Weeds

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In the Future
Open with Nancy in...
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In the Future
Open with Nancy in a debate with a parent over soccer headgear. During the conversation two men in the audience discuss Nancy and we learn that after Andy left, she married David and raised Stevie Jewish. But David has since died in a car crash. Nancy's now is a very wealthy legitimate businesswoman, owner of dozens of Good Seed stores. She loses the debate and afterwards Stevie - who is being bar mitzvah'd -- says he wants to go to boarding school.
Silas and Megan and their young baby are in town from California. Megan tells Silas she's angry at Nancy for how Silas was forced to spend his youth.
Tim Scottson is working as Nancy's manager.
Nancy is told Starbucks wants to buy her out, all 50 stores. Everybody else is on board, but Nancy isn't interested.
Shane and a strange entourage of three other people arrive at Nancy's place. Inside they meet Silas and Megan. It looks like Shane has an alcohol problem. Shane talks about there being no secrets anymore, so Silas promptly tells everybody that Shane's killed somebody.
Stevie asks Nancy if Uncle Andy will be coming. Nancy assures him that he will.
Nancy's kids are impressed by "Guru" Doug's arrangement with three women who worship their spiritual leader.
Stevie and Nancy arrive at the home. A breastfeeding Megan is rude to Nancy and Nancy's isn't sure why.
Doug talks to Clinique, who has been married to Sanjay for ten years. The couple has four kids and makes it work using separate bedrooms.
Nancy's starting to wonder whether Andy's going to show. She asks her kids if they've heard from him.
Dean tells Shane that Isabel's had a sex change and is now a man.
Guillermo tells Doug that Conrad's wife is expecting twins, which is why he didn't show for the party. Guillermo has ten kids of his own. He talks to Doug about his son, which prompts to us cutting to his Doug's son Josh. There is a knock at the door and he is kidnapped by people from Doug's "church."
Stevie and Guillermo talk about Esteban. He tells Stevie that Esteban was a scary guy. Stevie is surprised to learn his father wasn't actually a politician who fought the gangs.
Shane tries to leave with his group, but Nancy stops him before he can walk out the door.
Doug sits down with Josh and tells him he wants a relationship. Josh is bitter because he ran out on his mother. He leaves and goes inside with Nancy to wait for a cab. Nancy asks Josh if he's happy. Josh says "I'm good. I'm really good." He thinks he's managed to turn out okay because his mother fought for him.
Late that night Nancy wakes up Silas to tell him Andy still hasn't showed. She wants to know why Andy won't talk to her. Silas says Lenny died a few years ago. Andy has shared custody of kids but is not married.
The next morning Nancy comes downstairs to find Andy making breakfast.
We see the bar mitzvah. Stevie takes the podium and reads a speech he wrote the night before. He tells everybody who his father really was and says he isn't actually Jewish based on his heritage. He calls the entire bar mitzvah a bunch of "bulls#$%" and says he wants to go to boarding school.
At home Nancy tells Stevie's she's not mad. He wants to know why she never told him about his real father. She passes along a few more tidbits about Esteban and says she's going to let him go to boarding school.
While picking up the cake for the party Nancy tells Shane she wants to get him some help. The woman at the cake store tries to charge them $1.50 per letter and Shane loses it. He begins shooting the cake with his gun.
Andy tells Doug he regrets leaving because he missed seeing Stevie grow up. This leads to Doug having Josh kidnapped again.
Nancy wants Shane to move back in with her. He agrees to take some time off, see a therapist and check into rehab.
During this next father/son conversation Doug tells Josh that he messed up.
Megan won't let Nancy hold the baby and Nancy goes to Silas. Silas says there's nothing he can do about it. He seems to like his life and feels very lucky.
Josh leaves Doug's bus and the two hug. Josh picks up the phone and calls his husband to say he's made up with his father.
A weeping Nancy collapses on Andy's shoulder. The two sit on the floor and catch-up. Nancy asks him to come back, saying it will be better than it used to be. He says he's happy and she offers him half of the business. He's not interested. Nancy then says she'll go to him, but he assures her she'll be fine. He says he'll always love her but can't be with her. Andy says Nancy needs to face herself. Nancy then picks up the phone and says she's willing to sell.
Stevie addresses those at the party. He thanks everybody, but makes a point to single out Nancy. He's fired-up to go to boarding school.
Nancy sits on the porch outside. She's joined in succession by Doug, Silas, Shane and Andy, who all pass a joint around. Eventually Nancy takes a hit. The group seems to be optimistic.
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Back in the homogenous confines of...
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Back in the homogenous confines of Agrestic, now renamed Regrestic. Nancy knocks on Conrad's door.
Andy and Silas check out a local exhibit: "Agrestic/Majestic/Regrestic: 20 years on The Fortitude of the Dessert: From Dream to Reality to Ash to Rebuild!" (It really does say dessert and not desert.)
Andy is over his wife Joanna and looking forward to seeing Yael, his ex. He thinks there's a reason Silas needed to go back to get seeds from Conrad, who is now living in Agrestic. He thinks getting with Yael is the reason.
Silas thinks there's nothing there for him. Then he sees who's working behind the museum counter: his old girlfriend Megan.
Conrad tells Nancy he has no old MILF seeds, but she doesn't believe him. He's on to juice cleanses now. She asks him to grow for her, but he's in the middle of planning his wedding. Lupita, Nancy's old maid, sees her and runs screaming.
Shane gets grilled by cops over getting caught in the impound lot car. They try to convince him to testify against Ouillette for his car scheme.
Andy visits Yael and spins a long introduction about nothing have changed between them. She doesn't remember him.
Silas catches up with Megan. She tells him about living in New York for awhile but coming back because her dad got sick. He confesses that he poked holes in the condom, which is why she got pregnant. He was desperate to keep her from leaving for college. He apologizes, and says she's the only girl he ever loved. She's angry for a minute, he asks if she could still love him. They jump on each other.
Back in Connecticut, Doug has brought all the homeless people home. He shoots pool with someone who thinks he's from the future who says his robot butler taught him. Doug's worried his Botwin family doesn't love him. He's angry they left him to babysit Stevie. Future man assures Doug that things get better for him and he becomes a very great man.
Nancy and Conrad go to his dance class. She shows him a picture of the 5 acres of land she bought for him to grow on. But he tells her it's all controlled by gangs, and their old pal Guillermo is out and back in charge. He urges her to get out of town. The dance instructor tells Conrad his check bounced. Conrad tells her not to visit Guillermo.
Nancy visits Guillermo. He got out because they never read him his Miranda rights. He tells her she doesn't belong there. He's still angry at her.
Shane visits Ouillette, telling him the cops want him to rat. Ouillette tells Shane he saved him and urges him to do the right thing.
Andy rants on the top of the rabbinical school about there being no meaning in life.
Guillermo doesn't want to give Nancy his blessing to grow nearby. He pulls a gun on her.Conrad comes around the corner with a gun on Guillermo's guy. Nancy makes a pitch to Guillermo about growing legit weed and leaving the gangster life behind.
Back home, Doug announces to the homeless that he's found a better scam the homeless -- religion. He starting a cult. The sacrament is weed.
Shane sits with the cops, telling them they were right that Ouillette doesn't care about him at all and that being a cop is the only thing he's ever loved. But with that being said, he wants no part of an organization that bullies people the way they are.
Just then, Ouillette comes in and lets Shane in on the joke. It was all a test of his loyalty. He passed.
At Conrad's wedding, Silas brings Megan over to say hi to Nancy. Silas tells Nancy that Megan is coming back with them.
"That's perfect, somehow," Nancy says. She gives Silas his seeds.
Conrad thanks Nancy for the advance and asks if she really has things figured out."God willing and the creek don't rise," Nancy says."In my experience, the creek, she always rises," he says."Maybe we'll get lucky this time."
Andy sulks in the corner, drinking alone. She asks him if he wants to go out of there.She takes him to the spot where Judah died 10 years ago, which she never visited before. He announces it's enough.
Ten years ago he said he'd just be there for her and the kids, and he's never moved on.He grabs her and says he's not going back to Connecticut with her. She freaks out and begs him not to leave her.
She kisses him. He thinks about it, but lets her. She kisses him again and he decides to go for it. They feverishly tear at each other's clothes and end up on the yard, right next to the spot where Judah died, having fast, furious sex. When it's over, she's near tears and he's a million miles away. He lies next to her, then kisses her gently, then gets up and runs off.She screams after him, but he keeps going.
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Silas and Nancy wait to check the...
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Silas and Nancy wait to check the balance for LaPlante Industries, opened yesterday. He wanted to call it Silation. There's been one deposit for $350,000.
Andy carries his new wife Joanna across the threshold. She's ready to make it official. He thinks she means sex; she updates her Facebook status. Now she wants to introduce him to her roommates.
Nancy and Rabbi David finish up having sex in a park. She brought a picnic, but the not-Kosher prosciutto touched the other food. She calls herself a "bad rabbi's girlfriend" and he balks. He notes that her not being Jewish is a problem, but he's willing to find a solution. He invites her to Sabbath dinner at his house to meet his friends.
Doug takes his homeless people to a hotel and distributes snack food. He waits to be thanked. They order porn.
Angela and Shane hunt down the impounded Ferrari and find a man with his head in another man's lap. He needs to take the car back to the impound lot and she needs her gun back. Shane Tasers them both.
At home, Silas wants LaPlante money to start growing. But Nancy isn't planning on spending any of it.
Angela and Shane hold Gus and Jock at gun point when Gus' girlfriend walks up and wonders why Jock's pants are down. She gets angry and throws a brick at the Ferrari's windshield.
Andy tries to entertain Joanna's roommates, but they're more interested in their Twitter feeds. She suggests they go to an 80s party with day glow and bad music, because what else was there in the 80s? Andy is aware of their age difference.
At dinner with David's friends, they seem to like her immediately. They mention a new sushi place with just one option, and rave about the idea of not having to make choices and just knowing you're getting something good.
They invite her to their cottage next weekend. David tries to find an out for her, but she accepts. She goes for wine and sees a picture of him and his wife on the fridge. A guest comes in and explains that the picture is from two years ago and Nancy is the first woman he's dated since his wife died 15 months ago.
Silas packs up his plants from Smith Johnson, but gets busted walking out. He's fired.
Shane and Angela drive the car back to the lot, but he gets pulled over for speeding.
Nancy hides out in the kitchen. David finds her. She excuses herself from the cottage because she can tell he doesn't want her to go. She mentions how recently his wife died and then tells him she doesn't think he's ready. She can't remember how long it took her to get to where she is after Judah. He tells her he took her showing up in her pool naked as a sign.He points out he doesn't even know where she's from or what she does."Detroit. And I sell pot," she tells him. She excuses herself and leaves.
Back home, Andy tries to convince himself that he hasn't made a huge mistake, saying they still have things in common. Like children."Yea, as long as someone else is growing them," Joanna cracks. She says she wants children in like "a bajillion" years, eight or 10. She's only 22, she's not ready to be a mom. She married him because she thought it'd be "fun" and Andy reminds her of her dad.
At the hotel, Doug leads the homeless in a therapy seassion, including some "healing yells."
Monica the hotel manager comes by to check on the noise. Doug invites her to join them.
Silas tells Andy about getting fired. "I got married this morning," Andy shares.
Nancy comes home and sees Joanna in her tub. She introduces herself as Andy's wife. Nancy goes outside and kisses him congratulations.Andy explains his marriage.
"Fresh blueberries and young eggs. I completely ignored the 22 miles of railroad between us. She's hopping aboard and I'm already at the second stop, ticket punched. Two trains, even if they're on the same track, they will not meet," he explains.
Nancy tells them she "may have" broken up with a rabbi tonight, she wasn't clear. She also tells them about confessing to selling pot.
Silas points out she doesn't anymore. "You're half pharma rep, half quasi-managerial hanger oner with a tobacco company. There's no pot selling there," he says."Eff that," Nancy says, walking away with purpose.
Silas worries it means she's thinking.
Andy Googles his old rabbinical teacher girlfriend, Yael. With his new bride asleep in bed, he pauses to enjoy her photos by unzipping his pants.
The next morning, Silas comes downstairs. Nancy gets off the phone and announces she just quit Smith Johnson. Silas tells Nancy he was fired.
She's been thinking about the tobacco money. She doesn't think they need to use all that to make tobacco happy, and that's missing out on the money to be made in retail. But she doesn't like dispensaries. Instead she wants to open somewhere bright and cherry with just one brand, theirs.
Silas thinks the idea is not terrible."It's good. Have faith," she tells him.
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Nancy comes downstairs to find Silas...
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Nancy comes downstairs to find Silas talking to Crick Montgomery, from a tobacco company. He wants Silas to grow for him.Silas is bummed about the lab work after seeing a machine eat his plant at Smith Johnson.Crick leaves two first class tickets to North Carolina.
Cut to Silas and Nancy on a plane.He's excited to be recruited. He envisions his weed being sold commercially and wants Nancy's backing. She agrees.
Back home, Angela and Shane get ready for work, she calls him "her little parking attendant."
At Temple, Jonah and Matthew fill Andy in on the gossip about Rabbi David "boning" a "goy."
At Doug's foundation, Jordan from the New Haven Foundation drops by. He tells her to ignore the urine jar lady. She drops off a dozen homeless people and reminds him DSS will be checking for 85% occupancy weekly.
Andy over-shares with Mathew about Jill carrying his imaginary baby and then bailing to head back to Oakland. Andy goes to look for Matthew's mom and finds Rabbi David. He tells him about the rumors and David tells him he slept with Nancy. He's crying over a tree he planted for his late wife.
Nancy and Silas meet Crick out at a BBQ restaurant, heavy with people smoking cigarettes. Nancy immediately starts in on it. Crick wants to change his business model by focusing on weed. Nancy has more questions.
Crick takes Nancy and Silas to his giant plantation and confesses all he has is a box design, no lab. He's calling them Kemo-sabes, which Nancy thinks sounds like chemotherapy.Crick has no plan in the event Silas were to get caught. Nancy wants to leave immediately, but Silas reminds her to back him up.
Out at pancakes to console themselves, Rabbi David confesses he feels like he cheated. Andy points out you can't cheat on a dead person. Matthew is mad about his mom's new 29 year old husband.Andy ends up giving Rabbi Dave a pep talk.
The waitress brings their pancakes, serving Andy blueberry even though he didn't order them, because they're in season.
Nancy pokes around Crick's plantation house and finds a bowl of cigarettes. She takes one and meets Crick's father out on the porch. He thinks Crick's pitching "crackpot ideas." They commiserate about their wayward sons and he tells her his dad used to say you have to "bend the sapling for it to grow up to be a proper tree."He confesses he hasn't spoken to his son in two years, even though they live in the same house.
Andy complains about thinking he'd make a good father and waiting for his real life to begin. David urges him to get over Jill.
Andy tells Rabbi David that, for what it's worth, he doesn't think Nancy has loved anyone since Judah died.He eyes the waitress as he sees her cut up an old man's pancake.
Shane goes to pick up Angela in a red sports car with flames on the sides.
Nancy finds Silas in a "curing barn" with leaves of tobacco everywhere. She asks him not to be mad at her for trying to protect him.He doesn't buy into the idea that weed is a medicine, he thinks it's a fun drug that he's not embarrassed about selling.Nancy tells him about Crick's weird dad and how she doesn't want to live in North Carolina.
Doug's homeless people ask where the beds, food and bathrooms are. One of them starts yelling at Doug for trying to take advantage of the homeless. They threaten to report him. He offers to buy them off.
Silas tells Crick everything he'll need to get started. They agree on a handshake.
Shane and Angela park in the impound car and make-out. Two dudes roll by with 40s and recognize it as belonging to a friend of theirs. They jack the car, leaving Shane and Angela in their underwear.
Andy makes friends with Joanna the waitress. She shares stories about her five year old cousins and that she had to get two fingers reattached as a child. Andy is transfixed.
Nancy comes home to find Rabbi Dave waiting for her. He brought her a kiddie pool. He didn't call her back because he needed to figure some things out. He didn't figure them out, but she kisses him anyway.
Andy and Joanna wait to have their names called. Andy brought a lightbulb and handkerchief, he'll show her what they're for in a moment. They're waiting for a marriage license.
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Nancy is called into her boss' office...
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Nancy is called into her boss' office and told she's getting a new car and a promotion to cover all of New England. He gives her a new drug to rep, their version of Adderall. "ADHD is very big right now," the boss explains.
At home, Silas is fired up to go to work. Shane is not. At work in the impound lot, he hates having to deal with people. Angela drops by to bring him donuts, then goes out on a call. Shane is jealous.
At home, Nancy goes into her bathroom to find Jill drinking white wine and eating foie gras. She confesses that she's not pregnant, it's early menopause.
She found out three weeks ago but hasn't told anyone. "I like secrets, they're all I have!" she says.
Nancy urges her to tell Andy, but she thinks he'll leave her.
"You make him look forward, don't eff this up," Nancy says.
Waiting in a doctor's office, receptionist Joan tells Nancy she could unload her pills on campus for $2,000 a week. She saw Nancy's prison tattoo and, besides, no drug rep has ever said no. Nancy goes in to see the doctor without giving her an answer.
At home, Jill watches Andy in the hot house teaching the twins about tomatoes.
In the lab, Zachary the super obnoxious nerd asks Silas about his strain. He challenges him to test their plants -- blowing smoke at caged raccoons and seeing who eats the most Cheetos. With the whole lab watching, Silas' raccoon out munchies his by double.
At home, Nancy maps out her route up the eastern seaboard and asks Stevie about state capitals. He thinks the capital of Connecticut is Prison because Nancy lived there.
Out on the streets, Doug talks to a surly homeless woman eating a sandwich. He tries to convince her to come to his shelter so he won't get shut down. She stabs him with a pen and keeps eating. He runs off.
Back home, Andy reacts to Jill's news. He can't believe she made him go shopping for her vitamins and think up baby names.
Nancy unloads on Rabbi David, asking how he avoids temptation. He explains that the Talmud teaches that God puts every man five miles from yetzer hara (good) and evil.
He tells her that night by the pool he wanted to kiss her, but resisted. She says she was there because of an ethical business dilemma, but then she climbs onto his lap.
Doug brings a woman to talk to the homeless woman, but the homeless woman just stabs her, too.
Andy suggests to Jill that they just use Nancy's eggs, but then realizes it might be weird.
"What do you want, crying babies or screaming orgasms?" Jill asks. "Let's adopt," Andy says.
Nancy returns to Joan at the doctor's office and tells her it's not for her.
Andy and Jill have sex in the hot house, debating what kid of kid they should adopt. Then he confesses that he can't stop thinking about what his child would look like. Jill tells him they tried.
Nancy looks at her route with Stevie and decides it's too far.
Shane tells his boss at the impound lot that he quits, and gets a wad of cash in return. The boss explains that they sell some of the seized cars to "Pigeon Mike" and then claim they just got lost in the system. Shane takes the cash and rescinds his resignation.
In the lab, Silas watches as someone manhandles his plant, boils it down to liquid, reduces it, adds something to it and produces sad blue powder and pills.
Silas is crushed.
The next day before the mirror, Shane feels better about his job and Silas feels worse.
Jill announces to Nancy that Andy is gone. She's very angry at Nancy, yelling at her for living a life of intrigue where she "breaks the law and gets away with it and never dies."
Nancy responds that she has to be gone from her kid two weeks of every month and Jill is a better mother because she at least gives her kids her time.
Jill thinks she'll have to get a job when school starts up again. Nancy asks her what she's doing tomorrow.
Doug tries a pot pill from the fridge. Then he goes back to skid row, puts pill powder on the angry homeless woman's sandwich and brings her, passed out, to his office for the state inspector to see.
He suggests the inspector take advantage of her while she's sleeping, but he'd prefer Doug instead.
Nancy and Jill take a lug wrench to her car's windows as Nancy calls 911 to report it stolen.
Back in the office, in her shortest dress, Nancy puts on a show of crying and begging for forgiveness from her boss, explaining that all her product was stolen. He tells her insurance will cover it and gives her new pills and a new car.
Back in his office Doug, tries to psych himself up to give the inspector the oral pleasure he wants.
Nancy dances through a college party with Jill, selling her ADHD pills.
Later, Nancy has sex on the couch with Rabbi David.
The next day, she quizzes Stevie on his state capitals, which he now knows.
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Nancy and Silas get ready for work....
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Nancy and Silas get ready for work. She's wearing a strapless mini dress and stacked heels. Silas tells her she has to dress appropriately so she borrows Jill's cardigan.Andy and Jill go through the fridge cleaning out sprouts and goat cheese and Nancy realizes what that means. She's incredulous.
At Smith John Pharmaceutical, Nancy watches a training video. Deb the saleswoman is angry that Nancy didn't have to go through the three week training and got Meritor. She sends Nancy to a tough doctor's office for her first sales call.
In the lab, Silas checks on the plants and meets Craig, the over eager lab guy. Zachery is the super intense lab guy who doesn't let people talk too loud because it might hurt the plants.
Andy meets with Rabbi David, looking for a job. He mentions he's going to be a father. David assumes he'll be getting married and thinks that'll settle things with Nancy. He has a job in mind and asks if Andy likes kids.
Andy goes into afternoon discussion time, as the new Director of Spiritual Life. The tween boys immediately pepper him with questions about their former director, generally giving him a hard time. He responds by blocking the doors with chairs and grabbing a flag from a pole to defend against intruders.
Nancy goes to the doctor's office, bearing muffins. The receptionist thanks her warmly, then shuts the window in her face and puts up a sign saying no drug reps. Dr. Cornish comes by and also ignores her. The receptionist tells her a second warning is trespassing. Nancy responds by jimmying open the reception window with a pen, leaning across the counter and grabbing the muffins out of the nurse's hands, lecturing them on manners.
Back in afternoon discussion, Andy tells the guys they need a defense plan. He them their former instructor was Mossad and a killing machine. He warns them "they" have claws but tells the boys he'll keep them safe.
While he has their total attention he has them pull out their lessons and teaches them one about a man being mauled for being a bully. They figure out he was teasing before with locking the doors. He says that was to get their attention, so they're going to focus on the lesson, not being bullies, and then he'll show them some krav maga moves. He wins them over.
At the police recruits' graduation ceremony, Angela introduces Shane to her mother, who is less than polite to him. Angela tries to invite him to dinner, but she says it's impossible to change the reservation. Shane plans to work private security for a year until he meets the police age requirement. He didn't tell his family about it because he thought they might not come. Ouelette tells Shane he has a job for him.
Doug goes to a NASA inventory liquidation auction, where a comb and scissors from Neil Armstrong goes for $24,000.Doug bids on a space suit and is wearing it when they run his credit card. It's declined the company tells them to seize it.
Nancy finds Dr. Cornish's sad little dirty car in the parking lot.
Doug follows up his canceled credit card and is informed that the State's Attorney is looking into his bogus charity and he has 48 hours to prove he's actually helping the homeless with his charity status.
Dr. Cornish heads to his car in the parking lot and finds that Nancy had it cleaned and she brought lunch. She asks for three minutes of his time. In the car, he shovels food and she blames breaking his window on her lack of impulse control from getting shot in the head. He asks her about the FDA approved uses and then calls her on it when she promises more than she's allowed to sell it for. He helpfully tells her it's against the law to do that and then suggests she find a new job before the pharmaceutical industry steals her soul.She's moved by his honesty and concern and asks how long he has for lunch.Cut to her leg sticking out the window and the car rocking back and forth in the spot.
Silas goes out for happy hour with his fellow lab nerds. Craig defers to Zachery, who is a jerk to the hostess. While Silas is waiting in line, a hot young woman thinks she recognizes him from school. He's making polite conversation when Zachery comes back. She's his girlfriend."Strike two," Zachery tells Silas.
Detective Ouelette takes Shane to the impound lot. He pronounces the rundown trailer with a fat cop inside the "inner circle."
Back at the pharmaceutical HQ, the boss is thrilled that Nancy landed Cornish.
Back home, Nancy presents Jill with a stuffed koala bear. The kids tear through the kitchen as Jill is making dinner, breaking a bowl. Nancy shouts at them to freeze. The smoealarn goes off and Andy smashes it. Shane comes home in his police uniform and Silas comes in, demanding wine. Time for family dinner."Unfreeze," says Nancy.
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Nancy talks to a high-level executive...
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Nancy talks to a high-level executive search firm. He's fascinated that you can't see her bullet and admits he only took the meeting out of curiosity.
Andy continues to ignore Jill weeks after she slept with Doug. She announces she's pregnant, then says it's "almost for sure, at least it feels that way."
Stevie continues to show up the other kids on the soccer field. Nancy notices the other dads making a hand-off to one. She introduces herself to Terry, who explains it was prescription drugs. He's a drug rep."You're the biggest drug dealer in town," she marvels.
Silas visits RJ in the psych ward. He tells Silas the stolen plants are in a closet in his parents' house.
In the police academy, Shane gloats over his 95% test score. Angela scored 97%. The instructor assigns everyone else who tanked it to write an essay about why they want to be cops. Shane hears two of them talk about their canceled plans for the night and offers to write their essays for $100 each.
On the soccer field, Nancy talks up her past drug selling experiences, including marketing and rebranding. Terry is more focused on their kids and suggests a playdate for Kyle at Stevie's, he and his wife haven't had a night to themselves in three years. They've been blacklisted by all the nannies. He begs Nancy, offering to talk to their HR person if she takes his kid for a night. She agrees.
Back home, Jill prepares to pee on a stick. Doug comes to talk to Andy, saying that sleeping with Jill "was definitely not cool."
Andy tells him Jill might be pregnant. In the bathroom, Jill curses repeatedly.
Andy and Doug try to figure out who'll take responsibility for the kid, perhaps to be decided with a game of pool. Jill confirms she's pregnant.
Silas wears all black and creeps onto a porch, finding the spare key under a garden gnome. He puts on his mask and goes in the darkened house.
A bunch of people jump out shouting "surprise!"
They think he's the stripper for a surprise birthday party and demand he strip.
Kyle tries to play with Stevie, but instead just proclaims his dinosaur superior to Stevie's castle. Jill joins Nancy and pours herself some wine, then passes it on to Nancy.
They turn to see Kyle stand up and stomp on Stevie's castle shouting "allosaurus crush castle!"Stevie shoves him and Kyle starts screaming like a wretched little brat.
In Doug's empty office, all he has is George's Harrison's sitar. He and Andy share a bottle of bourbon. Andy wonders if fatherhood would just cement his status as the glue of the Botwin family. Doug's partner comes in with a presumed hooker to use the bare mattress in the office.
Nancy tries to reason with Kyle the spazz, threatening to microwave his dinosaur if he doesn't pull it together. She explains that if he keeps acting the way he is, people are going to hate him with he's older. She's telling him he might end up with people being nice to his face and alienating his family, a parable of her own life.
She brings Kyle up to Shane and leaves him. She finds Silas sweeping up his still empty grow house. He's drunk, and dressed like a ninja. He tells her about his plants being stolen and how he was going to steal them back. She can't believe she didn't tell her he got robbed. "We've got to stop doing this," she says.
He wonders what he'd do, growing is what he's good at.
Shane stages a protest in the hallway with Stevie holding an "Occupy Hallway" sign and Kyle "tear gassing" him with silly string.
Later, Andy climbs over them passed out on the living room floor and goes to sleep on the couch.
In the academy, Roberson the training officer busts Shane for writing the other essays. He wants a cut of whatever he made. Shane suggests they work something out, since it won't be the last assignment he gives. "You're gonna do just fine in the NYPD," an admiring Roberson tells him.
Nancy goes to see Terry the drug rep, who is delirious with gratitude. He says he already made a call on her behalf. He runs through all the drugs, including Moritor -- synthetic pot. His company is working on products with real THC for when Washington approves marijuana for medical use.
Andy entertains himself playing with the castle. Jill is ready to leave for her doctor's appointment. Andy tells her he's ready to do it. If it's Doug's they'll deal with it. He tells her he's been thinking about fatherhood all wrong, thinking he'd have to be like his father, but he doesn't. He wants to build castles with Lee Marvin Botwin, or Linda Carter Botwin if it's a girl. She seems charmed, but only tells him to get a job.
Terry gives Nancy and Silas a tour. He wants to see what they can do to justify two new hires. She gets a company car. He lets them into their lab: white cots and pot plants everywhere. Silas has come home.
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Nancy enrolls Stevie in soccer and,...
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Nancy enrolls Stevie in soccer and, after seeing how happy he is, makes a life-altering decision. Jill becomes addicted to extreme couponing while Andy skates into the arms of another woman. Later, Silas learns a hard lesson and Shane takes it to the next level with Angela.
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Nancy plans a family dinner. Andy and...
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Nancy plans a family dinner. Andy and Jill agree to watch over Stevie throughout the day. Meanwhile, Silas befriends a local pot grower while Shane invites Angela, his classmate, over to their family dinner. Back at the house, Doug makes enemies with the neighbor's dog.
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Nancy and Silas chase after Shane,...
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Nancy and Silas chase after Shane, who has discovered the identity of the shooter. Andy attempts to bond with Jill's daughters. Meanwhile, Doug and Whit come up with a new plan.
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Andy and Jill are interrupted by...
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Andy and Jill are interrupted by Jill's husband. Silas maintains an unconventional affair with Kiku, while Shane makes new friends. Meanwhile, Doug and Whit are pitched new business ideas.
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With help from her lawyer and Silas,...
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With help from her lawyer and Silas, Nancy returns to California to continue her custody battle against Jill; Andy's relationship takes a bizarre turn; Shane gives college a try by enrolling in classes; back on Wall Street, Doug makes do without Nancy.
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After hours of aimless driving,...
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After hours of aimless driving, Nancy, ignoring Shane's suggestion of hiding out in Pittsburgh, hatches a plan for the family to cross into Canada. Andy is tasked with acquiring fake IDs. Silas must decide if he's willing to live on the lam. Elsewhere, Esteban must answer to authorities regarding Pilar's murder and Nancy's whereabouts.
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Esteban is unwilling to kill Nancy...
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Esteban is unwilling to kill Nancy just on basis of Shlatter's word. Nancy denies knowing Guillermo's boss. Lisa's ex-husband catches her and Silas in the act. Celia goes to Mexico to see her estranged daughter. Doug opens Andy's eyes. |
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Nancy makes a risky deal with Capt....
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Nancy makes a risky deal with Capt. Till. Celia has a revelation. Maria comes on to Andy, even though Doug may have her deported. Nancy wants to hear Esteban say "it". Shane secretly keeps hanging with Harmony and Simone. |
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Nancy scares Harmony & Simone away....
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Nancy scares Harmony & Simone away. Maria wants Doug to win her heart before letting him have sex with her. It won't be easy. Celia has problems in rehab. The Tunnel keeps upsetting Nancy. Silas and Lisa's improved cheese shop is a success.
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Celia's family and friends arrange an...
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Celia's family and friends arrange an intervention for her. Nancy gets a migraine from finding out that there is *another* use for the tunnel. Mexicans find Maria. Shane tries a threesome with Harmony and Simone. Silas pines after Lisa. |
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Nancy and Esteban have scheduling...
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Nancy and Esteban have scheduling problems. Celia has become addicted. Nancy catches Silas and Lisa. Andy catches Shane masturbating with photos of Nancy. Cue Nancy giving the boys an uncomfortable lecture. Mexicans celebrate "El Andy". |
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An impromptu lunch date for Nancy and...
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An impromptu lunch date for Nancy and Esteban ends in a hail of gunfire; Celia seems to have developed a dependency on Xanax; Silas tells Lisa what he grows, and Lisa offers him use of her shop as a cover; acting on advice from Cesar, Shane carries out a preemptive strike at his new school; Doug and Andy's Coyote business attracts some unwanted attention; as their dream date continues, Nancy learns more about Esteban's appetites and desires.
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Nancy, needing more cash, wants to...
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Nancy, needing more cash, wants to get back into the selling game; Andy and Doug are determined to become "kinder and gentler" Coyotes; Lisa gives in to her attraction to Silas; Shane and Isabel stumble across some racy pictures that Judah took of Nancy when they were dating; Celia goes south of the border to buy her prescription drugs; Nancy gets very special treatment from Esteban after surprising him with a visit.
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Nancy sees something she shouldn't...
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Nancy sees something she shouldn't have when she follows a secret tunnel; Dean takes a new job and leaves Isabel to live with Celia; Doug falls for a vision of beauty on the beach. |
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Nancy discovers that working retail...
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Nancy discovers that working retail isn't as mundane as she thought it would be, while Andy struggles to get home from the desert and Celia gets closer to the action. |
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Nancy takes Andy on a mission after...
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Nancy takes Andy on a mission after they spend a week sitting shiva. |
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Nancy learns to traffic across the...
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Nancy learns to traffic across the border, Bubbie wants to die, Shane talks to Grampa Lennie about it, Andy DOESN'T talk to his dad about it, Celia makes a deal to try to sell Nancy out, Doug gets confronted by the new City Council and there's an unplugging party.
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Celia tries to adjust to life on the...
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Celia tries to adjust to life on the inside; Nancy runs into trouble making her first border run; Silas finds a new place to start growing; Roy Till begins to believe Celia's story; an argument between Andy and Lenny reveals more family history, while Bubbie finds a way to make a revelation of her own.
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Season 3 ends with the entire town of...
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Season 3 ends with the entire town of Majestic, including Agrestic, facing destruction from a wildfire set by Guillermo and his Mexican friends; Tara and her fanatical friends try to rescue the cross from the makeshift grow house; When the police find out what's been growing there, all fingers point to Celia; Nancy decides it might be the best time to leave Majestic, and she takes steps to make sure it's for good.
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After Silas' run-in with the Bikers,...
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After Silas' run-in with the Bikers, Nancy seeks protection from the Mexicans, but at a steep price; Celia seeks help from Doug to launder her money; Shane continues to see his Dad, although he's dead; while doing aerial thermal scans, the DEA makes a potentially disastrous discovery for the gang; Guillermo's idea of protection may spell disaster for the whole town.
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Doug tries to hide the stolen...
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Doug tries to hide the stolen Majestic Church cross at Nancy's house; Nancy tries to do business with Andy's biker friends; after getting her revenge on Sullivan, Celia officially crosses over to the dark side; Silas and Tara reconcile, but later he gets beaten up; Shane adopts a troubling way of coping with his fears.
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Knowing what she knows and facing a...
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Knowing what she knows and facing a mountain of bills, Celia wants "in" on Nancy's business; a fire marshal inspection causes a small panic at the grow house as Conrad decides to move it; Andy has a thing for a biker chick, but the chick's brother has a deal to offer Nancy; at a vulnerable moment, Conrad and Nancy connect at a new level.
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Valerie hires a private detective to...
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Valerie hires a private detective to spy on Nancy; after seeing Nancy and Sullivan together, Celia is determined to find out about "Aguatecture"; Doug and his fellow Agrestic council members lose their jobs; Silas finds out Tara is seeing other guys; Shane installs a surveillance system, just in time to catch a spy at work; Nancy finds out that Celia knows way too much about her business.
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Nancy gets a surprise call from the...
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Nancy gets a surprise call from the DEA - to give her Peter's pension and insurance money; Nancy is torn between giving the money to Valerie or bailing Doug out of the mess he has made through his creative accounting; Dean is enjoying making Celia's life miserable as she is forced to take care of him; Conrad continues to teach Silas the growing business; Nancy's friendship with Valerie hits the skids when Valerie finds out about the insurance money; an unannounced visit to Sullivan's office by Celia reveals something shocking to her about his relationship with Nancy.
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After a rocky start, Nancy befriends...
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After a rocky start, Nancy befriends Valerie; while riding his bike, Dean is forced off the road and ends up in the hospital; because of Dean's accident, Celia has to cool things off with Sullivan; Doug declares war on Sullivan over his canceled golf membership; Silas talks Nancy into letting Tara sell for her; Nancy talks Conrad into taking Silas under his wing; the day comes to celebrate the merger of Agrestic and Majestic, but Doug's vengeful act gives him his own reason to celebrate.
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While secretly attending Peter's...
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While secretly attending Peter's funeral, Nancy becomes very interested in Peter's ex-wife; Andy uses his foot injury as a way into the fetish porn world; Celia is still self-conscious after her reconstructive surgery; Shane and Isabel bond; the two Mrs. Scottsons finally meet face-to-face.
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With U-Turn finally out of the way,...
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With U-Turn finally out of the way, and Marvin taking over the business, Nancy finds a way to clear herself from debt. |
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U-turn is determined to groom Nancy...
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U-turn is determined to groom Nancy as his lieutenant, while kicking Marvin to the curb; Doug's jealousy is in full bloom as Sullivan courts Celia; Sullivan asks Nancy to throw a party for Agrestic's movers & shakers, leaving her to figure out what to do with U-turn's trunk; while doing community service at a senior center, Silas meets Tara, who has a very interesting way of getting close to Jesus; an exercise run into the hills reveals a vulnerability in U-turn, and Marvin takes advantage of it.
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U-turn continues to drag Nancy deeper...
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U-turn continues to drag Nancy deeper into his world; Sullivan courts Doug and Celia for support of his plans; Andy goes to strange lengths to hide from the military; Nancy puts Shane in a summer school program in Majestic; Nancy reluctantly lets Silas sell for her, but he does well; Conrad and Heylia seem to have their own mysterious plan for getting rid of U-turn.
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Nancy explores other ways of making a...
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Nancy explores other ways of making a living, including getting a real job, while Silas performs his community service, Celia's dismayed to realize that Sullivan will need Doug's city council vote, and Andy has trouble with his military duties.
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Nancy has a family meeting where...
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Nancy has a family meeting where everyone tries to figure out how to come up with the money she owes U-Turn. At the bank Celia learns that Isabel is her greatest asset, a cash cow, and that she needs to improve her mother-daughter relationship. Andy learns that having lost two toes is not enough to get him a release from military service. Nancy goes to Doug and tells him to sell all her remaining stocks and bonds, but he tells that everything was sold when Nancy needed money for opening the bakery. She's broke. Uh-oh.
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In part 2 of the third season opener,...
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In part 2 of the third season opener, Nancy's plan to salvage her pot from the pool fails, so she turns to the only person who can help her; Nancy and Heylia have it out over the Armenians' involvement in her deal; a surprise visit to her old house shows Celia how little she is missed; Andy continues his desperate search for Shane; Heylia bails out Conrad, but leaves Nancy still on the hook with U-turn.
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"Pittsburgh" is no doubt where Nancy...
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"Pittsburgh" is no doubt where Nancy wishes she was by the end of this the second season finale. It was supposed to be a simple transaction: Nancy and Conrad sell all of their MILF Weed supply to U-turn, hand the money over to Peter, then walk away; but thanks to her oldest son, Silas, an unanticipated double-cross, and a surprise visit from the Armenians, let's just say things are NOT going according to plan. Elsewhere, Shane delivers the most profane elementary school commencement address ever; Doug and Dean get into a smack-down at the graduation party over Celia; speaking of Celia, with her life falling apart, she devotes her energy to finding out who stole her cameras and signs; Kat can't talk Andy into running away with her to Paraguay, so she takes Shane with her instead(!); Silas leaves a big surprise for Nancy in her safe; but he's the one who's surprised when Celia finally catches up with him.
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Nancy and Peter's relationship falls...
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Nancy and Peter's relationship falls apart, and he demands that she and Conrad liquidate and pay him; Nancy and Conrad, however, make different plans of their own; Celia's Drug Free Agrestic initiative fails when all of her signs and cameras are stolen; Celia tells Dean about her affair with Doug, but she ends up out in the cold when Doug doesn't hold up his end of the deal; Nancy tries to communicate with Silas with an ax to his bedroom door, revealing lots of signs and cameras, but no Silas.
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Despite helping Heylia avoid being...
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Despite helping Heylia avoid being jailed by the DEA, Heylia still makes Nancy and Conrad pay a price for shutting down her business; Nancy and Conrad decide it might be best to cut and run; Celia and Doug's affair threatens to consume both of their marriages; the arrival in town of an old flame from Alaska further complicates Andy's already screwed-up life; Nancy invites Peter over for dinner with her family, but by the end of the evening everyone's true feelings are revealed.
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Nancy spoils Peter's bust by warning...
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Nancy spoils Peter's bust by warning Heylia, which does not go over well with Peter; Nancy and her family plan a birthday party for Judah; a bored Doug starts helping Celia get the hang of city politics, but things between them get even more interesting; Shane and Gretchen are officially an item; the family party is spoiled when everyone finds out that Nancy is married to a DEA Agent.
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The growing business is very good for...
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The growing business is very good for Nancy and the Gang, as all of Agrestic seems to want the new "MILF Weed"; Heylia finds out that Conrad is responsible for the new flavor on the street, and she reluctantly becomes a customer; when Celia closes a dog park in her attempt to make Agrestic drug free, she makes more enemies than friends; a visit by Celia to Shane's and Isabelle's school gives Shane a chance to impress Gretchen, but at Celia's expense; Nancy is torn when Peter reveals to her that a friend is about to get squeezed.
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Nancy rides Silas about getting a...
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Nancy rides Silas about getting a job, but she does not like the profession he chooses; an accident with a stray pit bull means that Andy doesn't need to stay in Rabinnical school to avoid being sent to Iraq; a clerical error by Dean causes Doug to lose the election to Celia; Shane wants to quit the debate team to avoid talking to Gretchen; Councilwoman Hodes wants to make Agrestic a Drug Free Zone.
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Nancy buys Silas a car to help take...
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Nancy buys Silas a car to help take his mind off Megan; Isabelle cuts Celia out of her management camp; Andy finally gets Yael into bed, but definitely not the way he intended; Shane likes a girl in his debate club, but doesn't know how to show it; Vaneeta is not happy with Heylia's relationship with Joseph; Conrad is not happy with Nancy's relationship with Peter, forcing Nancy to make a risky move.
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Nancy asks an ambivalent Peter to...
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Nancy asks an ambivalent Peter to help her with the Armenian neighbors; much to Celia's chagrin, Isabelle is a hit with the Huskaroo Clothing folks; Celia and Nancy get into a tiff over their one-sided friendship; Andy gets called onto the carpet over Shane's massage parlor visit; Megan and her family make a decision that devastates Silas; a late-night raid in the neighborhood sends Sanjay and Andy into a panic.
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Nancy and the gang go full speed...
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Nancy and the gang go full speed ahead with their growing business; Dean loses his job at his law firm; Celia is mortified when Isabelle is approached to do modeling for a plus-sized-kids' clothing line; Uncle Andy takes Shane to a massage parlor; Armenian growers give Nancy a not-so-welcome to the neighborhood; Nancy's jaw drops when she hears Silas' and Megan's news.
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Nancy literally loses her lunch when...
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Nancy literally loses her lunch when she realizes that Peter knows she is a drug dealer, but Peter assures her that he's OK with it; Shane has clogged up the plumbing in the house with his tube socks, so Andy has a talk with him about how to better dispose of his "man juice"; speaking of man juice, 1 condom + 1 safety pin = Silas' plan to keep Megan from going away to Princeton; Celia enrolls Isabelle in Boot Camp to get her ready for Fat Camp this summer, but when asked to participate, Celia pulls a muscle she hasn't used in quite a while; later, Celia finally talks Nancy into helping her with her campaign; Peter does something with Nancy in Las Vegas that proves beyond a doubt that she can trust him with her secrets.
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Nancy tries to make her business plan...
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Nancy tries to make her business plan work without Conrad; Conrad tries to find investors for his own plan, but there are no takers; Silas wants to follow Megan to Princeton; Nancy breaks things off with Peter; at a grower's convention, Andy finds the inspiration he needs for a rabbinical school essay; Celia's family boycotts her campaign photo op; Nancy finds out the real reason why Peter won't take 'No' for an answer.
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The episode title aptly describes the...
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The episode title aptly describes the first season finale, as Nancy, Conrad, Alejandro, Doug, Dean, Sanjay, and Andy decide to corner the market on the weed business; Nancy finds out who helped her out with the security guard; Nancy also discovers that Silas knows exactly what she's been up to; Celia freaks out when she catches Isabelle and her new playmate kissing; Heylia's daughter, Vaneeta, finally has her baby; Nancy finally responds to Peter's invitation, but when she finds out what he does for a living, she wishes she hadn't.
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Nancy gets jacked by a crooked...
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Nancy gets jacked by a crooked security guard on campus; Alejandro, who after their encounter is totally smitten with Nancy, insists she needs his protection; Maggie tries to replace Celia as head of the PTA; Shane's behavior at school and at home gets worse, prompting his mother to consider medication, and his brother to use a more violent approach; Silas is getting closer to Megan's family, leaving Nancy feeling left out.
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The unveiling of Judah's headstone...
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The unveiling of Judah's headstone brings out the worst in everyone; Shane bites his opponent's foot in a Karate tournament match, but the boy's dad and Nancy still manage to hit it off; while the family is away at the tournament, Andy and Doug shoot up the house trying to catch a rat; Celia and Dean take advantage of a day by themselves to hash out their marital issues; Nancy finally finds out who's been threatening her with pennies, but their dramatic confrontation takes an unexpected twist.
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While visiting a college campus...
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While visiting a college campus looking for a tutor for Silas, Nancy spots a golden opportunity to expand her business; while Celia is recovering from her mastectomy, her judgmental mother shows up; Shane has a new friend named Max, and Andy discovers that Max's mom is a biter; Heylia gives Nancy some tips on how to stay out of jail; someone attacks Nancy's SUV with pennies while she is on campus.
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Nancy closes the deal on the location...
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Nancy closes the deal on the location for her cover business; Nancy, Celia, and Conrad go out to a club, where Celia gets stricken with Jungle Fever; Shane's "terrorist video" causes Nancy some concern; Megan drops by to give Silas a very personal message; Andy has to go to NA because of his arrest, where he meets Sharon, whom he talks into becoming his sponsor; acting on a tip from Doug's housekeeper, Serena, Lupita searches for, then stumbles upon Nancy's stash; being without Judah begins to take its toll on Nancy.
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Celia's cancer diagnosis has totally...
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Celia's cancer diagnosis has totally changed her priorities, so that now her friends think she's weird; Nancy is totally shaken after surviving a drive-by shooting at Heylia's; Andy wants in on Nancy's business, but brain cell 1 and brain cell 2 can't seem to keep him out of trouble; Silas dumps Megan, then instantly regrets it; Shane gets sent to the school counselor for writing a violent gangsta rap about Devon Winsler.
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Judah's brother Andy shows up,...
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Judah's brother Andy shows up, turning Nancy's household and her "business" upside down; Shane gets busted for selling Uncle Andy's sacrilegious T-shirts at his school; Silas and Megan contemplate the next level of their relationship; Andy finds out about Nancy's pot business, and offers to help; a wayward airplane drops a load of cargo onto the Hodes' house, but Celia drops a bigger bombshell of her own.
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Nancy discovers that a...
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Nancy discovers that a government-sanctioned, boutique "cannabis club" is seriously cutting into her distribution, so she totally upgrades her product from Heylia and gets innovative to compete; Celia discovers that Isabelle has a secret chocolate stash, so she sabotages it, with humiliating results for her 11 year old; Isabelle discovers the reason for her accident at school, so she finds a way to even the score with her mother; Silas is fascinated with Megan, the deaf girl who is rumored to give good oral, but she resists his advances; a mountain lion has the entire community of Agrestic on edge, prompting Shane to take bold action.
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Nancy is having serious money...
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Nancy is having serious money problems, so Doug, her accountant and best customer, suggests she set up a "front business"; meanwhile Nancy has to give Heylia her SUV and her wedding ring as collateral for more supply; Celia sends Quinn away to boarding school because of what she captured on the nanny-cam, making Silas miserable; Shane watches an old video of his Dad from his 10th birthday; Celia pays Dean back for humiliating her, then she confronts Helen, the tennis pro.
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