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07 February 2018
Backseat Getaway Driver
The MythBusters test if a fugitive...
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The MythBusters test if a fugitive could actually outrun the law while driving from the back seat, and whether it's really possible to knock someone over with a feather.
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31 January 2018
Dynamite Deposit
The MythBusters investigate if...
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The MythBusters investigate if it's possible to blow a safe open and not destroy the loot inside, and whether dog owners really look like their pets.
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17 January 2018
Wild Wild West
The MythBusters investigate two tall...
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The MythBusters investigate two tall tales from the Wild West: how deadly a dynamite-firing crossbow is, and the best way to shoot from the hip during a shootout.
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10 January 2018
Pane in the Glass
The MythBusters take on an incredibly...
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The MythBusters take on an incredibly dangerous, glass-shattering movie myth and search for a no-cry kitchen cure for chopping onions.
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20 December 2017
Dead Body Double
The MythBusters are tackling two...
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The MythBusters are tackling two ballistic mysteries. Is a dead body bullet proof? Plus, is a non-Newtonian fluid bomb proof?
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13 December 2017
Invisible Assassins
The MythBusters take on...
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The MythBusters take on Hollywood's greatest invisible assassins with a trio of tall tales of ingenious booby traps.
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29 November 2017
Earthquake Water Heater
The MythBusters investigate if a...
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The MythBusters investigate if a water-heater can turn into a destructive torpedo, and reveal the explosive power of flatulence.
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22 November 2017
Chimney Cannon
Can a chimney be turned into a...
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Can a chimney be turned into a cannon? Most-importantly, can the burglar in the chimney be turned into a cannon ball? Can a bullet lodged in a tree turn a chainsaw into a gun? If so, is it lethal"?
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15 November 2017
Heads Will Roll
Brian and Jon test whether an...
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Brian and Jon test whether an automobile airbag can cause a fatal injury to the passenger, if that person has their feet up on the dashboard. In a second test, they investigate Delayed Causality. |
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06 March 2016
Duct Tape: The Return
In the MythBusters final season...
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In the MythBusters final season farewell, they build a trebuchet and attempt to save Buster's life with their favorite mechanical cure all: Duct Tape. |
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05 March 2016
Mythbusters: The Reunion
As part of the show's final season,...
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As part of the show's final season, Tory Belleci, Kari Byron and Grant Imahara reunite with Adam and Jamie to not only say farewell but to look back at the show and its impact not only on their lives but on the lives of their fans. Included in the highlights are the first appearances of each member of the Build Team as well as well wishes from such celebrities as Stephen Colbert and President Obama.
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05 March 2016
The Mythbusters Grand Finale
After 14 years, 250 episodes, 1,000...
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After 14 years, 250 episodes, 1,000 myths and nearly 3,000 experiments, Adam and Jaime say goodbye to Mythbusters with four farewell experiments; Capturing an RV explosion using the fastest high-speed camera they have ever used, driving a giant truck wedge through a collection of the various props used from over 14 years of experiments, sending Buster off with a supersonic farewell, and ending the show by blowing up a cement truck via the largest explosion in the show's history.
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27 February 2016
The Reddit Special
In this Reddit special, Jamie and...
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In this Reddit special, Jamie and Adam take on the best and most requested myths from the Reddit fan base. Including dropping buster from a helicopter in an inflatable hamster ball to see if he would survive and whether or not you can see farts on an infrared camera. Also, the idiom "you couldn't punch your way out of a paper bag" is investigated.
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20 February 2016
Rocketmen
Adam and Jamie test the fan favorite,...
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Adam and Jamie test the fan favorite, explosive technology, in a one mega-myth in-depth episode - are gummy bears a viable rocket fuel? |
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13 February 2016
Failure Is Not an Option
Jamie and Adam re-visit the following...
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Jamie and Adam re-visit the following myths: drifting, this time on dirt; re-testing whether a lighter can stop a bullet; if you are safe behind a fish tank from various types of rounds; and what is bomb proof, by way of two bombs. |
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06 February 2016
Volunteer Special
Adam re-visits the zombie killing...
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Adam re-visits the zombie killing myth, re-testing the ax method because of fan input along with a chainsaw. And the two test whether there is a faster way to get customers checked out at grocery stores by forming one long queue.
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30 January 2016
Driven to Destruction
Adam and Jamie destroy cars in style...
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Adam and Jamie destroy cars in style - one with a vacuum cleaner and the other with a massive amount of C4! |
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23 January 2016
Cooking Chaos
In their farewell season the guys...
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In their farewell season the guys stir up some cooking chaos. Testing 2 viral video sensations: cannon fired shrimp and an explosive tomato smoothie. |
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16 January 2016
Tanker Crush
Adam and Jamie take on their biggest...
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Adam and Jamie take on their biggest experiment ever in an attempt to crush a giant tanker train car by creating a vacuum. |
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09 January 2016
The Explosion Special
In their farewell season Adam and...
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In their farewell season Adam and Jamie go out with a bang. They bid farewell to their favorite pastime with two explosive tall tales. |
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05 September 2015
Star Wars: The Myths Strike Back
The Myths Strike Back when Adam and...
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The Myths Strike Back when Adam and Jamie once again confront the dark side of science in a workshop not so far, far away... |
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22 August 2015
Unfinished Business
Adam and Jamie tackle four fan...
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Adam and Jamie tackle four fan favourites from video games to grenades, from spy cars to super-fast firearms, the MythBusters are having a blast! |
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15 August 2015
Supernatural Shooters
Adam and Jamie take aim at...
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Adam and Jamie take aim at Hollywood's infallible hit men and their seemingly supernatural ability to take down a target. |
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08 August 2015
Dangerous Driving
Adam and Jamie crank the controversy...
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Adam and Jamie crank the controversy to the max as they find out if Hands-Free driving is really the solution to making that all important call at the wheel. |
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25 July 2015
Flights of Fantasy
Stow your tray tables because in this...
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Stow your tray tables because in this aviation extravaganza Adam and Jamie tackle two flights of fantasy that sees a MythBuster launched to the edge of space! |
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18 July 2015
Blow It Out the Water
Adam and Jamie blow up a boat with...
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Adam and Jamie blow up a boat with 1,000 lb of high explosive before building a homemade machine gun from Breaking Bad's season finale. |
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14 February 2015
San Fransisco Drift
The mythbusters find out whether it...
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The mythbusters find out whether it is faster to turn a car while drifting and if it is possible to parallel park a car with the drifting technique. |
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07 February 2015
Transformers
Mythbusters takes on two two wheeled...
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Mythbusters takes on two two wheeled Internet myths: The desert survival Citroën 2CV based motorcycle and a amphibious bicycle with water cooler pontoons. |
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31 January 2015
Video Games Special
Adam and Jamie take Mythbusting to...
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Adam and Jamie take Mythbusting to the next level challenging the science of the virtual world rendered in video games - it's game over for false physics! |
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24 January 2015
The A-Team Special
Adam "Hannibal" Savage and...
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Adam "Hannibal" Savage and "Howlin' Mad" Hyneman put The A-Team under the MythBusters microscope. |
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17 January 2015
The Busters of the Lost Myths
The MythBusters put the legendary...
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The MythBusters put the legendary Indiana Jones and his hijinks to the test. |
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10 January 2015
The Simpsons Special
Adam and Jamie investigate myths from...
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Adam and Jamie investigate myths from the cartoon world of 'The Simpsons.' |
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07 August 2014
Traffic Tricks
The MythBusters tackle congestion...
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The MythBusters tackle congestion questions: testing shockwave jams, if a roundabout is better than a 4-way stop sign, if it's faster to drive than fly when your trip is under 400 miles, and if it's better to change lanes or stay put in heavy traffic.
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07 August 2014
Laws of Attraction
The MythBusters use sexy science to...
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The MythBusters use sexy science to tackle five captivating clichés about the laws of attraction including if men really do prefer blondes, if pheromone sprays really work, if bigger boobs equal bigger tips, and does a man's wealth really woo women?
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31 July 2014
Road Rage
The MythBusters test three car crimes...
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The MythBusters test three car crimes straight from Hollywood: the cliff top push, the two-wheel wipeout, and finally the Corvette barrel roll from "Wanted". |
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24 July 2014
Commercial Myths
The MythBusters go to...
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The MythBusters go to vertigo-inducing heights to test: Could you bob for an apple when jumping from a 100-foot high bungee cord? And from a viral video, could you really play a match of tennis while both players are standing on top of an airplane's wing?
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01 March 2014
Supersonic Ping Pong/Ice Cannon
In this ballistics bonanza, Adam and...
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In this ballistics bonanza, Adam and Jamie ask if supersonic ping pong can go lethally wrong while Kari, Grant and Tory light the frozen fuse on a cannon made of ice! |
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22 February 2014
Bullet Baloney
The MythBusters take on five filmic...
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The MythBusters take on five filmic firearm cliches: Will a bent-barreled shot gun fire? Can you fire a gun in space? Will a gun dropped in a deep fryer go off? What weird items will stop a bullet? And does a neon sign really explode when hit by a bullet?
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15 February 2014
Mythssion Impossible
The MythBusters test three impossible...
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The MythBusters test three impossible idioms: Can you herd cats? Can you catch a greased pig? And can you cram 10 pounds of poop into a 5 pound bag? |
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01 February 2014
Do Try This at Home?
After more than 10 years of testing...
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After more than 10 years of testing impossible, dangerous and downright crazy myths that you shouldn't or couldn't try at home, the MythBusters investigate a host of myths that maybe you can! |
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18 January 2014
Hollywood Car Crash Cliches
It's wall-to-wall automotive mayhem,...
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It's wall-to-wall automotive mayhem, as the MythBusters drive through glass, plow through traffic, and fire an RPG at an SUV to take aim at classic Hollywood crash clichés. |
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11 January 2014
Moonshine Myths
In this moonshiner-inspired episode,...
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In this moonshiner-inspired episode, the MythBusters find out if an exploding still really could blow your house down and if you really could use hooch to fuel an unmodified car on a "moonshine run". |
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04 January 2014
Star Wars: Revenge of the Myth
In this Star Wars special, the...
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In this Star Wars special, the MythBusters test if Luke really could swing himself and Leia across a chasm with only his belt-rigged grappling hook, could an Ewok log swing crush an Imperial "Chicken Walker", and could Luke survive in a tauntaun's belly?
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17 October 2013
Zombie Special
WALKING DEAD's Michael Rooker joins...
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WALKING DEAD's Michael Rooker joins the team to test zombie myths. Is an ax or a gun more effective when you're swarmed by zombies? Adam turns un-dead to test if the "might of the living dead" can bust down Jamie's door. Can you outrun--or smart--a horde?
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15 May 2013
Down and Dirty; Earthquake Survival
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01 May 2013
JATO Rocket Car: Mission Accomplished?
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25 March 2012
Duct Tape Island
Can Adam and Jamie survive on a...
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Can Adam and Jamie survive on a deserted island using just duct tape?
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30 November 2011
Toilet Bomb
Adam and Jamie try to reproduce the...
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Adam and Jamie try to reproduce the scene from
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02 November 2011
Drain Disaster
Adam and Jamie try to blow manhole...
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Adam and Jamie try to blow manhole covers in the air with explosions, while the build team try various tricks with truck bed liner.
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26 October 2011
Flying Guillotine
Adam and Jamie test a myth that C4...
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Adam and Jamie test a myth that C4 can be used as a cooking fuel, but if you drop something on it while it's burning, it will explode. Tory, Kari, and Grant attempt to re-create a mythical flying guillotine.
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01 June 2011
Planes, Trains and Automobiles Special
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22 December 2010
Operation Valkyrie
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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15 December 2010
Green Hornet Special
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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08 December 2010
President's Challenge
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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WATCH ONLINE
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01 December 2010
Bug Special
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
more
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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24 November 2010
Inverted Underwater Car
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
more
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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17 November 2010
Reverse Engineering
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
more
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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10 November 2010
Mini Myth Madness
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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03 November 2010
Arrow Machine Gun
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
more
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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WATCH ONLINE
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27 October 2010
Tablecloth Chaos
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
more
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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20 October 2010
Cold Feet
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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13 October 2010
Storm Chasing Myths
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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06 October 2010
Hair of the Dog
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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Episode #8.17
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
more
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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Episode #8.16
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
more
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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Episode #8.15
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
more
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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Busters Cut Alcohol Myths
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
more
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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23 June 2010
Car Conundrum
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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16 June 2010
Mythbusters Top 25 Moments
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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12 September 2010
Flu Fiction
Jamie and Adam test Flu and cold...
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Jamie and Adam test Flu and cold Myths. Does a sneeze really travel at 100MPH and travel over 30 feet? Also, how important IS wiping your nose? The Mythbusters test just how much nasal effluence can get passed around at a dinner party. Meanwhile Kari, Grant and Tory test out Decapitation by Tornado. Can a tornado really toss glass so fast that it can decapitate you? The squeamish be warned; "Neckman" the pig-based human analog used to test this myth, is both disgusting, and (unfortunately) rather phallic in appearance. What the tests do to "him" is even worse.
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02 June 2010
Fireball Stun Gun
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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19 May 2010
Waterslide Wipeout
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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12 May 2010
Duct Tape Hour 2
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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WATCH ONLINE
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05 May 2010
Mythssion Control
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
more
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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WATCH ONLINE
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28 April 2010
No Pain, No Gain
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
more
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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14 April 2010
Bottle Bash
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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07 April 2010
Spy Car Escape
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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31 March 2010
Dive to Survive
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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24 March 2010
Soda Cup Killer
Adam and Jamie talk trash and crash...
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Adam and Jamie talk trash and crash when they test whether a Styrofoam cup full of soda can be a lethal projectile when thrown from a car at high speeds. Does the cup penetrate the windshield of an oncoming car and seriously injure the driver? Jamie and Adam build a number of soda shooting cannons to see how deadly this myth really is, including a never-before-seen shoulder mounted cannon courtesy of Jamie. On a higher note, Grant, Tory and Jessi Combs (in her final episode with the team) test the classic silver screen cliché of the death defying hang. Are any of these actually viable? Using a helicopter and their wits, the team finds out if these hang times can happen.
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04 January 2010
Boomerang Bullet
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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28 December 2009
Mini Myth Mayhem
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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16 December 2009
Hidden Nasties
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
more
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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WATCH ONLINE
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09 December 2009
Unarmed and Unharmed
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
more
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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02 December 2009
Antacid Jail Break
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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25 November 2009
Dumpster Diving
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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18 November 2009
Myth Evolution 2
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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11 November 2009
Crash and Burn
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
more
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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04 November 2009
Hurricane Windows
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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28 October 2009
Greased Lightning
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
more
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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21 October 2009
Dirty vs. Clean Car
Adam and Jamie get down and dirty...
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Adam and Jamie get down and dirty with the myth that a muddy motorcar gets better gas mileage than it's clean cousin. Meanwhile Kari, Grant and Tory are hitting the sauce and comparing hangovers to test an age old adage about beer and liquor.
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14 October 2009
Duct Tape Hour
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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07 October 2009
Knock Your Socks Off!
If one bullet is fired and the other...
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If one bullet is fired and the other is dropped simultaneously from the same height, which will hit the ground first? Or will they hit at the same time, owing to gravity? Meanwhile, Kari, Grant and Tory test an old saying: can you really knock someone out of their socks? In true MYTHBUSTERS fashion, their tests involve Buster, a boxing ring, a nitrogen cannon, a battering ram and, of course, explosives.
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17 June 2009
Car vs. Rain
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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10 June 2009
Curving Bullets
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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03 June 2009
Prison Escape: Part 2
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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27 May 2009
Thermite vs. Ice
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
more
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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29 April 2009
YouTube Special
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
more
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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WATCH ONLINE
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06 May 2009
Swimming in Syrup
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
more
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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WATCH ONLINE
-
20 May 2009
Seesaw Saga
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson |
