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05 August 2015
Pow Pow Pow!!
Tasha panics when Pookie accidentally...
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Tasha panics when Pookie accidentally shoots Rick Fox. Chardonnay and Rick bond when she drives him to the hospital...
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29 July 2015
What More Can I Say?
Jason and Kelly are shocked when they...
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Jason and Kelly are shocked when they find out that the Sabers have been bought by Herbie Lesser. Things...
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22 July 2015
The Crying Game
Tasha's attempt to get Malik and...
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Tasha's attempt to get Malik and Yana back together falls short after Malik defends his and Keira's relationship...
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15 July 2015
Clip It... Clip It Good
A late night work session with Blue...
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A late night work session with Blue turns into a trip down memory lane for Jason as he recalls the highlights (and lowlights) from the past nine years...
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08 July 2015
Get Up, Stand Up
The Sabers walkout crisis comes to a...
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The Sabers walkout crisis comes to a head. Kelly and Jason hold a town hall meeting to rally their supporters...
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30 June 2015
Hashtag My Bad
Keira comes to a conclusion regarding...
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Keira comes to a conclusion regarding her feelings for Malik and confronts him. Meanwhile, People Magazine...
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04 March 2015
Switch!
Blue has suspicions that something is...
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Blue has suspicions that something is happening between Keira and Malik, prompting him to set up a double date with Malik and a female friend (Bria Murphy). Coach Sparks has a heart attack and Jason is asked to step in as head coach. And after seeing Kelly and Jason have rekindled their relationship at the Saber's press conference, Chardonnay vows to return to San Diego for revenge.
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25 February 2015
Sexual Healing
Jason sets out to woo Kelly, but...
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Jason sets out to woo Kelly, but things go awry when their date takes a weird sexual turn. Keira and Malik have a friendly movie night which also takes a weird sexual turn. And Tasha fights to land Blue as a client despite his snub. |
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11 February 2015
Acting Class and Rebound Ass
Keira and Malik share a tender moment...
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Keira and Malik share a tender moment at her acting class. Chardonnay's soror (played by Kali Hawk) comes to town to throw her a divorce party...
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04 February 2015
The Saber's Story
After receiving direct orders from...
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After receiving direct orders from the Sunbeams, Tasha attempts to stop Chardonnay from suing Jason in order to protect the team's well-being...
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28 January 2015
Nothing Was the Game
Malik attempts to get back onto the...
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Malik attempts to get back onto the Sabers roster by manipulating Jason now that he's a coach. Tasha...
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21 January 2015
The Pittsy Shuffle: Why Pitts Really Dipped
Chardonnay goes on Perez Hilton to...
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Chardonnay goes on Perez Hilton to redeem herself after Perez lambasts her wedding fiasco on national television...
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14 January 2015
The After the Wedding Night Episode
Chardonnay goes on an emotional...
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Chardonnay goes on an emotional rollercoaster ride after getting jilted at the altar. Kelly rebuffs...
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29 April 2014
The Birth & Vows Episode
When Tasha goes into early labor on...
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When Tasha goes into early labor on vow-renewal day, Chardonnay fights to keep the ceremony on track. Keira and Blue take their relationship to the next level. Malik's relationship with Yana is tested. Jason's big confession shocks everyone.
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22 April 2014
This Is Happening
Kelly throws Tasha a surprise baby...
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Kelly throws Tasha a surprise baby shower. Keira accepts an out of state acting role that Blue doesn't want her to take. Malik realizes he might love Yana. Jason struggles to keep the peace between Kelly and Chardonnay. |
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08 April 2014
Chardonnay Goes Kissing
Chardonnay seeks revenge for Jason's...
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Chardonnay seeks revenge for Jason's infidelity and volunteers Tasha to help her settle the score. Yana defends Malik's honor after running into Tori at a night club. Meanwhile, Blue and Keira bicker over whose apartment would be best to move into.
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01 April 2014
He's a No-Good, Lyin', Cheatin', Honky-Tonk Man!
Jason tries to win Chardonnay back...
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Jason tries to win Chardonnay back after being exiled for his night with Kelly. Malik makes a few minor adjustments upon learning the sex of Tasha's baby. When a fire destroys Keira's apartment, she temporarily moves in with Blue. |
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25 March 2014
Intervention, My Ass
The gang tries to get Tasha to inform...
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The gang tries to get Tasha to inform Rick and Pookie about her pregnancy. Malik comforts Yana after a tough breakup. Blue and Keira reveal their new relationship status, while Jason's night with Kelly causes drama with Chardonnay. |
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18 March 2014
Missed You, Kelly Pitts
Jason and Chardonnay throw Brittany a...
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Jason and Chardonnay throw Brittany a pre-prom party with a very special guest in attendance. Meanwhile, Keira feels guilty for Blue's arrest and attempts to reconcile. Brittany Daniel guest stars. |
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11 March 2014
Rules of the Street
Malik is recruited by an attractive...
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Malik is recruited by an attractive trainer for physical therapy on his arm. Tasha is confronted about hiding her pregnancy from the two potential fathers. Blue struggles with whether to take the fall for Keira after his arrest. |
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07 May 2013
How to Lose All Your Phat in One Day
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02 April 2013
We've Got to Stop Meeting Like This
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29 May 2012
Move Trick, Get Out the Way
Melanie and Derwin butt heads during...
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Melanie and Derwin butt heads during the Sabres championship game week while Malik gets in a heated dispute when picking Jenna up from rehab. Also, Jason makes a decision about Chardonnay and his relationship with her and Pookie offers Tasha help.
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22 May 2012
Cold Swine Sucks... And So Does Falling in Love!
Tasha reads a text message on...
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Tasha reads a text message on Pookie's phone and finds out he's been living with another woman. Meanwhile, due to the urging of Melanie, Derwin pushes Irv to explore a new contract offer in D.C., which results in Derwin receiving an even bigger counter offer from the Sabers.
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20 March 2012
A Punch in the Gut... Full of Human
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06 March 2012
Keep Your Friends Close and Your Prostitute Closer
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28 February 2012
Matchmaker, Matchmaker... Mind Your Business!
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10 January 2012
The Truth Pact
In the second half of the fifth...
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In the second half of the fifth season opener, Tasha corners Malik about his relationship with Jenna while a wild night with a bartender comes back to haunt Jason.
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10 January 2012
Skeletons
In the fifth season premiere, after...
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In the fifth season premiere, after Derwin's accusations of abortion, Melanie reveals a dark secret from her past. Malik and Tasha take care of a relapsed Jenna and Jason meets a feisty new bartender.
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01 February 2011
It Was All Good Just a Week Ago
After assaulting a police officer and...
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After assaulting a police officer and getting a DUI, Malik is assured by his people that he is not going to jail. He later learns that the Sabers' owner is filling him with a false sense of security in order to kick him off the team. In order to avoid jail time and clean up his public image, Malik enters rehab on the advice of his mother, Tasha. Derwin is torn between his friendship with Malik and his reputation and image as "Der...Win". After he purposely misses Malik's press conference, their friendship may be broken.
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18 January 2011
The Confession Episode
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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11 January 2011
Parachutes: Beach Chairs
Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel......
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room.
"My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on."
He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire."
Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time.
"He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network."
He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says.
He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says.
"Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer.
He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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27 March 2009
"The Game" Truth and Consequences
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13 March 2009
"The Game" Punk Ass Chauncey
Tasha finds out that Rick's job is in...
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Tasha finds out that Rick's job is in jeopardy so she does everything in her power to prevent that from happening. Malik is obsessed with learning everything there is to know about his father and why they were apart all of these years. Melanie comes to the conclusion that the only reason Derwin is back together with Janay is to teach Melanie a lesson.
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09 January 2009
"The Game" The Negotiation Episode
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28 November 2008
"The Game" Oh, What a Night
Believing her future with Rick Fox is...
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Believing her future with Rick Fox is over, Tasha begins dating other men. Melanie is trying to deal with dating two guys at once. Jason hopes to mend the relationship between himself and his daughter, who she blames for the separation of herself and her mom.
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21 November 2008
"The Game" The Side-Part, Under Episode
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14 November 2008
"The Game" White Coats and White Lies
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07 November 2008
"The Game" The Platski Thickens
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31 October 2008
"The Game" A Delectable Basket of Treats
Hoping to get more publicity for...
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Hoping to get more publicity for their celebrity marriage, Robin Givens and Malik plan a belated wedding reception, but Tasha decides to boycott the party since she believes their marriage is a sham and won't support it. At the reception, Derwin and Melanie must face the reality of their complicated relationship after many people mistakenly congratulate Melanie on her pregnancy. Meanwhile, Rick Fox reluctantly introduces Tasha to his overly protective mother causing fireworks to ensue between the two headstrong women.
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24 October 2008
"The Game" Just the Three of Us
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17 October 2008
Just When I Thought I Was Out, She Pulls Me Back In
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18 May 2008
Baby Come Back
In this episode, Derwin (Pooch Hall)...
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In this episode, Derwin (Pooch Hall) and Malik (Hosea Chanchez) both get drunk while beign depressed about the loss of their women, Melanie (Tia Mowry) and Robin Givens (as herself). Coincidentally, both women are in Los Angeles and the two drunk men end up there to "get their women back". Derwin finds Melanie near a restroom, which he follows her into, locking the door to profess his love. At the same time, Malik has Robin's attention in her dressing room during a play's intermission. He proposes to Robin Givens. Both women turn both men away - so it seems, but the show ends with Melanie having broken up with her current boyfriend and returning to Derwin's apartment while Malik and Robin are in bed together admiring Robin's new wedding ring.
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11 May 2008
I Got 99 Problems and My Chick Is One
Derwin and the Sabers victory party...
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Derwin and the Sabers victory party at the same hotel interrupts a romantic weekend with Melanie and Jerome. Meanwhile, Malik is upset over his breakup with Robin Givens, Jason dumps his manager, and Tasha and Rick's relationship turns personal.
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04 May 2008
The Lord Givens and the Lord Taketh Away
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06 April 2008
White Men Cant Jump, But Theyre Definitely Packing
Tasha goes out drinking with her new...
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Tasha goes out drinking with her new coworkers and is insulted when one of the managers flashes her. Kelly and Jason see a marriage counselor, but the therapist is a huge fan of Jason's, who uses his charm to make the therapist see things his way.
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10 December 2007
"The Game" The Ghost of Derwin Past
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26 November 2007
"The Game" Turkey Basting Bitches
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05 November 2007
"The Game" Parental Guidance Suggested
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29 October 2007
"The Game" Fool Me Twice... I'm the Damn Fool
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22 October 2007
"The Game" Hit Me with Your Best Shot
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15 October 2007
"The Game" Tasha, Renee, and Malik the Cliché
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08 October 2007
"The Game" The Trey Wiggs Taps Back Episode
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01 October 2007
Diary of a Mad Black Women, Redux
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14 May 2007
"The Game" When the Chickens Come Home to Roost: Part 2
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14 May 2007
"The Game" When the Chickens Come Home to Roost: Part 1
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30 April 2007
"The Game" The Many Lies of Derwin Davis
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26 March 2007
"The Game" You Say You Want a Revolution
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19 March 2007
"The Game" God Bless the Girl That's Got Her Own
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29 January 2007
"The Game" To Baby... Or Not to Baby
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22 January 2007
"The Game" It's Hard Being Kelly Pitts
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11 December 2006
"The Game" There's No Place Like Home
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27 November 2006
"The Game" The Trey Wiggs Fallout Episode
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20 November 2006
"The Game" The Trey Wiggs Episode
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30 October 2006
"The Game" Brittany's Super Sweet Sixth
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23 October 2006
"The Game" How Tasha Got Her Groove Back
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08 October 2006
"The Game" The Rules of the Game
As a favor to Derwin, Melanie attends...
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As a favor to Derwin, Melanie attends the first Saber Sunbeam meeting of the season, only to learn that unlike the wives, football players' "girlfriends" are not considered legitimate and are treated as such by the other wives. On the same day, Derwin attends his first rookie seminar where he is given a lecture about gold diggers, STDs and is hazed by the other players. Later that night, Melanie and Derwin attend a party where Melanie, has a conversation with another player and is perceived to be flirting with him. When the player's girlfriend confronts Melanie, she realizes the rules of the game in the pros will take some getting use to.
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01 October 2006
"The Game" Away Game
Derwin invites Melanie to his first...
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Derwin invites Melanie to his first away game in Miami, but due to her heavy school load, she decides to pass. When Tasha and Kelly find out she is not going, they persuade her to change her mind by telling her away games are a playground for cheating. Meanwhile, Derwin's teammates are upset that he invited Melanie and tell him he needs to un-invite her, fearing the other wives will use her as a spy.
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