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Isa is delighted when old flame...
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Isa is delighted when old flame Callum returns after fifty years, having been a successful Hollywood stunt man and he also endears himself to learner driver Boabby by giving him lessons. Isa is keen that they take up where they left off but sadly Callum is not the man he was and his disappointment does not bode well for Boabby with the homeless Methadone Mick having to come to their rescue.
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Whilst Navid's new automatic...
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Whilst Navid's new automatic bar-code scanner confuses his elderly customers there is pandemonium at the local butcher's shop when a fight breaks out to claim the last steak pie. Meanwhile Tam's friendship with ninety-year old Maggie leads to false gossip regarding her will.
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Jack and Victor discover that...
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Jack and Victor discover that shop-keeper Navid has a caravan at a fixed site and persuade him to let them stay there - with Winston tagging along. They are soon bickering and the decision to send Winston to buy drinks proves to be unwise. The weekend is rounded off with a bizarre game of oneupmanship and the discovery of a terrible mistake.
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Boabby takes up walking football but...
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Boabby takes up walking football but suffers a heart attack so Jack and Victor decide to field their own team against another geriatric group. Their first game is a disaster but Isa has a plan to ensure ultimate victory. Hopefully it will work.
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When the local undertaker dies his...
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When the local undertaker dies his successor Shearing prompts Isa to identify him as the Grim Reaper touting for trade amongst the elderly. With their aged friend Eric dying Jack and Victor wonder if Isa is correct but, at Eric's funeral, several truths are uncovered.
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Harrier Heights tower block is being...
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Harrier Heights tower block is being demolished and the residents temporarily housed in Braemar care home. When their block, Osprey Heights, is also ear-marked for destruction Jack and Victor are happy to move into Braemar until their new homes are built but it turns out to be a terrible place run by the fearsome Mrs Fletcher and, after a party with their friends, they escape to watch the last few minutes of Osprey Heights' existence. However, thanks to Winston and Tam, scavenging in the building, the demolition may not go ahead and things may return to normal.
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Jack and Victor successfully apply to...
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Jack and Victor successfully apply to become dog-sitters for people on holiday, annoying an envious Winston as they take charge of a hungry Great Dane and a flatulent bulldog. Meanwhile Isa competes in the local bake-off contest against seasoned favourite Peggy but when Winston introduces a tarantula into the pub whilst almost killing the dogs it helps spur Isa onto victory.
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Fergie has only been married to...
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Fergie has only been married to Sinead for a year but is already having regrets and asks Jack and Victor for their advice. Unfortunately he misunderstands them and almost wrecks his marriage whilst Navid and Boaby, having accused each other of having an easy life, swap jobs with equally disastrous results.
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Jack and Victor decide to donate...
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Jack and Victor decide to donate unwanted gifts to a charity shop, where they meet Methadone Mick and take pity on him, buying him a suit and giving him tips for a job interview. Boaby gets a good citizen's award and Winston, having received a parking ticket, accompanies him to the presentation at the town hall, where he hopes to bin the ticket. However circumstances force him to masquerade as a waiter and he is thrown out. Mick gets the job, thanks to his mentors, but his enthusiasm does not bode well for Winston.
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With the price of alcohol rising at...
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With the price of alcohol rising at the pub and the corner shop and the bullying Mark replacing Boaby behind the bar Jack and Victor join the rest of the community in purchasing bottles of bootleg hooch. However it has seriously debilitating effects on its drinkers, causing blindness so Jack and Victor decide to halt its manufacture - whilst also using it to get rid of Mark.
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Tam and Frances enjoy fame and...
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Tam and Frances enjoy fame and fortune with their new addition but it means baby sitting stints for Jack and Victor which is proving a bit of a strain. And a major character ends the series close to death. There will be a Christmas and New Year special.
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Everyone loves the "Beefy Bake",...
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Everyone loves the "Beefy Bake", especially Jack and Victor. But when Pete the Jakey claims to have invented the recipe, Jack and Victor take on the might of the Henderson Bakery in the courts to reclaim his lost fortune. Meanwhile, Tam's penny-pinching is making Frances feel unloved - Isa thinks it's time the romance was put back into their relationship...
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Craiglang is hit by two notable...
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Craiglang is hit by two notable events - the first is Tam's sudden bout of generosity, though it quickly evaporates. More alarming is the presence of Hyperdales, the huge hyper-market which threatens to put an end to Navid's shop. He plans to sabotage it by committing arson after it has shut for the night. Tam, Winston, Jack and Victor try to dissuade him but . . .accidents will happen.
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A pizza parlour opens around the...
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A pizza parlour opens around the corner from the Clansman and Boabby falls for the charming Stacey, who works there. But he has a rival in Stevie the bookie and although Jack and Victor give Boabby advice it's down to local gym owner and former boxing champ Jim Watt to suggest that the rivals get into the ring and slug it out for a date with the lady. Jack and Victor meantime go to bizarre lengths to try and get themselves a free pizza from cash-in-hand delivery man Winston.
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A truck ploughs into the electricity...
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A truck ploughs into the electricity sub-station, causing a power cut. Navid's shelves are empty due to panic buying and the pumps are off in the pub. Worse, a robber is taking advantage of the situation, burgling Isa's flat. The police arrive but they may not be what they seem. Fortunately Winston is about to ride to the rescue.
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Having won a swish night out in a...
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Having won a swish night out in a radio contest Jack and Victor meet two charming wealthy ladies , Liz and Pam, to whom they tell a pack of lies involving their owning a yacht and a place in Kenya. The ladies invite them to a country house party, where they are joined by Winston, Tam and Isa,also posing as something they aren't. In fact there are more impostors than genuine guests, all on the make and all having to run for it.
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Winston manages to get a housing...
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Winston manages to get a housing transfer to a seaside resort and Jack and Victor decide to go and visit him. However, they find him completely down in the dumps and anxious to move back to Craiglang. Molly Drummond, a former pop singer and sister-in-law of Tam, comes to visit and proves herself to be even tighter than Tam, to the extent that she even hides in the luggage compartment on the bus to get a free ride.
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Winston expresses an interest in...
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Winston expresses an interest in moving to Finport by the sea, which he believes to be a playground for merry widows. Jack and Victor go with Isa to visit her recently-widowed friend Ella, who looks like Ken Dodd and whose husband was hired as a wedding chauffeur the following weekend. Jack agrees to take his place but a little too much of the celebratory spirit leads to him and Victor tying the groom nude to a lamp-post.
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Whilst Navid undergoes a mid-life...
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Whilst Navid undergoes a mid-life crisis and yearns to be young again, the Clansman is to be featured on a television show, 'Blighty's Hardest Boozers'. Unfortunately, it just isn't hard enough so Boabby goes recruiting among the neds as well as presenting Jack and Victor as tough guys. The producer is not convinced, but then a real hard nut turns up and is so realistic there is a knock-on effect.
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As a birthday surprise for Victor's...
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As a birthday surprise for Victor's 75th, Jack arranges a fishing trip on the River Kelvin in Shug's dinghy, along with Winston. They drift downstream over a weir, leading to an argument, but find a picnic, which they wolf down. Actually it belonged to a group of neds, who are not pleased. There is reconciliation but everyone ends up, literally, all at sea.
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Chris the Postie, who used to be a...
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Chris the Postie, who used to be a decorator, has offered to paint and re-paper Isa's flat for £160, but Jack and Victor send him on his way, offering to do it for nothing. However, they make such a mess of it they are forced to pay Chris themselves. Boabby is literally exposed when Tam gets hold of a porn tape in which he appeared - as Troy the Gardener - and Shug accidentally treats the whole town centre to a showing of it.
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Christmas is looming but Winston gets...
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Christmas is looming but Winston gets conned by a ned into buying a turkey so fresh it's still alive, Tam devises his own means of delivering Christmas cards for Frances and Jack and Victor are left out in the cold when they offend Isa, who usually supplies their Christmas dinner. Are there consolations to be had by joining the pensioners in the Community Centre?
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A gang of construction workers headed...
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A gang of construction workers headed by Chris move into Craiglang with orders to demolish the Clansman and replace it with new houses. Jack, Victor and Winston lead the protest outside the pub and come to the conclusion that one of them may well be Chris's father, a fact which they trust will prevent the Clansman from being knocked down. So, out of the trio, who's the daddy?
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Jack has got satellite television but...
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Jack has got satellite television but Victor has not so, to enable both of them to watch, they ask Shug to put in a connecting hatch between their two rooms. Isa gets the wrong end of the stick when she hears about this and soon it is going about Craiglang that they are a gay couple.
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Tam proposes to Frances, the...
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Tam proposes to Frances, the librarian - with everyone spying on them. Winston bullies him into lashing out on a new wedding ring, rather than re-using his first wife's, but unfortunately Jack swallows it whilst performing a conjuring trick. Can the prune juice bring it back for the big day? Navid discovers that being taken over by the Spire supermarket group is less advantageous than he imagined.
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Jack and Victor decide to make use of...
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Jack and Victor decide to make use of the Dial-a-Bus service to go into town but their trip turns into a nightmare when Davie the driver suffers one of his psychotic turns and refuses to stop. Winston takes advantage when Boabby goes on holiday by persuading his temporary barman that he is the owner of the Clansman and, as such, entitled to all the perks that brings.
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For decades reclusive Archie has...
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For decades reclusive Archie has hidden himself away from the world but now there is no hiding place as the council are due to demolish his house. Jack and Victor take him under their collective wings in an effort to bring him into the twenty-first century whilst Winston decides to turn his flat into a cinema.
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The neds are getting out of hand and...
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The neds are getting out of hand and need to be taught a little respect for their elders so Jack and Victor enlist the services of their hard man friend 'Big Yin' Innes. There is only one problem. 'Big Yin' must not be allowed near the Miduri, for that liqueur will have a very profound effect on him. Winston, meanwhile, counters bullying his own way when he gets a job at the local supermarket.
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Osprey Heights has suddenly become...
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Osprey Heights has suddenly become the venue for a card school and tight-fisted Tam has won disabled Joe's disability scooter from him in a card game. Jack and Victor set out to win it back for him. Whilst Shug gets arrested as a Peeping Tom, Winston has the satisfaction of seeing his long-standing feud with the local bookie work in his favour when he discovers he has won the accumulator. Or has he?
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Back from Canada life in Craiglang...
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Back from Canada life in Craiglang seems really mundane to Jack and Victor, who consider taking up a hobby. such as enrolling for the First Aid Course at Glasgow University's night school. Boabby has troubles of his own. His custom is dwindling and he can't get his leg over. However, things could change when he brings in a pretty new barmaid and has a quiz night. Armed with their new-found knowledge Victor and Jack are determined to be the quiz champions.
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Isa's husband Jack Drennan re-appears...
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Isa's husband Jack Drennan re-appears and, as she wants none of him, she gets Winston to pretend to be her boyfriend. Whilst Victor and his son have little in common Jack gets a tape from his daughter Fiona in Canada showing the family, and with it an invitation to go out and see her. Can Jack leave his old pal to fend for himself in Craiglang? Or, perhaps they could both go?
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Is it a fox rummaging around in the...
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Is it a fox rummaging around in the waste bins at the back of Navid's shop? No, it's Pete the Jakey, the slovenly town drunk of Craiglang. It's a surprise to everyone then when he turns up at the Clansman, clean-shaven and wearing a suit and tie. He explains that he has got a new job as the council's 'facility' but Jack and Victor don't believe him and decide to follow him.
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To celebrate sixty years of...
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To celebrate sixty years of friendship Jack and Victor go out for a meal but it costs the Earth and prompts them to lament the passing of the good old days. As it happens these are being celebrated in an exhibition at the city museum,dedicated to the Glasgow of their boyhood. Whilst there, they meet an old friend Frank McCallum, but he has certainly changed since they last saw him.
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The workmen on the new building site...
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The workmen on the new building site are spending a lot of money on food and lining the pockets of take-away entrepreneur Vince, 'the Clydeside Poisoner'. With Navid away at his brother's funeral Jack and Victor are minding the store for him. Winston, who hates Vince, sees this as the perfect opportunity to set up his own fast food outlet from the shop and give Vince a run for his money.
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A money-lender appears at Craiglang...
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A money-lender appears at Craiglang and finds no shortage of willing customers. Jack and Victor are in the money too, not, as Isa believes, because they have 'tapped' money from the lender but because they have bought stock market shares from Navid. Tam and Winston have a run-in with neds on the local golf course and challenge them to a grudge match, the winners to have the run of the course.
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Victor feels the need to get away...
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Victor feels the need to get away from it all and when he hears that Danny's wife is selling Danny's old car, he jumps at the chance to buy it, even though it involves having to outbid Manky Frankie and, at the end of the day, is not quite the bargain he had hoped that it would be.
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Jack and Victor decide to offer a...
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Jack and Victor decide to offer a helping hand to their recently-widowed friend Bert, who seems incapable of looking after himself. Winston, on the other hand, is certainly helping himself - to the favours of his new home help, Mrs. Begg. Jack and Victor are extremely jealous of him, but then they turn up to his flat unexpectedly and find that Mrs. Begg is offering more than she should be. . .
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Tam, the meanest man in Craiglang,...
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Tam, the meanest man in Craiglang, has landed on his feet yet again by winning a life- time's supply of sweeties as well as free cinema tickets. Jack and Victor are not to be outdone and will come up with the winning slogan to advertise scones if it kills them. Meanwhile Harry Drennan, the long-lost husband of gossipy neighbour Isa, returns to the estate.
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Shop-keeper Navid is planning a...
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Shop-keeper Navid is planning a family wedding and everybody from Craiglang is invited. Except Jack and Victor, that is, who seem to have been left off the guest list. Fortunately Wullie Mac, one of the biggest rogues - or 'tappers' - on the estate has just died and Jack and Victor are sure that if they search his house they will find a suitable wedding present to gain them an invitation.
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Seeking female company Jack meets...
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Seeking female company Jack meets Barbara, the nice lady from the charity shop, who agrees to go on a date with him. Victor feels left out and so Barbara arranges a double date for him with her sister. Things, however, are not exactly what they seem. Meanwhile Winston gets barred from the Clansman by Boaby and has to seek a new local.
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A particularly cold snap envelops...
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A particularly cold snap envelops Craiglang. People are slipping on the ice and, worse, dying of hypothermia. Winston has the perfect solution, to fiddle the electricity and get free heat. Victor is appalled at this display of criminality. But then it is very cold and needs must. . .
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Victor's son John calls from Jo'burg...
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Victor's son John calls from Jo'burg and is planning a visit. Is he, as Jack says, setting himself up for a fall? When John leaves an unclear message on the phone, they enlist the help of their mate with superhuman hearing, Shug, to help out. Meanwhile Winston's embroiled in a war over gigot chops; and is Glasgow city station the paradise Jack remembers?
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