katherine, as nice as she is, doesn't fit in with their threesome. Finally Sam and Diane tell the Coach the truth. After the fact, they feel terrible as they hurt the Coach's feelings. However, the Coach's feeling weren't hurt, and he ended up continuing the great night with Katherine.
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12 January 1984

Unemployed Norm is forced to take a...
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Unemployed Norm is forced to take a job washing dishes at Melville's. Diane and the gang at the bar suggest that Sam hire him as the bar's accountant. Sam confides in Diane that he doesn't want to do it, since the bar is important to him, and its finances a big part of that. But reluctantly, he agrees. Norm immediately goes to work on the bar's tax return, and after all is said and done, he nets the bar a $15,000 return, a net return something Sam is not used to. This work puts a bounce back in Norm's step and confidence back into his abilities as an accountant. However financially conservative Sam doesn't tell Norm that he didn't actually submit this return, but rather the one done by his old accountant since he didn't trust Norm. After he finds out, Norm is hurt. He and Sam get into a huge argument, everyone siding with Norm. The argument results mutually in Sam kicking Norm out/Norm walking out of the bar forever. However, Norm, under the pretense of giving Sam one last parting shot, walks into Sam's office, behind the closed doors admitting that the bar is his life and he doesn't want to go. This true expression from Norm gets Sam to give his friend another real shot at being his accountant and his bar regular.
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05 January 1984

Carla comes into the bar in a huff....
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Carla comes into the bar in a huff. Her ex-husband Nick is getting remarried to stereotypical dumb blonde Loretta, and Carla is invited to their wedding. What Carla is upset about is that he is marrying "a dish", while he knows that there is no one special in her life; he is rubbing his happiness in her face. Diane suggests that she bring to the wedding someone who would make Nick jealous. Carla jumps to the conclusion that Sam would be the perfect person. Sam and Diane are scheduled to go away for the weekend, and thus he declines Carla's offer, that is until Nick and Loretta show up at the bar and do indeed rub Carla's nose in their "wedding bliss". Sam and Carla go through with the charade through the wedding, and the post-wedding at the bar, where Nick and Loretta show up. Nick, jealous, quietly asks if Carla would be interested in getting back together. Despite Nick always having the ability to get to Carla sexually, it doesn't happen this time. Carla doesn't however feel that she beat him because at the end of the day he still has a life with Loretta, and she has no one. The emotion of Sam and Carla's charade and Carla's tearful post-Nick outpouring results in an equally emotional end of charade kiss.
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22 December 1983

Malcolm Kramer, an older gentleman in...
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Malcolm Kramer, an older gentleman in the bar, has just found out he only has six months to live. He mentions to Sam that he was happiest when he used to tend bar when he was a student, so Sam suggests that he go behind the bar and relive his old college days. He does so and has a great time, and so does everyone in the bar. Before he departs, he leaves a note in the tip jar to show his appreciation, this note unbeknownst to anyone else until after he leaves. It is an amendment to his will, written on a bar napkin, bestowing $100,000 to the gang at Cheers. After getting advice from Cliff and lawyer wannabe Tom on the legalities of the bar napkin, the gang want someone to go get Malcolm back to legalize the will, and fight amongst themselves for what they feel is their rightful individual share. That is, everyone except Diane, who does not like what the prospect of money is doing to her friends. After Malcolm comes back and legalizes the document, he leaves it up to Sam to divvy up the money. The fighting continues and Sam, in a fit of frustration, listens to Diane and burns the will. Or so the bar thinks, as he really burned a fake piece of paper so that he could keep the entire $100,000 for himself. He tells Diane, who is furious with Sam with his greed. After arguing with Diane, Sam finally realizes that the prospect of the money is turning him into a person who he doesn't like and thus he burns the will. Diane is relieved. She has a slight doubt however: did Sam burn the real will or another fake? She makes a final "any person who would do something that vile would have guilt eating away at his guts for the rest of his life" statement. After she leaves the room, Sam finally burns the real will while muttering, "I hate her..."
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15 December 1983

Diane's oldest friend, Heather...
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Diane's oldest friend, Heather Landon, has just moved to Boston. Diane wants Heather and Sam to become as good friends as Diane is with each of them. Diane gets her wish as Heather likes Sam. However, Sam construes Heather's friendliness toward him as not so harmless flirting. In other words, Sam thinks Heather is hitting on him, and tells Diane as much. Diane, who doesn't believe it, wants to clear the air and in turn directly asks Heather. Heather, not offended by the question from her friend, says that she would never risk her friendship with Diane over a man. Sam is relieved at Heather's admission and is looking forward to having a beautiful woman as just a friend, a first in his life. However, Carla convinces Diane that Sam's initial instinct about Heather is correct. Later at dinner at Diane's apartment, Diane can only take so much of Heather and Sam's friendliness toward each other before she explodes and accuses both of having sexual intentions toward each other. Heather this time is hurt as it is not a question but an accusation by her oldest friend. Diane, realizing the error in her judgment, apologizes, and the three kiss and make up, although Diane will only allow Sam and Heather to kiss and make up to an extent. Meanwhile, Coach gets a guard dog as security for the bar, but first they have to learn to tame the wild beast.
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08 December 1983

After Diane gives Sam a lavish gift...
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After Diane gives Sam a lavish gift of tickets to a Marvin Hagglar bout, Sam casually tells her that he loves her. To Diane, his comment is a meaningful gesture of their relationship. However to Sam, his comment is just something casual he would say to anyone. This dichotomy places Diane at a place where she feels they need to reevaluate their relationship, what their relationship actually means to each other and why they are together. They decide that perhaps they should take some time off from each other - a week - to do some soul searching about their relationship. If they can't come up with something constructive to say to each other after that time, Diane feels they should call the whole thing off. Sam uses the time away to go back to his male bonding with the guys in the bar. Although he has thought about his relationship with Diane and has yet come up empty, he isn't worried since he feels he has always worked best under pressure. However, when they eventually get back together to discuss their thoughts their week apart, Sam is still blank. Unfortunately so is Diane. However one thing that Sam can no longer do is tell Diane he loves her. To Diane, this act is meaningful as the word love no longer has a casual connotation in respect to her. Perhaps things will work out between the two.
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01 December 1983

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24 November 1983

Mort, a friend of Sam's, is looking...
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Mort, a friend of Sam's, is looking for someone to manage his son's baseball team. The Coach offers to do it, which Sam thinks is a great idea. Diane however doesn't as Coach has never been in charge and she thinks the cutthroat nature of baseball will eat him alive. Both Sam and Diane are wrong: the Coach ends up being a tough as nails manager who works the kids like it's a major league team - all work, no fun and discipline through ridicule. But at least the team is winning. Sam and Diane try and talk him into taking a softer approach, but to no avail. It isn't until his players throw a mini-mutiny that the Coach sees the error in his ways. Elsewhere in the bar, Cliff offers to lend out-of-work Norm some money, never thinking that he'd accept, and Carla brings in her newborn baby, Lucia, to the bar to breastfeed her.
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17 November 1983

Sam's old wolf-hound in crime,...
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Sam's old wolf-hound in crime, sportscaster Dave Richards, announces that he is now single and once again on the market. As a reflex, Sam goes off with him until he sees Diane and remembers that he is now in a relationship. Dave is surprised at their relationship, and vows that they will no longer be an item within 24-hours. Sam and Diane are incredulous but nervous as to that statement as they know Dave will do whatever he needs to do to make his plan come true. Things start off bad when Diane finds out that Sam still has his little black book, to worse when Dave drops off a date - Didi - for Sam. Thinking that Dave might actually be right, Sam goes off with Didi. The next morning, Diane is sorry that she overreacted to Sam's little black book, until she hears Sam's news. Unlike Diane, Sam is elated by his news which does include the fact that just before he and Didi were ready to do the deed, he stopped and realized that Diane was indeed the one woman for him. Unconvinced, Diane is still angry at him. Then Dave walks in, just before the end of the 24-hours. It isn't until Sam confesses to Dave that Diane truly believes and forgives him.
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10 November 1983

Hank, a newcomer to Cheers, has the...
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Hank, a newcomer to Cheers, has the hots for Carla, but Carla won't give him an inch. He seems like a nice guy, but Carla is afraid that anyone that seems nice that is interested in her or visa versa, has some rotten aspect in his life. Diane and the gang persuade her to take a chance, and after her initial grilling where she doesn't uncover any deep dark secrets, Carla starts dating Hank. After a few dates where things go very well, Carla ceremoniously dumps Hank. All are confused, including Hank. Sam finds out that the only thing that Carla and Hank haven't done is go to bed, Carla hesitant because this may be his one major fault. Allowing herself to be vulnerable, Carla whisks Hank off to the one place that they can have some privacy, Diane's apartment. After they take off, the Coach however lets slip that Hank is indeed hiding a secret from everyone, including Carla, that being that he has a major heart problem, which even the least bit of excitement, including sex, could kill him. Worried, Sam and Diane run off to stop Carla and Hank. They get there in time, and Hank admits his problem. This ends Carla and Hanks bittersweet romance, one where Carla will remember him as the best lover she ever had.
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03 November 1983

Diane's ex-fianc?, Sumner Sloan,...
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Diane's ex-fianc?, Sumner Sloan, returns to Cheers looking for Diane. He has come to apologize and suggests to Diane that they go out for dinner so that she can meet his wife Barbara. She reluctantly agrees, but when Sumner mentions that Diane is welcome to bring any significant person in her life to the dinner, she does not mention Sam. Finding this out, Sam is hurt and offended, thinking that Diane is ashamed of him, especially in the company of brutally intellectual Sumner. Although she does eventually agree to bring Sam along, he suddenly realizes that he has agreed to a dinner with 3 intellectuals and that he will come across looking like an idiot. Cliff suggests that a good conversation piece with English professor Sumner would be Tolstoy's massive novel War and Peace, so Sam has 5 days between now and dinner to read the novel. Staying up for 5 days and nights, Sam finishes the novel just prior to dinner, however the 5 sleepless nights has physically and mentally taken its toll on him. To make matters worse for Sam, both Sumner and Diane announce for various reasons that War and Peace would not be the most stimulating dinner conversation, so his sleepless nights were for not. Sumner has shown up for dinner without Barbara, who is apparently ill. After dinner, one where Sumner and Diane have gotten into their old groove and Sam feels totally excluded, Sam confronts Sumner about his real intention, that of getting Diane back, and although Sam still wants her, throws her into Sumner's arms as he thinks they are a better match. Although Diane thinks Sam is off the mark, Sumner does confess that those were in fact his true intentions. In the end, Diane returns to Sam, the reason being that he read War and Peace... for her.
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27 October 1983

Andy 'Andy' Schroeder, the ex-con...
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Andy 'Andy' Schroeder, the ex-con murderer who Sam once paid to take Diane out, returns to the bar. He holds up the bar, but in the process of, his true intentions come out: he wants to go back to prison since he feels that he can't make it on the outside. Feeling sorry for him, Diane uncovers what he really wants to do: to be an actor. She wants to be his savior, and calls upon the assistance of Professor Sebastian DeWitt, an old acting teacher of hers, to adjudicate Andy's talent or lack thereof. But first, Diane has to get Andy into acting shape. Because of her help, Andy falls for Diane, but also is still on the brink of "hearing THOSE voices" that caused his original act of murder. When Andy finds out that Diane and Sam are an item, he is hurt but says he will use this experience in the upcoming scene he will be doing with Diane from "Othello". Will Andy's real emotions mirror that of Othello? And what fate will befall Diane's Desdamona?
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20 October 1983

After a workplace dispute between...
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After a workplace dispute between Diane and Carla puts Sam in an awkward position, Diane decides that it might be best if she no longer worked at the bar for the betterment of her and Sam's relationship. After two weeks of no bites, Diane finally gets a job as a proofreader at a small publishing company, pending a good reference from her last employer (Sam). During the reference discussion, Sam and Diane find out that her prospective new employer only has sex on his mind. Once again without a job or any other prospects that haven't included sexual favors, Diane is asked by Sam to return to the bar. However she comes to the conclusion that the situation at Cheers is no different than what she has faced in her job search: she is not the best employee and is the boss' girlfriend. Sam counters that he too feels used since Diane's original motives for wanting to work there were solely to bed Sam. For both to regain their professional dignities, they vow that her return would include a set period of solely a professional relationship between the two. Now, how long would it take for each to regain their dignity? With others in the bar, Norm and Vera break-up. Vera tests the dating waters while Norm pretends to do so.
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13 October 1983

While Carla is off on maternity...
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While Carla is off on maternity leave, her demure sister, Annette, fills in for her at the bar. To help Annette break out of her shell, the gang eggs Cliff into asking her out. He does, but he's not the first to do so, nor does he know that he isn't the first or the last. Annette's not as shy as she first appears. Cliff falls head over heels for her, and intends to ask her to marry him. As his best